Jul 23, 2008 07:40PM
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I think that we often base our opinion of who we are on how we outwardly appear. Most of the time that is okay but recently I find myself having to share details my illness that I have kept private for co-workers and other people that I interact with. I believe that may be to have just a little control over what is going on in my life. The last several days my speech is a mess and today I am at the end of my rope. I couldn't get a sentence out to save my life. I actually had to tell people that I was ill so I didn't sound incompetent. Every word was right on the tip of my tongue but sadly out of reach. Post its are everywhere and I let most calls go to voice mail so I could gather my thoughts before I spoke to people. Obviously, this is a really bad day and I know I can get through but having so darn many in a row is just disheartening. In the past I always had this magic number of days that I would shoot for to get back into a remission and my body has never let me down. Now it has and all of the worries of not getting any better are here. I called the doctor because on top of this I still can't get rid of the headache and we are doing the narcotics which I hate. He then told me that my MRI was just like the last one and that I needed relax and try to get through it. Normally, that would sound callous but he just really can't help me. I think I am just really tired and emotional from dealing with this whole mess.
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