Day 28 Cold Turkey Tramadol Journey Continues

I am in Tramadol w/d -- Day 5,  800mg day for 4 years.  Male, 54 yrs. old.

I began reading your journal before I started.  Your jounal was the main inspiration for begining my journey out of this hell.  I am very deeply and sincerely thankful for you.  

No matter what happens, know that you have helped light the way for me and probably many silent others whom you you do not even know.  There is no greater good that that.  

The best advise I got from you was to get mad -- really mad.  It helped me close my eyes and summon the strength to begin my own jouney.

I've never blogged anything before.  I am deep in the closet fighting this demon.  It took some courage -- and several abondoned tries --  to trust registering here to send you this message.  I'm sending this note because it is important to me that you know because you deserve to know that your efforts make a difference.  Your drug voices are wrong -- but you know that.

It's tough.  I'm only beginning but I will make it out of this hell because you are a "path lighter" and showed me the way to begin.

Wishing you peace, love , and success!!

Hey, I am very new to this forum this ismy first post so im not sure if imdoing this right but im a male, 18yrs and is also currently struggling from tramadol withdrawal symptoms. I am very fortunate though, i was on tramadol for 1 and a half months started off at 1 100mg pill a day and eventually went up to 4 before i quit cold turkey.

I started reading your posts emily about 4 days ago, the day after i quit tramadol. I found it so amazing to learn that only 3 hours after i didnt take my daily tramadol dose did i experience the withdrawal symptoms. First symptom was zero appetite>_< and thats when i knew i was in for it. The next day and first full day was horrible i actually dragged myself to work at 6am and stayed an hour before i threw up in the bathroom and was lying on the floor half dead because i was scared of everybody. One of the nicest guys i work with was there luckily and he was able to help calm me down im really thankful for him.

Here's the interesting and extremely suprising part: I drove myself home and my dad was sitting in the kitchen eating breakfast and he says why are you home, something wrong? Im ashamed to say i was in tears and i told him i was addicted to tramadol and was experiencing withdrawal symptoms. Now,My dad is an internest which is a general family doctor and preescribes this stuff all the time.( He told me he never prescribed vicodin one time in 20 yrs because he thought it was too addictive...yeah...lol). He actually laughed at me and told me i was just having a bad day, he said tramadol wasnt even an opiate and i was being overdramatic-______-, i pretty much lost it there and went upstairs and sat in my room having sweating and chills until i fell asleep an hour later. My point here is that even highly successful doctors like my dad who have been practicing for 25 yrs dont know how dangerous this stuff is. Here he is complaining about vicodin being addictive i was like that stuff is nothing compared to tramadol.My dad told me to go work out to feel better. I was saying to myself if i completed a work out right now and didnt die i should be paid a million dollars. My dad was saying to listen to him because hes experienced and this is his lifes work blah blah blah and who am i to argue? an 18 yr old kid =\ any argument i gave to him would seem laughable on the surface.



Anyway, day 2 was better but i still had omg anxiety and i was even afraid of going out to eat with my family Still terrible insomnia. Day 3 i returned to work only with my dad pretty much forcing me out the door i felt horrible in the morning but being around people helps, just gotta push yourself to go out and be around everyone. Today is day four (almost 5 hehe) and i feel alot better, i can actually formulate thoughts and not shake, even my appetite is back. The last symptoms to go is the insomnia and i still have minor depression and anxiety. Id say imlike 95% normal which im so grateful for.

Im so happy i found this forum and your post emily, day 1 i wanted to kill myself literally because i thought i would never be normal again.You gave me strength to stop my addiction and the courage to go through withdrawl which im sure wont last more than a few more days now. My withdrawal is much less acute then yours and i am so amazed you endured 28 days of this sh*t when i could barely endure four haha...I really wish you the best you are my savior im not even kidding, good luck and keep your chin up you will get better and be your normal self once again!

