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Tramadol & Ultram Recovery Room Part 31

Apr 06, 2010 - 233 comments
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tramadol

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Recovery

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ultram

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Healing

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Love

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tramadol withdrawal



Good Morning Tramadol Warriors!

Welcome and we're so very happy you found us.

Please make yourself at home in Part 31 ...

Love and Healing,
Emily


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by Christina33, Apr 06, 2010
Sasha and Diane: Thanks for the encouragement : ) I needed it today! I did so well yesterday and then had a hard time sleeping again last night - so now I'm hurting, irritable, and not feeling well. I'm telling myself that there will be good days as well as bad, and that I will get through. I'm hoping for a good night's sleep again tonight! It makes SUCH a difference in my outlook!

To everyone else: Keep plugging away! I'm wishing the best for all of you. Thanks for being here and posting - it's really helped me to hear that I'm not alone!!

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by Christina33, Apr 06, 2010
Well, it's the moment of truth again - time to try to get some SLEEP. I've taken my clonidine and melatonin - took a nice warm bath and even used aromatherapy candles (yes I'm that desperate : ) I'm crossing my fingers and even wearing my pajama pants backwards for good luck. I've got a LONG day ahead of me tomorrow so I'm really hoping the night goes well. Wish me luck!

Sweet dreams to all of you : )

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by Onedaynow, Apr 06, 2010
Christina, best of luck, how I understand your desire for a peaceful night and my best thoughts are with you.

Diane



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by ty1987, Apr 06, 2010
sounds like everyone is doing very well. good to hear! tomorrow will be 3 weeks without tramadol. i can honestly say that all the w/d symptoms are gone, minus the insomnia. i starting taking citalopram about 5 days after i stopped the tramadol, and i think it's finally starting to work.

to those of you who are tapering and/or thinking about quitting tramadol: i know everyone is different, but i would strongly recommend a rapid taper rather than cold turkey or a slow taper. judging from my own experiences and from what people said, regardless of how you try quitting you will feel terrible when discontinuing tramadol. obviously people who choose the slow taper will feel "less crappy," they will also be experiencing w/d's for a long, long period of time.

when i decided to quit tramadol, i was taking about 300mgs per day. i decided that i would take one less pill every day until i was at 0 pills per day. did i feel like crap? yes. i felt awful for about 6 days. now, being clean for 3 weeks, i wouldn't have done it any other way. had i chose the slow taper route, i'd STILL be taking the stuff, and that makes me sick to even think about it.

the best advice i can give to any one of you is that if you know deep down in your heart you want to get off this stuff, then get off it as soon as you can. you MUST be in the right mindset in order to beat this drug. by doing a slow taper, all it would take it one day, one slip-up and you're right back to where you were before. granted, there are people here who have had great success with the slow taper....desperategrandma, it sounds like you are sticking with your taper and doing quite well.

i'm not trying to discredit those of you who have tapered or are currently tapering...it can work. i just feel that it would be very difficult to remain in the right mindset for such a long period of time, not to mention being in w/d for months and months.

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by kaseym, Apr 06, 2010
ive ben taking the tramadol for 3 years im 22 could have brain damage from it my head feels cloudy everytime i take one i hate it i want to quit this devil pill so bad its making me depressed i use to be a good person could get along with anyone always kept to myself now im just a scared nut who stays at home taking tramadol day in day out like its my job its horrible i HATE TRAMADOL

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by FinallyFred, Apr 07, 2010
Kasey,   Keep talking to us, OK?  You will find love and support here.   Pretty much everyone who posts here is either a recovering-tramadol user or a current user exploring the POSSIBILITY of becoming free from this "devil pill" as you called it.  The "cloudy brain" that you describe is fairly common.   I expect that you are STILL a GOOD person. You just currently have a tramadol problem.  

The good news is that there IS HOPE with THIS tramadol problem.   Cause, um...you can actually overcome THIS problem if you can believe it's possible.

You could have macular degeneration...or liver cancer...or clogged arteries with blood about to stop flowing through your body.  THOSE problems may not have happy endings for you.  But THIS problem is within your control at least.

Keep coming back and "lurk" if you want or post again.  We'd love to hear from you again, OK?

Ty,  You are doing great man!   I read your post with interest.   So you are a "rapid taper" guy, huh?   Hey, I say whatever works for a person is the best way to go for that person.      The important thing is for a person to pick a plan that they think would work for that person and then execute that plan without waivering.

I was the sort of person who was always borrowing tomorrow's pills today, always with the best intentions of "repaying myself" the following day by taking a few less.   Except, after taking this devil drug ever day for SIX years I had developed more than a casual relationship with this drug.  And a reduction of two pills the "following day" would send me into what I now understand was withdrawal symptoms.  And I would take more than my "daily dose" of 8 pills/day EVERY day the first two weeks of every RX cycle.   So...um...the last week was HELL.   As cycle after cycle for six years I would suffer along for 5-6 days on 3 pills/day...all the while in full blown withdrawal.  

In the end, I didn't take tramadol because I liked the way that it made me feel.   I just didn't like the way I felt when I didn't take this drug.   In the end, all I wanted was to feel LESS UNWELL feeling.

The point is that if you are like me, a nice slow taper will probably never work for you.   I showed myself over six years that I was powerless over tramadol.   I could never stay on my prescribed dose when I took the drug.  How could I taper slowly?  But I came her about December 1st 2008 and saw that others had beaten this drug.   And while I do believe in another higher power, THIS group became a higher for me initially.   And I came to believe that if I did what others did, I just might get what they got - sobriety and freedom from this drug.

But again, I appreciate anybody who is committed to becoming free from this drug in any way possible.   Go to a treatment center.  See an addictionist doctor.   Taper for 3 months.  Do a fast taper, Stop cold turkey.   When it comes to doing battle with this demon drug, it is in fact all good.  

This drug had me wrapped around it's very essence.   I planned outings and vacations around my "stash" of the drug.  One must of course.  

Cowboy asked the other day whether one could order tramadol early.   If you are like me, through trial and error (usually involving a hastily arranged summons to the doctor's office), you learned to push the "rx date" as soon as possible.   We had THAT day circled on our calender and on our brain.   In the alternative, you paid a premium to order the drug online and because well recognized patron of the local UPS driver guy.  We are all either current slaves or recovering slaves to this demon drug.  It took our names and kicked each of us to the curb.  

It caused us to loose touch with reality.  

With our emotions.

With our loved ones.

With that "good person" still locked deep inside each of us.

The good news is that there IS HOPE with THIS tramadol problem.   Cause, um...you can actually overcome THIS problem if you can believe it's possible.

Because you could have macular degeneration...or liver cancer...or clogged arteries with blood about to stop flowing through your body.  THOSE problems may not have happy endings for you.  But THIS problem is within your control at least.

It's really no big deal though.

It's just a matter of life or death.

Above all, I love you all.  

fred


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by Christina33, Apr 07, 2010
Good morning everyone! I got a beautiful 9 hours last night. I never thought I would be SO grateful for a good night's sleep. I woke up with an anxiety attack and am in quite a bit of pain, but it all seems tolerable. The anxiety attack has basically passed - just a tiny bit of residual creepiness, and once I get moving and busy at school the pain should slip into the background.
I am concerned about the pain issue long term. I have a systemic autoimmune disorder, which means my body attacks itself randomly, and I’m usually in some degree of pain. I’ve tried to manage just about all pain meds without success, so I don’t know what I’m going to do. I have the whole summer off and have decent insurance (another thing to be grateful for) so I’m thinking of doing a non-pharmaceutical pain management program this summer to see if it helps.
As far as the anxiety, that’s something I’m used to I guess. I’ve been self-medicating for a while which gave me a bit of a reprieve, but it’s always been part of my life. I was diagnosed with PTSD at 12 so I guess I should be used to that one – I’ve handled it well in the past though and I’m sure I can do so again.
Here’s my other concern with long term abstinence: I’m a perfectionist. I’m a college student with a 4.0 and work a TA position teaching writing and composition. I’ve gotten used to being able to perform well, and I’m a little worried that without the tramadol I will fall short of expectations. I also have a lot of other things going on with my schedule, and I’m afraid I won’t be able to keep up. I have been working and going to school full time, taking care of my sister’s 3 girls (all under the age of three) and my mother who is severely ill, all while getting through a demanding internship. With enough tramadol, I could get through without sleeping much which made it remotely possible. I’ve withdrawn from my internship out of necessity, but I’m still worried about keeping up!
Well, enough about all that!
Ty: Congrats on the three weeks! That is amazing : )
Fred: Your posts are always inspiring
Kasey: I really hope you keep posting and reading! You can write me if you want also. I know the thought of quitting is scary. I was in the hospital, almost dead, two weeks ago though, so it IS a matter of life and death. I threw myself into serotonin syndrome and messed up my liver among other things. This stuff isn’t worth dying for! I was addicted to heroin as a teenager and this is at least as bad if not worse. It’s nasty stuff. It is possible to stop though. There are many testaments to that fact in these posts. Don’t give up!!!
Everyone: have a beautiful day!


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by gemgardens, Apr 07, 2010
I'm on Day 16 of tramadol withdrawal.  I can relate to how exciting it is to have nine hours of sleep!  That happened to me once since getting off them!  

I keep getting surprised how weak I feel.  I had one good energetic day the day before yesterday but then I was slammed the day afterwards...could hardly move.  I wonder how a drug detox can make you feel so physically weak.  I've gotten off alcohol and cigarettes and benzo's but this has been the hardest physically.  

I'm grateful to be able to read the posts on here and am glad to know it DOES get better!  Thanks for all the postings!  

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by daudi81, Apr 07, 2010
Oh man I'm glad I found something I can channel my withdrawal anger through. I didn't know so many people were going through this. My doc said Tramadol wasn't addicting so I thought my body was just weird or something.

I started taking it for Migraines, refusing lortab and darvocet that the doc tried to give me (big mistake). I had pneumonia a few years back and the doc gave me lortab for 2 months for the pain and fevers..and I had withdrawals when I came off that (an absolute joke compared to Tramadol withdrawals).

So fast forward and I'm taking tramadol for Migraines. After initially taking maybe 1-2 50mg pills a day for a couple months, I noticed that every time I would go a day or so without them I would suffer terrible withdrawals. I just thought my body was weird because the docs tell me that it was impossible to withdraw from Tramadol because its non-narcotic and non addicting. I was so scared to tell my wife that I was addicted because she divorced someone who was heavily addicted to pills and drugs (snorting oxycontin, etc). So instead of getting the support from her that I probably needed to quit, I hid the fact and ordered more online so I could live my life and support my family emotionally and financially. One day she found the hidden pills and that was the end of it. She actually took it a lot better than I thought.

Anyway, I did a really fast taper, going from 8-15 per day, down to 4 per day immediately, I stayed on that route for 1 week, then went down to 1-2 per day, and took that does for about a week, then stopped. I was told I tapered wayyy to fast but I just wanted off the stuff.

My last dose was Sunday the 4th at about noon. So I guess I'm on day 3-4? Everyone says it gets better by day 4-5 so I'm hoping that's the case. I still feel sooooooooooooo horrible. I can't even explain the feeling?? I don't know if it's emotional or physical, or both. If there was a hell on earth, this is it. My wife tries to get me to explain the feeling, but how do you even describe it? Is there even a word in the dictionary for this feeling??? It's not physical like a deep cut or broken bone, but it's not mental where I can just do something else and distract from the real pain I'm feeling. If that were the case I'd be doing it nonstop. I'm just crawling out of my skin, and my head feels like it's on fire and every time I move it too fast it feels like it's being mildly shocked all over..like really baaaad dizzines or something.

I reaallly hope this stops soon. If I can just get away from the horrible physical feeling I think I can get a handle on the depression/anxiety part. I'm NOT a depressed person...at all!!! And if I do get depression here or there, I can usually work it out by natural methods (exercise, healthy eating, doing stuff I love...etc etc). I heard the mental part can outlast the physical symptoms by a mile so I can't wait until the hour/day I stop feeling this way physically.

I told my wife if this isn't over by Saturday I'm going to check my butt into rehab. I can't put my wife through this anymore. I know it's agonizing for her to see me going through this, especially when she divorced someone because of it.

The funny part is I don't have too much trouble getting decent sleep. I am taking lots of kava / valerian root / melatonin / small dose of benadryl at night, and I eventually fall asleep. It's when I wake up when the hell begins, and it gets worse as the day goes on!!! Maybe I should just take insane amounts of the above cocktail so I can put myself in a coma and sleep through this withdrawal process and wake up a happy man =)



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by 4leefclover, Apr 07, 2010
Hello Warriors All!!
Christina- 9 hours! (I think it was the pajama's backwards that did the trick) that post was one of the sweetest things I've read in a l-o-n-g time. You are doing great work, Hon...keep going!
  Diane- how are you doing?
  Ty- 3 weeks ! NICE! I needed to do a rapid taper...like a 2 day one...so essentially cold turkey...I TRIED to wean but couldn't keep to the schedule...cause I'd have a bad day, or my mom got sick, or a fight with my partner....dumb reasons to deviate from my weaning plan......it was ALWAYS something
keep going!!
  Hi Fred--did you get a copy of The Untethered Soul? I just read three essays by Michael Singer on karma, Will, and Love
wonderful, wonderful stuff!
  Kasey- keep posting....tramadol LIES, Hon...you are currently immersed in the lie...none of it is true....your thoughts about yourself are distorted by this drug.....you are a beautiful Child of God...NO DIFFERENT than anyone else...you have spent too much time isolating...which is what I did as well...and my mind got going down a wrong way street FULL SPEED....
that person you say you used to be? You ARE that person, Hon....peel away the layers of the Tramafog and there you are
good as gold and free at last......please stick around....I believe in you!!

Daudi-
what a wonderful post!!
you are riding the bucking bronco of tram w/d....it @ucks....a few more days and the symptoms wane....for me there was a significant residual of insomnia (not your problem) anxiety and depression...I went to a psychiatrist and got some good help...I used and still use clonidine a non habit forming blood pressure pill that REALLY helped with the anxiety. others here have used an antidepressant for short or long term use in the weeks following the 5-7 day ride......you are doing great...I am glad your wife knows... I like your idea of checking in to rehab if things don't calm down...it is good to have a back up plan
it creates a light in a sometimes very dark place....keep going!

a poem

the Great One said
"come down to the edge"
and the people said
"it's too high, we are afraid"
and the Great One said
"come down to the edge"
and the people said
"we can't we might fall"
and the Great One said
"come down to the edge"

and they came


He pushed them

and they FLEW!

and never knew fear, again


clean since Feb 3

all is well
You are Loved
Sasha


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by Onedaynow, Apr 07, 2010
I have now been 18 hours without my "taper" dose of 12.5mg....it seems I am OK so perhaps I will just keep waiting and maybe not take it at all? I am going from drenched to freezing but I dread the thought at this moment of putting even 12.5mg in my mouth. My husband had to go out of town this morning and will not be back until Friday night so I thought I could just perhaps get through while he is away? ( of course, have still not told him about this nasty little secret of 7 years, which we have been together for 2 and a half years, he only knows the tram-Diane). I don't know but that is where I am tonight. WD symtpoms are just not bad enough to take a pill. I do work the next 6 days so if I can pull through here; I am done.....if not, I will go back to my original taper plan....

BUT, I do have to make a comment on the perpetual conversation regarding tapering vs CT. I feel REALLY STRONGLY that there is not  a right or wrong here; only different people with very different paths for success. As long as each of us takes less than we did the previous hour, day or week, we will get to the goal. I realize not everyone can do this, but some, like myself, really can. I have had NO DESIRE to take an extra pill because my day has sucked, no temptation whatsoever other than to aide the physical WD symptoms. I also have to say, if a person can taper, it is much easier on the body, especially those of us over 40. Please remember stopping CT can cause BP to become extremely elevated and know extremely elevated BP can cause strokes. For those young folks, likely no problem; for those older or hypertensive folks, you need to be at least watching your BP if you are going CT and if it gets high, get help!

Oh, I feel like I sound so abrasive here and don't mean to at all. I am really feeling physical symptoms and probably not even putting my words together very well, sorry!

Kaseym, you are really in a good place here with a lot of support, please stay and see if we can help you through.

Daudi, it sounds like you are so close to feeling better from everything I have read. Hopefully the worst is over. I almost wish my husband would have found my pills so this could be out in the open. But like your spouse, he has been through it before (x wife) and I think it is so unfair that he be put through it again. I am hoping things ease for you!

Christina, I totally get the perfectionist thing but I really think we will be even better in out post tram day as in our tram days. Yeah, maybe it worked at giving us extra energy at the very beginning, but then it quit. And, we had to take more and more, and it still did not work. So really we were disadvantaged while taking tram, in a fog, lacking energy, having physical issues (constipation for instance). I really think we are in for a pleasant surprise once we find ourselves again.

Sasha and Fred, thanks again for your inspirational words! You coming back here and guiding another group get through this undescribable time earns you gold stars in heaven in my book : )

Love and Peace to all of you!
Diane

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by FinallyFred, Apr 08, 2010
Shasa,  Thanks for "encouraging me" in regards to "The Untethered Soul".  I am definately in a place in life, where I want to take a journey to my inner space and I have jotted the name down and plan to pick up a copy this week.  Thanks for calling me on that.  Oh, and I LOVED your poem on FEAR.

Daudi, You are describing acute withdrawal.  Yes, you probably did taper WAY too fast to suit the true taper prefectionists, if that was in fact what you were attempting to do.  Like Diane said above, there are all sorts of different paths to achieving the goal of being rid of this demon drug.     We each sort of do what we are comfortable with and able to do.   After all, in our heart of hearts, we each know ourselves better than anyone else.  If I ever sound too much like an apologist for cold turkey, someone please slap me.

Does it help to know that what you are feeling is common to nearly everyone who comes off the tram-a-crap?  (I hope so).   Sounds as though you are making it through day 3.   I'd like to tell you that you are over the hump.  You may in fact have another 3 days of hell left before you are FREE.   You do however, have a very nice investment into the withdrawal process at this point though.  Stay in the moment and expect great things of yourself.  

Sweet Dreams to all (I hope),

fred

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by Christina33, Apr 08, 2010
Hi guys!

I'm on day 10 and still doing pretty well. I got through my day yesterday and slept okay last night. My pain level has been a bit of an issue, but I'm dealing with it. Anxiety and fatigue are still bugging me as well. Overall though I'm doing much better. I have another long day ahead - won't be getting home until 11pm, but I feel like I can handle it.

I talked to my doctor on the phone yesterday and she suggested I might want to stay on the clonidine for a while to deal with my anxiety problem. Any thoughts on that? I'm a very hyper/high strung person and it's always been hard for me to calm down, but I'm afraid to get hooked on something else! I guess it's better than benzos but it still worries me.

gemgardens: 16 days is an awesome accomplishment! Caffeine has helped me a bit with the low energy issue - only a little though or it makes the anxiety worse.

daudi: sounds like you are past the absolute worst. It will probably be a rough week, but I'm sure you can do it. It sounds like you are motivated : )

Sasha: thanks for the encouragement!  Loved the poem : )

Diane: good luck on the end of your taper! The end is in sight : )

Fred: thanks for posting!

Everyone: Hugs to all. Have a victorious day!!!

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by daudi81, Apr 08, 2010
Wow, actually woke up this morning feeling OK. Usually the mornings are the best, and the day gradually gets worse, but I don't know - somehow this morning seemed different - like the severe anxiety / physical thing was cut in half (or more). Hopefully the rest of the day is this good, probably not...but I've got enough to do to keep my busy busy busy and distracted.

I want to recommend a really good book that may save a lot of lives here - A Magnificent Mind at Any Age by Dr. Amen. He's a professional brain scan specialist and psychiatrist that takes a "brainy" approach to fixing any problem in life we face. He actually takes brain scans (SPECT scans) of troubled individuals (addiction, depression, obese, etc), and fixes these issues through the inside out by healing the brain, rather than trying to heal the addiction, or depression by itself. He can pinpoint what problems you are facing just by looking at your brain scans, without you telling him what's going on!! I really think this technology is going to soon be baseline criteria to diagnose and/or help individuals in the very very near future - it's that concrete.

The book is kind of "technical" but as a pre-med student I can easily relate and understand the majority of it, and I can tell you it makes complete sense. Every pain, emotion, or feeling, whether it's originating from our foot, elbow, or mouth...gets controlled by the brain. How do you think all these drugs we take for pain work? Yep, they work on the brain.

If our brain is unhealthy in the first place, how can we expect to heal quickly from addictions and/or depression/anxiety problems? It's like trying to rebuild our house that got burned down with scorched wood and no carpenters. We need outside help and materials to get our house (brain/bodies) back into working order. You would be amazed at the case studies in the book and how he has helped people by healing their brains first.

Anyhow, I started using some of the techniques and diet/exercise/supplement plans he has laid out for addiction recovery / withdrawals to get my brain functioning again on it's own early 2 days ago. And I don't know if it's just because I'm over the "bad hump" but I do feel a lot different today - I can't imagine it working that quick. but who knows.

Outlook is good so far =)





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by Christina33, Apr 08, 2010
Well, I got through a VERY long and stressful day without Tramadol or any other pharmecutical help! I'm tired, but feeling surprisingly well. I hope all is well with everyone : )

daudie: we just studied Dr. Amen's SPECT imaging work in my adnormal psych class. It was very interesting. There is a website where you can actually see before and after scans. I'll have to order the book! I'm glad things are going well for you : ) Don't be too surprised if you do the "two steps forward one step back" thing though. That seems pretty common. Sounds like you're deffinitely on the upswing though!

Best wishes to all!

-Christina

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by Christina33, Apr 09, 2010
Sorry I'm posting so much! It does seem to help though. I have a lot of support but I can't really talk about everything going on with the people around me so I end up feeling alone anyway. Things are not going well for me right now. It's not even withdrawal really - just my inability to cope with normal stress without taking something. I threw away all the tramadol - not that it would be hard to get more - but I still have a bottle of xanax for "emergencies". I don't want to take ANYTHING. I just want to be able to handle things.

I'm having a relationship problem I guess. Nothing serious, I just hate people being angry with me and it's really stressing me out. I haven't taken anything, but I REALLY want to. He's been really supportive of everything and now all of a sudden he's mad about it - I don't understand it at all since I was actually doing really well (at least I thought I was). Guys are so strange! I think part of the problem is that he thinks it was just too much stress from school and work and everything. I was planning on finishing my internship this summer but he says I need to take the summer off. Not doing ANYTHING all summer will drive me crazy! I know I can't take on too much but I also know that it's important for me to stay busy. My crazy schedule hasn't helped but it wasn't really what started my tailspin in the first place. I think I started doing more so I didn't have to think about what was really bothering me originally which I can't even talk to him about because I know he'll freak out about it.

Anyway, sorry for rambling. I just needed to vent I guess. I don't know what I'm going to do at this point but I'm sure things will get better. I just feel so messed up!!

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by daudi81, Apr 09, 2010
Well yesterday ended up being a little crappy, however my mom came to stay for the weekend - and she brought a couple Ativan, which seemed to help out a lot - but made me pretty tired - so I'm not taking any today. After about 20mg of melatonin and some benadryl I was finally able to get some good , uninterrupted sleep too.

This morning was even better than yesterday morning, so things are definitely looking up. I guess I'm on day 5-6 - so that's expected.

Make sure you guys are taking your vitamins and supplements etc...I can't tell you how much that has helped. When I started loading up on the good stuff (and eating healthy too), dealing with these withdrawals were a lot easier, and I think I'm recovering quite a bit faster too. I still feel the physical symptoms a bit, but I don't know..I'm somehow able to not care about them as much. There is a special "cocktail" of supplements Dr. Amen recommends and I think it's rrrrrreeeeeaaaallllyyy helping. Let me know if you guys want me to list them.

So glad I'm getting my life and mind back.

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by Onedaynow, Apr 09, 2010
Christina I understand you posting frequently and know we are still here reading! Work has been wildly crazy for me so I have not had a chance to post but I am still reading every spare moment I get. I know very soon I will be posting nonstop as I completely jump off....anyone, I am thinking about you...all of you!

Daudi, I am glad to hear the day is going well and congratulations to the fantastic progress you have made!

I will be back when things calm around here.

Diane

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by Christina33, Apr 09, 2010
I'm feeling a little better : ) I think the wd is causing me to be overly emotional. I got through the day without needing to take anything. Well, just the clonidine which I think is okay (I hope). It also seems like now that I'm not taking so many pills I'm having to think about things that I don't want to and that's not helping. I'm just trying to stay busy and get through it. I hope you are all doing well!

hugs to all!
-Christina

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by Christina33, Apr 09, 2010
One more thing....
I've been having an unusual craving for sugar today. Is that a part of withdrawal? I remember that from the heroin wd I think. It's been a long time though. I'm glad my appetite is coming back a little, but I don't want to go TOO crazy : )

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by FinallyFred, Apr 10, 2010
Christina,  Old fred is still up.    If you have a craving for a little sugar, assuming you aren't diabetic, why not have a little?   There are worse things you could put into your body about now.   Treat yourself.   You have been through a great deal these past ten days.  

Goodnight all, fred

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by FinallyFred, Apr 10, 2010
Is anyone else getting funky error messages with IE when trying to log on to MedHelp?  

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by Christina33, Apr 10, 2010
I'm doing okay today. Talked to my husband last night and he's not as mad at me as I thought he was. I think I was mainly overreacting because my brain chemistry is all wacky. I went to an NA meeting last night. I used to go and I've kept in periodic contact with a couple of people. It seems to be the one place I can go and actually be myself which is a relief sometimes. I think that helped too. One of my friends is seeing an addiction specialist/psychiatrist and recomended him to me. I'm thinking about seeing him. I know I need to do something because I'm feeling pretty crazy. I'd rather not be on pills though. I overdo it everytime!

Fred: I have been indulging my sugar cravings : ) Trying to not go crazy about it though. My body has been through a lot and I'm TRYING to be healthier. I made brownies AND chocolate chip cookies yesterday! The last month of my pill use I was vomiting almost constantly and could hardly eat so I guess it's nice to actually WANT to eat again!

I haven't been having any problems getting on medhelp - maybe it's a software thing?

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by Onedaynow, Apr 10, 2010
Good morning to all,

I am here at work and luckily it is not as crazy as it has been all week. I unfortunately continued taking my 12.5mg dose of Tram even after making it 18 hours. My husband came back early from his trip (which was great) but the WD symptoms too bad to hide from him and make it to work. So, 12.5 little mgs per day....I would have thought at this point jumping off would be cake but NO....what gets me is the deep BONE PAIN, along with RLS; it is just a killer as I know you all know.

My real dilemma is my choice to keep this from him...I realize how unhealthy this is yet at the same time feel like he did not sign up for THIS. I was the "goody two shoes" who cannot even drink more than 2 glasses of wine. The girl who has never tried any drugs (OK tried MJ but hated it). I feel like I have this double life right now. A part of me wants to just continue the taper, jump off when he is out of town beginning May 2nd and pretend it never happened. But, a growing part of me feels like he needs to know me, he needs to know this battle. This is the biggest battle I have faced and I have only been able to share it with you great folks. Plus, I know I need to look at why??? Why the need to tramafog my mind? What is so bad that I cannot deal with emotions like a normal person? Anyway, I do know if I could just tell him I would be off from that moment forward, and I am sooooo ready to be off.

I do have to say that there are some really great changes that are occurring, it is not all sweats, RLS, and trips to the bathroom. I am enjoying music so much again; I can feel it, it touches me! I feel madly in love with my husband, like when we first met (and thank God since I met him in the 'fog it could have been I ended up with someone I don't like), it is such a great feeling. I also cry....have not done that in years. I work in hospice and it has never touched me like it is right now, there is such an awareness of what is so important in life when you work with those at the end of theirs (and it is not the fog...). What car you drive makes no difference, what designer bag you own does not matter either. What matters is the love that is around you, whether it is what you are giving or what you are receiving. It is the relationships you have fostered, whether that be your pet, your boyfriend, or your daughter. When everything else is stripped, nothing else really matters.

OK enough of my emotions that are obviously right out there on my sleeve. How are you all? Christina, how is today? Daudi? Pat, we have not heard from you although I know you are traveling....Fred, enjoy the sunshine :) And Sasha, thanks for your continued support I hope you are continuing to do well.

Enough rambling for now!

Diane

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by Christina33, Apr 10, 2010
My day was okay – I got through it without taking anything I’m not supposed to anyway. It was pretty nice here – cool but sunny, so I got outside for a few hours which was nice. I also worked on some school work and went shopping with the money I’m NOT spending on pills : )

Diane: I get what you’re saying about keeping things from your husband. It feels terrible! It’s not something I really did until this past year, but I hate it. He knows about the tramadol now, although I don’t think he knows just how much I was taking. He knew about it before (and the other pills) but not how bad it was.  Mainly I’m keeping other things from him at this point and I feel really guilty about it. He said the things he was most upset about were that I was getting them online (he’s in the medical profession and is REALLY against the fact that it is even possible to do that) and that I didn’t tell him what was going on sooner. Now, after a year has gone by without me telling him about the other situation, I don’t feel like I can tell him at all. I wish I would have just said something to him right away so he could have helped me deal with it. Now it has just gotten worse. This is the only piece of advice I can give to anyone in retrospect – Once you start keeping secrets they grow and get worse and harder to deal with. Now, I’m even keeping other things from him. I went to an NA meeting last night and didn’t tell him, because I knew how he would feel about it. He doesn’t think I need that and he’s always worried about what people will think. I also want to see a psychiatrist and addiction specialist that someone recommended, and I KNOW he’ll say no to that if I tell him. I think it’s just because he’s a bit older and sees certain things differently than I do – I don’t know. Like you, I’m recognizing that this is a BIG problem that I need to deal with!!   Good luck on jumping off when you’re ready by the way. I know it’s scary. As long as you’re taking less and not more you’re moving in the right direction!
I hope everyone is doing well! This site has been a life saver the last couple of weeks. It’s kept me from losing my mind any more than I already have: )


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by 4leefclover, Apr 10, 2010
Hi Diane and Cristina-
  funny, I posted you both earlier and it didn't come on the thread......hmmmm...well I'll check this one and make sure.
My partner knew I was on tramadol...the prescribed amount anyway....I didn't tell him the truth about my deepening obsession with it....it took me awhile to learn that I was in low level withdrawal every day...I'd always take my first dose around 2-4 in the afternoon...then  throughout the eve....when I ordered some online cause I couldn't make it through my script....I KNEW I was in deep...too deep...I've been sober for 9+ years..and have worked hard to heal that part of my life..with my career and kids...so I KNEW I was on the slippery slope...  I did not want to reveal the truth about my 'situation' to anyone.. but I did tell my partner...just not the whole story.... I went C/T and when those pills came from my online order I was 3 days into c/t w/d and I flushed them...... 30 days clean I refilled my script and used, again....he asked me 'hows the tramadol w/d going?" .....I was at my moment there...I had this feeling that if I lied, I'd lose him...so I revealed my relapse... I went to a psychiatrist the next day and got some help with the anxiety and depression I was struggling with and things got better....I was surprised how much w/d I went through after 5 days on taking 2-3 50mg daily....yuck
I didn't want to tell my mentors in recovery, either...funny but I thought they'd tell me to change my dry date...but neither of them did....I was just as frightened about that as I was telling my partner the truth about my relapse...
so none of these people in my life reacted the way I feared they would....I have a problem with perceptions and am WAY too hard on myself....just think....how would I react if someone told ME they were hooked and needed to w/d? I'd be loving and supportive, understanding and kind.....just WHAT was I thinking???
I find I need to check my thinking with others often.......
you both sound GREAT.....I love the sharing about the changes you experience as the tramafog lifts  thank you for reminding me of those...it is miraculous to look into the mirror into unveiled eyes
I remember in week 2 of w/d I walked into the grocery store and was overwhelmed with the awareness that WE ARE ALL ONE.....and cried....right there in the produce section......'miss, are you alright?"
yes....I am wonderful!

