Aug 06, 2008
Holy Mother of Tramadol FOG!
Early morning and all morning has been ... the height of suckiness. It got better once I just cried. I felt better after that. I think now alot of the emotional stuff is hitting me. I'm not numbed by a drug and I have 5 years of emotional cellular storage to work thru I think.
May I Trust Higher Power to restore me to sanity!?
I got an email this morning from my Mother who says she's coming here in September? I can't even think that far in advance. I'm thinking stuff like, "I have to brush my hair and take a shower." It seems like an insurmountable prospect!
I have such respect for anyone who has come off Tramadol and .... I don't know ... maintained a life?
Mud mud mud everywhere. Walking thru mud.
I just took vitamins and a big cup of Lecithin granules which are supposed to decrease anxiety. I feel frightened and alone. These are DRUG THOUGHTS. But they get scary. It's like randomly losing your mind, and then suddenly; "POP" you are back to "normal."
This is like running a marathon and then, when you are done, they say, "OK! It's time for the Marathon!" You say, "I just ran one?" And they say, "Phish phish no no, it's time for the marathon!"
Marathon Man Pain.
Love and healing,
How in the world am I gonna get to work today? THAT is the question friends. It's only half a day and it seems completely out of the question. My eyes hurt, my brain hurts. The anxiety is lessening. I think I now understand why people bang their own heads against a wall.