Aug 09, 2010
I was thinking about things one day and it was at a time when neurological treatment was at its lowest point in my bloodstream. The dissociation from the tardive dysphrenia had emerged again. I was listening to the various bird songs (on online radio) to see which one brought emotional responses and what changes happened from there. The most important was the ivory billed woodpecker. It was somehow frightening to hear the song of a bird that literally no longer existed (and it was a quite significant sound). As I took the various treatments (ginkgo, Pericetam and especially Viimpat and then the Catapres application) I begin to think. I was alone and isolated. In some way being cut off from society I wasn't around. The question was how was I going to change that?
Well the obvious solution was to reach out to others. But how? The obvious start was the family. It had already began to start. I saw my elderly uncle who was (even with the assistance of his home attendant) having trouble climbing the stairs and explained that he needed a wheelchair ramp. Once his doctor had (which was going to happen already as part of follow up) diagnosed and written the prescription for the wheelchair then with that down we worked together to have the specifics down so the wheelchair ramp was installed. The next concern became my grandma. She had had a fall and when I began to discuss her need for a home attendant a family member said "Wait until she falls again. Then we'll see if she can accept the idea." I was unnerved that there still was that thinking in the family but the question was how to work with the family to change that. I explained things to my mom (who of course wasn't the one who said that) and once we had worked together to have an understanding then other family members accepted the idea. And as with all accommodations I stated to my family that my grandma would be part of the process. And it was her neurologist who made the specific determinations. And then that my specific physical accommodations would proceed in the same manner. And as this began to work out then the feeling of apartness, of being alone began to subside.
I did realize that recovery was more than the potential of a case study and there was some evident grandiosity there. The question was what happened after that? Or even if it didn't occur. The first and most crucial step was to take my thinking which before the glycine recovery had been psychotic and completely unable to coordinate things and use it to help others. And then to define my physical accommodations the same way. So today with my mom we did get to visit my grandma. And as I had trouble communicating due to the dysphagia that was the purpose of the IPOD which I had taught myself to use (it had been donated by a family member who no longer needed it). I then enjoyed a walk through a nature preserve to go birding and saw some birds of interest (osprey, least tern, willet, killdeer, brown thrasher, oystercatcher) and I was explaining how the specific reactions to the birds were catatonia (arm flapping motions with specific dissociation) and how that was neurological and when else it would occur and how people could understand it. And my mother was going back to follow up on her own recovery as well. And in the meantime I had seen some other people I knew such as my girlfriend (on my birthday and a week later). So with coordination the family was working together. And I could not say I was alone anymore. And then I could take further steps from there and intend to..