HI FRED!

all is well
You are Loved
Sasha

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by Christina33, Apr 10, 2010
Okay... I know I JUST posted, but I really need advice on this one. My husband insisted that I take xanax tonight - I think he's getting tired of the nightmares and stuff. I told him that my doctor said to just take the clonidine if possible, but he says it isn't enough. He thinks I should at least stay on a benzo and just have him monitor it so I don't take too much. He has the bottle and only gave me one. I don't think he understands what I'm going through. I know he means well, but I also know that me being all hyper and stressed out is getting irritating. I didn't take it - just said I did, but I know that can't go on. Maybe I should just take it at night?? I'd really rather not. I think I'm doing pretty well for the most part. Not great but getting by. It seems like taking it would be a set back. Am I just being weird? Now I'm just even MORE stressed and have to pretend the meds are working! This is getting ridiculous!!

Sasha: I get what you're saying about the emotions coming back! I feel like I'm all over the place.


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by byathread, Apr 10, 2010
hi everyone...i just found this blog...
I take about 20-24 pills per day and I HAVE to quit. Im very scared.....need help...

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by FinallyFred, Apr 11, 2010
Hello and welcome Byathread.   I get the being scared part of contemplating quiting.  Most of us who took this drug for any length of time have either run out of pills completely for a few days, or had to reduce our intake drastically to make our stash last until _________.   In either case, we have experienced what acute withdrawal feels like and it isn't pretty.

What convinced me to quit is that I realized that if I could actually QUIT, I would never have to go through all of those routine partial withdrawals EVER AGAIN.


This is a very loving and judgment free thread, so just reach out and let us know how we can help you accomplish what you would like to do.  Many people here have found hope with our tramadol problems.  

Christina,   I won't venture into advice as to what other drugs to take or not take right now.  But my bunny ears go up when I hear about someone holding someone else's pills.  I basically believe that my decision to use or not use any particular substance is MY choice.  I am not sure what dynamics would be set up by having my wife "hold" a particular drug.   I doubt my wife would even accept the position of being fred's police lady and if she did, I'm fairly sure that if I really wanted a drug she was holding for me that I would know what buttons to push to get her to give me some.  Which wouldn't do much for her or for our relationship.   But that is just me and my opinion.


Courage, Strength and Love to you all,

fred  



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by DeeJaye45, Apr 11, 2010
Hi..I just found this & I'm confused...what's so horrible about tramadol?  I recently was in rehab for opiate addiction & one of the alternatives the gave me to suggest to my Dr was tramadol...So what's so bad about it?  Am I just naive?

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by 4leefclover, Apr 11, 2010
Hi Byathread- you can get off this drug and be free of the bondage of addiction....that is the Good News....the w/d vs taper question is something you'll have to contemplate....I guess we need to be honest with ourselves on the taper issue....I could not taper...I tried and I always deviated from the plan for some silly reason...(and there are ALWAYS plenty of those)
some people do well with a taper and the first 5-7 days of being off the trammies is easier (it HAS to be)
others have c/t from your dose....but you need to STRAP IN for several days....cause it is one @ell of a ride...it won't kill you though....but continued use of tram just might.....read here...read for hours....learn from others strategies and stories...pray and find your way....we are here to help....
christina- how many days do you have now? the insomnia IS the nightmare...no? I would guess that the tensions in your relationship are additive to your stress right now....could you go get a massage? you are doing GREAT getting off the tram .....BTW clonindine helps with sleep (for me)....I take 2 at bedtime sometimes...ask your Doc if it is ok to try 2....K?

all is well
You are Loved
Sasha


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by Onedaynow, Apr 11, 2010
Dreams, dreams, dreams...so my husband and I were in this very scary place and the world was being taken over by military men who had the face of cats (and I love cats). He was trying to rope us together so we would not get seperated in the big crowd of people; and I was so scared. And I said to him "now is when I want my Tram, if I just would have kept a few pills I could take one" and he said, "no because after you took one you would WD again and these people would never help you". Strange, strange dreams I am having.

OK I have to go to work but will write something more substantial than my dreams later : )

Diane

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by MEC1009, Apr 11, 2010
These posts helped me get through my withdrawals and back to as close to a normal life as possible for right now. Please keep this going.  I still read these posts and start crying when I think of what tramadol did to me.  Still very sensitive to the stories and the memories of it... Would like to gather my information and post as well to help others out.  There is a light at the end of the tunnel it just seems unreachable for a little while.  I lost my house, my spouses love and almost lost what relationship I had with my teenage daughter. I'll be back to post once I can gather it up. I still get aniety and pain in my chest to think or talk about it.  So I just need some extra time.  I have Lymes Diease and was given the tramadol for the chronic pain.  10 to 20 pills (50mg) a day from May2009 until March 2010. Ive been off of it for about 6 weeks now.

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by LeaAnn807, Apr 11, 2010
Hey everyone!  I just wanted to post cause I haven't been here for awhile.  I had major surgery, but I didn't take any tram!  I did take the pain pills that they gave me, and even after only a few days of them, I had some WDs.  It only lasted about a day or 2....really bad, but I still don't feel really well.  I am sleeping about 3 hours at a time at night, but I wake up a lot.  I don't have much energy, but it is getting better, I think.  I am taking vitamins and amino acids.  My doc started me on an antidepressant, so hopefully it will start working soon.  I have only been taking it since Monday of last week.  I do have some moments of craving and depression and anxiety that I am trying to resolve the RIGHT way, instead of self medicating like I always have!  

I was so scared of the surgery, since I had not been off the tram for that long.  It is so closely related to an opiate that I knew I had to be careful.  I only took pain pills that I absolutely HAD to take, and then threw the rest away.  That was a hard one, but I have had a long love affair with opiates and tramadol, so I wanted to be very careful not to go back there.  

It has been about 9 days since I had a pain pill, and I am in no pain, but I crave "feeling better!"  May take awhile.  It's been over a month off tram!!!! WHOOHOO!  Just want myself back.....whatever that is!!!

Best wishes to all!

TH

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by Christina33, Apr 11, 2010
I'm on day 13 now. The wd symptoms are gone except that I'm extra sensitive to pain and overly emotional. I still think I'm doing well all things considered. I'm back to functioning for the most part. I woke up this morning with the beginnings of a nasty autoimmune flare - all of my glands are painfully swollen - running a low grade fever and hurting all over. I can call in the morning and get a steroid dose pack though which should stop it. I'm not sure what to do about the pain issue. I just know I can't take anything addictive without going overboard. It will take a while to figure it all out I'm sure. I have plans to go to a pain management clinic this summer.  

byathread: I know it is a scary place to be - to know you need to stop while being afraid that you can't. Please be careful! I was taking massive amounts and ended up almost dying a few weeks ago. It was very scary. Even scary than the thought of stopping! I threw myself into serotonin syndrome and also messed up my liver and kidneys and get VERY sick. I was taking other pills too but the doctor said that the tramadol was what did the most damage. This board is a great place to get support. I'm still a little bit of an emotional wreck so I'm on once or twice a day. Let me know if I can help!

Fred: I agree. I don’t think it’s a good idea to take something I KNOW is a problem for me and give my husband the responsibility of making sure I don’t take too much. Now, to convince HIM of that. He just hates me to be miserable and always wants to “fix” things. I really just have to start being more honest and straightforward. He’s a great guy and I’m not really being fair when I always assume the worst. Now that my brain is starting to clear, I’m beginning to see how screwed up things have gotten.  

DeeJaye: Just read through some of these journals before you make a decision to go on tramadol, especially if you have a previous addiction history. It’s a lot more dangerous than you have been lead to believe!!

Sasha: I think the clonidine helps me too. I’ve actually been sleeping pretty well except than I’ve been waking up with
nightmares – usually somewhere between 4 – 6 a.m. I’m wondering if it’s when the clonidine is wearing off?? What are your thoughts on clonidine for anxiety issues long term? And it’s definitely a massage day I hope : ) should help with the pain and stress. I’ve actually had a pretty good family day today which was nice. We definitely have a few things to work on – I’m just now seeing how weird a few things are, but I think it is worth working on. I’m thinking couples counseling, but I have to convince him that it won’t make him look bad. I’m thinking he might feel better if we see someone out of the area. Now that I’m not as “tramafogged” I’m really wanting things to be better.

Diane: I’m wondering if nightmares and vivid dreams are a part of the wd process. I had them pre-tram, but they are an every night thing right now. My husband said that I may be catching up on dreaming because the tramadol was partially suppressing my REM sleep. (that may have been part of the appeal)

MEC: I totally get the chronic pain thing! How have you been coping? My only strategies right now are hot showers/Epsom salt baths, massages and light regular exercise. It’s still rough though!! Congrats on the 6 weeks!

TH: sounds like you are doing great considering the surgery! I’m glad I don’t have to face something like that right now. That would be hard.

Everyone: Have a wonderful day!


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by LeaAnn807, Apr 11, 2010
Christina, I am doing the same thing, and I have also wondered if the clonidine wears off after a few hours, waking me up.  I wake at around 3, and I have a horrible time going back to sleep unless I take another one.  If I do, it's around 4:45 when I go back to sleep.  Strange!  I have also wondered if it's just early in recovery, and I'm just not sleeping all night yet??  I take the clonidine at around 8:30 pm.  



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by Christina33, Apr 11, 2010
TH: I have a doctor's appointment coming up and am going to ask about taking a larger dose or a second later dose - at least until things settle down. It seems like a safer bet than taking the xanax but I'm just not sure. I'll let you guys know what she recommends.

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by daudi81, Apr 11, 2010
Wow I thought these withdrawals were gone and I had a bad day yesterday (day 6 or 7). My whole body had this weird tingle/shock feeling all over, like this icy-hot feeling. Weird feeling.

I've also been having this weird "anxiety" inside pain feeling, although I don't know if it's anxiety or just the withdrawals. It seems to help when I take some benadryl, seems to take the edge off that weird anxiety/pain feeling ---- WHAT IS THAT?? Doesn't seem to want to go away, as I'm feeling the same way today. It's really faint, but it's "there" enough to notice and have a negative affect on my day.

Does anyone else know what I'm talking about? If so how much longer until it goes away? My mom gave me some Ativan and it totally helped (made me a bit tired, but took that weird pain/anxiety feeling away), but then again I don't want to rely on little white pills just to get my body addicted to something else again.

Argghh!! I'd be totally free if I could just get that weird faint achty/anxiey feeling gone. I don't even have depression or anything, just want that weird feeling gone!!!

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by reborn216, Apr 11, 2010
hey all today makes day 34 free of traumadol...i feel great , sleep great but have bad days. i stil get real bad anxiety and deprssion, but tolerable,,,,,                                                                                                                                                                       deejay---- i was addicted to perc, oc, vic, and the w/d from trams was 10 times harder... i would of never took trams if i wasnt lied to by docs and stuff this drug is horrible , so take with extreme caution,,,, everyone else congrats on ur decision its a long road but put both feet on the ground runnin and dont look back thnx u r all a great support for me keep going..... reborn

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by FinallyFred, Apr 12, 2010
Hello Warriors!  

I feel honored to count myself amongst such strong, sensative, forthright, struggling souls as you all.

Tramhater,  Congratulations on recovering from surgery without a protracted opiate use.   For someone with an addict brain like mine, that's tricky to STOP using an opiate when I no longer need em for pain control.   I am duely impressed that you wre able to ween off them fairly soon.  Kudos!   That (recovery from a medical need to take opiates again) frightens me.

Christina,  Thanks for clarifying your DH's "pill holding" and desire to fix things for you.  It's very understandable.  I can also understand his not wanting to be made to "look bad" by going to counseling.  Not most recently, but 9 years ago after I said goodbye to the booze, we tried couples counseling for a while.   And I was fairly sure that everyone in town knew that I HAD to go to counseling!

Naturally since I had never been arrested for DUI, never kicked the dog, never lost a house or a job because of alcohol, the marvelous power of DENIAL lead me to conclude that my heavy regular daily drinking  had not affected my marriage.   In my neuvo dry brain, I actually said that to my wife.   I thought her head was going to jerk right off her neck as she glared bgack at me.   "What?"   Sadly, alcohol and drug use does affect everything and everyone we touch or don't touch in life.  

There most certainly ARE adjustments to make as we come out of the tram-a-fog and we begin to get in touch with our surroundings, circumstances  and emotions again.   Those little things we - um- tried to zone out with the tram.

Sasha,  I picked up the "Untethed Soul".  I'll check back in by the end of the week on how that is going.

Daudi,  Sorry you are still struggling my friend.  At day 6-7 you would like to believe that ALL acute withdrawal symptoms are in your rear view mirror, but obviously they were not.   I think you are still suffering withdrawal symptoms.   Just KNOW that every day you put between yourself and the last lovely little white pill is profitable for your long term healing and well being.  You are on a good track.   Progress not perfection, right?

May the peace that passes all understanding flood everyone's souls as we begin a new week.

Courage, Strength and Love,

fred

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by LivingnPresent, Apr 12, 2010
Hi All..back...today begins journey from 2 down to 1 tram a day. i have not deviated ..not once since i started this taper.back on 2/12....heading off for more travel wednesday..im not so good...im scared...struggling..resisting urge to reach for other substances in absence of the tram...means a lot to read your posts...such amazing strength & courage out here..blessings and love...
Pat

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by TreeHealing, Apr 12, 2010
Hi All,

I have been trying to get of the Tram for about a month now.  I was on 200 mg a day and reduced slowly. I haven't felt well the whole time but feel much worse now.  I took 25 mg most of last week and now have been without any for three days.  I am really sick now and feel like a have a really bad flu. I thought if I tapered it would be easier....NOT.  I should have just quit right away and suffered than have suffered for a month and now so sick I cannot function.  Is this normal?  I did feel moments of getting better when tapering but now now.

Tree

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by daudi81, Apr 12, 2010
Fred - you're right, I must not be over the w/d completely. Day 8 today, and still feeling a tinge of that weird anxiety/achy feeling. It's ever-so slight, but enough to really get annoying. I wish it would just go away. I have energy, motivation, and I'm not depressed, so it's just annoying!!

I just wish that darn little feeling would go away so I could live my life normally. Hopefully tomorrow will be better =)

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by TreeHealing, Apr 12, 2010
I work at home and can't even work.  Please somebody tell me that this is going to be okay!!  I am seriously thinking of reinstating a bit just to have some relief now.

Tree

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by LivingnPresent, Apr 12, 2010
hi Tree..I am so sorry..based on what I've seen out here...a few more days and you should be starting to get some relief. 3 days with no Tram..is a monumental accomplishment!!!..i also work at home...which is a blessing in some ways..going thru this while working around others...can't imagine it..im down to 50 a day from 300-400 a day.. yes i agree..it's not been pleasant .and i've been tempted on more than one occasion to go back up just to get relief..but i remember that it will just take that much longer to get thru it.   Im sure others will be on here soon to assure you that it will be ok...sending hugs and good thoughts your way..hang in there...are you taking all the supplements and recommendations others have posted?
Pat

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by TreeHealing, Apr 12, 2010
No Pat, I have not taken any supplements through this because I have been nauseated the whole time and afraid I would lose it. Wouldn't you think at me just starting out at 200 mg a day and reducing over a month, things would not be so bad when I quit? I am afraid this won't get better or that I am really sick with something serious. My husband is really frustrated.  He just came home and found me in the fetal position. I can't cook or clean or anything. Wouldn't this be the case if I would have really been abusing this drug?...but I wasn't.

When I was cutting, I would always feel a bit better after the dose though and did not feel this bad. I am not sure I would recommend tapering to anyone at this point, I would just say suffer....because in the long run, you will have to suffer anyway. Why not just get it over with?  In the last month, I have lost 10 pounds from nausea.

Tree

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by Onedaynow, Apr 12, 2010
Tree Healing,
We are here with you. I agree with Pat, you have made it 3 days so you are likely to get some relief soon. Both Pat and I have tapered also but not yet jumped off the tram train. I know I space my 12.5mg dose every 18 hours believe it or not and by the 17th hour I am in pure agony. So, I say you are steps ahead of me and hang in there. I do think the supplements are helpful as is Ibuprofen 800mg, it takes the edge off (although my stomach is likely ripped to shreds). Just know we are thinking of you and you are not alone.
Diane

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by LivingnPresent, Apr 12, 2010
Tree..have you talked to your doctor who precribed the Tramadol???   Maybe you should touch base with them..regarding what's going on.  I personally have not had the nausea issue..so I've been able to do the supplements..and I do believe this has helped...I have definitely had the flu symtoms..but more like a cold/achy, runny nose..that type thing... Have I gone to lay down...and not been able to do anything...you bet I have...been there..worst for me is the mental part and the anxiety.  I dont remember seeing anyone talk about the nausea issue have you Diane?  
Hang in there Tree..we are here...right here with you.
Pat

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by Onedaynow, Apr 12, 2010
No, nausea has not seemed to be a big issue. Lack of appetite during acute WD seems common but not out and out nausea. So yes, running this by the MD may be a good idea. This may be a stupid question but any chance you could be pregnant?

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by daudi81, Apr 12, 2010
Anyone know what this clonidine medicine I keep hearing about taking for tramadol withdrawals? Will that help with this weird but faint anxiety/achy feeling I'm having constantly? It's day 8 or so I thought I should be better by now but I can't shake this weird feeling. I don't have insurance so I'm not sure how or where I will get it but I hear it's safe for tramadol withdrawals.

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by TreeHealing, Apr 12, 2010
No, I am not pregnant, hysterectomy years ago.  Now you all got me worried. I thought nausea was a common WD symptom when going of the Tramadol. I really don't think anything else is wrong because when I was tapering, the nausea would get better when I would take my dose.

Clonidine is a blood pressure medication that is commonly used for alcohol WD and is also being used for benzodiazapine WD. I guess it also helps for Tramadol WD. My psych gave it to me for sleep and I have some, but it has not seemed to help my WD. Although as you read above, my WD is not really anxiety related but GI upset and horrid nausea. Maybe I will try the clonidine again.

I am sure the someone on here is more knowledgeable about it as far as it being used for Tramadol WD.

Theresa

Again, anyone out there with nausea?????

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by Onedaynow, Apr 12, 2010
It is an anti-hypertensive that is used in withdrawal as it can ease symtoms...I would be curious what your BP is doing...

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by LivingnPresent, Apr 12, 2010
Tree - here is something Emily posted couple years ago..so it looks like nausea is indeed a side effect of withdrawal: Can you ask your dr. for some kind of anti nausea medication?  have you tried  anythinig?

http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_bad_is_Tramadol_withdrawal

Question - How bad is Tramadol WIthdrawal?
Answer - Ultram (Tramadol) Withdrawal
Tramadol is highly addictive. Normally your doctor would reduce intake slowly. Various withdrawal effects may include shakes, shivers, diarrhea, nausea, and possible flu-like symptoms. Not all people experience will all withdrawal symptoms, and some people may experience others not listed here.

The length of time withdrawal symptoms occur can range from a couple of days to weeks depending on how high your dose was and how long you were on the drug. Withdrawal symptoms can be reduced by discontinuing use of the drug slowly (i.e., gradually reducing the daily dose).

Tramadol is more complex than other opiate and opiate-like medications because it also appears to have actions on the GABAergic, noradrenergic, and serotonergic systems in the brain. This may cause some people feel additional withdrawal symptoms or intensified psychological withdrawal symptoms when discontinuing tramadol.

It is always advised to talk with your doctor before and while discontinuing this medication.



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by TreeHealing, Apr 12, 2010
Onedaynow, I am not sure if you are referring to me but I have always had low blood pressure and it is not a concern...just nausea over the roof. Very frustrated and on the edge of taking a Tram if this doesn't get better soon. I only weigh 105 pounds right now and cannot afford to lose any more weight.

Theresa

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by TreeHealing, Apr 12, 2010
I just took some clonidine and some promethazine (Phenergan) for the nausea. I will keep you all posted.

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by DeeJaye45, Apr 12, 2010
christina & reborn, I read through a lot of these postings & I just don't know what to do...I do have an addiction prob....vicodin, oxy,muscle relaxers,alcohol,etc.....just about anything legal....I probably shouldn't even try this from what I'm reading...why would manufacturers even make this as a "non-addictive" substance? And I don't think the people at rehab were lying to us I just think they are probably unaware, especially if no one's ever come in there addicted to it.(it's a relatively new place) I know that's not an excuse. But who ever though someone could be addicted to benadryl? I am.  I have taken into consideration what you all have witten. Tram is not for me. Thanks... To all: keep up the good work on getting & staying off....

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by daudi81, Apr 12, 2010
Tree - have you tried taking Immodium AD for your GI upset? I've heard it's a miracle for those that have the GI upset withdrawal symptoms.

Personally, I never had any nausea w/ the w/d's - just this weird anxiety/achy feeling alllll over and I can't escape it. It really *****. But I'm sure the nausea is killer, as sometimes actually TAKING Ultram would give me nausea and it was horrible. Phenergan should work, or zofran (does not make you tired). I always took Dramamine (OTC) whenever I got really sick taking Ultram and it knocked the nausea right out. Although it does make you tired, but so does Phenergan!

I just took a high dose of Advil (as per my friends recommendation), and it actually helped with this achy/anxiety feeling - although I'm not sure how. I just don't feel as bad now. Weird!!

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by Onedaynow, Apr 12, 2010
I am sorry, it was daudi I was responding to about the Clonidine; I was at work and not fully concentrating. Anyway, daudi, I am not sure why it helps with WDs but I know it is both an antihypertensive and a med used for WD symptoms.



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by 4leefclover, Apr 12, 2010
Daudi- clonidine is used for heroin w/d and works well with tram, too. I have worked with many heroin addicts--- the clonidine helps with the anxiety and aids sleep. it is a blood pressure medication--- it REALLY helps and is non addicting. I STILL take 1 or 2 a day and have been clean since Feb 3...my doctor says it is fine to keep using it for awhile---- the other consideration is the SNRI (the antidepressant component) of tramadol  ....w/d from that part of the drug can cause a residual depression/anxiety that can last for awhile (for me several weeks) everyone is different and my circumstances are a little unique but I did get some help from a psychiatrist to deal with the anxiety (besides the clonidine)...I'd have good days and then a BAD DAY thrown in there...it was not a linear ascent from the jaws of hel! .....you are doing GREAT and I hope this is helpful....  
Tree- I went to urgent care, day 3  got the clonidine then to the ER day 6--- for a gut problem...it felt like a metal claw was clenched around my solar plexus and would not let go...the abdominal pain was excruciating...I started taking prolisec once a day and tagamet twice a day and it went away....hang in there....going back to the tram (like I did for 5 days) in late jan early feb just set me back....more tram is NOT the cure for no tram....that is THE LIE the drug wants you to buy into......it is tricky working your way out of a relationship with tram....it wants ALL OF YOU...like a jealous lover....get a restraining order and keep it out...use whatever resources you can...in my case I went to DR after DR and finally found all the help I needed to get off this stuff.....get mad....but be very gentle with yourself....let the housework go, get takeout food...don't worry about the small stuff....you are waging a battle the size of Manhattan right now....you are in the battlefield and remain invisible to the enemy ...as long as you stay away from that next little white pill......
christina- what did the DR say about your clonidine dose? ok to take 2? ...you are doing great, hon  keep going!
HI FRED! glad you got the book....I am happy for you....the material is so cool...I am looking forward to hearing your impressions of it. thanks for always being present and encouraging
Diane- when do you 'jump off?" glad your taper is going well
Reborn- 35 days!! yeah!
TH- great work....keep going! great to hear from you!!!

all is well
You are Loved
Sasha

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by TreeHealing, Apr 13, 2010
I took a clonidine and and a Phenergan about 5:00 yesterday, at a bowl of chili at about 6:00 and then fell off into the most wonderful sleep, the dreamland type.  I just woke up; it is about 3:00 in the morning. I think I am feeling better.  I will check in later with you all.

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by Christina33, Apr 13, 2010
Hi guys! I’m on day 15 of this arduous journey and I’m still doing okay. I wasn’t able to post yesterday because I was SUPER busy. I’m still having pain and anxiety but they are both manageable and are not completely w/d related (just exaggerated by it) - just some things tram kept me from having to deal with. I feel like I’m in a pretty good place overall, and I can see that I’m on the path to brighter things : )
daudi: I understand what you mean by the "weird anxiety/achy feeling". I would expect that it will slowly fade with time. As far as the clonidine... Like Diane and Sasha said, it is actually a blood pressure medication, but is regularly given to help with the symptoms of opiate withdrawal. It is also used to treat anxiety sometimes (it is an alpha and beta blocker and increases GABA levels in the brain from what I understand) From what my doc says, it is far less addictive than a benzo like ativan or xanax, but there can be a rebound BP increase if you go off it suddenly after taking it a while. Congrats on making it this far by the way! You're doing great. Any annoying feelings you're dealing with right now will be more than worth it when it's all over!!

Reborn: WOW! more than a month now. GREAT JOB!! I hope you keep posting. We were taking similar amounts so your progress is heartening : )

Fred: I definitely agree that I'm now in the process of getting in touch with my "surroundings, circumstances and emotions again" I'm trying to see that as a GOOD thing (even though it doesn't feel that way). At least if I'm in touch with what's going on I have a CHANCE of improving things! If I would have stayed in the fog nothing would have ever changed.

Pat: Good luck on your taper and congratulations for not deviating from you plans : )

Tree: I experienced quite a bit of nausea also! the phenergan helped. I would say that, for me, the worst of it was gone by day 4 or 5 and my appetite came back by day 7. I've also lost quite a bit of weight, but that was also due to my excessive tramadol use making me vomit for about a month straight and lose all interest in food. I would say you're probably past the absolute worst of things by now so DON'T GIVE UP!! You may have a rough week but things will continue to get better. I'm glad you got some good sleep! That makes a huge difference.

Diane: thanks for being so supportive of everyone! I think you are awesome : )

DeeJaye: I'm so glad you did your homework before getting sucked into this trap that is so hard to escape. It sounds like you are about as easily addicted to things as I am and, for me, tram was a complete DISASTER.

Sasha: I really like what you posted earlier:
"more tram is NOT the cure for no tram....that is THE LIE the drug wants you to buy into......it is tricky working your way out of a relationship with tram....it wants ALL OF YOU...like a jealous lover....get a restraining order and keep it out...use whatever resources you can...in my case I went to DR after DR and finally found all the help I needed to get off this stuff.....get mad....but be very gentle with yourself....let the housework go, get takeout food...don't worry about the small stuff....you are waging a battle the size of Manhattan right now....you are in the battlefield and remain invisible to the enemy ...as long as you stay away from that next little white pill......"
I'm going to print that up and read it often. Seriously!
My doctor said I could take 2 clonidine at night and split the dose up if I needed to. It seemed to work for me last night. I looked up The Untethered Soul on Amazon by the way - it looks interesting and I may order it : )

Everyone: Have a victorious day!


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by LivingnPresent, Apr 13, 2010
Thank you Christina  :-)   Means a lot...i really count on this forum for support...and im needing a lot right now so I appreciate your words..  Congratulations on 15 days..that is completely incredible...  To everyone else out there  staying off Tram..you have my total  respect and admiration - I just want you all to know (even tho Im not addressing everyone here)  Im reading and listening...and I am a cheerleader for all of you..please keep posting..u have no idea how much strength and inspiration I get.  Last night..i was not so good...i had taken my  2nd 25 mg earlier in day..and my mind started messing with me (actually it was the tram)...saying..you need to to stay on 50 a day til you finish your travels..how can you function like this on the road again...I was seriously considering calling my Doc and asking for another month of 2 pills a day..but i rode thru it..went to bed early and this am..i feel ok...i know i will not extend this..i know that on May 16th..i will take my last tram...50 mg/day taper.  i asked my doc about splitting that one..and continuing the taper with 25mg/day  ..he suggested no...and im glad he did..i will be ready to be done.  I realize this is not for everyone..and for all those who can do ct or taper faster than i have..that is so awesome and I wish I could join you.  but with all the traveling i'vd had/will have to do ...this has not been an opportune time to go ct...one thing i am noticing is that im eating more as i reduce my tram..which is what i mean by reaching for another substance....considering 12 step meetings...which one..i dont know..but i know i am an addict..it's just figuring out which group would serve me...anyone have any suggestions along this line?  
I am so grateful to have found this forum and to know that I am never alone in this journey.
wishing you all peace, love and so much strength wherever you are...
Pat

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by MEC1009, Apr 13, 2010
I found out I had Lymes Disease and got very sick..There were times my family didnt think I'd make it. 6 weeks off of the tramadol and realizing my life is over.  I had a beautiful girlfriend. She has a 21 year old daughter and a 14 year old son.  Her daughter has a 22 month old daughter and I have a 17 year old daughter. The first week I was completly off of tramadol and felt a little better my girlfriend let me know that while I was sick she fell out of love with me.  I have been going nuts the last 6 weeks trying to be the person I was when she fell in love with me. I failed. She has lost her love for me...Loves me she says but not in love with me.  So yesterday I decided to move.  I'll be leavin Missouri and heading for Florida where my best friend lives. My heart breaks knowing I wont be a everyday part of the kids li8fe any longer but what to do? My daughter I believe will be ok with the move.  Another Uhaul into a differenty state once again.  See I was in the military for almost 10 years and we've moved around alot.  This was the first woman I had ever truely loved with every ounce of my being.  So can someone explain to me why it is that God watched me get sick and almost die.... why =God allowed me to get better... and then why did God destroy my life and yake my family away? He should of just let me die when I was sick....But no...I suppose he'd rather let me suffer... Sorry about all of this... I just need to vent...I need an ear... I need to make sense of all of this....I'll never return to Missouri.... I wish I could leave sooner...but...I can't   well maybe I'll talk to ya'll later... Thanks for listening..I'm just feeling bitter, angry, very hurt, lost and totally hopeless....I feel like I've died inside and that I keep dying every 2 mins. over and over again...I'm hopeless..