See there Emily Post.  There's a couple of us out here that are really grateful that you chose to be the 'path lighter'.  I'm certain there ar more.    I know that's not your intention, but it is a fact.  And we are both thankful.  

By the way 'plamp'... being an older 6' 3" x 240 lb. lumberjack of a man I am extremely disappointed to here your dad's version of how an apparent figment of my imagination has been mopping the floor with my head for five days.  Can't say I've ever had that happen.

While I am certainly in full withdrawel -- he is in certainly in full denial.    

Hang in there.  You did the right thing and he is going to eventually learn the truth about the drug and be proud of you for handling it like a man ... which is exactly what you did.

Peace, love, and success to ya!

Seeking Better Days;

Good for you! Thank goodness you made it to day 5! YAY!

Oh I am so so so grateful that you found this journal and this site. There's so much misinformation out there. LIES LIES LIES!!! It's so frustrating, esp if you decide to stop, and you can't find anything but sites that want to sell you Tramadol or sites that say Tramadol is not addictive and not going to give you withdrawal symptoms.

Complete insanity and LIES! My Doctor would NEVER have supported me stopping it. Never. I think he thinks Tramadol is a sugar cube ... So I didn't tell him. I'm a big girl. I know what is poisoning me and what is not! So, there's plenty of misinformed MD's out there. Yes, you can get massive dependence, addiction and serious withdrawal that is ... very very very close to withdrawing from a Benzo ... It's serious stuff!

When I was 15, I trained as a life guard. We had to swim an incredible number of days and because I was the tallest girl, I was paired with the tallest guy (who was 6'3) I am 5'8" ... sometimes 5'7" ....

Anyhow I had to drag this huge guy across the pool about a bazillion times over the summer. Once we swam laps completely dressed in jeans and a T shirt shoes and a sweater. Why? To show you in a physical way just how exhausted you would get if you tried to say ... swim to shore in your clothes with no life vest.  Lots of people drown this way. Let me tell you how fast you learn that lesson. 10 laps and you are done. DONE. Then they made us tread water ... til one by one we dropped out .... Pain ... What ALWAYS was the straw that broke ya? FEAR. The fear of the pain. Better to get super angry, and fight the good fight. Yes, there are things worth fight ing for! If Tramadol has stolen your spirit you want it BACK with interest!!

There's this other thing they teach you in lifeguard class that has served me all of my life. That is, when you approach a swimmer who is about to drown, if they are in a panic and you cannot calm them, you cannot save them. You try calming them, then yelling at them, then you try to smack em on the head and knock them out so you can drag them to safety. True fact! But if they panic and will not calm down, you have to get away from them ... or you will be dead dead dead. So it is with people who do not want to stop "yet." It's not a good time. Guess hwat, CHicken Bitt, there is neve ever going to BE a good time. NOW IS the Good Time!!!

The Watery Drowning  Fear and Panic makes the panicked "survivor" instinctually grab onto you and DRAG you under with them and you drown too!  

So basically; You cannot save someone who doesn't want to be saved.

How do they teach you this? By acting like a panicking swimmer and nearly drowning you. They drag you under until you think ;... "Holy Mother of Gawd I am going to drown and die," And then they let you up. You have water flowing outta yer nose, it stings your eyes are red, it is PAINFUL. And gross. You might even vomit up some swimming pool water. The PAIN is and always will be a great educator. NOTHING get human attention as well as pain. This is a true ism. Pain is the Great Educator... or at least it's opening chapter! I learned to never try to save peopl who do not ask. Never ever. They must ASK me for help before i offer.

What matters is your response to pain. Not fear. Anger. Rage. Beat it down, down to the ground. Make a plan as complete as you can, because it is a war.

I didn't get the whole GET mad and get READY, cause you are entering a WAR zone thing until cadilacjack (who is a Vietnam Vet helped me) ... I swear he wrote three sentences and they snapped me right back to where I needed to be. Fear is a useless response to any kind of pain. Anger and fear are so closely related, but Anger has Power, and fear will kill you in a state of war, because it makes you weaker.

