All Journal Entries Journals

I went boarding

Feb 11, 2010 - 0 comments
Tags:

bechamel

,

snowboard

,

culinary

,

brownies

,

mom

,

algebra

,

MAPLE TA

,

mind of a serial killer

,

bisexual people

,

josh l

,

Gay

,

straight

,

no grey area

,

IEP meeting

,

speaking in class

,

reading my words

,

peach soup

,

snow stuff

,

sorry peach soup

,

steve

,

no familiar faces

,

jumps

,

carving

,

argueing

,

debating

,

bad habits

,

trouble routine

,

head down

,

averting eyes

,

no talking

,

shame and guilt

,

Crying

,

Love

,

liquids of life

,

valentines day

,

valentines day party

,

YAP



The wrd of  the  week is bechamel. I love it. The creamy colors , rich and  seductive.

I went to school. Culinary? I walked and sold bronies.  We had french onion soup but I hate sme;lling like onions. I brought it back for my mom.  She'll like it cause it really was good.  Maple TA?  I tried and got a 1. I traide again and got a 1 1/2 . I tried a third time and got a 0. I was fairly confident in my answers. I wrote them ou and steve helped me muddle through and I got a five. I tried again on my own and got a 4.5. Would have been a five but I put 4/1  instead of 4. Ah well. I'm content.We're stil watching the Mind of a Serial Killer movie. I enjoyed  it quite a bit. I think it's facinating, and I'll argue the point into the ground that mental disorder does not =  serial killer.

At lunch they started talking about how bisexual people don't exist. And well, I'll fight for that too. I was so ready to tell Josh if he was so sure  bisexual didn't exist, well he could be the on eto go down there and tell that to my girlfriend.  But I didn't. Too amny faces.  I did argue it though. They ssay you;'re either gay or straight- and I used to feel that way too. Makes sense. Except that life isn't black and white. I want the words to tell him. To tell all the guys  that they're wrong. That quoting Josh because hes sure of his opinion doesn't make it true.  I'm trying to tell them that bisexual people are not just selfish.  They are not just looking for the best  parts of everything.  But I can't explain how I know that.  To them.  I'll keep trying though.

My IEP meeting went about as I could have expected it too. With many less participants than last year. Ah well. My speaking in front of the class will be fixed and it'll all be ok, I hope. It'll all be ok.

I went home and got my stuff together and I don't like my peach soup =/  and I went snowboarding. I felt like a dimbo whn steve jokingly asked if I'd remembered my pass and I just went ...Aw ****.  I thught I had everything =[

Boarding was fun. Just me and Steve. No one else we knew, no familiar faces.  Not overcrowded, not too cold. I went over a jump and he's teaching me to carve. He was in one of those moods to argue. Which I looove, just not since we alwasy seems to ned up arguing each other. We get mad and we like to talk things out, yelling and stomping and blah blah blah.  
I'm not in trouble, he's just spoken to me again about my habits. That when he asks me not to do something I put my head down and won't look at him and stop talking and the whole bit. Things I've always done.  My habits. My ways.  I put my head down to show that I am ashamed.  That I am guilty.  I don't look at them and let them see in my eyes and see how I feel so rotten. Let them think I can take it like a man.  I stop talking becasue when someone is upset with you, everything you could say is wrong. And everything I say sounds like **** to my ears.  It's better when I don't talk, anywaYS.  And then usually I'll cry.  Especially when he asks me not to put my head down when he's asked me somethihng else. It's not just him though, I do this about everything.  I did this in my IEP meeting. I did this  after I lost us the vocab game. I did this  my whole life.  No one wants  a kissass.

But it's still alright, because I love him even when I think he's mad, and he loves me even when I over react at nothing. We're set in that sense.  Did I mention he's teaching e to carve? Re,ind me to tel lyou my liquid life thoughts. tomarrow.  I am so bad at carving because I taught myself another way where I have more control.

Tomarrow is the VDAy party at YAP. Hurray.

Mood Tracker
Post a Comment