Being around a group of people.

My job with USPS delivering mail is really a job that does not involve or require a lot of communication with the public, unless I have to get a signature for an item of mail, i go in and case my mail and involve in some small take with the other carriers around me which is usually one on each side in their cases, so never too much face to face communication. I like that job, because I really do not enjoy being around a lot of people. SO, about 6 months ago, I started a part time job working with MR patients in a group home. We have 3 clients in that group home with MR, autism, and downs, so again, not a lot  of interaction is required with a group fo people except for those 3 clients whom really stay to their selves alot of the day/evening, but today I had to go to a training course one of many that I have to complete in the next 6 monts for CPR and first aide, and i had put it off for the last several months because I was trying to avoid being in a room with too many people that I do not know,I live with constant fear of what other people are thinking of me, I hate to walk in a room of people, and leave teh room to reenter and wonder if they were judging me. THat is just part of BPD, I suppose, but it is hell to live with, so I was HAPPY to finally complete my 6 hours of CPR and First aide today, in  room with 8 other people plus 2 instructors  that I have never met, boy that was so hard, but i survived! IT was not all that bad after I was used as one of the first people to perform as the person needing to be revived. Some times it is a Necessary thing, being brought to everyones attention to get that relief that there i was at everyones eyes, and now it is over and they are not going to bother watching me or studying me anymore. WOW, I hate this insecure **** of mine. One day I hope I will overcome it. Anyway, I am CPR certified for 3yrs now and first aide 1 yr, so at least I do not have to do that again for some time.

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