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by LivingnPresent, Apr 13, 2010
MEC   i suspect that the reason God didnt let you die is that  17 yr old daughter you have..and also there's always a lesson...always a reason (i believe) why things happen as they do..and it will be revealed in time... I am truly sorry for all the heartache you are going through.. ( and im sure you dont want to hear that there's a reason for all this..sorry) - but am i correct in assuming you are completely off the Tramadol for 6 weeks?  that is amazing..and shows that you have great strength..in spite of all the pain you are going through. I hope you can step back and appreciate this..pls keep coming back out here and vent away...there are so many good folks here who can help...listen..appreciate..sympathize and offer suggestions...
wishing you some peace thru all this
Pat


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by 4leefclover, Apr 13, 2010
Pat- you are SOOOO cool!
which 12 step meeting are you thinking of? I think you would like the program....it is spiritual, like you!
Christina- thanks, Hon....you are doing such a fine job tackling this very tough addiction...I believe in you!

all is well
You are Loved
Sasha

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by LivingnPresent, Apr 13, 2010
Thank you Sasha...so so much..will keep u posted on which group I try...
hugs,
pat

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by MEC1009, Apr 13, 2010
thank you pat for your comment and understanding...I'm just feeling lost... I have been living my life for my daughter, girlfriend and her kids.  I ask for little and give everything I have.  My heart aches terribly but you are probably right.. Things happen for a reason.  I am currently in Missouri.. Only living here because it's where she lives.  My best friend lives in Florida.  We used to live there ansd loved it.  Well her husband is currently looking for a job for me and she's searching for house ... Maybe God's guiding me back to where I belong...in Florida....So yeah I guess I believe thgings happen for a reason.. Hopefully this is where I can start to heal and start a new life.  I believe if my girlfriend loved me she wouldnt let me go... but she hasnt even asked me to stay and even though she says she wants to work on it she hasnt spent an hour alone with me trying at all in 6 wekks.... Actions speak louder than words ...Thanks for letting me vent..6 weeks off the tramadol... I thought I was through the withdrawals but reading some of these posts i'm starting to believe that I may still be having withdrawals...

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by daudi81, Apr 13, 2010
I just took my blood pressure and it said 155/90 -ish. I'm usually at 120/80. I'm wondering if this is why I'm feeling this weird anxiety/achy feeling constantly. Is this why people take this clonidine stuff? I was thinking about going to one of those small Grocery store clinics to get it checked out and see if they would prescribe me a few - since I don't have insurance right now (our policy starts in a couple months).

Agh this *****!!

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by Onedaynow, Apr 13, 2010
Daudi, hypertension is a concern with Tramadol withdrawal and a reason why CT can be very problematic. I realize for you it has been many days but I think the high blood pressure issue can take a while to resolve. Yes, get it checked if there is a clinic, and yes, I bet they can help you out.

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by Christina33, Apr 13, 2010
Don't have much time to post. I have a big exam coming up and things are super busy! These are usually the times that a few extra trams would keep me from needing sleep so I could get it all done, but I guess I'm going to have to get by just like everyone else : )

MEC: It's sounds an aweful lot like you're dealing with depression to me. You're coming off something that had a big antidepresent component and are facing some real and very crummy life stresses all at the same time. Sometimes it helps me if I can at least recognize WHY I feel the way I do - even if it completely *****. The only thing I can say is that life is NEVER over (unless you're dead obviously) even though it seems like everything crashing around you, you never know what new and wonderful things may be around the corner. I'm not trivializing the very real pain you are going through! Just urging you not to give up and not to be too hard on yourself. I'm having some issues myself right now and it's hard to deal with them with wacky brain chemistry added to the mix. I just keep telling myself that any weird thing I'm thinking right now may be the result of my poor mixed up brain and I tell myself to just wait and see what happens. I'm SO glad you're reaching out for support!!

Everyone: Hope all is well. I may not be on as much the next couple of days, but I'm thinking of all of you : )

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by 4leefclover, Apr 13, 2010
MEC- lot's going on 4 u. I am sorry you are dealing with all of this right now....i hear you say if she loved you she wouldn't let you go. I LOVE your plan of moving back by your support people. Who wants to try to convince someone to want to be together when they say they don't?
not you....not me, either....it @ucks...and hurts... nothing to do but move on....you have people looking for jobs and housing for you....how very fortunate! THEY LOVE YOU....and I suspect your girl loves you, too...BUT...she doesn't want to be together anymore....I have to try not to analyse things too much....like Christina says-- the mind, sometimes is a terrible neighborhood...don't go in there alone! cry, vent, know you are supported...both here and in Fla....great work getting off the tram ...that alone would be enough to rock the world for a soul...and you have all this too...I admire your honesty and your integrity staying off the tram....I know I would be very challenged staying clean...if I were in your shoes....what guts and determination ! get all the help you need, hon....eventually this will be in the rear view mirror...what is now in stark relief...
we have all done it in one way or another....you have a chance to slay a dragon here...doing this break up with dignity and grace....you will find the doors open for you down the road....as this door close in your life
we ARE HERE FOR YOU!!!

ALL IS WELL
you are loved
Sasha

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by DeeJaye45, Apr 14, 2010
Thanks to all who have kept me form getting into this tram trap. From what I've read I don't even want to try it no matter how"safe "it's supposed to be. Thanks.

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by chessgames56, Apr 14, 2010
Hi all, just checking in to see how everyone is doing. Been working in the garden, planting and getting the yard in shape. The vigorous exercise is working wonders for this 'old' body (ha ha), and hope that the fresh veggies will be worth it. Tomorrow is my root canal day, but I'm not too worried. Want to remind you all not to beat yourselves up for your failure to achieve--whatever. Anyway, just who [or what] is the 'self' that sets a goal and beats itself up when it fails to achieve it? That self is a conditioned fabrication, and the source of negative ego (all ego is really negative, regardless of what the psychologist-crazies say, but that is another matter).

The results are not important, only learning from your efforts. It is said that Edison tried thousands of different light filaments before he found a suitable one. And self-abuse is the biggest maintainers of any addiction. Try to see this. Persist and you will smash the 'Tramadol trap.'

Well, off to do some more planting.

Best wishes everyone,

Ken

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by Onedaynow, Apr 14, 2010
I apologize for my random posts. I just finished a long stretch of work....about 10 days straight and was also trying to keep up but I see my posts were all over the place! I am so proud of everyone here, there are a lot of successes occurring and a lot of support how awesome is that!

Briefly, I have been continuing this slow taper and really doing awesome the last couple of days. I am down to 12.5mg (one lousy quarter of one tab) a day. I am taking it around 7pm. I am having some symptoms during the day but they have become very mild. I was reading the older posts and loved what I believe Emily said "learn to get comfortable with discomfort". Either that is the case, I am so used to being in a continuous WD state that I hardly feel it or I am actually improving! Nights can be challenging stil but again, much less so than even a week ago. The Hylands really helps me with the RLS and I am doing ALL of the supplements. I am only putting healthy foods in my body and drinking lots of fluids. Anyway, my official jump off date was May 2nd and honestly I believe I will be off in the next couple of days. You all will be the first to know.

Christina, I applaud you, you are doing just awesome! And Pat, way to go...you have made it through your challenges and continue tapering, it gets easier as the dose decreases slowly. Daudi, did you see anyone about the BP? MEC, hang in there. Yes, it is tough but God I believe if you can ditch Tramadol, you can do anything. It is amazing when I look back at the most difficult times in my life; that they almost always ended up being a transition into something so much better, you just cannot see that while you endure the pain. Keep journaling, we are listening and here. Ken, Sasha, and Fred, thanks for always being here. Your words of wisdom have been my guide. I know I missed a few of you here, but I am reading all of this everyday.

All of my best wishes to you all this day!

Diane

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by Onedaynow, Apr 14, 2010
I sure say "awesome" a lot....you can tell I am having a good day. Think I read it next time prior to posting :)

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by Jonty269a, Apr 14, 2010
Hi all. I am on day three. Used the fast taper method but didn't realise that it was called that until I found the term on the web. Had a lot of conflicting advice about how to come off Tramadol. Hospital said just stop. Doctor said come down slowly. I reduced by a pill a week.
This all started from a prolapse disc. I had the disc replaced two months ago. Now the pain has gone there was no need for Tram so I started reducing.
Once I had stopped the problems started. The worst being INSOMNIA. I can put up with a lot but the lack of sleep is getting me down. The lack of sleep is being caused in the main by muscle spasms in my shoulder and leg. Have been to the doctors today and he prescribed muscle relaxants to help.
The advice I have found on this site has given me hope and I thank you all for that.

Jonathan


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by LeaAnn807, Apr 14, 2010
Hey everyone!  Just checking in to see how everybody is doing.  It just helps me so much to come on here and read your posts...no matter where each one of you are in your journey!

I am doing pretty well.  The trouble sleeping (wouldn't call it full blown insomnia anymore!) is driving me nuts at times.  Last night I had a horrible time.  It seems like it hits at random now.  I did have a hysterectomy recently and the nighttime hot flashes are not helping things!!!  : )  I usually can sleep for a few hours at a time, but last night I didn't even do that.  I have had a problem with insomnia my whole life, to the point that I fear it.  I hate not being able to sleep.  I sometimes feel like I am the ONLY one in the world who is awake when it's the middle of the night.....crazy, I know!  And all that nighttime anxiety does NOT help at all.  

Anyway...Life is much better without pills!  It REALLY is!

Love and strength to you all!

TH

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by TreeHealing, Apr 14, 2010
Hi everyone,

I am just checking in also.  I am on day five with no Tramadol. I did a taper off of 200 mg and thought that it might help with the WD, but I am not sure it did. If I had to do it again.  I just would have quit cold turkey right away and got it over with because during the month I tapered, I suffered some nausea too. When I quit, it hit really hard.

On day five here, the nausa has let up a bit and I feel like the black cloud is starting to lift. Nausea was my main symptom. I felt like I had a really bad flu. I am very depressed, but that comes with the territory I am sure.

Hang in there friends, it does get better.  I will check in again soon.

Thanks for all your help,
Theresa

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by reborn216, Apr 15, 2010
just so u all know i cold turkey after 5 years of use and around 40 pills a day and im on day 36 of sobriety, u can do it, if i can anyone can just dont look back remember how great life was and is gonna be without them .. stay strong u can count on us all here for support u all played a big part in my recovery sta strong love steve a.k.a reborn

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by bodegirl, Apr 15, 2010
Hi all,
Just wanted to pop in and say hello and see how you all are.  For those that are worried: It does get better.  The w/d symptoms do go away and the depression lifts.  For me, the magic number was 30 days.  But it wasn't all 30 days of horrible, but from day 1-30, there was a slowish progress and then suddenly I realized that I was out running again and doing 'normal' things without any lethargy or depression.  So, if you're not noticing day to day improvements and feel worried, do not be. It can seem slow and like things aren't getting better, but they are and will. I promise.  Some are even fine in a couple of weeks or less, everyone is a little different in their recovery from Trams.  Time seems to move slowly when your uncomfortable. Try to distract as best as you can.  Keep moving. Force it if you have to.

As for me, I am still doing well.  No trams since January 13th. No additional meds since March 2. Yay!  I'm keeping busy with my kids, my job and have gotten right back into my running routine which helps immensley.  I think my kids are happier, because their mom is happier. Although, home-life is not perfect, it's clearer and much better. I know what I can do to change myself and have. The rest is, well, what it is.  Life.

I am trying to pop in and read the posts and love seeing the wonderful support of some of my old buddies on here plus some new ones.  You may not know me, but I am pulling for all of you. I know what you're feeling.  I really know.

Bode



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by Christina33, Apr 15, 2010
Hi guys: again, I don't have much time to post. School and work are rough right now and will be for the next few weeks. At least I have summer to look forward to! It sounds like everyone is doing really well! I wish I had time to post to everyone : ) I still pop in and read when I can and knowing you are all out there fighting (and winning) this battle with me helps me not to lose heart!

Hugs to all : )
Christina (17 days tram free)

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by Onedaynow, Apr 15, 2010
Jonathan, I am glad you found us. Helps to know you are not nuts when you are experiencing these crazy WD symptoms that the doctors don't understand or think exist! Hopefully you will recover quickly since you took the tramamonster for only a very short period of time.

Bode, thanks for checking in with us newer folks. I likely speak for many of us when I say I have read and re-read these journals as my major form of therapy. It is nice to see famous folks of the past stop in :) Every time I see a post from you I think of skiing! I am so glad to hear you are pill free and doing well.

Today is not as good as yesterday likely because I WAY over did it while feeling so "awesome". Went to the gym than did major spring cleaning in my house and now I am achey and have a mild headache. My family is wondering why that little bit of activity did so much damage, if only they knew the struggles this poor body has been going through the last 6 to 8 weeks. Eventually this all has to come out in the open. On the days I feel bad it is on the tip of my tongue, on the days I feel good I feel like no (but all of you) will ever need to know. Oh well, it is one day at a time, or actually, one hour....one minute...one second...and this second I am doing fine in the silence.

Still taking the 12.5 mg in the evening, although last night I did not even think of it until abou 9pm. It came to mind as the painful and very restless legs set in, my worst symptom....anyway, I think that is a really good sign!

OK I am off to get some errands done and perhaps take in a little more caffeine in order to get into gear here. I wish you all a peaceful day.

Diane

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by daudi81, Apr 15, 2010
I went yesterday to see the doc about clonidine for my anxiety and bp (it shot up to 160/100, my usual is 115/75). He said he'd rather treat the anxiety first, which will lower the BP as a result - rather than treating the bp, which may or may not help the anxiety. Plus you need to monitor your BP while taking clonidine and abruptly stopping it can be hazardous, so he says?

So he prescribed me something called klonopin? (spelling?). He gave me 15 pills and a really low dose (.5mg), and a 2 week slow dose plan and said the Tramadol anxiety issues should be gone by the time I run out. I admit, I feel like myself when I take one, and they last all day. I felt a little tired the first 2 hours, but then as it got more into my system I just feel even/flat - which is better than crazy hypertension and panic attacks! I'm just so scared that after I run out I'm still going to be going through Tram withdrawals, ugh!

He did agree that over half the population seems to get acute withdrawals from Tramadol, so that's better than 99% of the docs out there right now.

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by TreeHealing, Apr 15, 2010
I don't think the WD is linear.  I was feeling a bit better yesterday on Day 5 and now feel sick again on Day 6.  Anyone else have this happen?

Theresa

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by LeaAnn807, Apr 15, 2010
Tree, it is NOT linear!  You are so right!  It comes and goes, especially the first few weeks.  Hang in there!!!  It's going to get better.

Daudi, congrats on having a doc who understands this!  SO many don't!  The Klonopin will help.  Especially at night!

Diane, I have a couple of suggestions for the RLS....I started Magnesium/Calcium supplement, 1000 mg a day.  Also epsom salt baths and the clincher???  Apple juice!  Strange, but I ran onto this info by accident.  It is loaded in potassium.  I also use Hylands Leg Cramps with quinine.  It helps a bunch.  If you do all of this for the next few days, I bet it will help the painful legs!  I didn't think ANYTHING could help mine, but I just kept trying!

Christina congrats on 17 days!  Whoohoo!

TH

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by Tramac, Apr 15, 2010
I was taking Ultram for a couple of years. I started upping my dose and when I got to about 12 a day I knew I had to get off it. It took me a few tries over 6 months but I have not had any since Dec 23.

Here is what I did when I got off it. I started a taper. Of course I cheated a little. But my doctor who is a good friend said' "this is it you have to do it now", so I did not cheat too bad. My taper started a 6 50 mg pills a day and I went down a pill every 4 days. I got down to 1 pill and it was not easy but it was a lot easier then going cold turkey like before. Then I got a very bad head cold. It lasted through Christmas. I figured if I was going to have a bad cold anyway I might as well  have withdrawals as well. The days were a bit tough. I had a lot of trouble sleeping but I used ativan the first 2 nights to help and after that I used Tylenol PM, melatonin, and valerian to help get to sleep.

After I got well the physical addiction was over. The mental addiction persists but it is not too bad.

Good luck to everyone trying to get off this stuff.

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by Onedaynow, Apr 15, 2010
Thanks Tramac and TH. I am taking Calcium and Mg but not in that high a dosage so I will increase. I will also make sure the epsom salt baths are nightly; I have done them 3 to 4 times a week. I iwll also increase the apple juice. I actually do drink a half glass daily that I mix into "greens" but I had no idea it had potassium in it. Thanks so much for the helpful hints.

Daudi, Clonidine is considered a sedative, used as a BP med and now starting to use it for neuropathic pain. Klonipin is Clonazapam, which is a barbituate (cousin of Valium). It will definitely help with the anxiety, it is used for panic attacks, it is also an antiseizure med. I am glad though he is only giving you a small amount as you always want to be careful with a barbituate....or any med for that sake.

OK, my day continues to be he!!...yes, not linear. Thus I am posting again, it helps to get it out somewhere. Today is really emotional; I don't even know if I am having any physical symptoms other than feeling fatigued, my emotional state is just all over the place such that I don't want to even respond to anyone because of what may come out of my mouth. I think I have cried once in my last 7 tramyears. I have cried 7 times today...WT? OK, this is what feeling is about I guess. The good and the bad days. And this is when I must learn coping strategies that do not involve a white wicked pill. I had not heard my "tramman" for months (sorry my voice was male) who used to convince me a pill would take care of everything; and today, he was sneaking around in quiet whispers. Again I ask, WT? Thank God I have read every post and know this is what is expected because if not, my chance of just taking a pill would have been quite high today. This site is a Godsend!

Thanks for listening to my rambling, I cannot promise that i will not be back again later : )

Diane



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by Maggie63, Apr 15, 2010
I'm glad I went off this b-4 I go too into it,I never realized this medication could do so much harm and I am sorry all of you have to suffer with a drug that was supposed to help us. I stopped it after reading about it's uses and realized It was not going to help my problem and wondered why my dr. thought it was for me. I have a slipped S1 disc and nerve pain in my left leg. There is no medication to touch nerve pain and I'm not about to go Narco. Ibuprofen and Robaxin made me sick then I was given the Tramadol It was alright for sleeping. But the side affects arn't worth it I am now taking Soma for sleep and nothing else for my pain which is between 6 and 8 on the 10 scale. good luck to you all Marijuana couldn't hurt you any. Karen

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by 4leefclover, Apr 15, 2010
Hello Warriors All-

great hearing from Bode, Chess and TH  !!!
Diane- the SNRI component of tramadol causes the emotional 'whiplash' I think. I have seen people w/d from Effexor, the antidepressant that is so similar to the AD component in tramadol. It is in there, along with a 'weak opiate' ( my @ss) to boost the pain relieving properties...well,dearest...after 5 years on an AD you are going to have these emotional gyrations..(It DOES feel good to feel...but these can be tidal waves!) I found the anxiety and depression came in waves throughout the course of the day...my yoga breathing helped...sometimes I'd sneak in the office and call my partner....just to say "I don't know if I can DO THIS" ...he would always be encouraging....AND mad as he!! that my MD got me started on this 'safe for people in recovery' pain med.....the people I have seen w/d from effexor take a few weeks to equilibrate...you are doing great! post as often as you need...in the early weeks a couple times a day is fairly routine around here....I read every post and am so amazed by the courageous battles shared and won on this site
Daudi- glad you are getting some help....I am not surprised the klonopin is helping so much....isn't it amazing to understand...with every cell in your body --just how difficult it is to w/d from the tramamonster?
It will continually get better (although not linear) good days....a bad day here and there, but fewer and fewer as you go along...
KEEP GOING ALL!!!!!
  
all is well
You are Loved
Sasha

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by LeaAnn807, Apr 15, 2010
Sasha......I'm glad you are doing well!  : ) BIIIIIIIG SMILE

Emotional whiplash......I'm gonna remember that one!  It's perfect for defining this junk!

Diane, I swear that if you try that stuff I mentioned, you should see improvement.  The Hylands Leg Cramps with quinine is wonderful.  I take 2, and the pain in my calves just goes away!  I was stunned the first time I tried it!  It continues to work now....a month (and something?) later for me.  I TOTALLY agree with Sasha with the emotional stuff.  Try not to be hard on yourself.  It is emotional "rawness" like nothing else in the world as far as I'm concerned!  I started an antidepressant about 10 days ago.  I have never been depressed in my life, but now, off the tramadol, I find myself depressed.  So see???  You are NOT alone!!!  

Sweet thoughts to you ALL!  Big smiles and hugs all around!

TH



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by Onedaynow, Apr 15, 2010
Sasha, thank-you so much....so I finally told my husband tonight....I think that was as much a part of my distress as was the WD. I felt like I was lying and could not take it. Funny, I had no problem "lying" on 400mg a day but get me down to 12.5mg and my world started falling apart (that "feeling" thing I  believe it is called :)). So now it is out, I AM STOPPING, NO MORE TRAMDEVIL. My last 12.5mg was last night and here I go....jumping off from my gentle taper... I am off work for until Wed. of next week. You are all the best and I am sure you will be hearing from me in the coming days.



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by chessgames56, Apr 16, 2010
Hi 4-leaf, good to see you still posting here. Hello, Onedaynow, bode, and others. Anxiety and depression only become monsters when we run away from them. Their main root is fear, though this is sometimes hard to see. And along with fear there almost always boredom. The main fear we have is that somehow--or in some way--"I" won't measure up, either to my own expectations or the expectations of others. That's right: we live our lives for them, or rather their supposed esteem, or for some conditioned expectation of what we SHOULD be.

Thus, we spend our time thinking about what they are thinking about us! And if not for them, then we measure ourselves against some ideal of what we're SUPPOSED to be. The end result of this is that we are never really present with ourselves in the moment, that we never learn to just BE. Our minds are either rushing toward or running away from something. We must see--catch ourselves in action--to break the spell and be free of it.

Drugs and antidepressants, in my view, only help us feel better about sliding downhill, and aid in strengthening negative tendencies. The one exception, here, might be their temporary use to get us over the hump while making a concerted effort to overcome some fear, but I believe this is very rare. More often they ensnare us within the negative and increase our 'avoid-dance.'

Well, the root canal could not be completed because of an infection and cavity deep down. I wound up having the tooth surgically extracted and stitched--ouch!  2+ hours in the dentist chair was the most grueling thing. The dentist prescribed percs (oxycodone), but I've only taken 1 so far. Don't want to ingest all that Tylenol. The pain is not as bad as I thought it would be the day after. Surprisingly, one tram is much stronger for me than the Percocet! Go figure.

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by Christina33, Apr 16, 2010
Everyone: It seems like you are all doing well. I almost messed up yesterday. I was SO overwhelmed with things at school and then this other ongoing issue that's been bothering me came up in a HUGE way. I just couldn't handle the stress I guess. The good news... I didn't numb out with a substance, tramadol or otherwise, and I TOLD MY HUSBAND about what has been going on for the past YEAR! I can't express how huge that was for me. (Diane: it sounds like we are sharing this little victory - kinda weird ; )

The result.... I feel SUCH a sense of relief and much of the fear and NEED to numb out are gone (at least for now). A "not so nice" person from my past has been out of prison since last year and has been contacting/harassing/threatening me to an escalating degree. For some reason, I thought I needed to keep this from everyone. I'm not sure why exactly. Something I need to look at I guess. Anyway, this issue contributed greatly to my spiraling out of control and getting all self destructive. Yesterday, things with that person escalated to a new degree, I saw how dangerous things were getting, and finally got the nerve to tell my husband about it.

He WAS very upset like I had feared and upset with me to a certain extent for not telling him sooner, but he was also understanding and more supportive than I had anticipated. He immediately tracked down and called this person's parole officer and informed him about what was happening. I'm a little concerned about the aftermath. I don't really want to deal with the legal stuff, but at least I'm not just feeling trapped and freaked out. Anyway, this was a big victory for me. I'm starting to think that maybe things can be okay again at some point (even without pills). I just have to figure out why I always do the opposite of what I should do in the beginning so things like this don't get so crazy next time!

Diane: Congrats on getting honest with your husband!!!! Seriously, I know that is HUGE! and good luck on jumping off. I KNOW you can do it!

Well, it's back to work for me... things are still SO busy.

Hugs to all!

-Christina (18 days clean)

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by Onedaynow, Apr 16, 2010
Christina, yes does honesty not feel great? It is like a huge burden is lifted. Chessgame thanks so much for those wonderful words about anxiety and depression, how true they are and how timely that message is for me. I am not sure if you are the one who has talked about "The Untethered Soul" but I do think I am going to the bookstore today to find it. I know I need to explore why I found an "answer" in a pill so that will never be the route I take again.

Last dose of 12.5mg was Wednesday at 9pm. My sleep last night was no different than it was with taking the 12.5. I feel no different (at this point) than if I would have taken the med last night. So, no horrible WD symptoms, just the usual sneezes, hot/cold flashes, light muscle aches and kind of run down. All very tolerable and again, very light. I even am going into work for a few hours because they need me.

My husband and I are going out of town and leaving tomorrow morning, coming home Wed. A short relaxing vacation, without computers....So you will not hear from me unless things get so rough I have to find an internet cafe...Hopefully, not the case  :) Again I give my thanks to ALL of you on this site; I would not be where I am this morning (and it is a very good place) without you.

Diane

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by iontheprize, Apr 16, 2010
Hello all.  I have made the 75 day mark.  Once I get past 90, i'll pass the point that I relapsed last August.  It has only been the last two weeks that my legs don't hurt.  The first time I tried, I went from 20 per day down to 4 down to 0 in about 3 or 4 days.  I was physically ill and in pain for 6 weeks.  The last time, I did a slow taper and it worked.  I do believe that each time a person goes through tram w/d, it's worse.  It's so wonderful to have a clear head, good sleep and no pain.  I finally feel like I'm back to normal and my body just feels good.  Now my job is to keep it that way.

This site seems to have returned to an open forum of support beyond closed, 1:1 dialogue and it's good to see.  It's what I remember from last year and the reason i got as far as I did.  

Diane, did you ever find the meaning of your dream that had military men with the faces of cats?  That's so interesting.  Maybe it could have meaning for all.

I hope that all of you receive what you need to do your best for another day.

jessica





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by 4leefclover, Apr 16, 2010
Jes- GREAT job on the 75 days....thats just beautiful! Yeah- I wondered about the cat-military thing, too....hmmm...glad you asked for an update on that, if Diane has found it.....
Christina- your statement...I just have to figure out why I do the opposite of what I should do in the beginning so things don't turn out so crazy....is a wonderful statement....there is a lot of 'meat' in that figuring out.....I just LOVE it that both you and Diane told your partners about Tramadol, and you about this sick man that is stalking....great work!!
Chess- sorry to hear about the tooth...glad the pain is tolerable...always a pleasure to read your posts!!
where is our Fred?......

all is well
You are Loved
Sasha

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by EmilyPost, Apr 16, 2010
Jessica you know ... 75 seems to be some kinda magic number. For me, I think it was Day 78 ...

Don't get me wrong, after Day 7 and Day 10 it got better ... but Day 78 I felt as if all of the Tramadol had left  the building!

Big Hugs for you all!

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by painisprogress, Apr 17, 2010
Hi all, first time post here. Father of 2, 22 years old, and from southeastern Minnesota. Started on tramadol about 2 years ago and have tried getting off numerous times. I would love to tell my whole story about how i got to this point and describe what tramadol withdrawal is like for me but there is nothing i can say that hasn't already been said by one of you. I've heard my story here over and over again. At the moment I am fighting the withdrawals from day to day, hopefully for the last time. Every time I've tried I've been so afraid due to feeling so alone, as if I'm the only one with this problem(suffering addiction to this non-addictive pill that i started taking because i didn't want to get addicted to pain pills but have a pain issue... shoulda just took the fu**in vicodin). Then I found you. I'm not yet a success story but to know that it's been done and to know I'm far from alone in this has made all the difference. I really did think I was the only one. I'll be checking in day to day from now on, because it's vital, and pray you all will too.

Emily, what you have started here may be the single greatest use of the internet, maybe the computer, that I have ever known. You've saved some lives and just may have saved mine, too. Finding this was like striking gold for me. This pill is the most horrible thing I have ever known and trust me, it will cease to exist long before I do. Once I get my normal self back I swear I will do everything I can to get it off the market ASAP... Thanks for taking the time to reach out for help with that first post. In the end, you have given more help than one could have ever received. To take a shi**y hand like that and turn it into this is greater than anything most people could ever dream of achieving. Adversity and opportunity might as well have the same definition in your dictionary. The only thing to fear is fear itself... Thanks to you all, see ya tomorrow.

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by FinallyFred, Apr 17, 2010
Pain,  Welcome to our world this evening.   Your reaction at finding this site was EXACTLY the same as mine(and most of us, I expect) ..."this place just might save my life".   And in my case, this place gave me the HOPE to believe that overcoming tranmadol was POSSIBLE.

Sasha, I'm here, mostly lurking recently.  fred

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by iontheprize, Apr 17, 2010
Good morning all.  It's so energizing to give and receive here again.  It's also meaningful to have support from people who understand the meaning of our individual accomplishments.

4leef wrote about a comment Christina made; about doing the opposite of what we should do.  In my life and work with people, it seems that 2 good reasons frequently emerge.  

First, I have found that sometimes there is a fear that comes from our own expectations of PERFECTION.  Second, sometimes a fear that comes from a hope that comes from that the acheivement IS within reach; a FEAR OF SUCCESS.  It may sound strange, but sometimes that very success is so incredibly overwhelming that it may seem easier to take the known path because it's more comfortable.  I have noticed that line of thinking with addictions.  Possibly because success involves more than changing behavior, it involves a self-discovery that is often frightening.  

When it came to college, I put things off because my need for perfection made starting anything too complicated and overwhelming.  I chose to clean the floor rather than write a research paper.  In daily life, I do find perfectionism a hindrance to accomplishment.

Some people are luckier than others with a relatively short w/d.  Others are not so lucky and I was one of them.  If it wouldn't have been for Emily reaching out to me last year on day 35 to explain my symptoms and provide hope, I wouldn't have been able to get as far as I have.  If I hadn't stopped participating or even "lurking" ((FRED)) on this site, I likely wouldn't have relapsed.  

PAIN, you are never alone.  Just think of people here that know what you are going through and are supportive to your mission.  When you do feel alone, try to feel the energy and cheering of the people here who are always with you.

jessica



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by Christina33, Apr 17, 2010
Everyone: I’m on day 19 now. I’m not having many wd symptoms I don’t think. I have been waking up with bad muscle spasms in my calves, but I’m not sure if it’s related. I also have much more appetite than I would like right now : )

I have been noticing something that I wanted to ask about… The last couple of days I seem to be making a lot of typos, and when I write by hand, I’m jumbling things up when I go too quickly. I’m starting to wonder if I did something to my brain. I nailed an exam the other day, so I’m not TOTALLY brain damaged. It just seems like my brain and fingers are tripping over themselves to a WEIRD degree. Could this be a post acute withdrawal symptom?? I just hope it goes away soon – I’m tired of correcting myself : )

Jessica: 75 days! That is SUCH an accomplishment. I’m glad you came back to share it with us. It helps so much to hear from those of you who are ahead of me in this journey : )

PERFECTIONISM and FEAR are probably at the root of why I screw things up so often. For one thing, I get this idea that other people have certain expectations for me to be a certain way – so I spend a lot of time and energy PRETENDING to be that way and worrying about them finding out that I’m really not. I’ve been talking about this with my husband a lot the last couple of days, and he admits that he worries too much about “what other people think” too, but that he would much rather me be ALIVE and happy than some “ideal wife”. So what it all comes down to, is that these crazy expectations are really MINE. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I’m not perfect, so I don’t know why I try so hard to look like I am! I have to have the 4.0 – the perfectly cleaned house – perfect teaching evaluations – perfect weight – perfect mood (must appear happy all the time at all costs). What’s up with all that?!?! As far as fear, that’s where all the numbing out comes from – probably where the perfectionist stuff comes from too. Part of why I stopped going to NA way back when was the whole introspection requirement. It’s MUCH easier to burry my head in the sand sometimes. The outcomes are not usually good though.

