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New Things
Jul 17, 2008 10:04PM
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So I've decided to open a cake decorating business with my best friend and her family. We are hoping to use the back of a friend's business until we have enough business to rent our own space because they have a kitchen. I'll continue to buy and sell poultry, and make some custom poultry products in the local plants, but this will give me additional income and it will be a company I can build. Also there are apparently not enough places around here making wedding cakes so I'm hoping that will help because I'd like to do a lot of wedding cakes. I'm kind of excited about it, and studying all of the different techniques I didn't know yet online, and finding and buying equipment online has kind of helped me get through some of the downtime I've been forced to have lately as I've waited for my body to catch up with where my head is. I see my pain specialist on the 25th and then I plan to go to Texas for a couple of weeks. After I return we're going to open the business.
I still have a lot of iron in my body and my doctor thinks its contributing to these horrible headaches I have every day. I am going to go to the bloodbank and give blood even though I know they won't use it because they'll find hepc antibodies in it. I know it causes them to use time on me when they won't be able to use my blood and I do feel badly about that but on the other hand my family has contributed a lot of blood to the blood bank and I will have to wait at least a month to get phlebotomy otherwise. I have discussed this with my family and they are as frustrated as I am. They are behind this hairbrained scheme which kind of shows the level of desparation my family feels as they have had to watch me go through all of this over the past year, driving me from doctor to doctor and hospital to hospital. They are ready for this to be over. Maybe more than me even. Its been very hard on them. It has caused them to halt their own lives in many ways, my illness, and I feel badly about that. My grandmother in particular gets really frustrated about having to pick me up sometimes and when I don't answer the phone everyone thinks I'm dead when I may just be sleeping. So they all call me eight million times to try to ascertain whether or not I'm alive which is actually just more tiring for me even though they mean well.
Today my best friend bought me an eighty dollar phone system with my bank card because I wasn't answering my home phone because it doesn't have caller id. Let me explain that I JUST got a home phone through my cable company and I didn't think anyone had the number. Thus, if it rang, I figured it wasn't anyone I knew. But unbeknownst to me, she'd given it to my family for me. And always If my family doesn't reach me they call her. They have this kind of round robin deal that goes, my mom, my best friend, my grandmother. My son is in there somewhere too, but not as often. And failing that, my grandmother comes knocking on my door. Or my best friend lies to her boss and tells him she has to go to the drugstore and she comes down here. I'm not certain what they think is going to happen to me overnight honestly but anyway... And I know they just care about me. I mean I KNOW. But its just that I'm a very private person and I like to be alone a lot. This past year since I've been sick its kind of like my life has become kind of community property in a lot of ways because my family doesn't really see me as a whole person. They see me as someone who is sick and has to be looked after or looked out for but not really as someone who is complete right now. Before I was sick they would have been reluctant to invade my privacy, but over this past year its been ok to do it because I've needed their help.
Really, I'm at a point where I don't need their help so much anymore. I think I need to kind of take my world back a little bit now. Politely. But I need to do it. It's part of me getting better and getting to be me again. Sure I'll need a ride back from the hospital every once in a while but for the most part I don't need help anymore and if I do need something I can ask for it whereas before I was so sick I think they were afraid that I might not notice that I needed something and that was the crux of why they hovered so much. In fact, a lot of times I really didn't notice what was going on around me when my blood count was so low so they were right to be concerned but I'm just not there anymore. I am hoping that when I go to Texas later this month they'll be able to see that I'm ok and they can relax a little about me. Because the last time my mom saw me my blood count was about an 8 hgb. So she still pictures me that way I think. Once they know that I've been able to drive 14 hours in a row to see them and I'm fine and they can see the color in my face they will feel better about me I hope. And then I can have my privacy back again maybe ;)
I still have a lot of iron in my body and my doctor thinks its contributing to these horrible headaches I have every day. I am going to go to the bloodbank and give blood even though I know they won't use it because they'll find hepc antibodies in it. I know it causes them to use time on me when they won't be able to use my blood and I do feel badly about that but on the other hand my family has contributed a lot of blood to the blood bank and I will have to wait at least a month to get phlebotomy otherwise. I have discussed this with my family and they are as frustrated as I am. They are behind this hairbrained scheme which kind of shows the level of desparation my family feels as they have had to watch me go through all of this over the past year, driving me from doctor to doctor and hospital to hospital. They are ready for this to be over. Maybe more than me even. Its been very hard on them. It has caused them to halt their own lives in many ways, my illness, and I feel badly about that. My grandmother in particular gets really frustrated about having to pick me up sometimes and when I don't answer the phone everyone thinks I'm dead when I may just be sleeping. So they all call me eight million times to try to ascertain whether or not I'm alive which is actually just more tiring for me even though they mean well.
Today my best friend bought me an eighty dollar phone system with my bank card because I wasn't answering my home phone because it doesn't have caller id. Let me explain that I JUST got a home phone through my cable company and I didn't think anyone had the number. Thus, if it rang, I figured it wasn't anyone I knew. But unbeknownst to me, she'd given it to my family for me. And always If my family doesn't reach me they call her. They have this kind of round robin deal that goes, my mom, my best friend, my grandmother. My son is in there somewhere too, but not as often. And failing that, my grandmother comes knocking on my door. Or my best friend lies to her boss and tells him she has to go to the drugstore and she comes down here. I'm not certain what they think is going to happen to me overnight honestly but anyway... And I know they just care about me. I mean I KNOW. But its just that I'm a very private person and I like to be alone a lot. This past year since I've been sick its kind of like my life has become kind of community property in a lot of ways because my family doesn't really see me as a whole person. They see me as someone who is sick and has to be looked after or looked out for but not really as someone who is complete right now. Before I was sick they would have been reluctant to invade my privacy, but over this past year its been ok to do it because I've needed their help.
Really, I'm at a point where I don't need their help so much anymore. I think I need to kind of take my world back a little bit now. Politely. But I need to do it. It's part of me getting better and getting to be me again. Sure I'll need a ride back from the hospital every once in a while but for the most part I don't need help anymore and if I do need something I can ask for it whereas before I was so sick I think they were afraid that I might not notice that I needed something and that was the crux of why they hovered so much. In fact, a lot of times I really didn't notice what was going on around me when my blood count was so low so they were right to be concerned but I'm just not there anymore. I am hoping that when I go to Texas later this month they'll be able to see that I'm ok and they can relax a little about me. Because the last time my mom saw me my blood count was about an 8 hgb. So she still pictures me that way I think. Once they know that I've been able to drive 14 hours in a row to see them and I'm fine and they can see the color in my face they will feel better about me I hope. And then I can have my privacy back again maybe ;)