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SO DEPRESSED.....

Jul 23, 2008 04:09PM - 2 comments

GOD, FORGIVE ME FOR WHAT I HAVE DONE.  I AM SO SORRY FOR DOING THIS TO MY MAN.  I WAS DUMB AND STUPID.  ALL I WANT IS TO BE HAPPY AND HEALTHY SO THAT I CAN BE WITH MY KIDS AND SEE THEM MARRIED AND WITH THEIR OWN KIDS.  I DONT WANT TO MISS THEM GROWING UP.  I AM SO SORRRY FOR WHAT I DID....I CANT SLEEP OR EAT...I'M FEELING SYMPTOMS AND IS KILLING ME INSIDE...I DONT KNOW, I TOOK A TEST WITHIN 30 DAYS AND THE NURSE, AND DOCTORS SAID THATS A GOOD THING....IT CAME OUT NEGATIVE, BUT I'M REALLY SUPPOSED TO WAIT 3 MONTHS.  IT WILL BE 3 MONTHS ON SEPTEMBER 18.  I AM SO AFRAID OF WHAT I MIGHT DO IF ITS POSITIVE.  I'M GONNA BREAK MY FAMILY'S HEART AND MY MAN'S.  I AM SO SCARED.  I GOT A BUMP ON MY FACE KINDA FLAT 19 DAYS AFTER EXPOSURE...OF COURSE I PANICKED....I GOT A RASH ABOUT 5 DAYS AGO...WELL NOT SURE IF ITS A RASH BUT I'M ITCHING ALL OVER...TWO DAYS AGO I MY NOSE HAD WHAT LOOKED LIKE A ZIT AND NOW IS RED ALL OVER AND SORT OF PEELING..I DONT KNOW AND I ALSO HAD ANOTHER FLAT LOOKING THING ON THE OTHER SIDE OF MY FACE THAT ONCE I PPUT BENADRYLL IT WENT DOWN BUT IS STILL THERE JUST VERY SMALL AND NOW I HAVE DIARREAH.  IT STARTED TODAY..  SO FAR IT SEEMS LIKE ARS SYMPTOMS.  ALREADY WENT TO THE BATHROOM 3 TIMES.  I AM SCARED.  IDK WHAT TO DO ANYMORE....I LOVE MY BABIES SO MUCH AND THEY SEE ME CRYING EVERYDAY.  I CANT EVEN THINK.  I HAVE BEEN ON THE INTERNET FOR TWO WEEKS STRAIGHT JUST READING ON SYMPTOMS AND **** I CANT TAKE IT.....I FEEL LIKE IM GOING CRAZY.  I TRIED TELLING MY MAN WHATS GOING ON...BUT I COULDN'T....I TRIED TO BUT IT JUST COULDN'T COME OUT....HE LEFT WORK TO TRY AND GET IT OUT OF ME AND I JUST COULDNT SAY A THING TO HIM.  I KNOW THAT MY LIFE IS OVER IF I HEAR THAT IM POSITIVE....AND TO THINK....I FEEL SO LONELY RIGHT NOW IMAGINE WHEN EVERYONE FINDS OU(GOD FORBID)........SORRY FOR BEING SO NEGATIVE ABOUT THINGS GOD.....I JUST ASK FOR YOUR FORGIVENESS FOR EVERY STUPID THING THAT I'VE DONE.....EVERY WRONG MOVE I MADE....IM TIRED OF CRYING.....

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by Applecakes, Jul 25, 2008 10:37PM
Although nothing that anyone could possibly tell you would be of little solace to you, I can vouch to say that after nearly SIX weeks of negative HIV testing, I had EVERY symptom in the book that "clearly pointed to" HIV: Sweats, chest tightness, spleen discomfort, frequent urination, joint pain, back pain, fullness of the ears, rashes, constipation, frequently minimal bowel movements, diarrhea, dry coughs, breakouts, exhaustion, lymph node enlargement (which turned out to be my NORMAL sized lymph nodes), pain that radiated from the buttocks all the way down to feet, burning sensation in lower extremities, etc. I went to the health department, got tested, and it was conclusively negative. The adviser at the health department left with some less than encouraging parting words, and the cycle started ALL OVER AGAIN---so the NEXT day, I was admitted into the emergency room for ALL of these symptoms. They did a BATTERY of tests: Xrays, blood tests, urine, etc. And guess what? After ALL of that, they found NOTHING out of order---not an infection, no pneumonia, nor URI, not UTI, no WBC counts out of order ... ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! I was COMPLETELY normal. That's when I knew that it was time to STOP worrying because after FOUR weeks, people usually know when they have been infected. ALL of my symptoms were manifested by STRESS AND ANXIETY. You worry yourself into SICKNESS! Don't do it to yourself! It's not worth it to sit in the hospital hooked up to machines, IVs, poked and prodded, FOR NO REASON! I don't know your risk, but chances are, YOU ARE NOT INFECTED. Symptoms mean NOTHING---because ALL symptoms of HIV can be the SAME symptoms of STRESS. So RELAX, and stop worrying about something you don't have. Take the test, and get happy!

by david3, Aug 05, 2008 08:59PM
You're in my prayers and I send you my best wishes. I am sure everything will be alright. Just want to confirm what Applecakes said: at four weeks, most people will test positive, so you're negative test is highly encouraging. In the other hand, I don't know what risky behaviour you had, but it would be really good if you talk to your husband about this. After all, he's the person you should trust most in these moments. Send you my best wishes, and let us know how all this goes.


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