I want one - stayorleave41's Journal

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Jul 17, 2008 02:53PM - 4 comments

Damnit I am trying so hard. Going to make it I know, gotta stay strong and get over this once and for all. I NEVER want to feel like this again. I just am craving........................I want that pill, I want to smash it and get it inside my body so I can feel right again. I know this is my brain giving me the wrong signals, still very hard. Day 2.........guess we will see what day 3 brings. PEACE LOVE FAMILY that is my life. I don't want to be the addict mom or one of us get arrested for buying a damned pill. I have never taken heroin, and yet that is what I feel like. A heroin addict. LOOK IN THE MIRROR this is not the person you are.

The devil knows how to get into your life now I just need to break freeeeeeeeeeee

She is a wicked ride
Yes she is
She said I’m gonna make you climb right out yourself
She said now break free
You might have to give up your life
But I was thinking
I’d love to get inside you

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I have basically had every drug possible at one point or the other and know how it is when you are craving..you're going through the worst part right now but if you make it a few more days you'll be able to get over this hump..if you use now, it will feel amazing (im not going to lie to you) but then you will be overcome with guilt for allowing it to win and not being strong enough to go on without it..go outside and try running, listen to an ipod..if you stay in the house and think even more about it, it will only be harder...hope it gets better soon for you

by stayorleave41, Jul 17, 2008 03:04PM

Thanks for your input. I think I am going to take the kids for a walk around the neighborhood. It is actually sunny today. I don't want to feel guilty, I just want to be over this. I know it isn't going to be a one day thing but a lifetime commitment. I honestly did not think it would be this bad. Clueless I guess?!

by joann1975, Jul 17, 2008 03:14PM

We never do think it's going to get that bad... I totally understand that! Keep going it will be worth the hell you are going through right now. Your kids deserve and so do you!!!

by stayorleave41, Jul 19, 2008 08:24AM

Thanks everyone, we are doing well and staying strong and haven't given in to temptation. As much as it has been on our minds!! Thank you for all the support. :)

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