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Thanks so much for the comments and the postive thoughts you are sending. I appreciate it. I am feeling so much stronger emotionally, although I am still really scared to try again. However, my desire to have a child outweighs that fear, so we are now in the 2WW time. I hate this time almost as much as first trimester. I have a feeling not this month though. Not sure why I feel this way, I just do. Also, August 20th was my first due date, and as we get closer to that time, my thoughts turn to my first pregnancy. I wonder so much about my angel babies...what they would have looked like, what kind of personality they would have had, what they would have become. But I know they are safe and happy where they are, so I try to stay positive. Someday I will see them again.
I want to see that first heartbeat. I want my tummy to get big, and feel those kicks. I want to be kept up all night by babies activity. I want to hear that first cry, feel the pain of labour...I want all those experiences. I want so badly to be woken every few hours for feeding...I want to feel that suckling on my breast. I would give everything I have to enjoy all those experiences...lol, they are the ones women complain about, yet I would welcome them and even year for them. I even want the chance to complain about them!!
I continue to hope and pray that I have that opportunity. The pain of the loss's is still there, but the hope for the next one is somehow stronger. If not this month, then next...or even the one after that. But I am just not ready to give up yet. Something tells me its not time to quit. What I want most in life is to be a momma. So I carry forward, and we are trying again. I am excited, but I am so very scared.
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I'm Ready (I think)
Jul 07, 2008 08:37PM
- 4 comments
So much has happened in such a short period of time. I opted to not use any drugs to help me through my "dark time", and am starting to feel more like myself. I opted for a few therapy sessions, and it really helped alot. I am starting to accept that there are no real answers as to why I keep miscarrying, but have been given the go ahead to try again! I expect to ovulate in the next 3 to 5 days, so we will try to take advantage of this cycle, and see what happens. We sure don't seem to have any trouble with conception, so hopefully it happens quickly.
Emotionally this is still really hard. For some reason, knowing that it is now impossible for me to give birth before 40 is a big deal to me. Not sure why that number is so important to me, but for some reason it is. I think thats part of what sent me into such a tailspin. But knowing that so many women my age have healthy pregnancies and healthy babies helps so much, so I am going to stay focused on that.
My Dr. cannot find a thing wrong with me or DH. They have again tested the tissue, and there were no chrmonosonal abnormalities, so thats a good thing I guess. At least my OB seems to think so. All of my other tests are normal, so he is chalking things up to bad luck, and the fact that I am a bit older.
So, the end result is, I am scared, but we are going to try again right away here. Hopefully I have a BFP in about 3 weeks time, and things progress normally, and we fulfill our dreams of being parents.
Emotionally this is still really hard. For some reason, knowing that it is now impossible for me to give birth before 40 is a big deal to me. Not sure why that number is so important to me, but for some reason it is. I think thats part of what sent me into such a tailspin. But knowing that so many women my age have healthy pregnancies and healthy babies helps so much, so I am going to stay focused on that.
My Dr. cannot find a thing wrong with me or DH. They have again tested the tissue, and there were no chrmonosonal abnormalities, so thats a good thing I guess. At least my OB seems to think so. All of my other tests are normal, so he is chalking things up to bad luck, and the fact that I am a bit older.
So, the end result is, I am scared, but we are going to try again right away here. Hopefully I have a BFP in about 3 weeks time, and things progress normally, and we fulfill our dreams of being parents.
I think thats wonderful and I can understand totally~! I myself lost quads at your age and then at 41 I conceived a son who we lost at 6 months..I however do have 4 beautiful wonderful children ages 27-16 1 girl oldest 3 sons. After we lost alex my husband was afraid and scared to try again for many yrs and the last 5 yrs we both have been compulsive about me getting pregnant with no luck and time may have run out for me but we still haven't given up total hope. I believe its in gods hands. It was very hard for me to wonder why god would give me babies and then jusgt take them...I realized he needed more angels in heaven. May sound lame but so it makes sense to my heart thats what I say. We both still have a deep desire to have another one. I'm not sure if urning to have another child will ever go away even after menopause. I think maybe its due to the loss of the other babies..We weren't trying at all for the others and infact doctors told me I couldn't get pregnant again. I will keep you in my prayers and understand how you must feel. If you ever need to talk..I'm here
Lord Bless,Jadore
Lord Bless,Jadore
Adgal,I've been thinking about u & wondering how u are doing,hoping all will go well for u this month.
Sending lots of baby dust your way.GOOD LUCK I will keep u in my prayers.
God Bless, Mae
Sending lots of baby dust your way.GOOD LUCK I will keep u in my prayers.
God Bless, Mae
Thanks so much for the comments and the postive thoughts you are sending. I appreciate it. I am feeling so much stronger emotionally, although I am still really scared to try again. However, my desire to have a child outweighs that fear, so we are now in the 2WW time. I hate this time almost as much as first trimester. I have a feeling not this month though. Not sure why I feel this way, I just do. Also, August 20th was my first due date, and as we get closer to that time, my thoughts turn to my first pregnancy. I wonder so much about my angel babies...what they would have looked like, what kind of personality they would have had, what they would have become. But I know they are safe and happy where they are, so I try to stay positive. Someday I will see them again.
I want to see that first heartbeat. I want my tummy to get big, and feel those kicks. I want to be kept up all night by babies activity. I want to hear that first cry, feel the pain of labour...I want all those experiences. I want so badly to be woken every few hours for feeding...I want to feel that suckling on my breast. I would give everything I have to enjoy all those experiences...lol, they are the ones women complain about, yet I would welcome them and even year for them. I even want the chance to complain about them!!
I continue to hope and pray that I have that opportunity. The pain of the loss's is still there, but the hope for the next one is somehow stronger. If not this month, then next...or even the one after that. But I am just not ready to give up yet. Something tells me its not time to quit. What I want most in life is to be a momma. So I carry forward, and we are trying again. I am excited, but I am so very scared.
So after last months BFN, here we go again. DH has made the move to Calgary, and I am still left in Regina dealing with all the last minute things a move entails. All thats left now is finding the renters for our Regina house. However, knowing I will o this week, it seemed a good time to visit him here and house hunt in our new (well we have lived here before) cityprovince. I have decided this is the month. I have no doubt we will conceive, thats the easy part for us....but this baby will make it. I will not go throught his again, so out of pure will power, this is the one!!! I am still terrified, but have taken up meditation and am looking into accupuncture (heck, it can't hurt) and promise myself I will stay as calm and mellow as possible. I have given up my job and will devote myself full time to this next pregnancy. And I will not look up every little symptom on the internet....
Ladies, I will be leaning on you....but you can lean on me too. As I always say, pass it forward!!!
Ladies, I will be leaning on you....but you can lean on me too. As I always say, pass it forward!!!
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