Aug 14, 2008
My husband has fibromyalgia and Chronic fatigue and is an alcoholic. Makes it impossible for me to discern which is a "Fibro attack" and which is him just being drunk. He thinks I should be able to tell the difference, but he lies to me about his drinking sometimes so i... [More] ts hard to tell. When he gets really exhausted he slurs his speech and when he is drunk he slurs his speech. When the fibro is acting up, he staggers like he is drunk and sometimes falls down. When he is drunk he staggers like he is drunk, and sometimes falls down. He hides the fact he is drunk behind the fibro too. I hate it.
I want to be supportive but its gotten very bad again. I am tired of always feeling Like I have to wonder if he is capable of taking care of our kids, especially our type I diabetic son. I have to worry! My daughter is perfectly healthy but she is not even six yet. Both my kids are not stupid and are starting to see that dad gets "wierd" sometimes, and are very fond of taking advantage of it.
He's on Veteran's disability as the Fibro was deemed brought on by an injury from his Marine Corp days. His back is really messed up. He's supposed to be working with Dept. of Vocational Rehab but they are not doing hardly anything for him, and while he can take two classes toward a degree, that's it basically. They won't trust him to keep a job either. (And that IS because of the Fibro and CFS). Right now he's outside after being very drunk and falling last night in front of my kids and then denying that he had anything to drink right up until this morning when I questioned him. He gets mad when I get angry about his drinking. It's emotionally traumatizing for me because I am so scared he's going to be out and about and crash into something (on his bike..he lost his license years ago for an actual DWI..and somehow he wonders why I wonder about his drinking). He's crashed on his bike and had to be picked up by the Fire Department who saw him crash. They threatened him with jail or take him home. I don't know if he was drunk at all that day but I suspect it and he simply talked his way out of it.
I do not know what to do. I suspect depression with him but he even talks his way out of that with the mental health people. They are convinced he isn't depressed but this happens almost every time his fibro acts up. I cannot say that he isn't. He's even been on Amnitriptline (sp) and it did the same wierd stuff to him that Ambien does for some people. (Sleep walking, cooking, that sort of thing. and extremely bad dreams where he crys out in pain in appears).
What can I do? I am becoming as depressed as he is and its getting hard to take. I don't want to leave him but I have not the strength to keep up with this never ending cycle and on top of that vet his answers to the "because he is drunk" problem column or the "Fibro acting up and he cannot help it" column.
I had to cancel a babysitting job today and don't know why exactly. He's either getting over being drunk AND having a Fibro day, or he's still drunk and his Fibro is acting up. I am not sure which. But NOW it is affecting MY employment and I am the only one WITH any kind of employment. I cannot work if he cannot take care of our kids..we cannot afford daycare and are not eligible for any human services help here. We use food shelves because we cannot get food stamps.
Any advice would be appreciated as my income level is not that which I can just go in and talk to someone. I am beginning to cry again because I love my husband and I want our family to remain together but cannot figure out this one..its been getting bad again for the past year or so and he doesn't seem to understand why I am angry. He says I have to "trust him" and I cannot because he has lied to me so many times...about the same thing. Most things he will be honest with me about but when he is drinking he will not tell me the truth about it most of the time. This time he admitted it this morning but denied it all night last night, even though he knew I knew he was lying. He's not a good liar..cannot look me in the eye when he is lying and often cannot keep a straight face or keep from getting defensive. However, extremely offended at being called a liar. I told him he is a coward today. I didn't want to but am tired of the pity party he is on. He's 36 years old and its time to grow up...in my opinion. I need help convincing him of this though. To tell the Veteran's administration would be to either get him ordered to treatment (which I am not against but might end our 10 year relationship. I don't know if that would make me crazier than what this is doing to me or not. But it might.
Sorry to double post this, apparently I typed it into the wrong thing. I am an artist and a daycare provider. I'm a pretty smart person most of the time but this stuff turns my brain to mush in a hurry. Its so heartbreaking to see this handsome extremely intelligent man denigrate himself with alcohol and then blame it on a disease that shows similar symptoms. He has been diagnosed..don't get me wrong...the Fibro is very real..I know that but to tell the difference between the two for the person without it is generally not that easy. I don't know how to make him understand that..and I am almost afraid to leave for fear that he will drink himself to death by poisoning himself with the stuff. He was doing really well for like the last two weeks as far as I know (again not that he has been overly honest here) but was only having one to two drinks a night..stiff ones sure..but still not getting "drunk" and staggering. He was sleeping better and stuff too. Then all of a sudden for no apparent reason at all. I mean we are looking at getting our gas shut off by Monday and he has no clue what he is going to do about it. SO I wrote the utilities commission here because their reasons for shutting us off are flawed. (Long story..another post). At any rate, I just need someone to tell me what I can do about this. Is it depression..and if so is it possible for me to intervene without causing him harm..like to his benefits which we need to survive. I have terrible skin allergies of my own, and frankly there are only a few things available to treat them..some expensive and some not even legal. Stress is a factor in my health too, and when this is going on my hands break out and the skin starts to feel. Not only that but I have contact skin allergies to so many things working outside my home is very difficult. I don't have medical insurance so cannot go to a specialist to get the necessary scrapings and things and as long as my husband and I are together I cannot get Health insurance because his income is too much (from the V.A..okay whatever). He's rated unemployable so he gets as much as they will give...took him over 6 years to win it...it was a bitter fight. OMG I am rambling so much. Sorry LOL.
I try to keep my sense of humor but I cannot seem to figure out the lying thing..especially only about this..its like he is 12 or something. I have told him this and to just knock it off..especially when its the only thing he ever lies to me about (as far as I know)