Mar 07, 2010
My life is not horrible i dont live on the streets. No ones come into my home and tired to kill us. I have both my parents. I dont own a car. We barly make our bills. But i have all these things and im thankful for them. But it doesn't always seem that way i want more. Is that wrong? But what really plagues me this night is death. How can i sleep when tonight may be my last night. I will wake up tomarrow perhaps. But what if i go to work and someone comes in to rob it and i get shot. What if i finaly snap and go crazy on every one around me.
I guess in the same hand i could meet the love of my life tomarrow. Going though another day and my life could become something so great. Why do i lack this ability to love such things. It's a joke i know! But no matter how foolish it is i can't help but feel this way. I need a new job. I fear im becoming a shut-in a part of me would be happy with never going out again, but another part screams for me to get out and live. Fear! Fear is the mind killer. I'm tired of being this way i would cal the clinic tomarrow but there not open on sundays -_-. There are no Free programs here unless your illigel and have a second SS. We barly make our bills yet we dont quify for any help. Iknow i keep saying im going to go get some help but things keep getting in the way. In all truth i still feel this empty feeling in me. A hole if you will. Like piece of what every was there is gone.
Thank-you for everything you guys have given me. All the support and conversation. It has meant alot and i just wanted you all to know that. I wonder when im not wearing a mask. Who am i really? Well tomarrow is a new day and a brighter week may lie ahead. Best of wishes to you all