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so mad!!!

Apr 02, 2010 - 0 comments
Tags:

bi polar

,

Bipolar

,

depressed

,

Depression

,

manic depressive

,

manic depression

,

manic

,

GAD

,

OCD

,

Anxiety

,

mother

,

guilt



i was pretty good with the kids today since it was in the 70s, so they could go outside and play, but then its constantly in and out of the house and it pisses me off!!!!! why do i have such a short temper when it comes to the kids? i thought the outdoor play would make them tired...and my daughter alwys falls out right away in bed, but my son....fcunking 2 am he ws up till!!!!

he refused to go to bed, waited for hours for me to read him another book when i told him no more books, and watched the DVD till i had to just take it away and hide it. i had to wrestle him to stay into bed, he got all sweaty and gave himself a headache from screaming his voice raw, kicking the walls, i cant believe he didnt wake his sister. why cant i ever have control over my kids??


why do they act like that for me, and not for my husband or anyone else?!?!?! what is the deal? its not like i just let them walk all over me and totally just dont discipline them, but no matter what i do, it always blows up in my face and i just want to leave and give up, but you cant do that when you have kids.

i just dont want to fcuk them up more than a 'non bipolar' parent might, sometimes i think they deserve a mom better than me to do all the things i cant physically cant do. i acn emotionally connect with them, but i cant control their behavior!!!! if i could be half the mother my mom ws, id be satisfied with that...but im not and i cant. so i try to be the best i can, and i want to give up every day, but after they are in bed sleeping, i go in and give them kisses on their little sweet faces and little cheeks and i love them no matter what, its their behavior i cant stand, andi make it a point of telling them that when i discipline them.

i wish i was a good mom :(

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