Scared I won't notice a recurrent herpes outbreak

I am a female diagnosed with HSV2. I am on 500mg of Valtrex once daily since my first OB. I had my first outbreak in Feb. and DON"T THINK I have had one since. It was a pretty bad outbreak, painful and obvious what was going on. I have been seeing someone and he is negative for HSV. We are wanting to move away from condom use while I stay on Valtrex. I have heard the chances of him catching it from me while I am on Valtrex is about 2-3% per year as long as we refrain from sex during on outbreak. The problem is, I am petrified that I will miss an outbreak or something will be so mild I won't notice and we will have unprotected sex and I may pass it on to him. I usually examine my vagina daily and haven't noticed any blisters, but any slight redness or little itch I end up obsessing about and worry about maybe we shouldn't have had sex the other day etc etc. How do I tell if it is a recurrent outbreak? Around the hole into my vagina, it can look somewhat bumpy, but when I stretch it out a little flatter with my finger it looks like nothng. What is this and is it normal for the skin to look like that there?? If we shower with hot water and soap right after sex, can this also cut the odds of him catching it down?? HELP!! I worry so much and just want to make sure I am aware and not missing something.