Aug 25, 2010
My baby boy turned 7 months old on Sunday. He still never ceases to amaze me...the constant changes, those grins that make me laugh every time. And I am so happy to say that things have never been better.
PPD really knocked me for a loop. I had always considered myself very self aware, but I didn't see it coming until it hit me head on. It has taken time, therapy and medication, but I am so happy to say I am feeling stronger every day. Don't get me wrong, the panic attacks still happen, but every time I get better at working my way though them. My family deserves a healthy mom and wife and I deserve to not feel this way. I am getting better, I know I am. I refuse to give into this. I now have control, even when I don't feel like I do.
Someone on here pm'ed me recently about this issue. She also suspects she is going through this. So, I thought maybe it could help someone else if I told them about some of the "tricks" I have learned.
1. Recognizing it is an illness...knowing it is hormonal and you are not crazy is half the battle. You can't help it, and it's not your fault. I recite this when I feel a panic attack coming on.
2. Not feeling ashamed...so important. I think as women we feel we have to be perfect mothers, and that having PPD makes us less so. Not the case. Very very few actually do something horrid like hurt their children. For most of us it is a sadness or in my case, extreme anxiety. There is nothing to feel ashamed of. Writing down your feelings, or talking to those that love you helps a great deal.
3. Having what I call my "rational list". I pull this out when I feel a panic attack coming. On it I have written things like "my son is healthy and always has been". "There is no reason to worry or panic, he is and always has been fine". I also have "this is an illness, it's not real". "I am a good mother and a good person". I read it when I feel particularly anxious. It helps so much.
4. Seeking help. I am down to two sessions a month now as I am strong enough to make it through the rest of the time. But I also have support line phone numbers I can call if things get rough.
And most importantly, recognizing it will get better.
I know, really simplistic, but I am going to say that I am proud of myself. Proud I am getting through it, and proud that I was not ashamed to admit I needed help. It feels good to feel good again.