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looking for help

Jul 20, 2008 03:53AM - 2 comments

after looking for along time online to find what i think is wrong with me.  i have mental problems of that i am sure but what exactly i'm not. i think i have bipolar with disacotive disorder pardon my spelling.  i have been suffering all of my life.  i have been told by family members that when i was a child that i would get upset if they were not paying enough attention to me.  but on the flip side of that if i didn't have somewhere to be by my self for awhile i would get irratible and whinny and not play well with others.  my mood would change with the wind and i would cry or get angry for no apparent reason.  Either i feel alive and well like i can accomplish anything i set my mind to or my mind is blank to severly depressed.  my memory is a very strange thing it is like the filling system in my head is a tornado and some things i can pull back out to remember and others not. and it can be very selective i have been told that if it is a topic i want to be on i do just fine in remembering but if not i will do anything to go around it.  right now it feels like there is nothing but air in my head swirling around no real thought of any kind.  most of the time lately i feel like i am in my body but just watching it like i have no control over what it does.  like life is a spectator sport from inside a body that i'm not really a part of.  most of the time if i could sleep my life away i would.  i can sleep for 14hours straight and not have a clue it has been that long.  but want to curl up and go back to sleep.  I don't know what to do my poor family is in limbo because of my mood and poor behavior.  

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by Lizz67, Jul 28, 2008 11:01PM
Hey Amberelise,

In your journal you say you know you have problems with your mood but you don't know what  you have.  Have you seen a psychiatrist yet??  I've had depression and bipolar disorder my whole life.  I started therapy when I was 11 after a suicide attempt, but it wasn't until I was 27 that I got a solid bp dx and proper meds. I'm 41 now.

Your description of being disassociated from your body is familiar to me.  I always associate it with depression.   I also can sleep for 11, 12...14 hours.  That's a symptom of depression.  I take several medications and I've been stable for three years.  I work full time, but a lot of people chose not to do that.  I have to for financial reasons.

It seems you are feeling very isolated.  Have you tried to see a counselor or therapist?  Therapy has really saved my life over and over.  I always recommend it. I recently read a study that showed having a theraputic conversation can alter brain chemistry.


Keep in touch - Liz

by amberelise, Jul 29, 2008 10:21PM
I havn't seen a psychiatrist yet in my family they were something to stay away from (because they are nuts too)  and when i got older i thought it was just normal for me and there wasn't anything anyone could do about it plus my job keeps me away from home alot.  It wasn't until my husband said that something has got to change that i realized I had to get help or else.  I do have issues that i have not been able to face and my husband thinks i need to face them before i do anything but i feel like if i don't get my head straightend out i won't be able to face my problems.  So we both end up tired and frustrated.  I do and say things with out thinking (somethimes i don't even remember saying them).  Like my sister-in-law said i accused her of neglecting my daughter when she watched her but when i am normal i know that my sister-in-law loves my kids just as much as i do and i couldn't be happier with where they are.  I have taken a vitamin and energy packet i got from a truck stop for about a week but when i took it it made me suicidal for about and hour each time i took it so i quite of course.  B vitamins do to tend to help some and i am taking prozac 40mg. for depression.  sometimes it helps and sometimes it doesn't.  I am very isolated because of my job but allso i tend to push people away.  Do you ever get the barbie feeling like the only thing in between your ears is air?  The older i get the worse it gets.  Do you have concentration and or memory problems?  My husband says that if i want to be on a subject i do just fine but if its not then i go all around it.  What do the meds do for you when they are working right?  How much do they accually help?  I'm just confused where to start.  

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