Better off now

Last july i had reached another level with my drug use. although i was addicted to coke for almost 5 years at that point, i still functioned pretty good for a cokehead. although i went through a lot of tough times, i aways had coke to get me through, or so i thought. This time last year i had just deviated my septum and it became very hard to get high. this was the point i reached where i became so physically ill and my mind was shot. at this point because of the damage to my nose i would do so many lines before i would get that monster drip and that monster drip of 6 or 7 lines is what i started chasing. it was not getting high at that point, it was completey disgusting. my knees would shake and sometimes my heart was beating so fast and i got so dizzy i went to my knees sometimes. i knew i was playing with fire but i was beaten by this drug and accepted it. i coked myself out all summer long, everyday, everynight and life was hell. last year at this time there was no point to life and i never dreamed i would get clean and be happy again. these past 2 weeks ive been a bit crabby and not quite myself, but nothing will ever compare to the last 6 months of my use. i know we all struggle at times and have bad days, but bad days now are still better then good days when i used if there is ever such a thing. i guess i'm writing this to remind myself how far ive come from a year ago. i still get frustrated im not where i was before my drug use, but im getting closer and trying to work on things still. who knew recovery lasted this long. ive always learned the hard way, but i guess that's why im a genius, lmao.