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I wonder sometimes

Apr 12, 2010 - 0 comments
Tags:

wondering

,

on top

,

bad cliche

,

energy

,

giggling

,

manic

,

Gymnastics

,

mindset

,

TIRED

,

sack of potatoes

,

organization

,

culinary

,

freak

,

good grades

,

SMART

,

bakery

,

johnson and wales

,

Criminal Justice

,

imagination

,

size

,

steve

,

Basketball

,

banana

,

sulking

,

sleep



But that's healthy, isn't it?

I'm really on top of things. To be honest, I feel so wonderful. I'm a little upset at my lack of depth and unnecessary intellectual thoughts. I miss those things. But you can't have your cake and eat it too. And I would rather eat my cake than carry it around in my cake carrier. I have the energy of a child, although I'm paying for it through the nose. My body is not that of a childs anymore. Yes, I'm young. but Im out of shape and mind. I giggle at nothing and I don't walk, I bounce. I can't help yelling and everything needs to be in it's place. I was overwhelmed looking at all the choices for how I was feeling today, to give you a little picture. I want to do gymnastics so badly. I'm remembering my dedication and how every mindset I had as a lonely seven year old was how to get better. How to get stronger. How to make believe I was more capable. I want to go back and I want to learn. Please, let me get past this and learn. I just miss it so much. I want to do splits and pull ups and push ups and bars and I'll even dance, I swear.

I'm itching with energy, but I wear myself out. I find that if I give myself that second of relaxation, I will drop like a sack of potatoes. And we can't have that, can we?

Otherwise, I organized all the plates, hotel pans, platters, bowls, show plates, serving bowls, and everything else I could find to organize by color/material/size. It was fun. I'm such a freak. I was happier by myself stacking bowls than talking to other people. Ah well.

I'm powering through Algebra. And Crim. And English. Try to stop me, I dare you. I'll rip your head off. I got an 89 on my Culinary vocab quiz, when the highest grade was a 93. I'm smart. Why do I ever let anyone tell me any different? I'm going to go to college and I'm going to own a bakery and I'm gonna know the law and I'm gonna learn my splits and nobodies going to tel me anything different. Nobody could, honestly. Even thinking to myself that they might it sounds insane. I'm smart, ok? I'm not trying to blow up my head, I'm trying to get it back to normal size. Let me have this atleast. Let me have my brain and imagination and size. Just those. Please.

I hung out at Steve's. We ate and played basketball. I'm as bad at it as I was when I was 10! I had fun though, you know? I ate a banana and sulked, but that's no fun and I chose not to think about it right now. I want to go to bed. I am very tired and I have things I need to do. I'm going to sleep like an angel. There aren't enough friggin hours in the day.

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