Sasha, Emily, and Fred: Thanks for checking on us! You are all great : )

Painisprogress: I’m SO glad you’re here and getting off the tramadol! We’re all in it together, and it DOES get easier : ) You’re doing the right thing by reading and posting. Get all the support you can to get through this!!


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by daudi81, Apr 17, 2010
Just an update - I'm still feeling the anxiety/achy feeling and it's now day 13. The doc prescribed me some klonopin a couple damys ago and that helps the anxiety but makes e incredibly drowsy. I even cut the pill in half and it still makes me dro wsy - but if i don't take it I feel horrible and anxiety and my bloodpressure shoots up too high. Hopefully this will end soon.

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by sososo, Apr 17, 2010
pain how much do u take a day

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by sososo, Apr 17, 2010
i also am in mn  where r u

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by Wummick, Apr 18, 2010
Hello folks. It's been about two months now without Trams. I was on around 300 mgs a day for many years, so it's been interesting to see what life is like on the other side. I should qualify these comments with the admission that my doctor put me on Prozac about a week before I stopped completely, and I've been taking them ever since. I realize Prozac has a reputation, but having been on it for two months I can say I've never felt so stable in my life. The anxiety attacks that plagued me throughout and even before the Tramadol abuse are gone completely, (so far...). I've been reading about the WD symptoms that many of you are experiencing weeks and months after you've quit and wonder if the Prozac helped me to avoid all that. To be honest, I haven't slept so well in years-which came as a surprise. My wife has been shocked at the difference in my demeanor as well. The Trams would make me edgy and pretty cranky at times, so she's getting used to me being a little more relaxed these days. Not drowsy, just not so uptight. I'm much more focused at work, and I'm getting back into practicing my instrument every night (bass player) which I haven't done for years either. It's certainly impressed my band mates!

I mention this only because this process has been a learning experience for me, perhaps you can glean something from it. I went through all the nightmares of Tramadol abuse for so long-(ten years!) that I wondered if I'd ever break free. The last year on trams my health got pretty bad, and I had no idea that the "Brain-Zaps"  and severe dizziness was caused by the Trams as well. There were times when I thought I was actually dying. My wife was worried sick. I couldn't sleep so I took 1/2 xanax EVERY night to fall asleep. Panic attacks were 1-2 times a week. I also would take piles of Ibuprofen, which eventually gave me a mild ulcer.

The past few weeks have been amazing. I've dropped a few pounds, I'm sleeping well, and the only pill I take is a Prozac and a multi-vitamin. I'm sure many of you may feel that taking any pill is wrong, and that we should all strive to be 100% drug free. In an ideal world I would agree with you, and I may try that at some point-but I have no evidence in my life that my chemistry works well by itself. I suffered panic attacks throughout my early teens, long before I'd introduced anything foreign into my body. I've always been drawn to drugs, but not to drugs that impaired me, but tended to help me function-although they rarely ended up doing that especially well because of the side effects.

So far, the Prozac has been less intrusive and more helpful than anything else I've ever come across. I know it doesn't work for everyone, but if you're having struggles post Tramadol you might want to try it. For my chemistry, it seems to be a good fit.

Best wishes to all of you! Jason.

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by painisprogress, Apr 18, 2010
Sososo- Ive been taking tramadol for about 2 years,  averaging 6 a day til last couple weeks. Im from harmony, mn. bout an hour south of Rochester. you?

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by navy254, Apr 19, 2010
finally broke down and decided to post. ive been a lurker for about 2 years now and addicted to tramadol since mid highschool which is about 4 years now. ive read almost everything i could read and it just makes me more paranoid. at one time i would have been considered the happiest person friends my knew, until this started. in the last year ive gone a week or two with just 4-5 pills and sometimes ill go two weeks straight and stop again. also ocassionally take dones and oxy during deep depression but still not close to daily. as you prob. no the withdrawls have never left my body or mind. this entire time ive felt basically the same and know trammies are the real cause.

right now im 19 going on 20 in june and basically my birthday will be spent in withdrawls. but not only that i will be at navy bootcamp. i have 15 days til i leave and havnt taken a pill since the 8th. i still feel like complete hell tho. i have been doing some pushups, some running but still would be considered totally outta shape and at a point of no energy 90 % of the time.

basically im just looking for support for my addiction b4 i have to go since talking is one thing i havnt tried with neone but g/fs. annd its kinda hard to respect their opinions when they dont know what ive felt these few years or how empty ive become over this extreme guilt.


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by BingoKeane, Apr 19, 2010
I'd like to post a comprehensive thread on my own experiences of Tramadol ( Ultram) and it's affects on me simply to get it off my chest and maybe just to let even one person know about taking this revolting medication.
OK...I have always been a relatively sporty type guy and about 15 years ago I started getting gradually worsening lower back pain which I had all sorts of treatments for none of which gave me any real relief. 3 years ago I started on Tramadol. I remember the first few days vividly thinking " This is brilliant!"...I'm not saying my back pain was gone but it was down 50% and trust me that was a dramatic improvement. I went along my merry way taking 300MG's a day and one 100MG slow release at night.
There was one night I had horrendous flu like symptoms...I had no idea why and remember remarking to my partner about it ( it's obvious to me now it must have been a time I missed a dose) I thought nothing of it and continued taking the medication. I started to realise that my short term memory was poor and also that I didnt have a great deal of energy. I wondered could it be the tablets...surely not! That's when I did a bit of research on the net and it all suddenly fell into place..I was totally astonished and decided " Sod this Im going cold turkey to come off these!"...so off I set the very next day...got up in the morning had no tablets ( I would have 100MG) got to lunchtime ( by which time I would have another 100MG) and I literally could not function. It was like the worst flu ever. I gave up and took two tabs and went back on them deciding then to use a tapered approach as there was just simply no way I could stop cold turkey ( and those that do I have to take my hat off to you because I don't know how you do it!!!!) I started reducing by 50mg's every three days as advised by my doc. Honestly, I was going up the wall...I had heavy arms all day but at night it was unbareable...I was sneezing...I could not get a sleep at all and any sleep I had was full of nightmares and thoughts of death and dying. I was getting more and more irritable by the minute at work and it eventually culminated a fortnight ago with me flying off the handle at work over something and walking out. I went straight to the doc and asked for an alternative drug and explained how I was liable to kill someone if I didnt get this sorted. I was signed off sick from work and started on a tapered course of Hydrocodeine ( I think that's what it's called!!!)...I have now gone two weeks and my course of Hydrocodeine runs out in two days time. I have not been doing great it has to be said. I'm a bit better but my back pain is drammatically worse and also the anxiety problems are still there even after a fortnight without Tramadol. It really is no joke. Every single second of every day I feel like tearing someone's head off. I have to stick with it though no matter what and I suppose even though I'm taking a substitute drug I have at least gone two weeks without that horrible yellow and green demon!!!!
I am sure Tramadol will eventually make news headlines as it becomes more and more apparent that this drug should not be handed out unknowingly to people like myself...anyone in a medical capacity that tries to tell you they are not addictive should be shot...I really mean that because they have ruined the last 2 years of my life and are continuing to do so.
Anyway, Im rambling now but you get the bloody picture....

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by izzydalia, Apr 19, 2010

i really need to talk to someone

hi everyone, my name is amy i am having a hard time writing as i feel horrible...this is my second time going through withdrawl from tramadol, the first was 3 yrs ago, horrific,neverthought id be in this boat again...things started going bad, fiance lost job, lots of financial issues and i took it out on myself n started using again...i got to the point where i am taking  around 4 a day....i ran out and figured its now or never....its day 2, still no sleep, constant pain like im crawling out of my skin, fever chills horrid, all the typical, last time i tapered though, thi time i have no choice...

can anyone tell me when the worst will be over, i can deal with pain but i cant deal with the crawling out of my skin feeling, how long is the worst?

also is there anything, anything i can take to make me feel better thats over the counter?what helped you...i have an active 2 year old girl, so this is really hard, please help me

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by Christina33, Apr 19, 2010
I’m on day 21 now. I have an appointment with my doctor this week to possibly go back on a regular antidepressant (still debating that one). I’m doing okay… not great, but okay. Things are still quite stressful in my life, and pain is also a big issue. I’m focusing on taking care of my body: eating well, taking supplements, exercising etc. and surviving the next few weeks gracefully. (It should be interesting)

Jason: I understand what you are saying about the Prozac. I have pre-tram issues also and will more than likely need to take something. I’m still on the clonidine for anxiety and my doc wants me back on an antidepressant this week. I’m a little nervous about that. It seems like the a.d. in the ultram is what causes a lot of the trouble! I guess it’s okay if I need them. It’s not like I’ve ever taken a handful of antidepressants at a time : )

Navy: I’m glad you’re posting! I would guess you’ll be feeling a lot better in 15 days… especially if you can keep from slipping up at all. I’m feeling quite a bit better at this point. I’m still building my strength back up but things are improving. You may want to be aware of your moods though. I would imagine boot camp could be stressful and the antidepressant wd might make that a little tough (guess they won’t take a rain check, huh?:-). I’m going through a lot of personal stress, and it’s helped to remind myself that a lot of my exaggerated feelings are due to wacked out brain chemistry. The other thing you’ll want to pay special attention to is your blood pressure – especially with physical exertion. You really should be over the absolute worst of it by then though : ) The best advice I could really give is to take these 15 days and be kind to your body. Eat well, take vitamins, drink lots of water etc. Best of luck!!

BingoKeane: Sounds like a familiar story : ) I’m glad you posted and hope you continue to reach out for support! It has made a big difference for me. As far as the pain goes, that may be an issue for a while. I’m in a lot more pain than usual right now, because I have a lot of naked and aggravated opiate receptors in my brain that haven’t completely calmed down yet. I think it will get better with time though. I’ll also be taking better care of my body now that I can actually feel it, so that should help too! Good luck on getting off the other opiate! There is support here if you need it : )

Izzydalia: I really feel for you!! I'm sure everyone here does. It is SO rough at the beginning! I did notice a real shift at day 4 or 5 and then things started getting gradually better. It's not linear though - there are a lot of ups and downs. You'll find a lot of good suggestions here about how to ease things a little. I ate a lot of bananas (they have potassium to help with the legs and were also the only things I could keep down) eat little bits frequently throughout the day. Stay hydrated (Gatorade is helpful) Imodium helps with diarrhea and Benadryl can help a little. There are also things a doc can prescribe to help if that is an option. Most of all keep posting and get support and help from wherever you can. Let people in on what's happening if possible so they can help!! We're all here for you!

Everyone: Have a wonderful tram-free (or less tram) Monday!



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by BingoKeane, Apr 19, 2010
i really need to talk to someone

hi everyone, my name is amy i am having a hard time writing as i feel horrible...this is my second time going through withdrawl from tramadol, the first was 3 yrs ago, horrific,neverthought id be in this boat again...things started going bad, fiance lost job, lots of financial issues and i took it out on myself n started using again...i got to the point where i am taking  around 4 a day....i ran out and figured its now or never....its day 2, still no sleep, constant pain like im crawling out of my skin, fever chills horrid, all the typical, last time i tapered though, thi time i have no choice...

can anyone tell me when the worst will be over, i can deal with pain but i cant deal with the crawling out of my skin feeling, how long is the worst?

also is there anything, anything i can take to make me feel better thats over the counter?what helped you...i have an active 2 year old girl, so this is really hard, please help me

Izzy, I would recomend reading through as much of this thread as possible ( started by Emily) and take as much of the advice as possible and even just come on here and chat and know that you are not alone.

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by chessgames56, Apr 19, 2010
5-7 days seems to be the consensus for the opiate part izzy. Depending on how long you've been on them, then you have the antidepressant phase, which most here say is milder, but longer lasting. Kratom tea helped me through the 'acute week,' and Tylenol and Mulungu tea thereafter (to sleep). Restless legs was what kept me awake at night, and some here have recommend Hyland's Restful legs for that. Pharma has suggested that dextromethorphan (cough suppressant) is also good for the acute phase. I also found caffeine good in the morning and early afternoon, along with exercise and a heathful diet. Best of luck to you...

Ken

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by dlm66, Apr 19, 2010
Tomorrow will be 1 week of tapering. The first few days were AWFUL I am not looking forward to cutting down the dose again tomorrow. I am trying to taper too quickly so I feel worse, but I am affraid if I go to slow, I will just end up taking more and more again. I am so afraid that this will not work for me, I so want to be done, but any little stress makes me want to use more! It is so hard!! Last night I was meeting a friend, I am recently divorced and was not allowed to do social things or have friends, so I was very nervous about going and was so tempted to take more tramadol, but I didn't, and had a nice time. I need to learn to not be so stressed out about every little thing, just so hard to do!! I look forward to the day when I feel good and do not need a pill to make me feel that way, I have a long way to go but trying to keep a positive outlook. It is awesome to be able to talk to people who understand and also to read other peoples experiences so I know what to expect, or what I am feeling is normal. Thank you all!

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by forget_me_not, Apr 19, 2010
Secrets Of Prosperity
J Donald Walters

1. Contentment; not a bank account.

2. Happiness; for a determination simply to be happy attracts prosperity. Happiness is, at the same time, the best definition of prosperity.

3. Generosity; for by sharing with others the good that life gives us we can open up the well-springs of abundance.

4. Including the good of all in your own quest for abundance.

5. Recognition of the part you play in the great Symphony of Life. For Life will sustain you, if you attune yourself to its harmonics.

6. Working with, not against, life's changing rhythms.

7. Looking behind the obstacles you face in life, to the opportunities they represent.

8. Seeing failure as a corrective, not as a misfortune.

9. To diversify, not your financial investments merely, as monetary counsellors recommend, but more importantly - your investments of energy. Cultivate fresh ideas, fresh interests, fresh relationships, fresh reasons for enjoying your life.

10. Faith; in yourself, in others, in Life's abundance.

11. To break the hypnosis of self-limitation. The heights that any person has attained can be attained again by others - by anyone, each in his or her own way - given enough time, dedication and focused energy.

12. Not to fritter energy away with trivial desires. A leaking tap, drop by drop, wastes many litres.

13. Finding pleasure in simplicity.

14. Holding positive expectations, supported by a dynamic will.

15. Recognising that people can be your best investment. Be a true friend to all.

16. Realising that what you own is held by you in trust. Treat it responsibly. If you squander it, the trust will pass to another.

17. Finding strength in yourself. Don't wait for passing waves to propel you forward.

18. Realising that one cannot truly prosper by the diminshment of others. Bless everyone. An expansion of self-identity is a mark of prosperity, and also a condition for its attainment.

19. Extending a willing hand to the needy, helping them, above all, to help themselves.

20. Common sense; don't depend on luck, but on a realistic assessment of whatever situation you face. Only in practical stages can you transform 'improbables' into realities.

21. To remember - the higher the mountain, the harder the effort needed to conquer it. Success is not for the weak-hearted, It is for those who never rest until they attain their ideals.

22. The willingness to sacrifice non-essentials for essentials.

23. To live in the present - not in past attainment, nor in future victories.

24. The patience to adjust action to reality. In every setback, try to understand what life is trying to teach you.

25. Envying no-one. View others' successes and failures empathically, as your own.

26. Inventiveness; success in any field demands the creative outlook of an artist.

27. To feed it daily with fresh, new ideas - lest, like a still pond, it stagnates.

-------------------

Sent with love to all warriors this day.  I hope it blesses and strengthens you as it has me.

~fmn

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by lindsmw, Apr 19, 2010
I found this site in October or September of last year. I lurked for a bit and finally mustered some courage to post around October 9. I decided to admit straight out of the gate that I was a plain, garden-variety addict. So many members of this particular forum were prescribed Tramadol for pain, and I'm sure thats a terrible fight in itself. I cant even imagine. But I was hoping to shed a little light on the Tramadol victims who are addicts looking for the sheer pleasure of feeling calm and painless. In essence: high. My admittance landed me something that (very possibly unfairly) felt a little like a pat on the back from on high. A sort of "bless your addict-heart, drugster. We're all struggling though, for whatever motive." I'm sure I took it wrong --being that I was mid-withdrawal and felt like (insert your phrase of choice here)-- but I was a little stunted by it. I felt like a terrible person and in the wrong place to be airing my trials and tribulations. In the face of so many of you who were duped into addiction by doctors, I felt like the back alley drug fiend. I fell off the wagon, and this is my first day back to the forum.

Please please PLEASE know I mean this in no form as an attack. I have no hostility, and I realize that my own withdrawal pains were making me more emotional. I was finally FEELING my pain instead of being numbed. I think you are all so amazingly strong. I just saw Kaseys post and felt the need to again lend a little voice to the pure addicts. Though we chose for recreation, we're now in the same hell hole as the rest of you.

Thanks for the support you give so many people. And to other lurkers who feel a little ashamed for being recreational "pill poppers," please know that the minute you see the light and yearn for the freedom, you're not a druggie. You're a trooper like these people. Regardless of the input, the output will be the same withdrawal hell and the same eventual freedom.

I appreciate anyone who read this.

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by 4leefclover, Apr 19, 2010
linds- welcome back! another plain garden variety addict like myself! thank you, first for coming back and second for posting your truth. it is brilliant. I have felt uncomfortable sometimes when I post...especially in the beginning weeks...my hypersensitivity was all over the place( also paranoia) and I was able to take things wrong sometimes....still liable to do so....anyway I am also sensitive to 'know it allness' probably, in part cause I do that, too......no shame here...please please please keep posting ......we want you here with us

Bingo- nyquil (not the non drowsy) has a weak opiate in it and can be used the first week for sleep....pharma talked about this a few pages back and I wish I had known about it.....also epsom salt baths....my favorite was a heating pad and clonidine
(a blood pressure pill) used for opiate w/d--- it really helps
the first 7 days are pure heck...no doubt about that....EVERYTHING is on fire....in the ensuing several weeks the emotional turmoil you are experiencing was pretty much the same for me.....i am sorry we all have to go through this....it is a tough trudge through the battlefield....
you are not alone--- keep going!!
hi chess and fmn!!

stay strong all

all is well
You are Loved
Sasha



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by lindsmw, Apr 19, 2010
And now that I broke the ice with my "I was paranoid and easily frightened" story, on to the goods!

Sasha - Thanks so much for understanding how I meant my message to come across. Thank you for the warm re-welcoming. I need it much more during this round than I needed it the last.

When I lightly mention "falling back off the wagon," I should probably more accurately illustrate it as rolling off the wagon at full speed and tumbling down a canyon, bouncing off boulders along the way. I'm full blown addicted to pain killers now. What started as a numbing stroll down Tramadol lane, introduced me to Darvocets and Loritabs and Hydros. Just a few days ago my 24hr pill intake was roughly: 600mgs of Ultram, a hydro, and a Tab. I'm seriously and dangerously in a spiral. Today I've taken 300mgs of Ultram and a Darvocet. If you've ever been an addict and your wheels have fallen off, you know where I am right now. I know I'm ready to do this now because I cant go on living like this. Literally. Very soon I'll be starting the all too familiar battle with withdrawals.

As one of the other posters mentioned above, I have to stop cold turkey. Tapering never works for me. I used to try what I (pathetically) laughingly called No Pills Thursday as a way to ease my dosage, but thats never been effective. I'd really like to quit this time without the aid of any medicine. (I had a long history with PM medications as well). My only fears is that now that I take so many, am I at risk for serious medical problems by stopping cold? If anyone could help me with some pointers here, I'd very much appreciate it.

ADDICTS, once you come to the realization that you are knowingly and willingly abusing something like Tramadol, please find the courage to get support in stopping! I know from experience that your quest for a high will land you in terrible places. TRAMADOL / ULTRAM WILL NOT CONTINUE TO GIVE YOU A BLISSFUL HIGH. And you'll be stuck in its devastating clutches.

To all of you, thank you for welcoming me. I'll post often and be glad to offer my support to all who need or want it. I'm here to help and listen. And I know I'll have support in my impending withdrawal help.

THANK YOU ALL! Keep up the fight.

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by forget_me_not, Apr 19, 2010
Linds, beautiful thoughts and so well stated.

No matter how we got the ticket, we're all on the train, and that really is the bottom line.

The important question is, When to get off?  Because we all will get off eventually.  One way or another.

Thank you for being here.

Strength and peace, Warriors.

~fmn

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by fightorfight, Apr 20, 2010
Hello guys and gals,  

Long time lurker (for I'd say about 6 months, the day I realized I was in over my head with these things).  I'll spare you the story as to how I got to Point B-- as it is the same that you all have to some degree.   Tramadol became my coping strategy for many hardships in life, both physical and perceived.   I've been on and off with a Taper plan I first enacted way back when, but having gotten to a point where my job, my health, and my family demanded that I be on my A game, I've decided to give up the ghost with these things.  "Fortunately" I have about 10 days before I start a new position at work, so I don't have to deal with the clang of phones ringing and people yelling in my ear.  Family life should be about the same, I take care of two elderly grandparents and live with my mom.   My mom knows as to what has gone on, so that incredible guilt is gone..

Posting at the tail end of day 1, or what I'd like to call "The Walking Ghost" day,  I feel fine minus being incredibly tired.  I know Day 2 and 3, and thats where I stopped cold turkey last time--- the RLS and nerve problems just got the better of me.  I have scripts for Ambien and Valium that I've used as needed before, so I'm hoping I can put them to some use initially to get at least some rest early on.

I guess my questions are:  How do you know when you're out of the frying pan and into the fire?  on Day 5 or 7 you just wake up and say "Hey I don't feel like I have a BP over 200 today and my stomach isn't tieing itself into a knot?"

I've been on them steady (4-8 a day) since about six months ago when I had a double digit day.  I can't honestly say that I didn't break that gangbuster number a few times since, but was able to taper down to 6(300mg) a day.  The last one being Sunday evening.

Well I'd say thats long enough for my first post-- I can feel the legs starting to amp up right now, I'm going to take that ambien and try sleeping through this part, I hate it.   But I do love you guys.   Thank you for being here, Thank you for making me know I just wasn't going crazy.

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by boothy234, Apr 20, 2010
Hi all,this is my first ever post. I went into hospital three weeks ago for a high tibial osteotomy, out of surgery I was given morphine which made me feel really sickly. To which I was offered co-cocodamol  I refused this due to the known side effects. Anyway I was eventually offered tramadol to which I knew nothing about so I agreed (ignorantly). I was supposed to take 100mg 4 times a day but decided to take 50mg when I needed to, as long as I didn’t exceed 8 tablets in any twenty four hours I thought any side effects would be less. That was three weeks ago. The Tramadol worked well on keeping the pain away, the past few days my leg has been feeling better so I decided to stop Tramadol, the last one was taken in the morning. That evening I started to feel really irritable and later on I was tearful. I went to bed but had a disturbed night. I was starting to panic due to a past history of depression and anxiety Now on top of this I cannot eat.I never thought it could be the Tramadol until I started to read forums on Tramadol. I wouldn’t have thought that something I was taking for pain relief at 50mg five to six times a day would leave me feeling in such despair. I am not sure what to do, carry on taking the tramadol or work through this. Please help

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by Miss_Amy_2009, Apr 20, 2010
I have been TRAM FREE for 15 days shy of a year, today....I still visit this site every now and then to check the board. (Thanks Emily! For your board and your continued support to others)...

I want to give back to this board by sharing my own tapering experience. Please take the time to view my tracker for wd's and tapering process for an idea of what I went through and what you can expect (w/d symptoms are noted during the process).

* Remember that everyone is different and please check with your physician before deciding to taper or go cold turkey.*

Progress report:

I feel great and I want you all to know that you can too!

For those of you that are thinking of quitting tram..here's a bit of what to expect:

The acute W/D's are the hardest but only last a few days...it's worth the trade of a lifetime of ever increasing pain from Tramadol. The other w/d's continue last longer...maybe a few months or so....but they are mild in comparison...basically, they are like a walk in the park if you get through the few days of complete misery.....

While going through your days of acute w/d's...DO NOT give in to the white devil that will continue to persuade you to stay in his grasp..and he will try his best to keep you. The first few days are VERY ROUGH and you will wonder the whole time when the acute W/D's will end but you WILL be pleasantly surprised when it does...its like a storm that suddenly stops...you may have cloudy days afterwords with some rain but you will see the sun come back out and be able to life life again. HANG IN THERE!!!

IT"S WORTH IT.......because YOU"RE WORTH IT!

Best wishes to those that are fighting the good fight!


Amy




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by BingoKeane, Apr 20, 2010
Im on day 14 and Im better than I was tesrday ( I was rslly bad yesterday) but I am wiped out at the moment...strange because I have felt tired on Tramadol but I can hardly lift my head just now.

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by Jomasmomagain, Apr 20, 2010
Hi, I'm a 39 year old stay at home mom of 3 and on day 6 of  C/T W/D. I was using anywhere upwards to 12 50mg a day, Sometimes more sometimes less. I have been on them for 2 years. I quit C/T A year ago and made it about 3 weeks.(With the first 3 days the worst.) I just wanted to have one of those energized get everything done kind of days and thought 2 pills won't hurt.. Wrong. Right back into my habit I went. In the begining I was givin 240 with 5 refills and told they were not addictive. What was really sad was the pharmasist I use to work with was blown away that the Dr, had givin me so many and told my mom they were very addictive... She knew more than the Dr. I wish I would have listned to her and saved myself the pain and anguish I have at the end of the month and I have to start cutting back or have to order them off the net which I use to be strongly against when someone else I knew was doing it.. But as with all addictions... never say never. If your desperate enough you start to not care and get them almost anyway you can..
I ran out the weekend before Thanksgiving. I called the Dr. and he wrote me another script for 200 with 5 refills.. For the past few months I have been thinking more and more about quiting, but there was always a reason not too. I didn't have time for those w/d... Wednesday I woke up, got my bottle of little devil pills out (first thing I did every morning) looked inside and said "Thats it no more" by about 10am I was dizzy and haveing those nice brainzaps and decided to take 2, go to the store and get supplies for myself and the kids and hubby to live off of while I withdrew. It was time. I can't let them rule my life any longer. BY that night was was dizzy with hot cold chills, I took 1/2 a xanax and went to bed. the next two days consisted of taking a very low dose valium at 9am and then a Hot Epson salts bath and then sleep for 2 hours. Then I would get up eat a Banana (I hate them but only thing my tummy could handle) take another Epson salts bath and another valium. back to sleep until the kids came home from school. Then when hubby would come home he would take over with the kids and I would go take yet another Epson salts bath..lol I think I have raised their sales for the week because I use almost half a bag each time.. I would  get out of the bath and spend some time with the family (doze in the recliner).  Both Thursday and Friday nights I took a xanax... Saturday was a little better so I didn't need the valium anymore. Saturday night 1/2 a xanax to sleep. (hubby said I kicked like crazy all these nights. poor hubby). Even left the house Sunday and walked around the pet store and then the plant nursery then picked the kids up from my moms.(I have to give her tons of thanks for taking them for 2 night, but I missed their back and foot rubs)  Then to Walmart. by the time we left there I was tired and a little overwhelmed and I have to say I looked HORRIBLE and I didn't care who saw me!. That night I took 1/4 of a xanax and last night I stopped the xanax and started the Melantonin.. to be honest I am suprised the Valium or the xanax even worked they have been sitting in the medicince cabinet for 3 years untouched.
  I am VERY determined to not ever touch these things again. The first time to withdrwal was worse than this time. I am almost sitting on edge waiting for the shoe to drop so to speak, but my husband says that he feels I slept through the worst of it and to not dwell on it and start working on the next part which is healing my body. I know there were times, Few but still, times that I have taken at least 900mg in one day. I told my kids ages 6,9 and 13 about mommy needing to get off some meds and they would make her very sick. I didn't hide it this time. before I was ashamed. Ashamed of the fact that I would panic if I left my pills at home when I was just running out for a couple of hours. Or the panic when I would realize I might run out and lock myself in the bathroom and count out how many I could take a day until my next refill..Ashamed at how many I could take in one day and then lay in bed with my heart beating out of my chest thinking about How I was never going to take that many again, only to find myself laying in bed again a month or two later with the same words running through my head.....I'm done.. I let those little white pills sit in the cabinet throughout the worst of my withdrawl and then took them out, opened the lid, dumped, flushed and said goodbye. Hopefully it is forever. I am determined for it to be. I never want to let something so little have such a huge control over my life..
This site has been a huge help. It was a year ago that I first stumbled across it. I read a few pages and left. This time I have read from just about the begining...
Someone mentioned That they felt like they didn't belong or something to that effect ( I could be wrong in all the details still in the tramafog) But they felt that since theirs was not Dr. perscribed  they were more or less looked down on or didn't belong here... something like that...... Please don't feel that way. We all came here one way or another and it doesn't matter how as long as we came here. Thats a big step. Look at me I was perscribed by a Dr. who said it wasn't addictive then a pharmist friend said It was highly and I still took it. I had it perscribed, but I still bought them off the internet.  So please don't feel that way...
Oh my I think I have written a book. just wanted to thank all of you for your post they have been a godsend!!!
Jomas (old) mom again (or soon to be)

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by fightorfight, Apr 20, 2010
Hi Boothy, Bingo, and Jornasmoms,

Boothy-- If you think the Trams are having such ill effects after three weeks on them, I'd definitely say that they're doing much more for emotional/mental pain (They have an SNRI effect as well) than the actual mu-opioid effects.   Thats not to say they're not a strong pain pill, they are, they flew under the narcotic radar because they effect receptor sites sporadically and variably. But after three weeks the opioid withdrawl should be minimal, however the SNRI may have exacerrbated the problems you may have with anxiety and depression.   I'd advise a slow taper for a week and then maybe make an appointment to see if there is something you'd like to do.   Again, you're not locked into this, nobody is, and if your leg is feeling better, then you probably know if you need them or not.

Bingo-  I wish I could tell you what would boost the energy (it was hard enough just getting out of bed today to feed my dogs and let them out)  if you find anything be sure to let us know, we'll need it.

JsMom-  I feel for you, I was in the same boat (still am)  I was prescribed and bought them on the internet too.  What a waste of time and money for me and you, I would justify it every time with the "Well I need to be not unwell" excuse.  We do need to be not unwell, but we don't need a pill to do it.   I'm glad that your new first set of days were not as bad as the last time--- and my completely awe as you didn't reach back for the bottle one last time.   I did last night, for one, and now I feel like I just reset the damn clock,  I'm taking your advice and dumping the rest down the drain--- all it got me was an hour of sleep and then this immense self-guilt.   Keep on going, you can do this.  

I'm about all typed out guys,  and my apologies for the spelling errors (hello brain fog!) I'd love to go to sleep but I think I'd have to wrap my legs in duct tape and hang upside-down...

