WomanSage

     WomanSage is an interesting phenonmena that is emblematic of the time we live in. It is a large group of mostly middle aged women in southern California, gathered together for wisdom, solace, community, fun and hope.  There is a meeting of the clan every year and that's where I met them--as their speaker about my book Prime: Adventures and advice about sex, love and the sensual years.  

     The group gathers for inspiration, for practical skills and most of all for fellowship and support. Many of the sessions are practical ( dressing for success, entrepreneurship pep talks and tips, communication skills, etc). Others are inspirational and supportive, such as no holds barred confessionals about the darkest days of one's life, and how, and if, they survived it. Women share the most amazing, heart wrenching stories in these sessions. Some of them have lost everything- jobs, money, husbands , even children. Womansage has a fund for some of these unfortunate ladies: a mentoring program that helps them get back their self esteem, gives them new skills, even a professional wardrobe.

    There is an award dinner, praising  excellence in various sectors of professional and volunteer life and the two day event never fails to be touching, relevant, and uplifting. Into all of this, I come with a sex lecture. But it didn't feel marginal- I felt reminded how important a piece of the overall puzzle, sex really is.

     My pitch, when all is said and done, is not to lose your sexuality, to not give up on romance, and to think of your sexuality as a treasure and part of your overall mental and physical health. I see the women in the audience who have retained their sexuality--and they usually have retained their overall spunk, optimism and happiness.  The ones who have given up on sex or been crushed by romantic losses, show it.  When they listen to me , or to each other, and decide to try again, their whole body language changes. Their face looks different. It is exciting to see them take back one more piece of the things that used to matter to them.

    I think WomanSage was worried when they invited me to speak. They didn't want to offend conservative members of their audience--some of these women don't think sex is a polite word or concept. But the leadership of the group embraced me afterwards, as did the audience. Bathed in the warm glow of female friendship, they took in one more piece of advice and comfort, and really listened to my message. For some of them, the solace of sex was an old and precious friend. For others , a memory, and still others a frightening experience they were cautious about revisiting. But I would say overall, they listened, and along with the other valuable messages they were taking in, accepted mine.

   I was stirred by their courage and openness. I felt I had added something to the rich mix they were recieving that whole day.  I wish every city had a group like this. Women, especially women in the second half of life, profit from the honesty and information we can give each other. We have lots of friends and communal activities when we are in school, when we are in the early stages of our careers. But sometimes in the second half of life we get atomized- segregated by the long years of child rearing and slogging through our careers. At the end of even in the middle of all this, we need to come together and regenerate and heal and grow. I was privledged to watch some of that happen at the WomanSage meeting. I was privledged to feel part of the process.