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scared of relapse..

Jul 05, 2008 12:00AM - 1 comments

cravings are bad...I feel Im gonna use.  I hate this.  Im starting to think I will use forever.  How am I gonna go to college?  My dreams and future  are clouded with this constant addiction.  I can physically feel it eating away at me.  The only reason I havnt used is I cant.  I tried to yesterday.  Im so weak if it was infront of me I would take it.  Please just let this be the depression and anxiety.  I hope to hell I don't feel this ****** tomarrow.

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by katrina39, Jul 08, 2008 03:24AM
BABY, DO NOT BE AFRAID!  I AM GOING THROUGH THE SAME THING YOU ARE GOING THROUGH, SO I KNOW JUST WHAT YOU ARE FEELING...
BABY, I AM AN EVANGELICAL CHRISTIAN, AND I HAVE BEEN PASSED FROM DOCTOR TO DOCTOR, FROM ONE MEDICATION TO ANOTHER ALL MY LIFE, AND NOW I AM GOING THROUGH THE PROCESS OF WITHDRAWING FROM THESE "MIND-BENDING" PHYSICALLY ADDICTING DRUGS, ONE DRUG AT A TIME...
NO BABY, YOU WILL NOT USE FOREVER!  YOUR MIND IS CLOUDED WITH THE ADDICTION FROM THE DRUG YOU HAVE BEEN ON, BUT YOU ARE NOT ALONE, NEVER ALONE BABY...
I HAVE AT TIMES, CLUTCHED MY BIBLE TO MY CHEST, PULLED MY COVERS OVER MY HEAD, AND JUST LAY IN BED, CRYING AND SCREAMING UNTIL THAT HORRIBLE MOMENT PASSED, AND SOME SANITY, EVEN IF FOR A MOMENT CAME INTO MY LIFE AGAIN...
YES, IT DOES FEEL LIKE IT IS PHYSICALLY EATING AWAYS AT YOU, BUT IT IS NOT...  THAT IS THE POWER OF THE DRUG WORKING ON YOUR MIND AND YOUR BODY, AS IT LEAVES BOTH SLOWLY...
NEVER ASK FOR DEPRESSION OR ANXIETY, FOR I HAVE SUFFERED FROM THE HORRIBLE PAIN AND DARKNESS OF THESE DISEASES SINCE AGE 11 UNTIL NOW...  DO NOT WISH THIS UPON YOURSELF...
BABY, LIFE IS ALL ABOUT CHOICES, AND YOU ARE YOUNG AND YOU HAVE THE CHOICE TO WALK AWAY FROM THIS DRUG, FOR GOOD...  YOU CAN DO IT, JUST DO IT ONE MOMENT AT A TIME, AND HANG ON...
BABY, I AM GOING TO SAY SOMETHING TO YOU, THAT MAY CAUSE YOU NEVER TO WRITE TO ME AGAIN, BUT IT IS WORTH SAYING...
YOU ARE NOT ALONE, NOR EVER HAVE BEEN...  BABY, GOD IS IN CONTROL, HE IS WITH YOU RIGHT NOW, AND HE KNOWS EVERYTHING YOU ARE GOING THROUGH...  GIVE THIS ADDICTION TO HIM BABY, AND HAVE FAITH AND BELIEVE THAT HE CAN DO ANYTHING, BECAUSE HE CAN....  I KNOW, I AM A LIVING MIRACLE OF THE POWER OF GOD...
BABY, ON 12/27/07 I WENT INTO A HOSPITAL TO HAVE BRAIN SURGERY, FROM A SUBDURAL HEMATOMA SO LARGE IT WAS PUSHING THE RIGHT SIDE OF MY BRAIN AGAINST THE LEFT SIDE...  THE DOCTORS TOLD ME I WAS DYING, AND IT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN AT ANY MOMENT, BUT IT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN...  I HAD TO LOOK INTO THE FACE OF "DEATH" AND KNOW, AS THEY WERE PUTTING ME TO SLEEP, THAT THIS MIGHT BE IT...  BUT GOD HAD ANOTHER IDEA IN MIND, AND I HAVE AN AMAZING STORY THAT I AM WRITING, THEN I WILL TRY TO GET IT PUBLISHED SO THAT OTHERS WILL KNOW, THAT NOTHING, NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR GOD...
BABY, GOD LOVES YOU, AND AS I GO THROUGH MY WITHDRAWALS, I AM PRAYING TO HIM TO TAKE THIS ADDICTION FROM YOU, TO SUSTAIN YOU, TO GIVE YOU STRENGTH, AND PEACE.  AND BABY KNOW THAT IF YOU GIVE THIS TO HIM, IF YOU HAVE ENOUGH FAITH IN HIM, HE WILL GO TO THE VERY DEPTHS OF THE "PIT" THAT YOU ARE GOING INTO, WITH YOU...  HE LOVES YOU THAT MUCH BABY...
YOU MAY NEVER RESPOND TO WHAT I SAY, BUT EACH DAY, I WILL PRAY FOR YOU...  NO **** BABY, JUST FROM THE HEART TRUTH...  I DON'T KNOW YOU, BUT I FEEL LOVE FOR YOU...
WE ARE ALL HIS CHILDREN BABY,
GOD BLESS YOU...        

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