-FOF.

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by jstyoly, Apr 20, 2010
please help me.....I was taking Norco 10-325 every 4 hours/6 a day for 7 weeks due to Back Fusion Surgery Feb 24th, started to get withdrawal pains, last week doctor gave me Tramadol 50mg to help me with withdrawal pains, now  alternating Norco and Tramadol every 4 hrs total of 3 of each. doctor wants me to do this for 1 month but I want off this stuff sooner any suggestions.......Help

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by fightorfight, Apr 20, 2010
Jstyoly-- I'm not too familar with Norco's nor how the withdrawl from them goes, the Tramadol was probably given to you to ease into what your physician percieves to be a less habit-forming and safer alternative to pain management.   There are 31 journals here as to the dangers of tramadol use and abuse-- so you may be getting some pretty slanted advice, just to preface.  

There are plenty of great suggestions here on this board that will help you with opioid/opiate withdrawls,  which you could probably use to supplement your pains and gastrointestinal problems (Google the Thomas Detox recipe).  The main things you want to consider with this is how severely you want your life effected.   Going strong on Tramadol for over a year, I know that going cold turkey (my current endevour) is going to cause me some pretty serious discomfort, but it'll be worth it to be out of the cycle of use.

Here's a quick list:
-Immodium (I find the brand name stuff works better, this should help with the bathroom)
-Hot Baths/Showers (These are going to make you feel great for about 15-30 minutes afterward, temporary but relief nevertheless)
-Something to take your mind off this (movies, Tv, sports.. whatever, thinking about it is half the problem)
-Good nutrition (When you can keep it down, I know as of yet I haven't been able to eat anything more than a Banana)

Again, this is all to supplement a plan you want to put in place to get off of them, I wouldn't jump off the train in your case just yet as you have complications of a back surgery to deal with, I'm all for living life and breathing easy without pills, but you may actually need to talk with your doc again about your fears-- We'll help the best we can, too.

Some of the vets, like fred, emily, pharma, 4leef, forgetmenot.. (and many others that I may have missed, Sorry!) may have a better idea as to what to suggest, in fact I'm hoping to hear from them too.

In the mean time at least, you've got us, we're probably not the sharpest knives in the drawer, but we'll do what we can.

-FOF.

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by Jomasmomagain, Apr 20, 2010

FOF~~  You will get there very soon. I can't tell you how many times I would taper down to so many and then turn around and blow a weeks worth of tappering and then say well forget it. I'll try another time.. I was tempted to dump the 20 pills I had left the first day, but I didn't I was afraid, but you know? everyday that I opened that cabinet and saw them sitting there and me not picking them up made me feel stronger if that makes since.
    I don't mean for it to soumds like it has been so easy because it hasn't.  The first day I spent sick and dizzy with tons of brain zaps. Day two brought on the diarrhea along with being sick at my tummy. Hot and cold sweats non-stop major brain zaps, foggy head and that crawling out of your skin feeling. Day three.All the above, but very weak. was finally able to eat a couple bites of chicken and by that night I was starting to feel better and each day since has been a little better. Still weak and foggy. I am a stay at home mom, so the rough part the past two days has been being home by myself alone with just my thoughts. Yesterday I went to Lowe's and Walmart and bought flowers to plant just so I wouldn't get down. Planned on planting them today and it's pretty sad when you don't want to go out side because it's too cold and it's like 65 degrees outside..Errrrr stupid cold chills. rainy and cloudy the rest of the week. yuck!   This time I did use ALOT of the Thomas detox recipe and last time I didn't so I am a true believer in it.

jstyoly~~ I agree with FOF.. I think I took 3 Epson salt baths a day the first few days. Good Luck! Keep coming back. Reading everyones journey's Is what I truley believe got me through it this time , or at least the toughest part of it. I still have a very long way to go.

FOF~~  With the dizzy foggy heads right now, it might be best we're not the sharpest knives! LOL



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by LeaAnn807, Apr 20, 2010
Hey!  You guys are doing so great....JUST being on here, trying to quit.  The worst part is definitely the first few (3-5) days.  At least it doesn't get worse from there.  You will still have random "unwell" days, but nothing like the beginning.  Not "dwelling" does help some, however sometimes it's hard not to dwell when it's ALL you can think about!!!  

No matter what route you take, just get off the tram.  It isn't going to help pain. It made mine worse.  I have been off for over a month, and I have zero pain....even after major surgery.  Tapering is better for some.  CT was the only way for me.  I had no discipline and nobody to hand them out to me in a controlled environment.  

Amy.......WHOOHOO!  Way to go.  I remember reading your posts a year ago when I was a lurker!!!  You go girl!!! : )

Everyone else....hope all is well!  New folks.....you are so brave for starting this battle!!!  Great things are to come for you!!!

Love!!

TH

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by fightorfight, Apr 20, 2010
JsMom--  Thank you ever so kindly for writing back to me.  I know everybody here leads busy lives (hell, even us acute withdrawer too, we've got laundry to do and baths and showers to take... haha tonight I set a land speed record for slowest exit from a bathtub ever!).   I'm envious really, of just where you are in the timeline- and how that must feel to have your life back at least in some form (Flowers, even though they're sitting in the garage..etc.) at least you got out!  Right now I look like a cross between Oscar the grouch and one of those how to catch a predator specials-- yikes.  I don't look forward to tomorrow to go through three shirts as I try to buy the Gatorade I need to fuel the sweat that is causing me to go through laundry like a ***** in Church.  Thanks for making me feel like this can be done, baby steps sure, but done, dusted, and out of print.

I'll include TH here too--- What would you say is the number one thing to do to avoid the RLS/anxiety/jitters that I get at night? Bananas are on that shopping list tomorrow, Gatorade down the gullet like a man with a urinary tract infection,  That hylands RLS thing seemed to help a lot of people too.   I just don't think my grocer has them in stock.   From what I understand, they get milder on the acute days, but tend to hang around long after-- 10 days grace from running (plodding more like) to the bathroom is going to be a godsend, but I do need to sleep so I can work efficiantly--- And thus far ambien didn't do much but make me mad that my head was tired but my legs were ready and wired for sound.

Now I can tell I'm blathering, so I'll stop, pretty tired, day 1.5 (I would have loved to say 2 today but, well I took one before I dumped the rest.   At least now I can't make the same mistake twice.  

Good luck guys, we're getting there.   One toke over the line sweet Jesus.

-FOF.


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by LeaAnn807, Apr 21, 2010
FOF....I am awake in the middle of the night, (not odd for me right now) and you just made me smile.  I am not laughing AT you, but I can remember feeling like you do now.  Like I'm going through my t shirts and yoga pants faster than I feel like doing laundry.  And slow exits from tubs....yep!  It is such a slow process, and when you are going through it, 5 minutes seems to take 2 hours.  I remember, and I sympathize!   It will be over soon.  I promise.  Don't lose sight of that!  

RLS, anxiety, jitters at night????  First I'll say this.  Be careful what you take at night.  There are things that make it worse when you are attempting to take something to help sleep.  For example....if I take benadryl, it makes it 10 times worse.  (in the acute phase) I have no clue why this happens, but when I realized it, I looked it up and found other people had had it happen to them too.  I live in a small town and could only find Hylands Leg Cramps with Quinine.  I went ahead and got them, and they were great.  (I had leg cramps so bad anyway, so it was good!)  I also used a heating pad when I went to bed and took a bath before bed.  I found that apple juice helped as well.  It is loaded in potassium.  Gatorade is great.  I drank a bunch of it.  Immodium helps, believe it or not??  Take a dose or two at bedtime.  Nyquil in small doses works.  Pharma gave me that idea, and it was a good one!  I also had restless arms...weird, right?  I would wrap my arms TIGHTLY in a blanket and get in bed and cover up.  I know this sounds NUTS, but it worked.  When you wrap up tight, you don't feel like you need to flail around, see?  Some use ace bandages on their legs too.  I never tried, but I bet that would work too.  If you have a doc you can call, there are pharmaceutical options like gabapentin and clonidine that work GREAT.  I have used both, and they work wonders.  I would watch the ambien.  I was dependent on that a long time ago.  My doc said it wasn't addictive when it came out.  Being the good addict that I am, I took them and promptly got addicted to them!!!! : (  Anyway, that is another day and another story, but just be careful, ok?  Don't want to switch addictions, right?  

It is 4 a.m. here, so I'm probably forgetting stuff and have lots of mistakes, but there are some things you can try!!!  If I think of something else, I'll let you know!

Hope you're getting some sleep!!!

TH

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by Jomasmomagain, Apr 21, 2010
FOF~~ I had to laugh at the soaked shirt comment. I felt so nasty.. I sweated in places I didn't think possible.  I remember my first true withdraw night when I took a full xanax. oh I slept all right, but I guess I kicked hubby all night long..As he was telling me, even though I was really sick at the time, I thought well good now you know how it feels to be woke up all night long (He snore's bad at times). Last night was my first night without taking anything at all. Not my plan. Daughters friends mom showed up and stayed 2 hours just to drop my kiddo off,,,How do you tell someone you want them to leave because right now you attention span/nerves just can't handle  the stimulation right now? anyways she didn't leave until well after 10pm.... I slept from 11pm til 5am but it was very interupted. thank goodness I was able to fall back asleep each time, but it took a while.. and the dreams. I do believe had I done to my ex and his wife in real life, what I did in my dream, I would be sitting in jail this morning. Whats really crazy is he's my ex from 15 years ago....Of all people to dream about!

TH~Some people may want to think twice about wrapping their legs together with ace bandages.. I can only imagine how comical it would look if they have the same tummy trouble I've been having!!!  lol...

  Please excuse any mistakes as I am sure there are LOT'S...

Hope everyone wakes up feeling better than the day before!

JsMOM

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by LeaAnn807, Apr 21, 2010
Haha!  I don't think that they wrapped the legs together!  I would have had to take an entire box of immodium to be able to do that one!  My legs were not my problem....MY ARMS!  Oh I just remember it so well and feel so sorry for anyone going through it!  It was a nightmare!

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by Onedaynow, Apr 21, 2010
Wow, lots of activity since my last post. I have to give a big thanks to Ken, Fred, Emily, forgetmenot, Sasha, MissAmy and tramahater (and anyone I missed) for coming back and checking in on us newer folks and giving us the encouragement to fight this battle and suggesting the tools we need to do it!

I can very happily say I am 6 days tram free. Woo Hoo!!! Because of my fairly slow taper, the WD was no worse than a decrease in dose. I was totally prepared for the worst but nothing significant or different occurred. I certainly still have symptoms. Yesterday, day 5, thought I was getting a horrible cold, chills, felt feverish, the whole thing again. But, it just passed. It is oh so weird this stuff! Sleep is evasive but for me I have learned not to try to take Benadryl, Unisom, even Melatonin...when I do, and still cannot sleep I am miserable. When I don't take it and cannot sleep I can read, watch TV or even do laundry since I am just awake. I have decided not to sweat it, if I get tired enough, I will sleep. The RLS remains my worst symptom and Jessica thanks for mentioning this went on for you for a long time. It is always good to know this is just normal and eventually it will pass albeit maybe day 75!

To all of you battling with me I wish you all the very best. One thing I have learned is that it changes moment to moment. You might feel really bad one moment but if you wait it out "get comfortable with uncomfortable" it just changes and suddenly you feel pretty good. I am thinking of you all and reading each of your stories. How different we all are, from all over the country (perhaps world) but how very common is our battle. Makes no difference to me how this started for any of us, how we obtained it, or why we did it; it is only important we share in what works to get over it and offer support to one another. You are all in my thoughts!

Diane
P.S.  I still don't get the cat soldiers and have had plenty of other weird dreams since then that I will spare you the details :)

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by Miss_Amy_2009, Apr 21, 2010


TRAMHATER:

Thanks for the kind words..they still mean a lot after all this time...  :)  I hope that my posts a year ago helped you in some way...I try to come back just to see how everyone's doing and welcome the newcomers, as well.  I'm glad to see that you have left tram behind where it belongs. I'm so happy to know that more and more people are getting their lives back! :)

BINGOKEANE:
Hang in there...you're going to have some bad days but trust me when I say, they get better!! I had that same lethargic/heavy feeling for a few months..but that will taper off and stop eventually...you'll expect bad days ahead, even when you have good ones..then, one day, you'll notice that you've had several great days and realize that they have been consistent...because the bad ones have been left behind with the tram....keep your head up and know that many great days are ahead of you. :)

*HUGS*

Amy



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by LeaAnn807, Apr 21, 2010
Amy, your posts did encourage me very much and helped me a lot!  It makes me feel good to see people stopping tram too!  

Onedaynow, congrats on 6 days!  That is awesome.  The RLS is a tough one, as is the insomnia.  They go together I guess, but some people don't have both.  I don't have RLS anymore, and I have been clean for over a month.  (maybe that will give you some hope!!!)  My sleep is still disturbed.  I have no clue when that will straighten out.  Everyone is different.  Give the RLS a little longer to get better.  It's still early, and since you tapered that may be dragging it out a little bit.  

Just be ok with being ok...right?

Good job everyone!!!

TH



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by fightorfight, Apr 21, 2010
Evening guys,

Thanks for responding to me TH, and JsMom, and everybody else that has magically appeared since I last posted.  I'm at a bit of a loss right now as to how I'm feeling, or rather how I should be feeling.  Last night (Start of day 3 ct) was really, really, really, weird.  I had all the problems that I was having on day 1 and 2, but I also got a huge surge of energy.  Does anyone remember the movie Mallrats and there was the Dad who gets out of the shower and is doing Karate infront of the TV?  That was me at 3 AM, just Jujitsuing it up having a grand old time.  I was at first really happy, because before I made golf look fast-paced, but it was fleeting, and around 4 I crashed back to my post state, goosebumps and all.

Its the evening of day three, I did get some sleep after all of that nonsense, not a whole lot, but there was a definite minute as I lifted my covers back that I forgot I was withdrawing, no innards movement, legs cool as a jazz cat.  I'm "up" now for a while and I just wish I could get everything to settle back down to something approaching normal, I can't sit still long enough to even watch the TV.  I know I'm doing the right thing here, and I don't have any reason to be depressed, its just that I feel so off I can't do the things I'd normally do to pass the time.   Day 4, 5, and 6 are just around the corner... I have those to look forward to--- I guess I'm just hoping I didn't cut the cord to my semi-normal life.

Ah the thoughts that race through your head as you try and put two and two together these days, I'm sure you guys all know whats up, and maybe I'm just being an emotional wuss.   What do you do to strengthen that? Can you? or do you just ride the tide?

Anyhow, I'm gimping along with you guys, lurkers and vets and the guys (and gals) in between.

-FOF

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by Onedaynow, Apr 21, 2010
FOF

You are no "wuss"; I don't think there is anything harder than what you are doing!! And, you are like approaching the top of the mountain heading for a slide downhill according to most CT withdrawers! Not to say there will not be more tough times ahead but the ones ahead are likely much more tolerable than the ones behind....but as everyone has said...you just never know what to expect and when. People still getting symptoms 75 days later, but surely nothing like you have now!

Yes, the hyper moments! Those are pretty good, and generally in the middle of the night :) I think it has to be Lack Of Sleep Hysteria or LOSH for short. Seems to go with the territory. For me, I just take one moment at a time and try to be OK with that one moment. Along with taking ALL the supplements, the baths (that really helps when you cannot sit still), and fresh air even when you do not think you can step out the door. For me, that fresh air just seemed to help.

Just know, you are not alone and you have 2 full days behind you. Hang in there!


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by LeaAnn807, Apr 21, 2010
FOF.....GO, GO, GO!  You're doing great.  Everything you are having is perfectly, insanely normal!  I had the energy thing, followed by not wanting to move, followed by laughing at something, followed by crying for no reason....etc, etc.......Ride it out.  I promise it gets better!  Gimp along.  Do whatever, just don't take a pill, right? : )

LOSH....I love it!  And I have had it!!!! Just didn't know what to call it.  Glad I do now!

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by daudi81, Apr 21, 2010
Well I haven't posted here in a couple days. I guess today/tonight is day 17-18 and I'm doing good. If you read earlier--, my doc gave me a very small dose of Klonopin to help keep the blood pressure and anxiety to a minimum - and I can honestly say it's been a HUUUGE lifesaver. I am taking a *very* small dose - like 1/4th of a .5mg pill once or twice a day as needed. The doc said at this dose it's very unlikely to get addicted to it, especially if I'm only taking it for 1 month while my body adjusts to this withdrawal crap (he only gave me 15 .5mg pills so I'm guessing that's how long the bottle should last). Today I've only taken 1/4 of the .5mg at 3pm and I still feel fine - so I know things are getting much better.

Someone mentioned taking chlonidine (spelling?) for the same effect, but my doc wasn't comfortable giving me that since it can cause a spike in BP if discontinued abruptly.

I'm sure many of you will argue that I/we are just substituting 1 pill for another, but I feel as if the end result is the same (getting off tramadol), getting "helper" pills to get through the worst of it is fine with me - and increases the chance of success by a mile.

I feel like I'm getting my life back too, and I've gained back the 10-20lbs I lost during my 1 year Tramadol binge (I was a pale skinny mess). My appetite literally exploded once I got rid of the Tram in my system and I look like my normal self again. I just can't believe how fast I got it all back. Crazy. Even my friends have noticed the physical appearance changes in me - like night and day. I can't wait to start exercising again and getting in shape and tan for the summer - back to my old self!!

P.S. Tramadol is evil =)

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by fightorfight, Apr 22, 2010
Lords and ladies of the court,

What a relief to know I wasn't going through some sort of chain reaction-bombastic "Welcome to the Thunderdome" moment. Honestly right now, I wish I had that energy.  Its 1 AM on my 4th day and boy howdy, I think I've come to the conclusion that while the opiate stuff kicks in quick, the anxiety is crooing atop me as I type.   I'm going to say my 4th day for sure, I dumped my pills in the swirly, only took the one on that second night, that I probably winded up shooting right back out an hour later anyhow-- it didn't make me feel anything.   So thats it, I'm on day 4, at least an hour into it....

And I feel, well, like a goddamned frosted shredded mini wheat.   The kid in me wants to bop around all night listening to techno and punk while I have the energy to do so.  It doesn't matter that I'm sweating through shirts by the dozens or running to the bathroom every 10 minutes, I can still do it without any real pain (minus the aches) and hey a little physical activity never hurt anyone.   But the grown up in me, the guy who said "Its time we get done with this junior", wants me to formulate a sleep plan and stick to it, because I know for a fact the more I sleep, the better I'm going to be tomorrow.  Even if tomorrow is a step up, then a step up it shall be.

How'd you guys keep your heads up throughout all this, just the idea that it can be done was enough to get you into being ok with just being ok?  What day should I expect to feel "ok", right now its clash of the Titans and the bathroom stuff even with supplemental help is still going strong.

Thus far the only real sleep I've gotten was after my Karate floor display last AM, and that was probably because I tuckered myself out to the point that my body didn't have any choice.   I'd like to think there is something else out there, I'm not sure I'm going to do the Ambien thing because it does weird you out, but I do have Valium and could try that.  Maybe thats what I'll try tonight.

Anyhow gang, I've rattled far too long, and probably made as little sense as possible while doing that (How in the world this stuff effects our cognitive abilities is beyond me... but I can't remember ****... Like bring cigars, drink, and paper downstairs, and I bring only the drink and act surprised when the rest of the stuff wasn't there with me..ugh)

Thanks for your help as always guys, I'm not even sure if I even asked a question, but dissect it as you will

Hopefully I'll see you tomorrow with a couple good anecdotes and a few hours of sleep.

-FOF

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by junkie_jess, Apr 22, 2010
Hi guys:
I’m so great full that I found this website today and got to read your posts. I’m probably the only one in this forum from my country which is Iran. I’m 23,I’ve been hooked on tram for 3 years steady now, I’ve lost absolutely EVERYTHING and every day I feel like my brain is actually shrinking, I’m dead from inside, what is this???the euphoria was probably the first month, now I’m constantly shaking, and I’m restless and confused. I have lost EVERYONE,I have no feelings left, I don’t remember who I used to be before this,I remember being happy, having dreams,now what?I think of death everyday!no one knows!no one can help,you guys can probably go talk to a shrink or s.th, we don’t have anyone who can understand that I was a good kid who just broke down under the pain and the pressure that was too much,I wanted to be numb,everyday I have new symptoms,lately it’s dizziness,the kind you can’t possibly imagine,intense vertigo,everything is in motion and you feel like your head is gonna burst and then there’s the restlessness that is so severe sometimes,I can’t sit for one sec,I keep sweating,god what Do I do?you guys can blame the pharmaceutical companies for making this POISON so available, guess where I get mine?my mum’s a doctor,I’ve stolen her prescriptions and I forge her signature,I take 1200 mg a day,some times more,and these trams are worse than yours,these are made by stupid Iranian companies, every minute of every day is all about: how many do I have? Did I get them? Do I have it in my purse? And then when I run out,I have to drive all across town to find pharmacies who don’t recognize me,cause a couple of times I’ve been asked why am I always getting trams?everything’s gone, I’m a good kid,I got my degree last semester,I used to be smart and this final semester I fet like my IQ has dropped like 50 points,I left school for a year, but then I had to go back cause my parents foundout . I can’t get up in the morning, it’s like I’m in a coma or s.th,not to mention that I’m epileptic now,and have had VERY SEVERE seizures for the past 12 months,I’ve been prescribed tegretol which I don’t take cause I guess it doesn’t work well with tram,the good kind with good grades who had strict principles and ideas: can’t speak properly now cause she’s always trembling, doesn’t have any morals cause she thinks she’s so full of S*** and doesn’t deserve to live, not to mention the guys I date,you guys are all I have right now,so I should probably tell you that I was a virgin before this nightmare started eating me out,I haven’t had a relationship since I got hooked but guys did to me what I deserve,I’ve slept with 30 guys probably,3 months celibate though, and you guys probably know that tram effects your sex drive severely and I personally don’t feel ANYTHING,I just like having a company  some times,rest my head on some guys shoulder’s while he’s humping me, SEE WHAT THIS MONSTER DRUG DID TO ME????
I didn’t start taking pills cause I was a party animal wanting to have fun, I took it cause my mum was so sick and there was so much work to do and I was all alone,she has dementia,back then she was incontinent and aggressive and she had hallucinations plus she had 3 broken ribs and a broken arm,and it was all on me,I had to change her diapers all the time,be yelled at,cook,tie her down to the bed,and put up with my SICK CRAZY dad who is guilty for the loser I am today.
Sorry guys, It’s too long,I know, probably no one is gonna read it,but it’s a step right?yesterday nobody knew, now you do.
To those who have quitted, I admire you with every cell left in this sick body of mine.
To those who’re caught up in this mess just like I am,we’re not bad people guys,we just got lost,we’re good people right?


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by forget_me_not, Apr 22, 2010
Jess, welcome.  Of course you feel horrible right now.  You're in the grips of a terrible, TERRIBLE addiction that tears your life up piece by piece.  

First of all...what's done is done.  I hope you can let go of any guilt regarding what you may have done while living in the altered tramadol mind.  I understand you have lost a lot.  Your story is so unique, and nobody else here will have exactly the same tale to tell.  But please know we understand, we've been through stories with similar plots (i.e., took it for ___ reason, found it helped in magical ways, got hooked, got slammed, got off).  All the other stuff is what makes us unique as individuals, and each of us has skeletons in the closet, so to speak.  We ran up too much debt, lived outside our means.  We cheated, we lied, we forged, we took unacceptable risks.  We did some or all of these things.  But you are right: we are GOOD people who were possessed by a terrible addiction. Not lost; we just wandered off the trail a bit.

You and all the other newcomers: welcome, and may I personally tell you on behalf of everyone here that you are in a NO JUDGMENT zone.  We've all sinned.  We've all lost things important to us.  No matter how we got here, we got here.  And we are in it together.

Gotta go work.  Strength to all this day.

~fmn

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by forget_me_not, Apr 22, 2010
Have to add: FOF, I love your descriptions!!  You nail it.  Thank you so much for sharing your experiences here.  We've all been there with you.  You are doing it right.

Staying up all night wasn't an option for me; it was the ONLY way for me in the beginning.  I didn't sleep at night, or during the day.  I just didn't sleep.  Until around day 10 or so, when it became sporadic, and then by around two months, I was sleeping well most of the time.

ALSO: I am going to be considering a new AD to help with the catastrophic depression that seems to have worsened over my years of tramadol abuse.  Has anyone taken Cymbalta, and what was/is your experience?

~fmn

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by Jomasmomagain, Apr 22, 2010
Here I am starting day eight and my allergies are killing me. I took a Claritin D, which has helped. I just hate the side effects they cause me.. Yeah kinda funny how the Tram sideeffcts didn't phase me.

Yesterday was ok, I seemed more on edge. For the first time I yelled at one of my kids, then locked myself in my room and cried... I fell asleep at 9:30pm and got up at 6am... I think I woke up at least 20 times all through the night and the dreams are so stupid. someone was jet skiing(old stand up style) in my back yard and ran over my cat and I was happy about it..so hard to fall back asleep after one of those dumb one's..(I have to admit I don't like that cat)...   I woke up with alot of anger  this morning, Thank goodness they are all at school now and maybe I can collect myself before they get home.  This morning was the first time I sat here and wished I had one of those morning pills that made me happy and gave me the energy that no cup of coffe could in the morning's... I have degenerative disk disease and arthritis in my hips, Im 39 people.. not fair lol)  yesterday was the first time it hurt like it did since I stopped. ears still ringing and get that dizzy
felling when I turn my head too fast.(the feeling you get with when you have a fever). all in all I'm still feeling better than I did the first few days so I'm not complaining ( ok, yes I am) I want this all over NOW!!!!!!

FOF~  I remember the kids getting off the bus on my 2 day and I was on the trampoline sweeping it off(nasty allergery crap all over everything right now) They were so excited mommy was feeling better. i can tell you it was VERY short lived. Next day I had the same burst of energy.  Wouldn't it be nice if your mind energy and your body energy could meet up for more than an hour at a time. it's kinda like they are bumping into each other in passing.
      I did take xanax to help me sleep and it worked wonders, but then I stopped because I didn't know if it was the trama fog or the xanax.. as of right now I am not having major sleep probs. (knock on wood)..  I myself would use Ambien as a last result or at least tie yourself down. My sister in law got a phone call one night, the police had my brother. he was driving down the wrongside of the road like he was on a Sunday drive at 2am in the morning. (bet that was the slowest police chase they ever had). Only thing he remembers is sitting in a parking lot with lots of blue lights in his rearview mirror. He flushed them..lol..
Yep, forgetfulness is a major prob. right now.. I just had to scroll back up twice to your post just to remember what I was going to respond to and OMG my typing is horrible and I do believe I have forgotten how to spell!!

Daudi81~ I was afraid everyone would think the same thing, because I used other pills to get through the worst days.. Then I realized everyone has to get there in their own way and at this point whats ever helps helps and it looks like your dr. gave you just the right amount to get you through. Sounds like you are on your way!!  Congrats on your 17/18 days off trammies. I can't wait to get there!





Thanks to all the ones that have been checking on all of us that are just begining this journey. It's nice to hear that we will make it though some of these w/d's that we might not believe at the time we will.. Just ignore some of the rambles.. I am sure there is a lot...

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by fightorfight, Apr 22, 2010
Jess-  I had written a long post about how we should forgive ourselves of our wrongs and make decided choices to do what is right.   Unfortunately I wasn't logged in so that went all down the drain.   I'll keep it short (I was long winded before).  You know you are in a spot in your life where you don't want to be, and these things aren't helping you at all--- I know that we all do something along the lines that wakes us up, maybe this was your time.   Be kind and be gentle with yourself, you sound like a very intelligent young lady with a world of good to do in front of her.   Don't let the thoughts (which are very loud I know) keep you from being the person you want to be.   If you're at that big a dosage, I'd recommend a taper, which will keep things at least to a manageable roar.   We're here for you, we're not immediate (sadly) but we're ready to listen.   Put it down, get it out, and get on with the life that you want to lead.   You're not locked into this, you're a person before Tram, and a person after-- and one even during.  You can do this.  

FMN-  Thanks for liking my colorful descriptions, if I can keep some levity I think I'm winning the war, even if the battle isn't going as well as I'd like.   I am on Cymbalta, I just started a course of 60mg yesterday, I was on 30s two weeks before.  Perhaps thats whats giving me the opportunity to step outside of all this at points.  I was on them before, when my dad died about a year ago and found they did some good.   However, dumbly, I decided to belay the order of my Dr and get off of them once I had found what seemed to be a manageable tram dosage (silly me right?).   I think they help.  They aren't a cure-all obviously but it keeps me from thinking that the world is ending and thats all I need right now.  I'd say with your sunny disposition that you'll be pleasantly surprised.

JsMom- Energy!  Such a weird feeling to be sick to your stomach constantly but feel like you should be weeding or cleaning floors or running errands.   I like it a lot, obviously-- I'm normally socially anxious, but at this point I'm Pitstain Pete rocking the grocery isles from one side of town to the other.   Funnily I had to take my grandpa to the doctor today, and his first words to me were.. "Wow, you look like hell... but you've lost some weight so you look good"  mixed blessings I guess :).  With the bad comes the good, limping along and waving like an idiot.

Its the afternoon of day 4 for me, and I can say right here, right now, that my insides, arms, legs no longer feel like they're on fire.  I've got a singe everywhere for sure, and I'm jittery, but I'm listening to uptempo music and trying to stay as busy as the house will allow.   First part, possibly done and dusted?  I'm not sure.   Trams at their best for me allowed me to be the person socially that I wanted to be, but was far too afraid to be.  So I'm not truely tested yet, I haven't been to work, I haven't been out, I haven't done all the things I want to do.   In time I'm sure, but I want to look fear straight in the face and say... "Not this time bucko!"   We'll see.   I'm not putting a mission accomplished on anything but I'm telling the guys on the aircraft carrier to expect my arrival, and to make sure they have some speed stick and a couple extra flightsuits ready.

Thanks everybody, we got this, I know we do.  

-FOF

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by junkie_jess, Apr 23, 2010
Hi troopers:
Dear fmn and FOF:I’ve lived for 23 years now and for as long as I remember I’ve had no one addressing me the way you guys did. you awakened something that’s been dead for so long, I read each line you wrote like 50 times and I started to see the light down the tunnel, I’ve never had any support what so ever,I supported as much as I could and never got anything in return, and now someone actually took the time to read my post and replied with care and concern, tram has been my best friend for quite a while,it’s always there,right? I don’t have  access to a support group of any kind that I can be a part of here,and our rehab centers, I visited those places once,let’s just say I don’t fit in.plus there’s no one I can rely on while I’m going through all this.and I have to make sure to pretend to be fantastic at all times cause my dad will personally shoot me in the head if he as much as suspects the precious kid he raised with his ridiculous disciplines and all that torture is a ghost, an ADDICTTTT. Guys I’ve lied to everyone for so long I really have no clue who I am today, I’m pretty sure I’ve damaged my brain.

