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BOY AM I MAD!!

Jul 06, 2008 06:03PM - 15 comments

This is such a maddening disease. I am so mad at how it has stolen my life. I am mad at how I get so anxiety ridden, I can't step out of the house for long periods of time. I am so mad at how I can't get a good nights sleep. I am so mad that I have been out of work for several months, and I can't afford to do that.

I am mad at how I feel sometimes like I am going insane. Especially in the middle of the night, it just plagues me, and I am mad at myself because I hate to break down and take a xanax to help with this,

I am so mad that my memory is horrible. I am afraid to say anything, because its like, you already told me that this morning.

I am so mad that this armour thyroid medicine has not jumped in and been the great life saver it is made out to be. I am mad that I can't just take the pill and be better.

I am so mad at myself, because I don't like having this attitude, but I am very mad right now.

I am mad because I can't even remember how to spell correctly. I am mad because sometimes I can't remember what something is called, I can give the definition, but can't come up the word,,,,You know that green stuff that grows in the  yard

I am mad at myself because I did break down and take a half a xanax a few minutes ago. I am just mad, mad mad mad!!

Maybe that will help be the kicker in getting better. Maybe I need to get mad and through a fit, I don't know what to do anymore.  

I just would like to have an uneventful day........no anxiety, no heart palps, no brain fog, no depression, no insomnia, no memory lapses, no fatigue.


Just a plain ole boring day sounds wonderful right about now!!

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by mommy2two2008, Jul 06, 2008 06:41PM
Hugs to you my dear -- I know you feel horrible.  I am glad you are venting and I know you will make it through.  Hugs ~Kim

by Sunes, Jul 06, 2008 06:52PM
Dear Peggy.
I sincerely wish I had a magic wand to take away your problems. It seems like you are stressing about everything .I understand that not working creates many other problems and  I think this is the biggest of them all.
Why don't you when you wake up in the morning lay in bed and ask whoever you believe to grant you a better day.and take it as it comes. Write all events on a piece of paper good and bad and at the end of the day look at your list and scratch bad things.
Next day do the same but at the end of a day scratch good things and comapre the list to what you are stressing the most about.
That is one excercise it's a hard one but you can do it.
Try it and you will see once you stop stressing and getting mad your world will improve. It's a law of the universe.What you give out you get back. Sincerely believe in you. Hugs,Sunes.

by AR-10, Jul 06, 2008 07:09PM
My mood used to be "slightly mad".
It had two meanings.
I was slightly "off" by times.
I was extremely angry.

It comes and goes. I share your anger with almost every issue you listed. It isn't right. It isn't fair what has happened, and it seems to just continue on in slow motion.

Rant all you want and get it out.
One day you will have it behind you and your health will be good.
Until then, it stinks.



by lonewolf07, Jul 06, 2008 07:17PM
Maybe anger will help.  Getting the anger out is a good thing.

I identified with almost everything you wrote which is why I can't write too much more - it made me cry.  Depression and anxiety and now difficulties with sleeping have caused me to miss out on so much.  I hope you get through this.  Nobody really knows how it feels unless they have experienced it - they can be caring and supportive but they don't really know.

Sorry for the babbling.

Your words just really hit home.

Hugs to you ....




by peggy64, Jul 06, 2008 09:39PM
tried,

Just to let you know, I have done extensive amounts of  research. In fact I am having to help my dr treat me as she does not know that much about thyroid issues.  I can not get into see an endo untill mid august.

My problem is my thyroid...plain and simple. The drs have tried different type meds and nothing works.

Oh yeah, research has shown, that until the thyroid levels are straightened out, most meds won't be of any help because the thyroid hormones or lack thereof over power the medication.


Maybe you might want to research thyroid issues....Just a thought.


by NautyOne, Jul 06, 2008 10:13PM
Hun......Get MaD!!!   thats what it took for me to finally say enough is enough.........I could relate to a lot of what you said........I feel weird saying this but I AM GLAD YOU ARE MAD !!!!!!

