me james

being off  35 vicodin a day and sniffing heroin as well hasnt been easy.i remember 9 days ago when my life and the woman i loved  said she couldnt do it anymore... 2 days later i woke up not in the same house as her anymore at that time and said to myslef i am sick and tired of being sick and tired.. i dedicated way too much ******* time on finding drs who would give me my needed 875 vicodin a month and when i couldnt find them id be forced to find a bag of heroin to sniff so i wouldnt get sick,, just to kee that opiate in my body...i actually think shes stronger then me for being here for me and when i was curled up in a ball she went online etc. to see what to do , what to expect.. she could have easily turned her back like everyone else has done but not her. she has been right here and will be here right by my side. just the thought that i lefta little white pill control my life makes me ******* sick to think about..i now know you never know what u got until its gone... i have a beautiful 4 year old son who looks up to me and 2 weeks ago before he came to see me. his mom said she had  a botle of pills left from her surgery and was cleaning up and when he saw them he said da dad dad.. that ******* hurt more then anything ever, knowing he associated that bottle with his dad.. there isnt 1 problem or fear in my life that could make me ever pick up another narcotic again... because if that little boy and the woman who is so beautiful and sticking right beside me aint worth it then nothing is...i guess ill write more later, i cant hold back the tears anymore and keep see through then anymore to find the keys on the keyboard...