So anyways I usually take 2 before I go to bed and last night I didn’t, I just looked at the pills and I wanted to flush them down the toilet ,they’re like dirty bugs crawling all over you sucking out your whole existence,jeez,so I woke up this morning feeling like I’ve had a stroke, and I was hyperventilating, and I was throbbing from the inside, I literally crawled to my purse, it took me like 15 minutes to get my pills, it’s so pathetic, once you have them in your hands .half the symptoms are gone.

A year ago I tried quitting, I couldn’t stay at home so I just parked my car somewhere and just sobbed ,then came the attacks,I was screaming  and my skin was crawling and I was punching myself everywhere,I started banging my head against the wheel, finally I broke down and just gaveup,the next day I called a rehab center which had some kind of a hot line for consults.there was this woman,I told her my story and she’s like what else are you on?I said nothing,I just smoke cigarettes,haven’t really tried anything else (don’t judge the ones who have AT ALL),she was like: kid,you know you’re lieing, you probably don’t have a place to live and some guy kicked you out and you’re looking for a shelter and etc… I hung up, took 4 trams and 3 xanax and that was it,the next day I looked at myself in the mirror,I hate those eyes and the dark circles and the wrinkles around the mouth,I feel 102,I told myself you’re a junkie and this will soon kill you and that’s that.you don’t even have a dog who cares enough to lick your hands while you’re in W/D and they get icy cold,so you’re cursed,go to hell.

But now,I’ve hit rock buttom,I cant “perform” anything,I’m sure you know what I mean,always lethargic,don’t have the energy to clean my room,to brush my hair,and my short term memory is letting me down some more every day.
Now I’ve got you and I see the light.thanx guys,thanx a lot.



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by 4leefclover, Apr 23, 2010
Hello Warriors All-

Wonderful new posters, here. Congrats everyone for making the leap off the devil drug. Tramadol lies- it bossed every part of my life and owned my mind. The first thought was 'where are my pills? do I have enough? how can I get more? or...take less until I get more?' It is like a jealous lover that wanted my undivided attention day and night....it told me i needed it to get through whatever was in front of me right now....it causes a 'glow' then there is (later) the blow.....I never thought about that....when I was downing the drug
......get a restraining order and a divorce....it is poison....walking through the first few days off this stuff is very difficult....it is like trudging through a battlefield....you will remain invisible to the enemy unless you take another 'little white'-- on the other side of that field (strewn with vomit, the runs, sweats and chills sleepless nights and aching muscles, restless legs and arms and body) is a beautiful, peaceful meadow bathed in soft sunlight
in this meadow you will become re- acquainted with the wonderful you that has been bound-now free-- from tramadol addiction

Stay Strong All

all is well
You are Loved
Sasha
free since Feb 3

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by fightorfight, Apr 23, 2010
Jess-- I'm proud of you for coming here and saying what you have.   The most important thing is to understand what this is doing to you and what you need to do to get out of it.  Its not easy (no indeed!) but I totally understand the pills in hand thing, Christ I think we even get that little dopamine buzz when we know the next dose is coming, which is, well what we've trained our bodies to do and incorporate into daily life.   I know your situation is radically different than us in the states, you've got a whole bevy of stigmas and associations that we don't have to deal with--- and for that I'm sorry.  I'm posting to you on my day 5 clean, and while I'm not jumping off buildings and big game hunting, I feel worlds better physically than I did on day 1 or 2.  You're a young cat, just like me and you've got a whole life waiting for you on the outside.   Clinics, counseling, and so forth are wonderful and anyone who uses them gets my utmost respect, but a little secret-- most of us here, are using this particular forum for that exact purpose.   Worlds away I know, but we're here.  Don't sweat the small stuff, you've made it 23 years by your wit and instinct alone--  even if a chemical masks that, you're still you, and you know what you want.  Baby steps Jess.  I'd still recommend a taper if you can, you're at a pretty big dose.  Once you get down to a smaller daily intake, then if you think you're all set-- take the jump.   Again, all in due time.   Don't let the pills fool you.   You have all the time in the world,  they just make you think you don't because the half-life is 6-7 hours ;).  If you get overtaken, breathe, its not going to make you feel much better-- but you'll put distance between that immediate panic and the next one where you're not crawling out of your skin.

4leef, FMN, and the Alumni--  Day 5 ;P.   I'm feeling better, but am sort of at an impasse as to what to do next.   This whole week was Beat up Tramadol week, and now that my body isn't on fire I'm kind of at a loss.   Go for walks?  Take a nap? (Hah not likely yet..but man, tired is as tired does,  wish I could channel that Kung-Fu stuff on demand, I'd be marketable.)  Strangely, I haven't hit this hump before, so I don't know whats next.  When I took, I did normal stuff, exercised, worked, watched movies, whatever.   For some reason those things aren't appealing (well aside from work which, well is rarely appealing ;P).    Still not sure about physical stuff, while I feel better, I still look like an extra from Tales from the crypt (I jokingly said I was growing a playoff beard.. got a few people off my case) and my hands are in the running for overtaking the measurement of Absolute Zero.  

..But, I'm 5 days out.  This time next week?  12.  I can get to next week.  Hell, its all I've been doing since I can recollect.

Stay strong,  Be kind, and laugh a little bit even if its at yourself.

-FOF

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by bruisedorange, Apr 23, 2010
Jess.  I'm with you.  Today is my first day of C/T withdrawal from hydrocodone, and until I found this board I was considering using Tramadol to help ease me off the opiates.  No more.  Instead it is gut check, wretch, and hold my belly.  Not sleeping.  I will do it if you will do it.  OK?



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by Christina33, Apr 23, 2010
Hello everyone! I just wanted you all to know that I'm still out here and still clean. I'm just waiting to have time to breathe  again! I can't wait to catch up with all the new posts. I'm thinking of all of you and wishing you the best : )

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by forget_me_not, Apr 23, 2010
Jess, sweetheart...bless your heart.  FOF was right on -- we here in the US don't have the same social/cultural context, but there are SO many similarities.  And what we DO have is the same biochemistry (we are all human beings the same, addicted to this substance the same).  We're the same.  Whatever differences exist just make us unique.  We're the same.

We've been where you are, so to speak, with the crawling to our stash of pills about 24 hours into withdrawal, chewing one up to get some relief (yuk!  Did it a couple or ten times).  Whatever you do, just realize a few things.  You have to do this YOUR way, the way that works for you.  Some of us did it via the rapid taper (aka, I ran out) method.  Some of us, like me, just got mad as hell and decided NO MORE.  If someone held a gun to my head I would not take another one.  If WD killed me, so be it.  The drug was going to anyway.

But you know what happened?  I battened down the hatches like a hurricane was coming through, and I lay down, and I lay there while it blew through.  I focused on one thing and one thing only: getting through it.  And something miraculous happened: I did!

It was the hardest thing I've ever done physically and psychologically.  The SNRI properties of this drug are unbelievable.  The opiate part, I could handle that.  Physical pain?  I can take it.  But the depression and anxiety were awful.  It's enough to make anyone go crawling back to the stash a few times before we realize there is NO way to win as long as you keep trying to live with it.  No way.  The only way out is OUT.

We're here for you, sweet girl.  Whatever you are going through, come here and share it and let us help.  It's nothing someone here hasn't already been through.  When your face is in the mud, look around, and I'm pretty sure you will see footprints of those of us who have been there before you and managed to get up.  You CAN do it, too.

I cannot speak highly enough of the power of laughter to help us through this.  Laugh whenever you can at whatever you can laugh at.  Laughter is healing.  So is time.  Just plain old time.

4leef, thank you so much for being here.  Your words are like a balm to my soul sometimes, often.

FOF, dude, you just rock.

strength and healing,
~fmn

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by marionberry200, Apr 23, 2010
Im New.
I have tried quitting a couple times. Both times, CT and it didnt last. I am ready to do it now. No matter what. I feel sort of num because there is still some in my system.I went 5 days with out it. Then couldnt bare to have the Swine Flu without not only getting my antibiotics, but getting my pain killer of choice also. I am so ashamed. I am finally coming out of the Flu which was actually, bad and lasted for a week!!! Scary bug going around.
Im all better now. But for my addiction. I am also at a pinicle of a big decision making time in my life. I am leaving behind a 20 year disfunctional relationship. It is very sad. I wish I could be happy, or pat myself on the back for removing myself but all I feel now is emty. Scared. Alone, and panic and anxiety ridden excitement is just waiting around the corner. I just need support I have watched you all for a long time now. YOU ARE AMAZING. I have trouble being honest, I dont even know why at this point. Ashamed of that as well as long as I am brow beating myself. I guess Im down. Except that I sort of get numb and just like a frog in a slow boiling pot. I am trying to get angry. I am sad instead. Scared. Wish I had more faith really. I dont know where it went today. Maybe its reality. But I know life hasnt always been this way..I am not trying as hard as I used to. This has to change and I know it wont over night. But man do I need direction.
Marion

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by fightorfight, Apr 23, 2010
Marion-  Welcome, and thank you for posting.  I know how scary sometimes it was to read in the background and didn't know if I was going to be able to make the same choices needed to make the change.  Its exceptionally hard to explain to anyone (even with wild gesticulations and pantomime..I've tried!)  How empty this stuff makes you feel when it isn't there.  But, at its core all its doing is spurring chemical reactions in your brain, you are not this pill-- this pill just gets control of the switchboard for a few hours.   Congrats on getting out of a harmful relationship, I can't say I've been in those shoes-- But you've got a whole load of courage doing all of this at once.  It's ok to be scared, everyone has to do this their own way-- you've got a range of tactics and approaches (emotionally) either written in perfect prose or scrawled in anger on here.   Here's a tip:  All of them work.   If you don't want this anymore then you don't want it.   Make a plan, but be gentle with yourself about it.  If you're tapering, stick to the taper.  If you're going C/T (I think you are?) then pat yourself on the back for each second, minute, hour, day, and.. week :).  There are plenty of great suggestions to help ease the w/ds, but for sure they're no walk in the park.  Don't let that bother you, If we're living, we may as well be living greatly... and this is a wonderful (albeit completely unnerving) way of doing it.   Bigger scars make for better stories.   Sad is good right now, sad means your normal switchboard operator is busy dropkicking Mr. Tramadol in the dome. ;)

Christina, 4leef, Jess, Bruisedorange, FMN-  How we doing guys? Glad to see you supporting us so readily.  I wish I could find more good things to say about the lot of you, but just by doing what you've done, you've helped a load of people (see?) so if you're having an off moment, just think about this guy.

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by sweetjenjen, Apr 24, 2010
I am new here, but I found this while researching online. I am 24 years old and I have been on Tramadol for over a year now. I want to get off, but I don't know what to do!

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by forget_me_not, Apr 24, 2010
JenJen, welcome!  I would suggest first that you spend some time when you can reading back through Emily's old entries (go to the top of the page, and click "view journals" and "view all", I think).  There is a wealth of information in those entries.

In short, you can probably expect a few hard days at the very least, but it's worth it.  What is your current dosage?  What are you experiencing?

FOF, you are such an amazing inspiration.  I love it when new people come on here and get through acute WD and then take the opportunity to coach those coming in after.  I've noticed these days that there are more and more new people, which is both a good thing and a terrible concern.  How far will it have to go before this drug is recognized for what it really is?  

What it really is: POISON.

Lurkers...come out of the shadows.  Let us know you are here.  Let this awesome community help you personally.  Your situation is unique.  No two of us are the same.  But we share so much common experience, and advice and encouragement can really help in incredible ways.  I didn't "come out" until about day 29.  But this site saved me.  

I went CT from around 700mg a day in September.  The drug had torn me down and blown the rubble to dust.  Without this site, and those who had tread the road before me, I would not have ever had the courage to jump.

Wherever you are today, know that it gets better.  I promise.

healing,
~fmn

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by Christina33, Apr 24, 2010
The anxiety is really bad today. I don't know if it has anything to do with the tramadol (I doubt it at this point) It's probably just my own messed up brain. I feel like I'm crawling out of my skin though. It's hard not to be able to dial up a mood with pills anymore! I know that I need to learn to deal with things like everyone else, but that seems so hard today.

I'm glad to see that the board is so active and that there are so many new people reaching out. It's nice to see so many people supporting each other. You guys are all great!!


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by forget_me_not, Apr 24, 2010
Christina, I wouldn't discount the tramadol's ability to provoke that anxiety.  How many days out are you?  As you've probably read here, the healing process is definitely not linear at all.  You will experience "healing symptoms" for...as Fred said..."weeks and weeks".  Not to sound discouraging at all -- it gets so much better very quickly.  But there will be flare ups of depression and anxiety for many of us as our brains continue to recover and recalibrate from the SNRI activity of tramadol.  Such a complex drug, and a complex process to heal from it.

I know from experience that, during the initial withdrawal period, it's hard to do anything physical at all.  I used to be a runner before my addiction, but had to stop due to the severe pain that tramadol caused.  Pain in places I had never hurt before.  During WD, it was so excruciating that I couldn't walk more than a hundred feet without feeling like I was going to have to crawl home.  It was horrible.  About five months into it, I discovered Yoga.  I cannot tell you how much it helped, and I wish I had known that sooner.  The stretches and poses were amazing for the physical discomfort, as well as the anxiety.  It helps so much just to do the breathing exercises alone.  You can start by checking out a book or picking one up at a bookstore, or even looking up some beginning Yoga sites online.

Most of all, be gentle with yourself, and know that this really does get easier as time passes.  You are healing, and everything you experience is part of that.

strength, warriors.
~fmn

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by forget_me_not, Apr 24, 2010
Christina, Whoa...I just read your post from 4/17, and we must be sisters from a past life.  I'm telling you...I could have written that post.

Hang in there.  At around day 20 or so I noticed marked improvement on all fronts (started having multiple days with NO pain and was sleeping).

You are amazing.  Just hang in there.

~fmn

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by Jomasmomagain, Apr 25, 2010
Hope everyone is doing good and on the mend!  I'm at day 11 CT WD. Day 9 was by far my best...
It seems that I must have a cold? Started feeling really bad yesterday. Stuffy nose,sore scratchy throat and coughing.. With the tramaenergy gone and the sick energy is Horrible... UGH!!!! I keep wondering if I will be able to function after 4pm in the afternoon because so far when it hit's that's it for the day and I can't wait for 9pm to roll around and I leave hubby to get the kids in bed. I use to be the last to bed and now I seem to be the first....It doesn't help that it has been cloudy and  rainy for the past 3 days..UGH Bring on the sun!!!
Hang on everone. It's a roller coaster ride, but from reading all these post It will get better and thats what keeps me pushing onward!

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by LivingnPresent, Apr 25, 2010
Hello Fellow Warriors...been a while since I've posted..been traveling forever it seems.. this last trip was brutal as i've been in throes of taper. I am proud to report that I've not deviated...as badly as i wanted to on more than one occasion.  The tram would lead me to believe that I had not had the 2nd 25mg dose for day...when in fact I knew I had.-.the confusion almost had me taking more.  May 12th will be my last tramadol.  I remember having incredible energy first couple of years on this crap...I was superwoman... now I feel lucky to get out of bed and move through the day..this is another way the Tram is calling  to me..come back and get your energy back (it calls in the most seductive way)...and God knows I am so tempted..but I am resisting..and praying that at some point..I will be able to get my own natural energy back.  The brain fog still persists...and the depression...anxiety seems to be letting up a bit..but I do take xanax to sleep.  since just getting home from weeks of travel..i have not had time to catch up on all the posts..just briefly looked back and I am blown away by all the new folks out here...and the steady ..consistent wisdom and input from the "veterans"...I did not have opportunity to keep up while I was gone..but I want to tell you all how humbled and grateful I am for your courage to come out of "lurking" and post your stories...you have no idea how you are helping others and inspiring me by doing this... I am beyond scared..full of fear...fear of the unknown that is living a life tramadol free - I cannot remember who I was before the Tram...so I dont know what the picture will look like.  I icome  back here for support and encouragement...and i come back here to congratulate all of you fighting and winning this battle..and to offer you all my hand to hold on to ...my heart for the compassion...my prayers and positive thoughts for all that you go/are going thru.
Hang in and hang one....we are all fighting this battle together.
Gratefully,
Pat

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by Christina33, Apr 25, 2010
FMN: I think I'm on day 27. The anxiety is a LITTLE more manageable today. I don't know what to blame on tram at this point. I've always had extreme anxiety issues anyway and then the tramadol threw my already messed up brain for a loop. I'm surprised I'm doing as well as I am I guess : )

Desperate grandma: WELCOME BACK!!!

Jomasmom: congrats on the 11 day! It sounds like you're doing really well : )

JenJen: Welcome! I hope you keep posting.

Marionberry: I know how scary it is to feel lost. Some of that is getting better for me as the tram leaves my brain - some will take a lot longer I think. Hang in there! you are moving in the right direction.

FightorFight: I'm only just now catching up on reading the posts for this past week. I've really enjoyed yours : ) You have an awesome attitude!

Jess: I can SO relate to always having to "perform" that pressure to always be something you're not, which can make you feel empty, alone and hollow. I'm so glad you are reaching out and I hope you continue to do so. It helps to be able to be real somewhere!

Miss Amy: Almost a year! How cool is that!?!?

daudi: glad you're still doing okay

tramhater: love your posts!

linds: Hope you're hanging in there!

Everyone: I hope you are all hanging in there! I'm still having leg cramps at night on day 27. What's up with that?!?! Is it the withdrawal or something else? I've also noticed that my appetite has REALLY increased. It's okay for now, because I lost quite a bit of weight those last couple of months on the tramadol, but I'm hoping it settles down eventually!

Hugs to all!


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by forget_me_not, Apr 25, 2010
Pat, SO glad to see you back here!!  I've been thinking about you and wondering how you are.  You are still my hero!

Christina, I want to address the appetite thing.  I remember being about six weeks out or so and coming here and posting because I was so concerned about how much the carb cravings were freaking me out.  I'm underweight anyway, so it wasn't about weight.  I have blood sugar problems, and I just couldn't be eating an entire box of twinkies or three plates of pasta without suffering afterward.  But I would get out of bed at 3am and eat an entire plate of spaghetti and STILL want more carbs.

Short story: eating carbs causes a temporary increase in tryptophan, a serotonin precursor, by stimulating insulin production.  Insulin clears out many other amino acids from the blood leaving a higher concentration of tryptophan.  This boosts serotonin, which we experience a plummet in when we quit tramadol.  The body's carb/sugar cravings are a way to remedy that, and it works!  I noticed marked improvements in the body aches and mood after I ate a bunch of carbs (this is also why we crave sweet foods in the winter, I'm told).  But, for many of us, those binges can be a problem (disturbed sleep, blood sugar, weight).  One thing that helped was eating small meals throughout the day that contain a good amount of high-quality protein.  This helps keep your blood sugar steady, which helps prevent the dips in serotonin.  Also, if you aren't taking anything else that affects serotonin, you might look into 5-HTP, an amino acid that is converted to serotonin in the brain.  It helped me a lot with the cravings and sleep problems.  I took it for about a month, until things started to level out a bit.

Bottom line: give your body what it needs, but also know that the appetite thing will swing back to normal soon.  It's all part of the healing process.

love and prayers to all.
~fmn

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by forget_me_not, Apr 25, 2010
izzydalia, are you still here?  I just read your post.  I hope you're still with us.  Come back and post and tell us how you are, please?

love,
~fmn

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by forget_me_not, Apr 25, 2010
Jonasmom, awesome job!  Day 10 vicinity seems to be a pretty common milestone for many of us.  Just hang in there.  You are doing it right.

It seems to be pretty common for many of us to "get sick for real" when we quit this stuff.  Emily got bronchitis, most everyone else got a cold or the flu, even -- I got a really bad case of bronchitis/laryngitis and lost my voice for days.  Yes, the energy drop that comes with acute WD is just compounded by the apparently inevitable bout with something in the days after we quit.  Just take comfort in knowing it's evidently quite normal!  As much as there is a normal where this stuff is concerned.

I want to re-post my two favorite words in the world, words that, to me, express perfectly the experience of getting through WD.

Yo espero.

In Spanish, both "I hope" and "I wait".  Be still and know beyond any doubt that, if you stay, you will get better.  Hope and wait.  Better days are just around the corner.

love,
~fmn

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by fightorfight, Apr 25, 2010
Afternoon guys and gals,

Day 7.   I really wish I could put an exclamation point on that one, but I don't feel much better than I did on day 5 or day 6.   Which is not to say that I don't feel better, I do!  But, now comes probably the hardest part for me which is being myself.  Funny how typing that out really makes you wonder exactly what "you" are, but thats the part I'm at right now.   I'm taking an A/D (Cymbalta) and started it again about 2 weeks before I decided to jump off the Tram car.  I think its doing some good, but this morning I was actually able to sleep some from about 5 in the morning till 12, and getting out bed today was harder than it was this past week--- I wasn't beating up anything, the physical stuff is all but gone, I just lacked the motivation to do things.  Finally guffed up, made a pot of coffee and decided to check in with you guys and see how things are going.  

Christina- Congrats on day 27?!? Wow, thats am impressive feat  I completely understand the anxiety issue, as I've had one all my life as well.  Most everyone in my family just chalked it up to me being "me", kind of high-strung about the dumbest stuff.   I think when I go for my follow up appointment with my Doctor I'd like to see if there is anything else available (not benzos) to help with it, when I'm too afraid to go downstairs to feed my dog... somethings wrong with that.  

Everybody, you can get off this stuff.  Its work, but its doable, and you're still going to be able to do the things you want to do without them, its just going to take... time.  

I'm going to put on a movie, get a shower or do something, and hopefully I see you on the other side with a sunnier mindset :).

-FOF.

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by junkie_jess, Apr 25, 2010
Hi everyone:
I’m trying my best to face my daemons based on your heroic stories, and get rid of this tumor even though it’s metastasized all over the place.
I’ve been living like a dead plant for the past year,haven’t commited to anything,haven’t finished ANY projects,got rid of everyone and everything that was challenging. so I thought I better start by having a schedule, I’m trying extremely hard to commit and concentrate,I’m also trying to tapper.for now I’m not taking the 2 pills I took before going to bed,I don’t mind feeing I’ve been either hit by a truck or raped by the truck driver in the morning, you guys have shown me the light.
Un fortunately the people whose insane lives,negative feelings, hopelessness had sucked the life out of me in the first place and introduced me to a new best friend called”tramadol” are around,and they’re worse than ever, this morning I SWEAR I understood a murderer’s physche,I was capable of killing my dad and just breathe FINALLY, as he was yelling and complaining and just wouldn’t shut up that early In the morning,it’s not that simple,trust me,it isn’t, I have to leave this house or I’m never quitting, through those excruciating W/D episodes, I’ll do something that I’ll either windup ina coffin or an electric chair!
So this is the plan for now: start living, drag your bruised hollow body out of bed every morning,use your black berry for the TO-DO notes cause we’re not fooling our selves,it’s not like I have a brain or a memory right now,first milestone; leaving !
That is it guys,I know I’m done with tram,I don’t want to go cold turkey cause I don’t wanna be foolish and unreasonable, I know I’ve been on a 1200 mg addiction for 3 years, I’m tapering.
You guys have achieved something SO BIG,you have no idea! I NEVER EVER thought I could see the sunlight again,it’s been dark for too long,I’ll bit the s*** outta this stupid drug.
TRAM YOU DON’T OWN ME ANYMORE.
   To love and courage!


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by forget_me_not, Apr 25, 2010
Jess!!!  That's it!  You have demonstrated here in your words that you have what it takes to succeed.  It was, for so many of us, a "kill or be killed" all-out war mentality that got us through this.  There is so much to be said for surrender, and it is necessary...to surrender to the process of healing, to the inevitability of the hard parts.  It's not easy, but you know that already.  But realizing that it requires a tremendous amount of courage to face those hard parts...that's the start.  You will make it!

I had to make notes for EVERYTHING.  When I went to the grocery for two things, I had to write it down because by the time I got there I would have forgotten.  It scared me how terrible my memory was.  But that too is temporary.  Rest assured that your mind will return, stronger and better and clearer, soon.  Once this poison is out of your life, the healing will begin, and nothing will stop it as long as you never take another pill.

When you can, come on here and share your experiences with us.  No judgment.  We've all had those feelings...you aren't alone.  

much love and courage back to you,
~fmn

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by Onedaynow, Apr 25, 2010
So much going on here! I am now 10 days tram free and feeling very good! Yes, moments of symptoms, and not much sleep but MUCH better than how I was feeling on tram or during the rough patches in the taper.

Dear Jess, my thoughts are with you. You are young and have much to live for. It is amazing that one moment in time can change our entire futures and you never know what or when that moment will be. I am so glad you are here. Yes, write down everything, including your tram doses...immediately...I used to forget if I had taken a dose or not, thus my taper was pretty erratic at the beginning. Once I started writing each dose down I became much more accountable to myself and my success. You can do this!!!! And remember, it is one day at a time with many ups and downs.

Woo hoo Christina, way to go! I know you are busy right now but it sounds like you are doing really well overall.

FOF a big congrats to you also although, being totally selfish, I am going to miss those mid withdrawal posts that had me LOL. You are another who has a gift with words! I believe you are back to work here soon? I give you all my best wishes for your success at work!

Pat, sooooo glad to hear from you, I have been thinking about you. I knew you were traveling but was hoping things were going well. Yes, I know the fear but I can now tell you from my experience, stopping tram was not different than decreasing doses during a taper. My symptoms were not any worse than, and were actually better than when I went from 200mg to 150mg. Every day I feel clearer and am learning to be myself again. It is not different, it is just without a fog. It is very refreshing and rewarding and it is worth every bit of fear, every WD symptom, every uncertainty, to be off tram. I still get that small panic in the morning that I have forgotten something before leaving the house (tram days it was my pills); it is fleeting and then so calming to know they are no longer needed.

FMN again my deepest thanks for everything you offer to this forum. You are another fantastic writer not to mention you seem to remember all the helpful hints that get us through this dark time (my mind is still quite dull). I appreciate all of your support.

To all of you new folks I have not mentioned, my advise is to read all of these posts. Go back to 2008 when Emily started this wonderful place and take notes (because if you are like me you will not remember). You will find it motivational and will gain knowledge that will assist you in this battle.

Diane

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by fightorfight, Apr 26, 2010
Diane(ODN), FMN, Jess, Christina-  Evening!  

Sorry I had that little moment of doubt (well it was an afternoon of it) earlier, but Its 2 AM on Day 8 and I'm feeling alright, can finally put my legs in an upright position and not have to sit indian style when I'm typing up a response here on the computer.  Today was pretty tough, but not because of the physical w/ds, most of those have simmered to something approaching my baseline (I'm a two shirt a day guy anyway, bad genes maybe, who knows?)

Jess-  Thats the spirit, indeed.  I'm so amazingly proud of you for putting you first and foremost on your priority list.  I don't envy the nervous conversations or family disturbance your leaving may cause, but if you can't be allowed to heal at home, then you got to find somewhere else to do it- and it sounds like you've got a plan.   Tapering is good, 1200mgs is up there, and I don't want to see you get too down too fast.  Tram w/ds suck, any way you slice it-- but if you're smart about it, then you're already half way there.   Keep us posted, and, selfishly keep me hopeful.   I've got to find a way to get my mom out of a similar situation for her Tram issues, and I have no idea where to start.  

FMN- First off thank you for giving me an wonderfully literate and learned opinion as to how this healing process goes.  I'm starting to get the point that while I can do Rough 'n Tumble Karate on the physical stuff, the mental stuff (the real reason I got hooked on em) is going to be a longer and perhaps less well-lit road.   PAWS was a wonderful egg-coloring company, but the acronym stands for something far less tranquil in our circumstance.   I'm going to try to learn more about it and see what I can come up with.   But again thank you for just listening and responding, I've been alone (mostly) throughout this week and your responses have meant a lot.

Diane- Alright on Day 10!  I'm so glad to hear from someone so close to my neck of the woods as far as this process goes.  My apologies if my recent posts haven't had that "whiz-bang" vocabulary,  I'll get there again I'm sure-- but those w/ds evoked my pen pal alter ego, almost as if I was scrawling it on prison toilet paper and sending it in sheets through the bars to the rest of you.  Thank you for thinking of me going back to work.   If I was being honest, however, I hope to hit a scratch off ticket and then do a Jerry Macguire out of there---Not that its a bad place, or I do bad things, its just that I'd much rather be doing something to help people, not bend the truth so our company can get more money.

Anyhow, last physical w/d question to the faculty:   Did anyone have a problem with dysuria when coming off this stuff? Or is it a (guy) tram withdrawl thing?   That aside from the anxiety seem to be the only two things hanging around.

Welp, I leave you all to a hopefully brighter day tomorrow.   I wont be on as much since I'll be at work, but I'll come in and let you know how things go.

-FOF

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by Karen2010, Apr 26, 2010
Hi all, I have a question that would appreciate anyone with a very honest answer, has anyone while still taking Tramadol at high doses gone through surgery...not letting the doctors know beforehand and been ok?

I am scheduled for some surgery (mild - in/out but I have to be put out with anesthesia) in about 3 weeks.  I am not to eat/drink anything past midnight.  I was also instructed no advil or any ibprophrin and various other drugs for two weeks prior as they can make you bleed more and possibly scar.  Anyway, as you know, those of us on this drug can't just not take any for a day or so or we will be in withdrawal. My surgery is 7:30a in the morning and I always wake up in withdrawal and can't get out of bed till I take some.

Anyway, I KNOW I need to stop.  Believe me, I am trying.  but if I dont have this kicked by surgery just wanting to know if I will be ok with the anesthisia if I have taken my normal handful that morning?  I take about 8 in the morning (I know that is awful) but it is that bad.  After I take them I feel "norml' like someone going in would feel.

Anyone gone through surgery with tram in their system and ok.  I know there is no guarantees with any drug and there is obviously risk but speaking in the m ost general terms (like reading the back of a Tylenol bottle)..all the side effects that "could" happen usually don't.  Will I be ok?  thanks.

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by Karen2010, Apr 26, 2010
Update:  I was randomly searching the web for info on anestisia and tramadol and found this site:  http://synapse.koreamed.org/Synapse/Data/PDFData/0011KJAE/kjae-56-375.pdf (sorry if this does not come over as a link).  It talks about how Tramadol is hypothesized as causing inter operative awareness!!!!!!!  UGH!  This means that you could be awake during surgery and/or feel what is going on.  I guess that answers my question to NOT have surgery while on this especially since I would have a mega X8 dose in my system at time of surgery.  The result of the study on the link states that the tramadol they used did NOT produce awareness but that in certain higher doses it still might.

Wow.  

So now my question is, how long does it take if I stopped cold turkey (would like to do this weekend so i have some days to go crazy alone in my house) to get the Tram out of my system enough for safe anestia?  

My surgery is the morning of 5.14.  I do want to quit so if I stop this is it..no WAY will I go back to this drug as the only reason I am still on it at this point is due to the horendous withdrawals.  I am 5'8 woman weighing about 122...not sure if that has any bearing but I get really, really sick...I can't even type or read this board during withdrawal...I read here so many in peak withdrawals are typing away on this board how they feel and I would not even be able to sit up.  I probably make it worse in my head but it is what it is.  Anyway, if my last dose is Friday (first day being Saturday) 4.29 and I am successful...do you think I will be ok for 5.14 surgery.  I know we can experience withdrawal for months on this drug..in my case i could see it being a year...last time I tried to quit I had some of my worst withdrawal symptoms at day 14!!!!!  Does this mean it will still be in my system and I should not have surgery. I can see about post poning it.  this *****!!   Any advice would be appreciated.