The Eagle recently also helped me. God Bless America that our Vietnam Vets are the ones who can help out the Civilians getting off drugs! And how sad and beautiful in a way that that is true. All of the military advice I receive here rings 100% true for me. They know because they have been there. And many still are. The dream that we take care of Vets, that they are set for life for health care is a pretty lie. Like; Tramadol is safe and non addictive!

In this case the reason I tell you this, is that, this account of what it is like to go thru Tramadol withdrawal will only affect those of us READY to stop drowning. Ready to be saved from Drowning. Ready to accept any degree of help. So, it is my humble honor to know that I helped you. I can only HOPE that there are unseen people out there reading this.

You're on day 6 by now I bet! Which means one day from Day 7, which is when things get a WHOLE lot better!! Thank you for registering and for commenting. I know the anxiety so well!  It helps me as well you know, to know that you started to read along? I mean I could just CRY for what you have been thru!  Withdrawal makes you super emotional anyhow. I think that is because the Tramadol is also some very old antidepressant with a faux-opiate. The combo seems to make people's personality slowly vanish. And it seems to increase pain. And it seems to increase neuropathy over time. Poison. Serious poison. Not harmless milk and cookies.

It certainly does something unpleasant to the spirit!

My purpose is to as truly as I can explain what the daily ups and downs are like, how I either made the side effects of withdrawal worse, or better. It is also so that people do not think that they are alone or that they are CRAZY, or that it is true that Tramadol is as safe as apple pie! It isn't. In fact, I wish my Doctors had not listened to me and just kept me on lower levels of say; codeine. Vicodin makes me feel horrible and ... it has this really dark side and I have to say that I have never found it helpful for neuropathy or back pain. Stupid Vicodin.

I did a tremendous amount of reading on Tramadol and I am highly educated. I took many biochemistry classes and can look at the structure of a drug a

I understand the fear to register and write a message. That anxiety early on is like paralysis. I remember so well. Someone would knock on he door and it was probably a sales person and I would HIDE until they left. I was so ill!

Ha! Now I am reading your second post Seeking Better Days! I am so glad not to be alone! You have no idea. You know I learned that "Drug Thoughts" concept from a man I knew a few years ago who was a drug addict/ booze hound. He taught me alot. The price was very very very high for the knowledge. But I am so glad that I know B-vitamins will destroy "a bad trip," and that knowledge I have about AA came from him and our discussions about his disease. I made him explain it in detail to me.

Also, I have read a few threads with Big Strong men who absolutely got knocked flat by Tramadol. It takes you DOWN man. I'm not a big man, but I am an athlete and freakishly strong and it helped me under water until i thought I was dead for days and days! Day Seven was the day I thought ... I might live! Day ten was the day I could behave kinda normally.

I do like what you said about plamp's Dad. "While I am certainly in full withdrawal -- he is in certainly in full denial." Amen! You wouldn't believe that crazy that goes with denial of Tramadol's serious powers to mess you up. Bury you alive if you let the fear take over!

I will also say about Plamp's Father, He was suckered by the Tramadol marketers and is being influenced by the DEA. Too many narcotics for pain and suddenly a respectable Doc is in shackles Being arrested as a drug dealer (SO not joking) ... Tramadol was supposed to be EVRYONE's Easy way out!

Not.

More later,

So happy you are here. Such validation!

Thank you for your kindness Seeking Better Days. They are coming. They are just around the bend. You are through the VERY worst of it. If you can, write down what you experienced. It will help you later!

    
Peace and Success to you too!

Love and healing,
Emily Post

Dear plamp;

Thank you freind! Thank you!

