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My life as a drug addict

Jul 09, 2017 - 4 comments

My life as a drug addict is not good it destroyed part of me and still does. I was sent to an approved school and that's were my story starts. I was 12 years old and would not attend my school so I was sent there Dundee I lived in Edinburgh 500 mile round trip. In this school I was abused mentally physically and sexually I started to sniff glue something I learned from older boys not an excuse. But I spent 4 years there. Then I started to smoke weed my dad told me that it would lead to harder drugs how right he was. I started with coke then in 1996 I used heroin for the first time. I did not think you could get physically addicted to any drug. I was wrong I was addicted for 20 years. I have over 500 plus days clean. That is the hardest thing I have ever done getting clean staying clean is harder still. I fight everyday to stay clean my head still to this day still feels foggy. My life has been hard iv lost a lot but so have others so its no excuse others did not turn to drugs they dealt with it. I used drugs to block things out. Only now do I get help. I attend a course called Headway its a course for sexually abused people iv been twice I still have not got into my abuse yet but I'm ready to tell them my story. They no that it caused people to use drugs I pray this will let me understand why I used. The abuse is at the heart of my drug use. I have a family that know my story so my daughter takes me to my appointments. They know about the abuse my addiction to drugs and they understand why. I hope this works for me as I will get the help I need so badly They will council me for the abuse my drug addiction and give me the tools to help myself. They also said that they will find out my triggers. Do you think it will help me I have doubts. I no I need help as I tried to commit suicide a few weeks ago so selfish of me. So I do think this course will help me I pray it does. But I have to talk about things I'm trying to forget but I cant forget I only put it at the back of my head somewhere. So will talking help me iv never done anything like this before. Ill keep my journal about this but this is a start I have never had before. My wife Kim and my son and daughter say it will. Kim had left me but says she still loves me and is back with me to help me get through this So my next appointment is 20th . This is when I will start to open up I have to do this program its a two year course. I hope I have the strength and courage to get this done ,,,,  James .....

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by Dee1956, Jul 16, 2017
James, congratulations for going to this new therapy. I hope the best for you and yours.

406584 tn?1399591666
by 10356, Jul 16, 2017
I'm Proud of you James.. Take your time do not force yourself to speak about anything till You are ready this is a Process trust in them my Brother.. Kim is a Good Women Make sure you bring her flowers occasionally:)) I will be looking forward to your Journals James What a Wonderful thing you are doing for yourself and all of us that Love you!! warm hugs You Sister in our Battle, letakos

Avatar universal
by stilltrying1965, Jul 19, 2017
Thank you Letakos my sister also our friend Dee 1956.  Its my birthday today 52 and I'm happy, I'm happy about this program as I waited two years to get on this program. Its for people who have been abused its called headway. But that's were I know the drug abue was caused by he sexual abuse, witch in turn caused my drug use my anger and they will deal with all of this but the first is abuse the heart of the problem. I know this will be hard but iv tried everything else Kim thinks I need it as iv been getting paranoid and some mental health issues kim has been crying she knows I need this also. Its to me like me opening the house of horrors again, but I promised kim and my family ill do it. Getting para. depresses.angry panic attacks I could go on. Its great its two years now I hope I can get the help iv alwas needed. Dee thank  you for your kind comments awe they mean so much. My sister I know you will be so proud my next app is tomorrow but will let yo   So much love my sister your brother ,,,,,Jamesknow how its going. Ill keep this thread to keep a journey of how it all goes

Avatar universal
by stilltrying1965, Jul 19, 2017
Thank you Letakos my sister also our friend Dee 1956.  Its my birthday today 52 and I'm happy, I'm happy about this program as I waited two years to get on this program. Its for people who have been abused its called headway. But that's were I know the drug abue was caused by he sexual abuse, witch in turn caused my drug use my anger and they will deal with all of this but the first is abuse the heart of the problem. I know this will be hard but iv tried everything else Kim thinks I need it as iv been getting paranoid and some mental health issues kim has been crying she knows I need this also. Its to me like me opening the house of horrors again, but I promised kim and my family ill do it. Getting para. depresses.angry panic attacks I could go on. Its great its two years now I hope I can get the help iv alwas needed. Dee thank  you for your kind comments awe they mean so much. My sister I know you will be so proud my next app is tomorrow but will let yo   So much love my sister your brother ,,,,,Jamesknow how its going. Ill keep this thread to keep a journey of how it all goes

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