I am also considering Suboxone in my case.  that is how bad I feel.


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by bethwillprevail, Apr 26, 2010
I am a grandma and addicted to Tramadol!!  This drug is truly evil and I feel I must get free of this bondage that I live under.  My husband and I are both addicted and we order them off the internet and they come right to our door.  How messed up is that??  I am 53 years old and a professional who owns a business.  I started taking Tramadol 10 years ago- a little at a time- just ¼ pill, then ½ then ½ several time a day…you get the idea.  I got off twice during this time for 2 weeks at a time, but always went back on.  I now take on 100mg ER tab at 7 am then a 50 mg tab at 12 and 5p- for a total of 200 mg.   I actually feel TERRIBLE when I take it.  I get an initial feeling that everything is OK, then I feel very anxious and cannot concentrate.  I cant understand why I keep taking these “devil pills”, but for some reason I cannot wait to take the next dose.  My brain is very sensitive to all medications.  It’s horrible.    Tramadol makes my slightly shy personality more outgoing, acts as an antidepressant, and gives me energy- or used to at a lower dose.  This is why I have kept taking it.  But now I just feel bad all the time and I live my life around taking these pills.
I have asked God to help me get off them now for good.  Please pray for me.  I am hoping to get help from this forum too.  I am tapering- this is day 2.  I took 150 mg yesterday and today I will take 150, tomorrow down to 125, and so on.  I feel really terrible- head ache, dizzy, hot and cold, sneezing, general aches all over, skin feels sore…blah blah blah.  I feel like I don’t deserve to even complain about this- I did it to myself.   I am considering going to the doctor to get something to help me through this, but I am going to try on my own for now.  I am determined to be free of this!    What other remedies can I take to help me through this.  I want to be myself again!  After 10 years of addiction, I am not sure who that is, but I want her back!!  Any help is appreciated.


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by forget_me_not, Apr 26, 2010
FOF...let us know how you are when you can!  I'm thinking of you and sending you lots of positive energy and tons of hugs.

Karen...is there any way possible to postpone the surgery?  If you must have it at that date, then it seems CT might be the best option, or even a rapid taper during the next seven days (I personally would just go CT and get it over with).  

What is your life like?  Work, family, kids?  How much tramadol do you take?  

It won't be easy, as you know.

Did you use anything to help during previous quits?  (Imodium, phenergan, clonidine, B12?)  These things can be helpful.  I was like you, thrashing on the bathroom floor for hours, praying I would die.  Not pretty.  But it made an indelible impression in my brain, one that will keep me from EVER taking another one.

love to you guys this day.
~fmn

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by forget_me_not, Apr 26, 2010
Beth, Welcome!  We are so very glad you are here.

First...no shame, no guilt allowed!  :-)  You are here, no matter how you got here.  The fact that you are ready to do whatever it takes to get free from this drug is WHAT MATTERS.  We'll do anything we can to help you.

The drug has a way of hijacking our brains, doesn't it?  Even though we know it has already turned on us, we keep crawling back to the bottle believing we must, we'll die without it.  But we WON'T.  What happens when you kick the drug to the curb is that your captor dies.  You live.

Yes, there are some supplements, medicines (OTC and prescription) that can be of help.  I was one of the crazy ones who did it with no help at all.  Many others here have had great success with meds and supplements.  Please read back through older posts (top of the page, click "journals" and "all journals" -- each journal is numbered "Part 31" and so on).  There is so much amazing wisdom and advice in there.  You're also welcome to my journal, too.  I have a few entries that came from my early days off this stuff, and if anything in there can help you, please feel free to make use of it.

Stay with us, please.  Post as often as you need to.  We care.  We will help in any way we can.

blessings,
~fmn

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by Karen2010, Apr 26, 2010
Hi Fmn, thank you for your reply (it is amazing the feeling one gets when someone actually reads your annonymous posts and cares enought to be so personal to respond directly to your situation)..thank you.  Like one poster said, I don't feel like I "deserve" to complain or be heard because I am the one responsible for being in this situation in the first place.  I can't blame my doctor or say I didnt realize this drug was addictive..I knew better when I started taking it ..it just made such a difference for me that I could not stop.  I always thought drugs that were wrong made you "high"..like over the top, in the clouds dillusion.  I never felt that..just calm, focused, present...good but what I thought was the way I was "ment" to feel.  I used to be tired all the time, never slept well, was in/out of the bathroom constantly (weak bladder). So this drug slowed all that down.  

Anyway, I am a single, Mom.  I am 48, daughter 14.  I live alone with my daughter but work full time (from home).  So WFH is good but I do need to work.  Taking off days in this economny is not what I want to do and I am afraid just a weekend is not enough (for me) based on last time.  When I did it last time I cheated too..I was taking a form of codeine to get through.  Even with the codeine I was taking (only when it got really bad at night especially) I still had body aches and withdrawals.  But I was able to make it to 14 days.  Then I got a bad infection on my tongue from taking the pills recommended on this forum that you can buy over the counter to help with Restless Legs. You put it under your tongue.  I was popping those all night long one night to stop the resless feelting of feeling like I was going out of my skin (all over, not just on my legs)..I developed a sore on my tongue. That coupled with all the other aches and pains was too much so I started taking these again and now it is 2 years later.

I can post pone the surgery but would like to get it out of the way.

I am really scared but agree cold turkey is what I need. I can't taper..my withdrawals are so severe even if I cut back it feels (to me) like most people feel going cold turkey so to taper would be torture..prolonging the feeling.



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by bethwillprevail, Apr 26, 2010
Thank you FMN for your encouragement.  I feel horrible and I am just beginning to taper!  I think I may do this more quickly- I figure I really cant feel any worse and I am ready to be done and get it over with.  I am hoping to get my husband to join me- he is addicted too.  It is amazing how bad this stuff makes you feel!!  Maybe the fact we feel SO horrible when we dont take it should be a clue.  What a weird thing addiction is.  No one knows anything about my addiction except my husband.  My daughter and other family sees me taking pills all the time, but I make excuses and say they are asprins for my arthritis- they do look like asprins.  

I am so happy to have found this forum to share my feelings and get excouragement.  I am determined at this moment- hope I will continue.  I just hope I can be strong.  The last 2 times I got off the Trams, I was off for 2 weeks each time.  Then something just lured me in- just 1/2 pill wont hurt.  I can tell you that is the devils lie- gets you right back to the addiction.

Beth

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by forget_me_not, Apr 26, 2010
Karen and Beth, most important at this point is for you to know -- really KNOW -- that this is all temporary, and will get much better soon after you are finished with this drug.  The fear going into it is so, so overwhelming.  It was enough to keep me on the train for three years and change.  I didn't think I could get through it.  I had made it to day 4 or so many times (because I ran out), but I couldn't get through the acute WD.  Just couldn't.  Until I found this forum and saw that many people had done it and made it through, and not only that, but had regained Good Life after tramadol.

You both seem like really good candidates for the cold turkey approach.  How do I know?  Both of you mention in your posts that you don't think you can taper, or that the WD is just as bad when you taper as when you jump off CT.  I had the same experience.  Trying to taper was simply prolonging the misery for me, and when I hit rock bottom, I realized...No more.  Period.

My rock bottom, by the way, was running out one day, making it to the next night (about 30 hours), then going out at 3am in a raging thunderstorm with a Mag-lite, searching under my car floor mats and seats for just one pill I might have dropped.  Searching everywhere, then winding up in the bathroom floor, soaked with sweat and rain and jerking uncontrollably, pelted with hailstones, crying and praying I would die.  That was my rock bottom. I knew then that it was literally a live or die matter, and that if I had a chance to live, it was going to require that I stop taking them forever.  So I did.

I was at a high dose (700mg daily, occasionally more) for over three years.  But you know what?  When my mind was SET, it was over.  No matter how bad WD got, I wasn't going to budge.  The monster raged over me and screamed and kicked and slung his arms, but eventually, when it was clear I wasn't going to give in, he stomped off.  And then I knew, for the first time in my life, what the word "freedom" really means.

Living as a prisoner can do that.

Anyway: days 1 - 7 will be really tough.  Expect that.  Be sick if you can.  Do as little as you can and be ok with that.  It's temporary.  By about days 7 - 10, things will begin to improve.  Keep lots of imodium handy, and soak in a tub with epsom salts and warm water.  Wrap your arms/legs with ace bandages to help with aches and chills.  Eat lots of potassium (bananas, baked potatoes, etc.) to help with the RLS.  Watch your BP because it may go up significantly.  Eat high-quality proteins and drink fluids so you don't dehydrate (which will worsen the cramps).  Take B12 sublinguals or pills, or injections if you can.  They help with the severe fatigue.  When you can, stretch and do light exercise.  Eat small meals throughout the day with high-quality proteins.  

Most of all...time.  Just straight time.  That's what it takes.  Post here, post often.  You will get through this.  It's tough, but you can do it.  We're here to help!

LOTS of love this day.
~fmn

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by forget_me_not, Apr 26, 2010
Also Karen...I do think that two weeks would be sufficient to clear the tramadol from your system but I hope pharma will address this.  Tram has a long half-life, much longer than other opiates.  I think two weeks should be adequate, but I wouldn't want to be proven wrong in this particular case!!

Interoperative awareness...Yikes.  We probably all felt like we were awake on the operating table during acute WD, but we weren't.  And we don't want anyone to have that particular experience!

Many people have good results using suboxone.  I couldn't do something like that.  I'd just have ended up hooked on that instead.

Stay with us.

love
~fmn

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by bethwillprevail, Apr 26, 2010
Thank you.  You are a big help to me.  I feel will make it this time, with all this support.  I will take some days off work and just hunker down.  I have imodium, asprin, B12, and I think I will drag myself to the store and get some more comfort foods. God is with me on this journey to a drug free life- thanks be to God. I feel His strength too.  I will keep you posted of my progress. I want out of this prison.
Beth

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by bethwillprevail, Apr 26, 2010
I was reading what other did to assist with the side effects of the WD.  I took 0.25 mg of clonazepam the MD gave me for sleep a while back, along with an 325 mg Asprin- helped some.  I have decided I am just going cold turkey.  I am done with putting poison into my body.  There is just no way to get out of the WD symptoms.  Have to accept it and do the best I can.  I have a wonderful family and friends who know nothing of this.  I just want to be free again.  I have been doing this for 10 years!!   I hate it.  Thanks again for your encouragement.
Beth

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by forget_me_not, Apr 26, 2010
Beth, I'm so glad you have Faith.  I attribute my success to a number of things -- including this forum and my determination and anger -- but really, without my Faith in God, I would not have made it.

I remember, one day, trying to put one foot in front of the other, and it was just too painful and I had to lie down on the floor.  And then I remembered what it means to "walk in faith".  Not just to have faith, but to WALK in it.  To step into the unknown, the frightening unknown, armed only with Faith and a desire to live.  And I got up off the floor and prayed, "God, I'm going to do this, literally.  I'm going to Walk In Faith knowing you will get me through this because I can't do it myself."  And I kept taking those steps.  I kept walking, and the road kept being there beneath my feet.  And pretty soon, it had been ten days and I was seeing dramatic improvements.

Stay in the moment.  Don't worry about whether it's going to take seven days or twenty days.  Time is just time.  Like fighting against a strong undertow, the harder you fight the stronger it gets.  But...if you relax, breathe, and float over it...you'll be just fine.

Relax, surrender, and float over it.

Just stay focused on the moment and step, one step at a time.  Pretty soon, you'll be in a much better place.

Love,
~fmn

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by bethwillprevail, Apr 26, 2010
Amen!  I do have faith in God.  He always does His best work when we are at our weakest,  I have given this over to Him.  I will go along one moment at a time with Him by my side.
Thanks frn for your love and care.  you have given me hope.
Beth

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by Karen2010, Apr 26, 2010
Wow, thank you FMN and my prayers are with you Beth.  I too have a strong faith in God and know He will get us through this.  Thank you for reminding me that the same God that makes my life possible in every other aspect of my life can do this with withdrawal too.  Funny how the moment my mind goes to withdrawal I became distracted.  I have no doubt it was Him that brought me to this moment.  Forcing me to get off because of the surgery ...lol.

I will keep you posted. God bless..

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by wantmyselfback, Apr 26, 2010
Hey Gang!  Been awhile since I last posted.  I'm 137 days clean and still going strong.  Although I have bouts of alcohol consumption from time to time, I'm working on that problem.  Just wanted to let everyone know that it can be beat and I haven't had any desire to touch Tramadol again.  Hang in there!

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by bethwillprevail, Apr 26, 2010
Karen,  God has a way of getting our attention.  Good luck with your surgery.  He will see you through.  You will also be in my prayers.

I feel horrible today, but I am hanging in there and will perservere. I am really mad at myself- what a waste of time to be going through all this.  I have better things to do than feel too bad to accomplish much.   I am doing the laundry at least.   Thanks to everyone for the encouragement.
Beth

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by 4leefclover, Apr 26, 2010
Hello Warriors All!!!
  Great work Crew. Very nice to hear from Wantmyself back...you helped me so much in my 'early days' 137 days clean I am soooo happy for you...Everyone....look up his posts in Dec-2009-Jan2010...Great reading from a great person!!
Hi FMN--I LOVE it when you are here!! Such beautiful and inspirational words....thank you Sweetness....
Karen- suboxone is a wonderful method of w/d from tramadol....sometimes I work with patients withdrawing from heroin and it is used along with clonidine and does wonders for the acute w/d....everyone has their own sensitivities and you sound like you know yours......I find that I need all the help- I can get...pretty much always, Hon...you deserve to have a 'tolerable' w/d and there are a few ways of going about this....
Beth- you are not alone...keep going, Hon....your Faith is your Strength....we are here for you!!
Pat- thinking of you always!! your ability to hang in with your wean is amazing (I'm too big a baby to do that....it was always some dumb reason for deviating from my plan) Keep going!! I believe in you!!
Jess, FOF.....great work...keep going!!

all is well
You are Loved
(and NOT alone)
Sasha
clean since Feb 3

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by LeaAnn807, Apr 26, 2010
Wow!  This place has been BUSY!  I hope you are all doing well today.  I have a month and a half clean now....and some odd days, I think!  I lost count when I had my surgery!  Isn't that awful?  I will try to figure it out!!!  I shouldn't come to class unprepared!!!!!! LOL

For all the new people....keep posting here.  Ask any questions.  You can message me and I will see it sooner.  I will help anyone, anyway I can.  I have been thru WD from tram more times than I can count, and it gets better!  I don't have any lingering physical symptoms anymore.  Just a little broken up sleep that is annoying!

Luck and hugs to everyone!!!

TH

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by Jomasmomagain, Apr 26, 2010
Karen ~ I was put on Tramadol about 2 to 3 months before my Hysterectomy. By then I was up to around 6 50mg a day. When I went in for my pre op they asked if I was still taking it and I said only when I needed too (big lie) and they said make sure you don't take any the day of surgery. Had they known how much I was taking I am sure they would have had me stop, By then I was hooked.. Now after reading what you posted, I am sick at the thought that I could have woken up during surgery.



Beth~ There must be something about that 2 week mark.. I wrote in my first poat I lasted 3 weeks, but my mom and I were talking last night and it was at 2 weeks that I couldn't handle the no energy/no ambition any longer and thought oh just a couple this one time won't hurt.. Amazing how that works.  This time I have been taking Womens one a day with energy, Vitamin B6-200 and L-tyrosine 1,000... Last time I took nothing...
FMN has some great advice!! After I got through the worst of my  WD  and when I was able to sit and concentrate, I sat down and read all these wonderful post. It was all I did. I realized, these people did it and so can I. It helped so much!

FMN~ I was laughing at how determined you were to find just one of those little white pill. I can't count how many times in one day  I looked through the same purse, dug though my underwear drawer or crawled on my closet floor looking for just one(all my favorite hiding places)  and always having the same out come...Just shameful to think of how excited I was the couple of times I did happen to find one during my "oh I'm getting low gotta cut waaay back" times.

I am midway through day 12 and after I got the kids off to school I took a shower and then I have spent the day cleanning house. Or should I say , trying? My physical WD seem to be gone. Right now mentally I keep thinking back to just wanting to feel like I can make it a full day without feeling like a lazy housewife not getting anything done.  I did sit through a very long movie here at home with the kids and hubby last night.. Another reason I am so glad to be off these pills I could never sit long enough to enjoy one with them and last night I sat through a 2 1/2 hr long. It was so nice to see them so happy to have mom sit through the whole thing and not get up and leave to clean or just go do something else.. I am very determined to give them thier old mom back, whoever she may be. I'm starting to realize the old pill popping one was a little on the selfish side and didn't see it until now...

FOF~ I am hopping that getting back to work isan't too tough on you. I can't even imagine having to go to a 9 to 5 job so soon after WD.  I too enjoyed reading your post. You were saying the exact things I wanted too, but just don't have that writing ability to put it into words like you do. Good luck and hope all is well!!

Sending thoughts and prayers out to everyone..
JMA




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by moongirrrl, Apr 26, 2010
Hi Folks.
I'm on day not even sure, lol of a seriously fast, unexpected taper from Ultram ER 200mg and whatever extra I could take.
For some reason, my Lyrica is helping me greatly with the RLS, etc....something to think about, but also addictive and possibly hard to get off of. It's helping with the depression, pain, and general malaise.
I did a rapid taper from the 200mg (reallly taking at least 300mg per day at least). I was taking 300-400mg a day
a month before that, for over two years.
My doc called me in some 50's. I took 4 a day for a few days, then OUCH. My levels went down.
I have taken 1 1/4 50mg the day before yesterday.
I took 1/2 of a 50mg yesterday.
Today, so far, I've only taken 1/4 of a 50mg.
I may not take any more.
I have used:
Epsom Salt Baths
Apple Juice
Heating Pad
Vitamin B Stress Complex
Nyquil to sleep at night, regular dose.
Lyrica that was prescribed to me. I've only taken 100mg so far,
others have taken ridiculous amounts of that stuff, please don't!
You'll trade one problem for another!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I realize at this point, I've gotten through the worst.
Taking any more would be insanity.
So, I called my doc and left him a message that I'm DONE.
I will take some help with the wds but NO MORE OPIATES
or anything like them.
I am crying as I write this because I am HAPPY this is over.
Anybody reading this, please, please, please, please stick
to it, you will be glad you did. I'm here to help.
Lisa

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by bethwillprevail, Apr 26, 2010
Lisa- thanks for your post.  It helps encourage me.  I cant believe how bad I feel- chills, aching, back pain- just like the flu.  I am worried about tonight.  I just ordered Netflix,so maybe I can watch movies all night.  Hopefully I will get a little sleep.  Lisa- I am going to try the Nyquil, and a hot bath.  I cant believe how cold I am- I was always so hot all the time- thought it was menopause, but now I am wondering if it was the Tramadol.  I may just be on here posting all night- it seems to help.  :)  No more insanity!!  No more bondage to tramadol.  I hope I can be helpful to others trying to get off this stuff, after I get through this.
Beth

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by Karen2010, Apr 26, 2010
Thank you all for the additional support.  Jonasmomagain, I hope you don't  mind me asking but how many Trams did you take the day before surgery and the day of?  I can't believe I found that site either talking about introsurgery awareness..I mean that is a horror story...what I would call the worst thing to happen..and sure enough it is said of Tramadol.  The studies they did proved that the patients did not have in surgery awareness but it was still hypothesized it "could".  Scares me enough.

Would love to hear if anyone else while on this drug (unbenounced to the doctors) had surgery with Tram in their systems??  I can't go on the sub "yet" as my surgery is 5.14 and suboxone blocks all receptors so for surgery I can't have that yet. But after surgery...I will be on my doctor's porch before his morning coffee!  :)



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by Jomasmomagain, Apr 26, 2010
Beth~ I went through two big bags of Epson salt..Loved the hot baths. During WD.
Like you I was hot all the time. I was freezing everyone out of the house.. Now at day 12 I am still cold.(not at all like in the first few days of WD)... The last two summers I would complain that the older I get the more I can't stand summer. I'm thinking I just might enjoy summer this year!...
Post away, all night if it helps!    

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by LeaAnn807, Apr 26, 2010
Beth, what you are going thru is normal and temporary!  You are doing so great!  Baths will help in several ways.  Muscle aches.  Relaxing. And will warm you up!!  I took a bunch when I was having WD.  

Karen, I took tram the morning of surgery once.  I think I had 3 before surgery, if that helps you!  It was a long time ago, but I think that is right.

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by Jomasmomagain, Apr 26, 2010
Karen~ I think the day before I took 2 50mgs in the mid-morning and that was it. I had to drink that nasty stuff that cleanses you out and I didn't take any the day of.  They had told me not to take any of my meds except my blood pressure meds  the day of surgery( which I stopped taking while I've been on tramadol).... I am trying to get myself together and take better care of myself.  

If you can't ask the Dr. about it Then I wouldn't risk it.. It's not worth what could happen while under.. So much easier for me to say, though, I know.. Hope someone here can answer your question better.

JMA

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by bethwillprevail, Apr 26, 2010
Karen, are you having a colonoscopy??  I recently had a colonscopy done and had the  'conscious sedation' with Vicoden and another propolol.  I did take one 50 mg tramadol that morning- the procedure was at 10.  I had no bad effects.  I did tell the nurse I took it though.  She did not seem too worried about it.  Everything went fine.  I went to sleep and did not remember anything till I got home. Loved the vicoden.  I could see why that one is addictive.  I would be afraid to ever take something like that.  The Tramadol is so incidious.  you dont think it is going to make you addicted till it is too late.  

Took my hot bath and I feel some better.  Glad my husband is home now.  Going to take the Nyquil and go to bed.  



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by bethwillprevail, Apr 27, 2010
Karen- I read your old post and it sounds like you are having a regular surgical procedure.  You are wise to just get off this stuff and not have to deal with the addiction anymore.  Hope you have a good day today!

I slept good last night, thanks to the Nyquil.  Now we will see what this day brings.  One step closer to being free.   Thank you everyone for your support.  You cant imagine how it helps to know others understand what I am going through.

Beth

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by LivingnPresent, Apr 27, 2010
Diane, Susan, Sasha, Christina....thank you for your welcome...someone said how much it means when you all take time to address us personally...they are so right!!!  Great confirmation of fact that we are not invisible and  not alone...thank you from my heart...You all have had a tremendous impact on my recovery...i will be forever grateful.  Beth..I am also a grandma..who's been a slave to this crap for over 4 years.  4 years not being present for my kids and grandkids...not being present with my friends...but primarily..not being present for myself..Can't change anything..it is what it is..I am always tempted to beat myself up for all those lost years...but this is total waste of time and besides this is the "no shame" zone...so i wont bring it to the table. I was thinking about this word this morning when considering Tramadol:

Definitions of insidious on the Web:
beguiling but harmful; "insidious pleasures"
intended to entrap
working or spreading in a hidden and usually injurious way; "glaucoma is an insidious disease"; "a subtle poison"

Isnt this pretty much right on with the Tramadol??????  
Home now from traveling for just a bit...back out on 5/11 -   5/12 is my last Tram..I have to say..that for me..taper has been the best plan..I have to work every day..and could not afford the cold turkey method..though I am very envious  and full of respect ofor all of you out here who have done this.  I have suffered side effects to be sure..but I've still been able to function and work (some days barely)...The friend that I first told about this addiction...has dropped off the radar...I am quite saddened by this..but I do not blame her..some people do not know how to deal with this..as they've never experienced it..so they just dont deal with it.  I do have another friend who has offered unconditional love, acceptance and support...she's recovering person and been a friend for years..so she knows about this journey.  That is why I value this forum so so much..I know that if Im hurting, in trouble..need a kind word..or need to hear others talk about their journey...I can come here any time..incredible comfort...
Thank you all so so much again..i can't say it enough.  Keep posting..keep coming back...come out of lurking..talk about it..
just putting the words down ..so so therapeutic.. I wish you all great strength and courage today...I am also available to anyone who needs to talk...though I dont have the time & recovery in that many here do.. I can listen and truly understand where you are at.   - also still considering 12 step work...i think it's time.
Gratefully,
Pat

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by Karen2010, Apr 27, 2010
Hi Beth, looks like you are ahead of me!  I have not started yet.  I woke up this morning in the most hideous withdrawal...that is when I feel so desperate and scared.."what did I do to myself".  I can't imagine feeling like that all day let alone 3/4 days.  I dont think I can do this without the Sub.  I was going to try this weekend to do it by myself cold turkey...then if I really have a tough time...push the surgery out indefinitely until I can come off this safely with Sub.  I just know if I do start sub (that is, if my doctor allows me as he is still under the mind set Tramadol is a weak non-narcotic and not necessary to withdrawal with sub), I know that will take time to wean from the sub.

I wish I felt more confident about taking the Tram morning of surgery..I think having the surgery in withdrawal would not be a good thing either..waking up in pain Plus withdrawal...yuk.  Unless when they give you anesthia they couple that with pain relief..I think they do so maybe it won't be too bad..like a relief.

Anyway, I may just call my doctor and tell him my dilema.  He may say its ok..(wishful thinking).

BTW, my surgery is not a colonoscopy (spelling?), it is female related.  Does require the knife but it is in/out.  

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by LivingnPresent, Apr 27, 2010
HI Karen...I had gastric bypass surgery few years ago and I had Tramadol day before...my Dr. was not concerned...this is just my experience...Probably calling your doc is a good idea...Good luck with this - keep us posted.
Pat

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by Karen2010, Apr 27, 2010
BTW, Beth, congratulations on your first day!  You are an encouragement to me as is everyone else on this board.  Thank you all again for helping me with your experience and hope.

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by Karen2010, Apr 27, 2010
Hi Pat, I just left a message for the surgeon and explained to the nurse my dilema.  She actually is very aware of Tramadol (her son takes it)..hmmmm.  
Pat, I am sure you were not taking as much as me.  Even if I did just take it the day before I am taking 20/day?!!!!  First, I dont think I can get through the morning if I dont take my morning dose the morning of..but even if I could, I have so much in my system is what I am concerned about.  If I was just taking 3/4 a day it would not concern me "as much".

It is that article that scares me the most on introsurgery awareness.  I was initially scared of not waking up or bleeding I had no idea you could have "awareness" during surgery. That is a night mare!

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by Christina33, Apr 27, 2010
Everyone: I’m on day 29 and doing okay. I have finals next week and everything is SUPER busy but I’m managing somehow. I spoke with my doctor today about getting my brain chemistry straightened out. I’m tired of depending on meds, but I may have to for just a little while longer. My liver enzymes and kidney functions are MUCH better. It appears that my recent little brush with death is not going to have any long term health consequences. I’m very grateful to have a second chance to get myself on track! I’m thinking of all of you and wishing you all the best.

FMN: thanks for shedding light on the appetite/carb thing. It makes a lot of sense. All I want to eat is bread (lots of bread), cereal, and INSANE amounts of candy in all of its varied and wondrous forms : ) I’m still a little underweight also, but that’s not going to be the case for long the way I’m going. You’d be shocked to see how much candy I have stashed in my bedside table! My doc and I decided that I should start back on an antidepressant today – I’ll be starting Cymbalta. I’m not thrilled, but it should help. The reality is that I have pre-existing mental health issues that I have to deal with. Maybe when my serotonin is back up a bit I won’t be pigging out so much! She’s also going to keep me on the clonidine so I don’t spontaneously combust. The hyperactivity issue drives my husband insane!! The clonidine seems to make it at least somewhat possible for me to sit still once in a while.

Fightorfight: Congrats on the 7 days!! The worst is over – now it’s just a matter of building yourself back up little by little. I can relate to the “being yourself” issue. The way I see my “self” right now is basically someone who is too high strung, too easily freaked out, and hyper to the point that it annoys everyone (including myself). I’m going to have time over the summer to work on getting to know more about who I am beyond that. I’ve pretended to be “perfect” for so long I don’t even know what the mask covers up anymore. I’m ready to figure it out though : ) As far as the anxiety, you might want to look into clonidine. It seems to be helping me manage. It is a blood pressure med and can’t be stopped abruptly but other than that it seems quite safe and not addictive.Good luck on getting back to work!

Jess: You’re doing so well! Keep reaching out and posting. This will be hard, but it is SO worth it. You deserve to be happy and free from this terrible stuff!! Be kind to yourself and get as much support as you possibly can.

Diane: I’m so glad your taper went well! CONGRATULATIONS on the 10 days. I know they were hard won.

Karen: I’m not an expert on the subject, but my advice would be not to risk it. If it were me I would tell the anesthesiologist ahead of time. Maybe you can call in and ask for a recommendation.

Beth: we’re here for you! You’ll need to draw on all the support you can find to get through this, but you CAN get through it. Don’t be afraid to go to your doctor he/she can really help you to get through this. Either way, this is a great place to find advice and support.

Lisa: I love your attitude!! Good luck : )

Pat: Insidious is the perfect word to describe tramadol!

Hugs to all!


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by Christina33, Apr 27, 2010
Karen: I'm SO glad you talked to the nurse! I was worried about you. I hope everything works out!!

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by bethwillprevail, Apr 27, 2010
Well, I stayed home from work.  I have taken a hot shower- that REALLY helps!!  Still have not taken any yet today.  I am going to go as long as I possibly can with the thought if it becomes unbearable, I am take a small amount.  Until hopefully, by Friday I will be free.  I tried not to take any yesterday, but I finally took some at about 5p- my grandkids came over with a snapping turtle.  I felt SO horrible I just couldnt take it.  I dont feel as bad as yesterday- yet!  I am prepared to win this battle and be free- completely free this week.  I am so glad to have everyones support.

Karen- I dont think you will miss the Tramadol after your surgery that much.  Actually if you are getting other pain meds they will affect the same receptors in your brain as the tramadol.  Over the 10 years that I was on Tram, I have several instances where I had to take other pain meds and noticed I did not miss the tram. (PS- I am a RN- which makes my addiction even worse)  You still need to try to get off this aweful stuff.

Pat:  I told my son who knew I was taking them.  He lives on the east coast.  Called me to make sure I was OK.  I have not told anyone else.  There is a lady at work who has recovered from alcohol addiction. She is an inspiration- has been going to AA religiously - like 5 days a week- for 2 years now.  She has done so well.  she told me that she was going to loose her family and her job- she know she had to beat it, but it had been a way of life for her All her life.  Her and her husband.  She said she had to totally learn a new daily routine.  It's no different with us.  I think the alcohol is even harder.  She is an inspiration.  I may share with her, but I can see that many people would not understand- especially working in health care.

God Bless everyone here on this forum.  What a wonderful thing!

Beth

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by Onedaynow, Apr 27, 2010
Welcome to all the new folks, you have found a life saving safe haven here! I am now on day 12 Tram free and I am glad someone mentioned being cold all the time. I have been FREEZING! And I hate it! I had been sleeping pretty good until the last 2 nights and oh boy, not so good again. Last night actually had the RLS only it was restless arms and painful spine. So glad this journal is here and I know from reading this is to be expected...2 steps forward 1 step back. I have been feeling great up until yesterday. I think if I could just sleep....