Ughhhhh the days on the bathroom floor and the vomiting and the sweat and the nausea of the early withdrawal. Oh how WELL I recall it. Truly, I had a person comment on my journal and say. "I want to crawl into a hole and die," And I thought about Days 1-4 and thought ... Yeah. That was pretty much what it was like. I was too tired to crawl into a hole I wouldn't have made it to the hole!!  I mean I needed water and it was downstairs and I just sat there wondering; how will I ever get down these stairs? Have these stairs always ben so wonky and impossible? AM I still inside my house. Only to crawl back to bed and lay down. Good news? t gave me TIME ti find alot of Beastly things out about Tramadol! I'm gathering them and sharing them, because USA Docs are passing this out like candy. Sweden at least knows it is gnarly! YAY for Sweden!!

I think we lead many phases of our lives. So in a certain way. that early withdrawal was very much like a death for me. I felt like a super weak zombie. I always wondered in horror movies why the Zombies were so bumbly and weak ... I think they are all on Tramadol! LOL!!!

I am certain your Father is excellent at what he does. However, I wish he'd woken up a bit when you had your meltdown. I had a 4 day long meltdown. Meltdowns eased at day 7. Day 25 was indeed the magic number for me!

It is insane how Tramadol can make you have massive anxiety when you come off it. It is surreal. I knew it was the Tramadol. I knew. I don't want to diminish anyone's pain or say, "I have it so much worse" which is an addicts habit BTW .... But coming off of Vicodin was NOT this bad. Or codeine or Darvoset or muscle relaxant or morphine. Nope. But Tramadol? It tried to kill me.

What rights so I have as a US citizen? I have the god given right to defend myself against those who wish to kill me. The right to bear arms. In this war, it is fought with tons of water, good solid food, tons of vitamins and time.

Isn't zero appetite insane? And for me, no sense of thirst. It is the body's way of shuttiing down the intestine and preventing the toxins form leaving. CLEVER TRAMADOL! Enemy; wants you dead. Wants more Tramadol.

If I had gone to my Doctor and told him, he would have told me NOT to go off and have back surgery. He ouwld have continued the Tramadol. I had to DIG thru the Internet and talk to all my various drug using friends to make a plan of attack.

But t REALLY stings when it is your own Dad.

For three day I lay in bed. I mean like I barely had the strength to get up.

This that you write, "My point here is that even highly successful doctors like my dad who have been practicing for 25 yrs don't know how dangerous this stuff is. Here he is complaining about Vicodin being addictive i was like that stuff is nothing compared to Tramadol.: Is my same exact experience.

Vicodin was nothing like Tramadol. Tramadol is more like a Benzo withdrawal which is very very very bad.

You write; "My dad told me to go work out to feel better. I was saying to myself if i completed a work out right now and didn't die i should be paid a million dollars."

LOL! Seriously I couldn't have either. I couldn't have done a CHAIR workout!!!

I surely couldn't drive. "Don't take the car; you'll kill yourself (and 20 other people in the resultant pile up)" Is 100% right.

You poor thing. I would have killed someone (when i got my strength back) if the y said go to work on day 3/ Yes, of course you were scared to go out to dinner with your Family. I was scared of people cause everything was so loud, so bright and so overwhelming!

You write, "day 1 i wanted to kill myself literally because i thought i would never be normal again.You gave me strength to stop my addiction and the courage to go through withdrawal which I'm sure wont last more than a few more days now. "

Yep. I know that feeling. I wanted to just die. Killing myself would have required doing something other than laying in bed covered in sweat i;listening to Drug Thoughts and plotting my Tramadol revenge and a giant class action lawsuit. Medicine that makes you SICKER! Wow! What a great idea! (not!)

They did not have enough human data on Tramadol before they threw it out there. So you and I are human guinea pigs.

You write, "My withdrawal is much less acute then yours and i am so amazed you endured 28 days of this sh*t when i could barely endure four ...haha...I really wish you the best you are my savior im not even kidding"

The worst was days 1-4. At Day 10 I knew I would live. At day 25 I regained SO much! After Day 4 passed I knew I was NEVER EVE goin back EVER, No matter what!  It's been really ok since Day 25. But not out of the woods yet,

I was on this poison alot longer than you! I think it helps explain the severity of the withdrawal.

