my mood has definitely changed since yesterday.....

Well, yesterday I was so excited about my tapering schedule...and what do I do on day two. I didn't stick to it. I had to go back to work at 4:30 am this morning, tried to sleep at 8pm last night and only slept from 1030pm-2am. Not a great way to start the work day! I normally take .25 mg of xanax to sleep at night and evidently its not working anymore. I suppose it has to do with the elevated anxiety from tapering off norcos. I seemed ok and excited about this taper yesterday and it all went to **** today! Ended up taking 5 instead of three. Apparently I need to up the dosage of xanax during the taper as well. Scares the hell out of me because xanax is also addictive, and very serious withdrawals from what I've heard. I've never experienced withdrawal from xanax so I have no idea what its like. I am going to do my best to get back on track with my taper tomorrow and up the xanax a little bit so I can get some rest before work in the morning and avoid the severe anxiety. This anxiety is not only due to just working at my regular job, but also involves completing 80 hours of community service before august 25th (if you want to pm me I'll explain why). Anyway I know everyone has setbacks but geez...I didn't expect to mess up the 2nd day of my tapering. I'm going to try really hard to stick to it. If I find that I can't I'm either going to request 4-5 days off in a row from work to go CT OR check myself into the free detox/rehab near my home for 3-4 days. I've done it at home before, but this time I'm more panicked than I've ever been before. thanks to all for listening (reading, LOL) and even if no one does I really think venting like this helps me out a lot. Feeling better since I sat down and started writing. wish me luck getting back on track tomorrow! :)


Oh and one more thing, not sure if I ever gave any background about me and how this all started~because of 2 shoulder surgeries, now that I'm back to the same job that hurt me in the first place it my shoulder feels the same as it did before both surgeries~yet the surgeon says I'm fine and MAY just have too much scar tissue. what a mess....although I'd rather deal with the pain than my addiction at this point!