A Depressive Rant...

As I sit here unable to sleep tonight, knowing I will be so tired tomorrow, I cant help but feel sorry for myself.  I know its the fact that Im so tired and in soooooo much pain, but I just cant shake that depressed feeling.  I feel so sad.  All the time im sad in fact.  never happy.  forget good grammer, my fingers are all infected and they hurt so bad..i dont know how im typing at all.  i need to go to the doctor but i dont know when that will be as we are totally broke.  my husband is driving me insane...long story...  its just making my anxiety sooo severe.  i can hardly make it through the days anymore.  i feel like i am being pushed over the edge and he could honostly care less.  i hate him!  i feel most of the time like it would just be easier to die, but i know that is sooo not true and i could never do that to my son.  i dont feel like a very good mom, but i know it would break his precious lil heart and i love him so much.  i keep going on for him.  i just feel like im dead inside.  i cant take it.  i cant function anymore..im in too much pain mentally, physically and emotionally.  i just dont know how much longer i can keep going on.  i have a wonderful counselor but i cant even see him right now because of the $25 copay which isnt even much....i hate my husband..its his fault!  no really it is... even HIS mom agrees..again long story...  i dont know what im going to do...  im so just venting here...  and having a major pity party..i'll be over it soon im sure.  well enough to function to take care of my baby...hes asleep now so i can be silently miserable.  the end though.