Aug 14, 2008
I have been working on stopping the pain by mastering one pain at a time and felt that I was making some progress. I had discovered that some pains respond to ice, some to lying horizontal, some to exercise, some to arch support and I was beginning to feel more hopeful. The meds for depression seemed to be working and I have not cut myself for at least a year, though I keep on scratching sores open. But two days ago the pain came back very strongly and I've been trying to cope with it. I'm never sure what causes it. It could be the depression, it could be the stenosis, or it could br something I don't understand. Doctors are hesitant to give me pain killers, because of all the medicines I take, because I can hurt myself when the pain gets too bad, and becuase they don't trust me to use them wisely. My old Doctor in Ct. knew me well and knew he could supply me with some painkillers and that I would not abuse them. Up here, I end up taking pills that are for my husband when I get desperate enough. What helps the most is to sleep for the most part of a day and not to feel pain for that day. Then i wake and feel I can brgin to cope again. When the pain gets too pain and lasts too long I get suicidal. I can't imagine living the rest of my life in this pain. No-one really wants to own it or help me find the source. They all say they don't know and send me on out with platitudes.