Acceptance

I think I've come to an understanding,with my heart. I may have gotten to the point that I just don't care about the PVC's. I don't want to worry about them, I don't want to think about them. For me,they are more the norm than not. When I have a break from them, which is not for very long, I think "whats wrong why aren't I getting any PVC's". It's really stranger to be without them than with them.
Lately I've pushed myself into situations that a year ago, I would not even have thought was possible. I'am not talking about anything more than getting a job,and getting out of the house everyday. My job is physically demanding and mentally challenging, it's a good job and I like it.  I've had PVC's, SVT's, migraines, stomach issues and the common cold, and in three months I did not miss one day of work. I wouldn't let myself give into any of those things. I just kept going. I wanted to see how far I could push my body and what would happen.  I survived. It problalby sounds like "so what, it's what I do everyday" to someone else. But it wasn't what I did. For about 1 1/2 years I believed the PVC's were killing me. I'am not talking about simple PVC's, I have hours and hours and days of bigemini PVC's. I was waiting to die. If I was having a bad day, well quite probably, I wouldn't leave the house that day. That was going to be the day I dropped dead, and I wanted to die at home.
It really doesn't matter what the Dr's say. They all said that my heart was fine and I could do anything I wanted to do. I was not ready to believe it. I was pushing myself, to kind of dare death, come on and get me I'am ready for you. It didn't happen. Death is going to happen, and I am ready for it, when it's my time, but now is the time to live.