I didn't feel like socializing with Devra this morning. I just don't know how I feel, ok? I just don't. I got lost on the way. I've gone 8 thousand times but I got lost when I tried going on my own. Why can't I just figure things out? Why don't I have any sense of direction?
Sometime next week, hopefully not the week after, I'll get my Ham back. Three sleeping ferrets in the cage. I was thinking this afternoon there seemed to be a lot less poop than the last time I watched Shei's babies. Why is that? Well, a rough half is gone. What the ****.
I started an oil pastel picture of my boys. As humans. I guess it was a wacky idea, especially since I've never touched an oil pastel before. My mom always used to take them out of my art sets and the idea just sortof stuck to me. Still I cringe and kinda wanna put gloves on. They're just messy. Well, not that messy. but I think if I let my guard down they'll just plain melt or something! Anyways, I guess it's not a pretty picture, and it doesn't look like them, but I don't give a ****, it's my picture, how I see them, they're my babies, and I'll do what I want.
I was just in a grumpy mood. I wanted soup, and there wasn't any. I fell asleep on the couch for just a little while and yelled at everyone when I woke up. I had to go to work, and just little things kept going wrong. The whipped cream was over and under whipped at the same time. Fanfreakintastic. Why? Because I made it and went all ADD and walked away. I got yelled at. Because I didn't remember TODAY App Specs were a salad. I only missed one. Because there wasn't enough pie. Because I was thirsty. Because whatever. I had a dessert order from hell, too. It was 8 orders of everything you could ever think of. Then I was stormed with salads, immediately. It was just kindof an upsetting night.
I went to steves and Bad Romance came on and I was coasting home on E and so I just stopped and sat in my car so I could listen and calm down and of course I left my lights on when I finally went inside. Lucky Keri noticed what a retard I am. And steve wanted to listen to his music on youtube and for me to watch the videos and normally I don't mind I was just at the end of my ropes and I wish I could voice that to him. I'm just sad I think. I miss my baby. And I know that's not fair to everyone. I know.