You are too kind my friend! YOU saved yourself. I was just Luck! :)

I love my normal self!!

Thank you Plamp!

Love and healing,
Eve

PS.I cannot believe your Dad MISSED the physical signs of a true drug withdrawal. I looked like a junkie. Sunken eyes, tangly hair, super weak. Ridiculous! And "so safe!'

Makes me so angry!

Dear all- not unfamiliar to withdrawal, I too got addicted to tramadol but also took dilaudid and ms-contin and a
touch of benzos. I did a kick a few times from opiates and was about to end it when I found a Dr. and a clinic with a heart, they have a sliding scale and want to help all in the community.
I'm now on suboxone and do not want any medication and I feel great, others say the selfish addict ******* has dissappeared.  Hope to continue to see your comments they inspire me. Have I started this new drug and should beware, because it seems "wonderful" leo

Of course your suffering was greater.

I did not and do not intend to undermine anyone's experience. Merely to explain my own experience. You are free to write about your experience. It is called Freedom of Speech.  I am not undermining you. I never said the withdrawal were not bad for you. I am 100% sure they were horrific.  Worse that benzos. Worse than tramadol. But you are currently attacking me for writing in my own journal. If it upsets you, don't read it. Simple.

That you don't think you are undermining me, by writing the above, is pretty amazing. It's hypocritical. You also attacked the others who are currently coming off tramadol.  

What is it that you want? Recognition that your suffering is greater? You have it.

I haven't ever compared Methadone to Tramadol. Ever. Yet you assume I have.

If you would like to, you have a journal.  In the meantime, I'd encourage you to write about your suffering in extreme detail. I am sure you can help those who had the same experinece. If you cannot see that I am helping people who are coming off of tramadol, I am sorry for you. If you cannot see what you just wrote as a direct attack on me, you are fooling yourself.

People are entiled to their own means of expression and apparently you think I am a hose bag. So, don't read a hose bag's journal!

Oh Leonardodavinci (great name!)

I am so happy for you!

This makes me so glad for you, "I found a Dr. and a clinic with a heart, they have a sliding scale and want to help all in the community."

Isn't that what medicine is supposed to be!  A Doctor with a heart is a rare and wonderful thing. And to just want to help the Community? SO rare! I am sure you were guided by might forces ...

"Be bold and mighty forces will come to your aid!" -Goethe

You were bold, you kept searching. Many people give up. They give up on themselves. You didn't! That is a not a selfish person. You understand how much each of us touches the other. It's a wonderful thing. We all help each other by healing our wounds and tending to them as best we can.

\You write, "I'm now on suboxone and do not want any medication and I feel great, others say the selfish addict ******* has dissappeared."

I am sorry that anyone would say anything that unkind about you. A person who tries and continues to try to get help is an inspiration and nothing else. I don't see that as selfish at all. You don't deserve that, you are trying to help yourself and find what you need and others try to judge you.

There's a saying in yoga; "Stay On Your Own Mat." Meaning, practice what is right for you. Concentrate, mediate and stay true. And it sounds like you are. I'm happy for you.

You also wrote, "Hope to continue to see your comments they inspire me."

Thank you Dear Sweet Leo. That means alot to me. Esp at the moment. You inspire me, because you wrote to me and told me your very encouraging story.

You write, "Have I started this new drug and should beware, because it seems "wonderful" leo

(((Leo))) Maybe the new drug is the answer? It's always good to stay on your toes! I for one am so glad you found some relief. You deserve it.

Love and Healing,
Emily

Haha thanks for the response i was afraid i wouldnt get one like so many other forums-.-. But yeah, the thing that shocked me the most was on my way home from work on the first day of w/d I was telling myself how lucky I was that my mom's a nurse and my dad's a doctor, they would surely understand what I'm going through...wrong hehe. Made it really frusturating them sitting there and lecturing me about the damn vicodin telling me how awful and dangerous it was. My dad even said it was the most dangerous and addictive drug on the market...hehe....

