July 17th

I'm really exhausted tonight even though I got my notmal sleep.  I usually go to bed at about 2100 and get up at about 0500. Last few weeks though, I've been have these weird sleep disturbances where I wake every hour or so with an anxious feeling and thinking that I had a disruptive dream, although I can't remember it. I'm hoping it's something that'll pass soon. If not, Ill talk to my psychiatrist for something to help me sleep the night through, although sleep medication is one that I'm not to comfortable. The first time I took Ambien, I was out sleep driving, blew two tires on my car and didn't remember any of it. Pretty scary to say the least.

Today, was the same as most with my morning routine, answering my email/messages and checking the forums for items where I might be able to add some intelligent input.

One of our members, not to be named, makes several posts a day concerning her medication(s) and whether she can change dosages or stop taking them or add them with other medications, etc. and each time I tell her to follow the prescribed instructions and if she is having problems with side effects or other problems she should contact her healthcare provider or a pharmacist, and yet, she keeps coming back to the forums looking for answers.

I'm not irritated or angry with this woman, but feel compassion towards her because I think she makes so many posts, not because she's really overly concerned with her medications, but because she is lonely and this is an outlet for her.

Many of us feel lonely at times and if someone is feeling that way, I wish they would just post it that way saying that they're lonely and need some support. But, due to our unjustified pride me mask many of our feelings and try to brush them off as something else. So,being dishonest with us, they are being dishonest with themselves and once you learn to be dishonest, it can easily become a part of your nature, where your personality is no longer "real", but is nothing but a lie.

      “Integrity is doing the right thing, even if nobody is watching.”

Pay no attention to the faults of others,
things done or left undone by others.
Consider only what by oneself is done or left undone.

Quotes to consider in your daily life and your dealings with others. Be kind, caring and compassionate and if involved in a relationship make sure that it is a ccaring, sharing and fair relationship with each partner sharing the burden not only of daily household chores, but sharing the pain and pleasure of the other. Be one with each other.

Now that I've voiced my opinion on integrety, honesty and relationships, I can get back to my day.

Overall it was a good day. On Thursdays I'm a bit more busy because Friday is trash day, so I need to get all the trash together including the recycle items. I also have to change the litter box.

I used to love to read, but some of my previous medications so negatively effected my concentration that I just couldn't read. Now that that is no longer a problem, I need to get back to reading on a regular basis. There is so much to learn and I want to know it all, or at least a little bit about everything.

Received my refills on my medications today fortunately, since I was out of pain medication. Now,, at least I have a 90 day supply.

I get all my medications and medical care, including psychological care from the Veterans Administration free of charge. I'd really be lost without their support and surprisingly the care received is quite good.

Now that you know even more about me, I'm going to end this, but as I continue writing in my journals, you'll probably know more about me than most people.

I'm a very private person with those who I know, although with strangers I can share everything.