This has to stop

Today makes a full week since Maddie left and it has definitely been a week I don't wish to relive.I can't even put into words the emotional rollercoaster I've been on.I do know that I need to get a grip because I can't live with this depression and stress any longer.The last few days I have so much anger I can't even stand to be around myself,let alone  anyone else.I find myself lashing out at people who are just trying to help.People tell me they can't believe this happened and did I call this person or tell that person and I just want to scream at them and tell them YES,YES I've called.They don't call back or they tell me there is nothing they can do to help me or they tell me they don't know how this happened either.I find myself just trying to escape to my room to avoid the phone ringing or the people who stop by. My husband gets to get up everyday and go to work all day long,and although he is hurting too and I know that,at the end of the day he asks 'did you find anything out today?'.If I did doesn't he think I would let him know?Does he even realize I spend my whole day consumed with trying to find something out? I'm here all day.I notice how much different the house feels,I look at her toys and her clothes that just sit there now all day long.I listen to her sister ask countless time a day about where Maddie is and I tell our story at least 2-3 times a day to some idiot on the phone who is supposed to work for this wonderful system we have in place to protect children only to come away more fustrated and confused but mostly angry.I have to find a way to deal with this.Feeling like my head is going to explode every second of every day isn't helping anyone,not Maddie,not her sister,not my kids or my husband and it's certainly not helping me any.I continue to pray about it and I will continue to make the phone calls and hope that today will be the day that I get the right person on the phone who will give me the answers I need and not just brush me off.I had no idea this system was so messed up and I feel for all those who have walked before me.I need to find a way to make a difference so that all those who come behind me will not face so many obstacles,but most importantly so that the wants and needs of these children comes before those of these parents who have yet to prove themselves capable of caring for themselves let alone the children they have brought into this world.Needed to vent.