Rather than writing my journal today, I have copied and pasted my latest update to my best friend. (time saving option, am very busy today)
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Well, I have been extremely busy (woe for tired pregnant me). Firstly, dad lost his job. Not because he is anything less than brilliant at work, (he has his office turning over a $200,000.0 profit per month) but because Kufferath in Germany had other business ventures that very recently went belly up. So dad at 58 years old is jobless. He started drinking (upset that 3 years from retirement the **** hath hit the fan) and so mum left him the day he lost his job. (dad had known for just over one week that it might happen)
So, dad warns me that I might have to sell my house (he is worried that at 58 no one will hire him) and he warned me that if he doesn't get a job in the next few weeks that he can't afford to keep my house...
So I can't buy the house next door. I can't really afford to buy any house on my own (maybe a 2 bedroom apartment) and I have a baby coming to think about. So I started looking into renting. Unfortunately, Angus and I have very different views on renting. I want to stay in the Embleton/Morley/Bedford/Maylands/Inglewood/Mt Lawley area. It is going to be quite important to be close to the childrens schools next year while carting around a newborn baby. I am happy here. I love the places/shops/convienence that living in this area provides. And one thing I know very well from experience, is that if you are going to be at home and caring for a young baby (emotionally exhausting task) that you need to be somewhere that you can make it work. (not Bertram) Somewhere where you can get around easily, that is convenient for shopping (carting the newborn) that has places you enjoy nearby (for your sanity) and that won't interrupt the babies routine too much at pick up and drop off time for school.
We pay $1050 morguage per month, and $600 per week rent. So $1650 per month total. To live where I want to, it will cost us $450-$500 per week rent (my favourite place that I found was $470) and because we would actually be paying rent we would get rent assistance as well (making it less expensive). The rent assistance would be somewhere between 100-200 per fortnight (I think).
When Angus heard all the figures, he got quite angry with me. He isn't willing to pay as much as (or more than) what we are paying to buy a house on rent. I don't think it is unreasonable, as we are actually only buying a third of a house and are getting a bit of a free ride. I knew at some point we would have to stand on our own two feet, and we need somewhere with four bedrooms (a point he completely agrees on). He has no idea what it is like to raise a baby. He has no idea what it is like to be the one doing the school run and shopping. It is me that values the amenities. And I will be the one stuck in the house. I will be the unhappy one. But I don't think he understands. He can't see beyond what he thinks is an outrageous waste of money.
So what can I do????
Well the whole situation (which I was initially dealing with calmly and well) is now extremely upsetting to me. So instead of constructively preparing myself and getting my house on the market and moving on and making the best of the situation, I am completely freaking out. I am either going to be largely unhappy next year (when I thought that finally everything was turning out alright in my life) or racked with guilt every time that we have any trouble with money or can't afford something.
So I am kind of hoping that dad will miracously find some kind of employment (which all things considered isn't likely) and trying to pretend that life isn't going completely wrong for me. It is making me feel very lonely though, because I am struggling to feel close to Angus or connect with him properly. I have a feeling that this situation could permanently damage my relationship with him. It scares me.
In the meantime I am keeping busy helping the neighbour to do up the strata gardens, and have replanted two of my own garden beds (I made a garden!!!!) and doing all my weeding in the front of the house. It looks amazing out there now. I need to get around to doing the backyard soon too, because my house might well be on the market in two weeks (and the market is very bad for selling right now, it isn't a good move at all) and it needs to look presentable. (in fact the market is pretty darn good for buying right now, you sure that you don't want to come home now? You could buy the house next door to me!!!)
And on top of that, I have until Saturday to catch up on all the housework that I have been avoiding while being pregnant tired and very nauseous, because Sunday is Hannahs baby shower (that I am hosting).
Plus we took the kids camping on the weekend just gone.
We also went to dinner with Angus's work crew last night (I am getting sick of all the inconsiderate remarks about 'how big!!' that I am for my gestation) and tonight we have a free lecture that I booked in for at the hospital on pregnancy and delivery in the hospital (St John of God Subiaco).
That is the bulk of what I have been up too. :( Seems like rough times lately for us both....
Love Manda
xxxxxxx
Atlantisea's baby!