Anyway, I know we are all here together and I am not alone. It sounds like each of you are doing great fighting this monster. I really believe once the mindset is there to beat it, the battle is near done. Beth you sound like you have made the decision and are ready; with that attitude you will succeed!

As a medical professional, no Tramadol and surgery unless you are up front and honest about how much you are taking and when last taken. Very dangerous for many reasons. Karen, I think being open and working with your MD is the safest way to go. I remember Bode who did a great job getting off Tram by using Sub and it seems an effective method. We all have our own way to make this work, I don't think there is any right or wrong way as long as it leads to being free of Tram.

Christine you sound great and I think working with a good MD to address your pre Tram issues is wonderful. There is a reason each of us chose Tram as a coping mechanism and I believe figuring out why we used/abused (except for those who actually used it as prescribed for real pain issues) the drug is a part of our staying away from it in the future.

Pat, I have not told anyone but my husband....which I did not even do that until I was almost done with my taper. I am sorry to hear someone would not be supportive but my guess is that I feared that this is what I would experience if I shared it with anyone, so I did not. I am glad you have the one supportive friend, I do think it is helpful to have one person who knows (beside all of us :) ).

OK, I must get back to work. I have a nice stretch off after today which I think will aide in my sleep deprivation and overall worn/torn feeling.

All my best wishes to each of you!

Diane

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by Karen2010, Apr 27, 2010
Thank you  Christina for your concern.  I have watched your posts here and there when I read this forum and the fact you are almost 30 days is awesome!  I read from one poster that she felt the best at 30 days..for her it was that moment when she felt totally free.  I dont know if you feel that good but I would be interested to know if you do feel that good at 30 days?  

I dont know if I am my worst enemy but some how I feel I am the "exception" and this will take a lot longer than 30 to feel good.  Last time I tried to quit I developed very bloated abdoman.  To the point it was uncomfortable.  I had lost alot of weight on this drug (was never heavy) just now really skinny.  I guess all the feeling was coming back to the abdomen and was just going crazy.  That was actually an issue...dont' hear much about it but remember there used to be a poster last year that complained about that..even saw her doctor.  

I am curious if any of you long term Tram users had a problem with scratching your skin to the point it bleeds?  That sounds gross but I have been shocked the last several months the way i have scratched up my upper back. It looks terrible.  Partly because I took my nails off and can actually scratch now but it is gross.  I never had any issues with skin ..it looks like little dots everywhere but it is actually scratches..some deep just from my finger nails!!!!!  Tram makes my skin itch.

Anyway, thanks for listening.

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by daudi81, Apr 27, 2010
Well it's been a little over 3 weeks, so day 22-23 I think. I just finished the last of the small amount of Klonopin the doc gave me, it ran out on Sunday. Yesterday the anxiety/ache feeling came back, but in a small amount. Much less than it was a couple weeks ago (I think?). So I guess I'm not over the withdrawals, which *****, but I think it's getting better - at least I hope it is.

I guess I'll go back to the doc, pay the ridiculous doc visit fee (I'm not insured at the moment) and see if they will prescribe me some of that blood pressure stuff (chlonidine?). I don't want to be on the klonopin anymore, because it did make me a little tired and I heard it can be addictive too. Does that chlonidine stuff make you tired like klonopin?

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by bethwillprevail, Apr 27, 2010
Karen- I totally agree with Diane about the Tramadol and surgery, considering the amount you have been taking.  Not worth the risk at all.  Just be up front with the surgeon about it.  It is something they deal with more than you think.  I think the tram makes my skin more dry and its funny you mentioned it, but I also scratch my back!!  Weird, huh.  LOL.  My back itches right at my bra strap where I can hardly reach it.  I have caused it to bleed a few times.  At a high dose, it may also be affecting your skin as a side effect.  Might be dose related.  You are not the exception- you can do it!   I am sure at 30 days you will fell some better, then there is the REST OF YOUR LIFE FREE!!  Thats what we all have to continue to focus on, no matter how long it takes.

I also agree that we all must find the way to get off this stuff that works for us, our bodies, our work situation, and our families. And that we must identify why we choose to use trams.  For me it initially was the energy, made me more outgoing, happy, friendly,lost weight, and able to work long hours- that was 10 years ago.  After getting to a certain dose, there was no more energy or feelings of happiness, just a short- 15 miniute period of feeling better, then feeling tired, joint aching, stomach hurting, nausea, and wanting more pills.  I think the first list is why I have gone off twice and then back on- the lure of having the energy etc again.  But thats the lie of it- hooks you back in.  Not this time, with Gods help. I MUST remember how bad I have felt at the end and that I need to just be happy with who I am.  I dont need to be pumped up on this stuff to be happy and sucessful in my roles as a wife, mother, nurse, and grandma.  

I am freezing too!  This is SUCH a huge change for me.  My husband is always freezing while I turn down the AC.  Hopefully this will pass in a while.

Blessings to all
Beth

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by Christina33, Apr 27, 2010
Karen: I understand the "feeling unique" thing but don't sell yourself short. I was up to 30 or more 50mg tabs a day toward the end and had been taking it for a while and I'm doing okay at day 30 - I think a lot of what I'm facing now is just my pre-tram issues - Just dealing with being ME. The itching is normal too - any opiate can do that.

Daudi: I'm glad you're still doing well! clonidine makes you about as tired as klonopin but it doesn't interfere with memory storage as much and is not NEARLY as addictive. The only thing you really have to watch out for is rebound high BP from abrupt stopping after taking it a while.

Well, back to work for me - I'm stalling by reading these posts instead of doing what I need to be doing : )

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by moongirrrl, Apr 27, 2010
Hi Everyone,
I'm a bit too out of it to address you one by one, not that good today, LOL...
I am so proud of you Beth, you're doing great!!!!!!!!
Today is a bumpy day for me. I feel very weighted down and fatigued.
My body also seems to be doing it's own thing...my arm will just
tweak itself into some weird position and sit there,lol...is this normal?
Music helps me alot. Listen to something that makes you happy
but not too fired up, I made that mistake yesterday and my heart
started going over 100...I've been having a high heart beat, but I hear
it's normal during WD.
I didn't realize I was supposed to identify, I'm sorry.
Too lazy to read the read before posting. Arghh...

I was first given tramadol 50's by my pain mngmt doc.
They made me feel so good. So full of energy and ready
to take on anything. Then it happened. They turned on me.
I started ordering trams on the internet. I could do it,
I was super mom. I could work, clean, afford trams.
Life was good. But, it was a lie. And I knew it.

You see, I had been in recovery before.
I lost 7 yrs to tramadol. All my clean time
in NA and AA. I was very involved in both,
at the regional level.

I didn't know what hit me.
I just wanted to function daily like everyone else.

Before too long I was taking 16 50 mg trams daily
and sinking fast...I couldn't keep up with my body's
need for the tram to accomplish anything.

I caved. My hubby had cybersex with about 3 women
and was chatting with about 20 more on Myspace.

I had a complete breakdown and kicked the trams.
It was hell for a month, but I don't even remember
it now. You know how that is, right?

So, after dealing with my DDD pain for about 6 mos,
I went the doc. Searching. I was put on Ultram 300mg ER
and was told it's a much safer way to go.

MY BUTT.

Other things I was taking at this time,
that I didn't need and got myself off of:

Lexapro, tizanidine, soma, buspar, sometimes ambien and xanax.

And of course, cutting my ERs in half to supplement my 300s.

Well, I of course switched docs from the one who had me on all the
above listed crap, and will maybe sue. Not sure yet. I could've died.
Check the interactions on all those together. Apparently they
never did...

Once I was off of the psych drugs we all found out what
was really wrong with Lisa.

ADHD. Highly. Diagnosed for the first time at age 41.

Ritalin has changed my life. I can't even explain what
it's lke to go from a complete fart in the wind to
someone with actual common sense and the ability
to function and feel normal.

one problem. Doesn't seem to work very well with Ultram.

I need my ritalin, I am on the lowest dose you can take
and my life has improved so much. I know the dangers,
but it's like lithium to a manic for me. I can't explain it.

My doc tartraded me down to 200 mg daily.
Ouch. I supplemented and ran out.

Whined about symptoms to get some 50's.
Saw my chance to jump off and did.

So, here I am.

Sorry for the book, I think it's more for me
than you so if no one reads this far,
it's still OK:-)

Love and wishes of peace and comfort to you all.

Lisa



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by forget_me_not, Apr 27, 2010
Lisa, so good to read your post (and yes, I read it all the way through!).  Welcome and may you find lots of encouragement and help here.

Lexapro and Tramadol could have been a problem together.  I'm so glad you are OK.  Kudos for kicking the other stuff (all of which might have been addicting, except Buspar, which I'm not sure about).  And I am glad the Ritalin is helping with the ADD.  How long have you been experiencing symptoms from that?

I actually thought, for a long time after quitting tramadol, that I might have had it and the tram was masking it.  Many of the ADD drugs act on noradrenaline and dopamine, which of course Tramadol also acts on.  So it would have explained why, as long as I took it, I was superwoman.  I could concentrate on six things at once and not miss a beat.  Once I quit, though... I couldn't remember ANYTHING.  My concentration was zero.  I had to seriously lower my expectations for a LONG time.  But now, for the most part, much of that has resolved and I feel much more confident in my cognitive self.

Emotionally...another story.  I had depression long before tramadol, and it seems to be worse now.  I'm 233 days free (Yay!), but I have noticed a pretty significant increase in the depression problems.  Acute WD: terrible, suicidal.  Now, just bouts of severe depression that are not responding so far to treatments.  I'm still exploring medicines that could help.  I am not going to stop.  My brain was broken before I started this poison three years ago, and the SNRI action seems to have somehow made it worse.  Or maybe it would have gotten worse, anyway.  I don't know.  It's a problem, though.

For those of you who had depression/anxiety problems before starting the tramadol, don't be too surprised if they flare back up.  And DON'T hesitate to get help.  We self-medicated with tramadol, most of us, for a long time.  It's just a matter of finding a different, more effective route.  One that won't turn on us and destroy us the way tramadol did.

Anyway.  That's my deal.  YMMV.

love and healing to all.
~fmn

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by forget_me_not, Apr 27, 2010
Lyrics from a song playing as I was typing:

"Every day I take a bitter pill
That gets me on my way
For the little aches and pains,
The ones I have from day to day.
It helps me think a little less
About the things I miss
It helps me not to wonder
How I ended up like this."

Music never lies.

That was me.

~fmn

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by moongirrrl, Apr 27, 2010
forget-me-not:

I have had ADHD symptoms as far
back as I remember. It's all ADHD now,
everyone has some form of HYPER that's ADHD.
Mine is talking too much. Otherwise, I'm
a slug,lol...it's worth checking into
for yourself, I recommend it.

233 days is phenomenal!!! I'm very
happy for you.

I can relate to the lyrics.
I listen to TOOL. I'm one of
those, lol...but it really helps
me. It's about lessens, pain,
and getting past these things,
so it really does help.

I hope you find your
puzzle piece soon.
Ritalin was mine,
or I'd still be searching.

Lisa

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by moongirrrl, Apr 27, 2010
“Life is thickly sown with thorns, and I know no other remedy than to pass quickly through them. The longer we dwell on our misfortunes, the greater is their power to harm us.”-Voltaire

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by 4leefclover, Apr 27, 2010
Hello Warriors All
Lisa- I've been loving your posts. Coming off Tram is one of the biggest and hardest things I have done in my life. FMN says it so well....the 'stuff' going on before the Tram was waiting in the tall reeds and grasses...LOOMING large when the Tram came on board...I felt GREAT!! except I was more emotionally labile....I had used Lithium in years past but had been off a mood stabilizer for 10 years...NOW I am on one and need it...the SNRI w/d in the weeks following the 5-7 days of opiate he!! were so daunting...I thought I was going to spontaneously com-bust from the waves of anxiety and depression...this w/d woke up my sleeping dragon.....kept at bay...finally with a few psychotropic meds...STILL using clonidine for anxiety and sleep...my shrink (ok ok psychiatrist) says it's ok....just not to discontinue it suddenly...not habit forming and works well for the anxiety
BTW read your long post and it was very special   thank you!!
Hi Daudi- nice work....I really like the clonidine and hope it works well for you...glad you are seeking help..I went to the DR many, many times during this w/d.....NO MORE TRAM...whatever it takes  keep going!
Cristina- you are doing such a nice job, Hon
Hi PAT...you rock!
Beth- you describe the 'let down' so well...Tram turns on us.....it sure did for me...yuck...pretty soon using just to ward off the w/d.....nothing left but a mere shadow of my former self.....(this in reference to the weight loss, too...which BTW I liked a lot)
what a terrible price to pay
HI FRED...

ok ALL
you people are amazing   keep going!!

all is well
You are Loved
Sasha
clean since Feb 3


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by bethwillprevail, Apr 27, 2010
Hi all,

Had a decent day- only one 50mg tram, so 50 less than yesterday.  Felt bad on and off, but overall not like yesterday.  Still achy and tired but I took Asprin and a little xanax, which really seemed to work.  I may try for 25mg tomorrow, but I have to work, so....we will see if I can tolerate it.  25 mg seems almost not worth messing with- but I guess if I get feeling too bad I may change my mind. I can feel my mind relaxing- not so racing up as it always was on the trams.  That feels like a really good thing.  I am really hungery- not liking that too much.  But I count all my blessings and you all have certainly been blessings to me the past few days and I expect will continue to be as I get to day 0 and beyond.

Moongirl- Love the quote.  Life is sown with thorns.  We have all passed through many.  The older I get the more accepting I am of this fact and when they come again, I just pray and know that God will see me through.  He always does.  He has a way of working on us through those thorns.  On the thorn bush comes roses too- don't forget that!   Better to think on those.  :)

Hope everyone has a good night sleep...

Beth


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by LeaAnn807, Apr 28, 2010
Hello to all of my trama-hating friends! LOL  I am so proud of all the newcomers and those who are tapering, WDing or like me and been off of it for a bit!  WAY TO GO everybody!

Beth, you are doing great!  Aching is normal.  So is the tired feeling.  It will get better before long.  Just hang in there, ok?

Lisa, bless your heart.  You have been through quite a lot.  I am proud of you for doing this.  I don't have ADHD, but just my normal amount of crazy, wall climbing hyperactivity sometimes drives me crazy!  I am glad you are aware and dealing with it.  

fmn, 233???  WOW!  That is awesome.  You are my hero-of-the-day!

Christina, 30 days is a REAL accomplishment.  SO proud of you!

daudi, I have taken clonidine for a long time.  I take .1 mg, 2 times a day, or I can take both at night, which is what I usually do, because if I take it at night it will make me a little sleepy.  It is much safer than Klonopin in my opinion.  It is just a BP med and not a benzo.  (which I am sure you know)  I have been through WD a lot of times, and I have switched one drug for another several times.  That is why I don't ever tell anyone to take a benzo.  They can be useful and safe for some people.....JUST NOT ME!  Anything that can even remotely make me feel good can be addicting for me.  I'm just that "type" I guess!  Lucky me.....

Karen, the scratching?  YES....yes, yes, yes!  I have scratched my legs so many times that I have a little scaring.  I would even do it during the night and wake up bleeding.  YUCK!  It's perfectly normal for this type med I think!  It does stop when you stop the pills though.  Or...mine did!

JMA, I was glad to read that someone else was always hot when taking tram and then constantly cold when in WD!  I was so hot that I thought I was going through early menopause or something.  I never attributed it to tram until I started reading.  I knew what the cold was, obviously, but the hot had me stumped.  Needless to say....I am not hot like that anymore!

Pat, 5/12 is your date of freedom, huh?  Good for you!  I am so happy for you! Life is waiting!!!  Your taper has impressed me!  I never was able to do it.  You are doing so well!

Well, goodnight everybody.....I hope!!!

Big smiles and hugs all around!

TH

PS...Sasha.....I am so, so, so happy that you are still hanging around!  Are you still taking clonidine too?  I remember you saying that you took it when I was starting, but I wasn't sure if you still do and how it's working?



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by Onedaynow, Apr 28, 2010
Starting day 13 Tram free and the third night of pure insomnia, AHHHHHHH!!!!! I keep telling myself eventually I have to get so tired that I will sleep but boy this is frustrating in the meantime.

Itching, absolutely yes. My skin was really itchy and dry. That has already improved.

I love all the lyrics and quotes, how very appropriate to they are. I have been so into music since getting off the tram (and during the end of my taper). It is like you can feel the music again and it is just good for your soul.

OK I am just too tired to write and make any sense but I will go through these posts again and read, read, read.

My thoughts are with all of you!

Diane

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by junkie_jess, Apr 28, 2010
Hi fighters:
To FOF,fmn and onedaynow,you have no idea how much it meant for me to read every single word you wrote when I revealed my epiphany, I’ve read them many times, I’m not religious, but definitely spiritual and I’m really starting to think that running in to this forum on a terrible day ,at a point where there had been pure darkness for months, was part of “the plan”.
Now I owe it to you guys to do well and finish this journey and get rid of this white monster.
It’s amazing that you all managed to maintain your social status while tram was ruling your life, now that I’m starting to see things more clearly, tram has been like an abusive jealous husband who disconnected me from the world outside and the people who had the ability to laugh at certain things or be sad or excited or anxious, to me these people were disgusting, couldn’t bear to see their ridiculous exhausting lives, cause I was totally numbed out,thanx to my daemon friend  I was dead from the inside, nothing was interesting or sad or exciting.
Now it’s just as if I’ve been awakened six feet under the ground, trying really hard to breathe, stretching my hands to the real world for something with a pulse and THERE IS ABSOLOUTLY NO ONE! Gush, saying it out loud was horrible, all day long I keep getting these flash backs of when I was still human and I’m generally really friendly and caring and kind,I keep remembering those who left and days when I mattered to someone at least. This is not loneliness, this is way beyond loneliness, I feel more like an alien,it’s excruciating.
Your strength and courage is unbelievable , you’re THE ONLY people who I can talk to,20,000 miles away.


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by winfield333, Apr 28, 2010
hi,
i hope i dont upset anyone by writing here, my partner is addicted to tramadol. i dont know how many he takes but i know that he takes alot. i hear him from the door taking the pills out of the package...he always says he wants to stop and said hes reducing the amount and he's keeping at it but i dont feel in my heart hes telling the truth.i have read some posts on here and can see how hard it is to stop using it... please tell me something i can do to make him stop using it he's always angry, depressed all the time, im worried he could hurt himself....i know its due to the addiction but i want to know, is there any way i can do something to make him want to stop using. is there something one of you feel 'hey if my partner did this it would have helped alot'? or do you think i should keep the same and let him want to do it.  i hope no one is upset by me writing and asking, im sorry if i have offended anyone and thank anyone that can guide me. i feel that no one will understand exactly how it is unless they are going through the same thing thats why i thought id ask here/

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by bethwillprevail, Apr 28, 2010
WOW- had a really bad night with RLS.  Never really know exactly what RLS was- a simple definition does not do it justice! . Now I know what all of you have written about!!  I took the Nyquil at bedtime- still woke up about 1 hr after I went to sleep and could not lay still at all.  Really bad.  So I got up and took a hot bath in the second bathroon so not to wake my husband.  This did help, but not completely.  Took a 1/4 of a tram to try to help it, but I doubt that did anything.  I did finally go to sleep at 4a.  Now I need to get to work today. I am still determined to finish this fast taper and get to day 0 by Friday or maybe even tomorrow.
Winfield- You need to tell your partner your observations and that you will help get them through to the end.  Maybe show then this blog so he can see others are here who know exactly what he is going through.  It has helped me so much!  We are all here to support him.
Junkiejess- you are NOT ALONE!!  We may be miles apart, but we all share a very important common bond!  Hang in there.  Do you have a dostor you could confide in and maybe get additional help?   You will come out of the fog.  Hang in there.  Your life is ahead and without these devil pills , will be a good one!  Just keep posting and we will help you all we can.

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by Karen2010, Apr 28, 2010
Hi Beth, Hylands Restless Legs should help you.  Many people on this board have swore on it that it takes away the most aggressive restless legs.  The only thing is you have to take more than what is prescribed but it is all natural so not to worry. You can get it at the drugstore. You put the pills under your tongue and let them dissolve.

The only issue I had with these the last time I tried to quit was I developed a sore on my tougue for putting so many in my mouth the night before.  Really bothered me every time I drank something or ate.  I was trying to stop the Tram and that didnt help. But my experience didnt happen to the majority.

All, my doctor approved the Tram for surgery?!  The nurse left me a message.  I thought he would call me to ask how much I was taking but she just said he said it was ok.  I told the nurse I was abusing it that I was in withdrawal in morning so more than likely the day of surgery I will take some before surgery. I asked if I should post pone the surgery until I get this out of my system.  She never asked me how much I was taking just took this info to the doctor. I thought for sure he would call me and then I was going to tell him how much.  He just said it was ok?!  hmmmm

Well, I will do my best to cut back as much as possible to get it as out of my system as possible.

Beth, if you are only taking 50mg ..my gosh I commend you!  If I was only taking 50mg a day I would just not take any.  Two 50mg would not even phase me.  I tried once cutting back 2 pills from my 8 I usually have in mornings...felt terrible most of the day.  You are doing GREAT.

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by LeaAnn807, Apr 28, 2010
Jess, you are still human and friendly, caring and kind!  It's just that you lost sight of your positive traits during the time you have taken tram.  It robs us of normal functions.....brain AND body!   It gets better honey!  I promise.  

Beth, are you taking mag/cal supplement at night?  That helps.  The best thing I found was Hyland's Leg Cramps.  It has quinine in it.  Maybe that is what helps, but whatever it is, it does the trick.  Your determination is inspiring!  You are doing great.  

Diane, I still have some insomnia after almost 2 months!  It's crazy.  I do sleep better...no doubt.  But I am also awake a lot.  That is probably the most frustrating thing of all for me!  

Winfield...welcome!  This is a great place for you or him to read and get questions answered.  I know it is hard to have someone you love going through this.  There is nothing you can do to "make" him stop.  All you can do is be there for support when he is ready.  We have to get really sick of this life to make a change.  Kind of "get angry" attitude toward the pills.  I can tell that you really want to help him by what you said and by the fact that you are here in general, trying to get advice.  No one will be upset or offended.  I admire you for trying to help!  

Love to all!

TH

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by winfield333, Apr 28, 2010
i just want to thank everyone for being so nice. i feel much more comfortable now.
i have spoken to him about this site and i know deep down that he is going to pop in and check it out ;) ive told him of some of the simillar symptoms ive read and he was surprised. so im glade he knows hes not alone. i hope you all achieve the best in your new lives.
best wishes :)

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by lilolejen, Apr 28, 2010
Hello,

   I have a question that I hope I can get some help with. About 1 month ago my doctor put me on Tramadol HCL 50 mg 1 every 8 hours as needed  for arthritis thumb pain. I take maybe 1 every 3-4 days. My husband advised me to look up info on Tramadol as he had heard it is addictive even though it was given to me as a "non-habit" forming pain pill.Well now I have found this web site and it is scaring me to death. Should I be worried? They do give me a slight buzzy feeling and also help with the pain but I don't find myself "craving" them. I dont even think about them when I am not in pain. He gave me 90 with 5 refills. What warning signs should I look out for so that I don't get hooked on them? I dont have an addictive personallity and have never been addicted to anything before ( except caffine). You all have my best wishes and my heart goes out to all of you, I just don't want to end up where you are.

Thanks!!

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by EmilyPost, Apr 28, 2010
This thread is closed

Please post on Part 32!

http://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/show/186824/Tramadol--Ultram-Recovery-Room-Part-32?personal_page_id=142

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by forget_me_not, Apr 28, 2010
Lilojen,

Hello!  Thank you for writing, and I hope you'll find the information here helpful and "pass it on" to anyone you feel might benefit from it.  SO many of us (including me) were prescribed this drug under the fable that it isn't habit forming, that it's safe.  Well, as you'll see here, that isn't really the case.

Warning signs I'd look for if I were in your shoes:

Liking the "buzzy" feeling and finding yourself taking one, occasionally, because they make you feel better (no judgment in this; we've all done it.)

Taking more than you normally do because you are experiencing NEW or WORSE pain that you didn't have before you started taking it.

Feeling foggy, fatigued, depressed, and taking the medicine to help with energy.

As you might have read, tramadol has a very powerful SNRI anitdepressant in it, which is absolutely horrific to discontinue once tolerance has developed.

I'm not one to offer unsolicited advice...but I can't help myself when it comes to tramadol.  If I were you, I'd ask the doctor to look into other options for the arthritis pain.  Tramadol is extremely dangerous.  At your dose you MIGHT NOT ever develop a problem.  But that's not a chance I would advise anyone to take.

Thank you so much for being here.  If we can be of any further help, we will!

JESS...hang in there, sweetheart.  You can beat this drug, and when you do, the good, smart, sweet girl you are will STILL be there.  The fog from this crap is unbelievable.  It obscures everything, inside and out.

TH: I still had bouts of sleeplessness at two months, too.  It's short-lived, though.  Just chalk it up to those "healing symptoms".  You're getting really close to consistently good sleep at this point.

WINIFIELD: You might ask your partner lovingly to come with you to the computer and read some of these journals.  If he's tried unsucessfully to quit before, he's probably feeling pretty hopeless and defeated at this point, and ashamed and scared, too.  Ask if he'd be willing to come here and talk to us.  We are a no judgment zone, and he'll be welcomed with open hearts.

BETH: you're going to be fine!  I remember the first time I had the RLS from hades, too.  I was sitting on the sofa trying to relax, and WHAM...and I thought, "Ohhhh...That's what that feels like!"  And it got worse, of course.  Legs, arms, entire body felt like it had ants crawling just under the surface of my skin.  But the grand news: It's Temporary!!!!

You guys are all AWESOME, and I am SO proud of each of you.  Fight on, warriors.

~fmn

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by moongirrrl, Apr 28, 2010
Hi Everyone,
Wow. Finally hit those days of hell I've been expecting.
I knew it was too good to be too that it would be
THAT easy. I'm now on day two of ZERO Trams.
You know what that means to me:-)
I am starting to really feel the depression, and sometimes
I'm claustriphobic from the w/d symptoms, I just want
to escape them. I have been able to do that with:
music, food (when I'm able to eat), watching TV or a movie,
soooo hard for an ADHD,lol!
I cannot stress enough how much the epsom salt baths
have helped me.
I thank everyone for your support, and I'm here to help
anyone I can. If you can find someone to help, it will
help you. More than you know!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gets you out of your own head, which is not
a safe place to be during this time. Do not believe
the sadness, it's a LIE. be HAPPY you're going through
this it means you are going to be TRAM Free very soon.
Think about it: You live maybe 4000 weeks. Giving up
a few to be free from this horrible horribleness is
beyond worth it and We Are Worth It!!!!!!!!!
I hope everyone gets through this day as comfi as
possible, and remember:
This Too Shall Pass.
Lisa

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by LeaAnn807, Apr 28, 2010
Hey, Lisa.  Emily moved the page over!  Copy and paste your comment over there!!! : )

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by sweetjenjen, May 02, 2010
Sorry I haven't been back. I am currently on 2 50mg twice a day. Which is better than 100mg 3 times a day. I went through WD once, and I got myself off. During my WD, I wanted to kill myself. I wanted to jump out of my skin, pick my body up and throw it into a brick wall over and over again. WORSE thing I have ever been through. I am seeing a new doc that is helping manage the dosage I am taking b/c before I was not monitored and increased my dosage not thinking it was going to hurt me.

When I have my first WD, I was taking 200mg 3 times a day. FOUR PILLS 3 times a day, and I came STRAIGHT off of it b/c my doc refused to call me in anymore. I can't stress how miserable I was, and I stayed off them until I found my Neurosurgeon. I have 3 herniated discs in my back, AND a 2 year old....so it is very tough for me to do ANYTHING with her without some sort of pain relief. I told the Neurosurgeon about my WD on Tramadol and that I did NOT want back on. Well, he refused to give me something else, and said TRamdol or nothing. Soooo I took it. And now it has been a year straight on them.

I feel like a drug addict. I have hopped from doc to doc hoping for a cure, and I am givin these pills. The first time I was on Tram, I had NO idea about the risks. My doc said it was safe to take for Chronic pain, but when I would run out, I would have to go in or call and beg for a refill, they never added refills to my script. I should hvae stopped then, but I looved how it wouldn't mess me up like most pain relievers, and it would give me energy and pain relief!!!

I am taking 100mg a time now, and it isn't helping which means my dosage will soon need to be adjusted but I am going to talk my doc into helping me come off them safely and without as many WD symptoms. I can't go through that again!

Thank you all for the support, I have a feeling I will be leaning on this for help through-out my ordeal. I may not check often but soon I will, it takes me time to get used to different places :) If I didn;t have this page bookmarked, I would have never found it LOL

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by Lornaallen, May 08, 2010
Hi, erm I don't know what to do. I had tramodol 4 years ago after a severe opp and I was taking over 12 a day for 3years to cope with going back to work which I was being bullied there and for my weight. However it spiraled out of control It Was making me loose so much weight which I was happy about and i felt it was the only way to cope. Before I lost my job I was taking over 20 a day and was so out of it I didn't know what to do that's how I lost my job. I then became so suicidal I took 75 tramdols and wanted to end it. It's been six months now and I've cut down to 2 a day. But I don't know if I can cope any more, I feel like I've let u guys dwn and everyone else. I'm a recluse now and get scared going out, I had a breakdown but the doctor said it wud be months before I can have any help. I just wana go to sleep and not wake up that's how I feel. please help.
Lorna

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by cabalerro, May 15, 2010
Hello, today is Friday 5/14/10. I have never posted before. My wife and I have been reading for the last few weeks or so. We are in the Tramadol Hell as most of you are or have been. We take about 300mg a day each. We are WELL AWARE of the withdrawl symptoms.  Our addictive history has seen alot of drugs, and happy to say we have overcome all of them.  Our last was getting off Vicodin,.....we used Tramadol, without knowing what we know now......By far Tramadol has been the worst that we have come up against.  We are planning on withdrawing this next weekend, 5/22, 5/23.  I am planning on taking a couple of sick days off work (mon. tue.)  We plan on visiting a Doc., and explaining everything to him/her, and asking for some prescrips, maybe some Valium or Xanax. I absolutely cant take more than 4 days off work (sat.sun.sick--mon.tue.)  We have some Vicodin on hand that we will use if needed, knowing that vics are not a problem.  Our questions are this,....Are other prescriptions usefull in getting through the withdrawal???!!! Can I realisticlly get back to work in four days??!!  Thank you for this website, and all your postings, we have benifited from reading them.....I wish we would have learned of this drug before we started taking it.  It is a TERRIBLE drug!!!! Warn anyone thinking of taking this drug, we do, never take it. Thank you    

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by laurel453, May 15, 2010
hi, cabalerro.

i think this is an old thread, pls, copy your post in the current thread,  part 33 :)

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