God Bless,
Nauty.................

by Brockyboy, Jul 06, 2008 11:51PM
Well done for venting!! Now its time to say, IM LUCKY!! Im lucky to  be alive, Im lucky to be able to go to the shop, Im lucky to drive the car, Im lucky cause I can do what ever I want today, Cause Im just so LUCKY TO BE ME!! say that everyday as many times as you want.

by Lynn1968, Jul 07, 2008 02:27AM
BOY AM  I MAD, You have hit the nail on the head there, all what you have said is so true this disease take over you life and to understand this you have to suffer with it yourself. Lynn

by bulldozer, Jul 07, 2008 05:07AM
Sometimes you need to get "MAD", don't hold back, let it all out.

I hope you are feeling a little better today.

Hugs.

Helen

by snoozies43, Jul 07, 2008 06:14AM
Heyyyy Broke!

I agree with...triedeverymed.

Try taking your anger which can be unhealthy at times, and research on ways to get better.:O)

My husband has finally said well i have heard you for quite sometime now :OX..LOL

I am doing everything that is good for me to the best of my ablity. I am now doing the "eating for IBS diet book"
Lil at a time. I also have gotten away from negative people. Bringing folks in that care about what is truly happening to me. They are here forme btw..as they can handle it. I am alone with this.. but as with any other addiction weather it be food, alchohol, or collecting to many worthless collectibles.. lol... i have to be brought to my knees to find the right solution for me.

I am in counseling and thinking of a mood stabilzer. just to help me cope. seeing what doc says today.

But  I do understand your anger. I was told to keep calm..that takes alot of practice and  patience.

But "I hear ya"

Hang in there hun,
Snooze


by peggy64, Jul 07, 2008 07:18AM
Snooze, Go back up and read my response to "tried" If you had done that, you have read the part about research.

My problem is a disease that is not responding properly to medication, not an addiction.  A mood stabilizer would just mask the problem. What  I need is the correct treatment and a proper response  for thyroid disease.  

by MKlacza, Jul 07, 2008 08:47AM
LET IT OUT SISTER!!! SCREAM, RANT, KICK AND SCREAM!! Whatever it takes! We are here and know exactly what you are going through!! I still have those candles lit.. one right now to be exact!

Love ya!
MK

by Grammy7, Jul 07, 2008 09:14AM
Good for you!  I NEED TO GET MAD instead of depressed.  It does take away your life and if it makes you feel any better, speaking for myself and I'm sure several others, everything you mentioned has happened on a daily basis to me and I AM MAD  because a doctor cannot figure it out!  I get 5 different diagnoses from 5 doctors on the same CT report.  I AM MAD about that too.  I am trying to STAY MAD to get me through this and your post was encouraging to me (though I'm sorry for your suffering!).  Thank you for sharing that.  But, one question.  Why are you mad at yourself for having to take Xanax?  That doesn't make you "bad".  You are sick and if that's the only way you have to get relief why should you feel guilty?  STAY MAD AND TAKE IT EASY ON JUDGING YOURSELF!  

by Karimomof3, Jul 07, 2008 05:52PM
Aw, I feel exactly the same.  It is so hard to be sick and tired all the time.  Some days it really puts a damper on your quality of life.   I really hope you feel better, and try to keep in mind that there are better days ahead!!

by mags59, Jul 08, 2008 10:50AM
I'm mad right along with you, Peggy.  I have exactly the same hyper symptoms going on and sometimes I feel like I just want to die.  We just need to hang in there and hope it gets better.  I'm allergic to the antithyroid meds, so can't get any relief from them, as well as having bad reaction to beta-blocker.  Having RAI in a couple of weeks, but it can't come soon enough for me.  Sometimes I feel like it's never going to go away, but I have to believe it will or I'll go crazy.  At least you have your family (even if hubby is an ostrich).  I'm alone in this and can definitely feel your pain.  Get as mad as you want; I am.  Sometimes it even feels like it helps!

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