Who Ever

Hello;  I just thought I'd get on here & let you know that you're not alone.  I'm a 41 y.o. mom of a 20 y.o. drug addict.  My son sounds alot like yours.  I'm not sure what all he uses, but he's been shooting heroin along with whatever other ways he finds to get high.  His g.f. is 26 and she's an addict, too.  They have a beautiful 5 mo. old baby & I worry about him constantly.  Neither of them have a job.  They've been living with me for going on 2 years.  Recently I told my son I wanted him to sign custody of the baby over to me, but of course, they refused.  When they're "clean", they take good care of the baby.  Even when they're high, they're attentive, but no one is a good parent when they're high, nor is it ever a safe environment.  My son doesn't have a car either because the one I bought for him a few years ago he never took care of.  The engine blew on it several weeks ago & now it's sitting in my driveway & if he doesn't get it off my property within a few days, I'll end up being fined by the city.  Every day I go home & get onto him about getting rid of the car & every day he has another stupid excuse as to why it isn't gone yet.  Even when he had jobs for short periods of time, he never spent his money on maintaining his car.  It's always all gone for drugs, cigarettes, or stupid stuff like fast food.  You can read more about my situation if you care to read my journals.  My son actually detoxed at home several weeks ago.  It wasn't fun.  He had the horrible body aches, stomach cramping, vomiting, sweating, diarhea.  2 different hospitals that were supposed to help heroin addicts turned us away.  The 3 days of pure Hell was a total waste of time because he went right back to the junk, probably not even a week later.  What I'm finding through my own personal experience and through everything I've read and researched so far is that we CAN'T help UNTIL our sons make the decision that THEY really and truly want to quit.  I put my son in a Christian bootcamp when he was 15 for an entire year.  Of course, he was drug free while he was there.  I'd bet he was back on the drugs within 3 months of coming home & has been on them ever since.  He tells me now that the bootcamp made him worse.  I paid $300 for the neuropsychiatrist & the subutex he took a few weeks ago when he "thought" he wanted to get clean.  It was $300 I didn't have, but was happy to come up with if it meant helping my son get clean.  $20,000 on Teen Challenge didn't work 4 years ago & $300 for the doctor & meds didn't work 3 weeks ago.  

Until our SONS start looking for the answers that we so desperately seek, they aren't going to kick this.  The question ends up being how much we can take & how long we can mentally handle standing by them.  I take one day at a time, but I am really suffering from depression over my son's addiction.  It makes it so much MORE difficult when we have to worry about our grandchildren's safety.  

I will pray for your son today.  I doubt I've helped you at all.  I just wanted to let you know you're not alone.