Anyway, I forgot to mention why I was even on tramadol. I have the same injury you have although the severity once again is probably less. I herniated L4 and L5 in my back along wih S1? I think its S1. And have 2 other bulging discs that I got when I injured myself at the gym. I didnt bring a belt with me that day and tried to curl too much and basically killed myself when I tried for that last rep with horrible form. I also am going for an EMG next week to determine if i have nerve damage in my legs because i have terrible sciatica. The doctor almost laughed at my x-rays because he didnt expect to see this kind of damage in an 18 yr olds back. He asked me if i was in a severe car accident haha.

So he put me on vicodin for a month and told me to take it easy. My dad kept pressuring the doctor to take me off it and put me on something less potent. (yeah my dad is like a vicophobe or something haha;)). So i quit it cold turkey after a month with really no w/d symptoms i can think of, maybe a little uneasiness and lack of appetite. I was on vicodin ES 3 pills a day ( im not sure what mg or doses or w/e >_<). So the doctor suggested tramadol 100mg 3 times a day and that seemed to make my dad happy....little did he know...or I know what I was in for.

Thanks for responding to my post though I really appreciate it, there's definitely people out there reading these posts and going through the same things we are but are too afraid or scared to admit. You are helping alot of people out by what you do, no one made you write these posts but you do. Inspiring really=]

                                            Best wishes,
                                                  Paul

Paul,

Thank you for responding as well! It's really good that we are able to share our Tramadol experiences. It was very hard to find information on Tramadol or anyone who had been successful at getting off it, and details on what they experienced.

No, no one forced me to write these posts. Just like, no one is being forced to read them!  Personal choice, freedom of speech, a beautiful thing!

I am so sorry that your Dad and Mom didn't know about the potential for extremely unpleasant freaky withdrawal symptoms. It's a little amazing right? But Western Medicine has always worked that way.  Vicodin for me, was never addictive or pleasant. It made me feel horrible, and didn't do anything with the pain.

In fact, I hate vicodin; Lucky me!!  Everyone's body chemistry is different. There really are people who believe that they are being helped by Tramadol and I have respect for them as well. The problems that your Father is probably facing is stemming from the DEA. I had to laugh about the "Vicophobe," thing.

How odd that we have the same injury in the same area.

You're going for an EMG huh? (((((Paul)))))

I do know that young men do often mess up their backs in weight rooms, so you sure aren't alone!

You write, " So i quit it cold turkey after a month with really no w/d symptoms i can think of, maybe a little uneasiness and lack of appetite. I was on vicodin ES 3 pills a day ( im not sure what mg or doses or w/e >_<)"

No worries ... you don't need to remember dosages or anything ... I have had that same experience, going off Vicodin, very few w/d symptoms for me. But then, I hated taking it and it put me in a foul horrid downer mood. Lucky us! I know other people get very addicted and dependant and they love Vicodin. It must be doing something different to their body chemistry.  Assuming that a particular drug will do same thing to everyone is a big mistake. Everyone is individual.

You also write, "So the doctor suggested tramadol 100mg 3 times a day and that seemed to make my dad happy....little did he know...or I know what I was in for."

****hold head in hands and shakes head "no no no no no"..."***

UGGGGGG and not as in the boots that keep your feet remarkably cozy and warm!

The speech that goes along with the tramadol prescription was no doubt very similar  to the one I can find online or the one I was give, "Safe, Non Narcotics, No side effects, no problems in withdrawal." AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Makes me so ANGRY!

The good news is that now, my pain is extremely mild.

I'm now officially 30 days off tramadol.

The pain I was experiencing was being increased tenfold BY the very drug that was supposed to help me. Thank you for your reply Dear Paul! Stay in touch ok? I wanna know how you are!

Love and healing,
Emily