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Confused about myself

Sep 25, 2010 - 3 comments
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confused

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MYSELF

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Relationships

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depressed

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feeling

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Men

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Life

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Love



When Im with people I am happy but when I am alone I feel so depressed I want to crawl into a hole.  I've noticed this feeling is getting worse.  I broke up with my boyfriend because he lies and I they are not even bad lies I just realized that the way he lives his life I cant deal with. I dont say the real reason I use the lies as an excuse. It is his life and not for me to change.  Besides this is a pattern for me. I date then I find a reason to break it off.  I love him when Im not with him but when Im with him I cant wait to leave.  Is it because when Im alone Im depressed or is it because I love him. I cant stand being around him though is it because I convinced myself that he is not right for me or am I so selfish that I use him to make myself feel better? When I think that I hate myself for being so selfish, using someones feelings for my one self worthiness.   I dont want to be that person and it makes me depressed that I cant figure out why I cant keep a relationship and I feel maybe I use men to make myself feel better.

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by specialmom, Sep 26, 2010
Hon,  I actually think you made the right decision.  Why would you want to further a relationship with someone that lies to you whether they are big ones or little ones?  Dating is for finding out what you need to know  in order to push the relationship to the  next level.  I think finding out someone is a lyer is a good enough reason to not want to pursue a more serious relationsip.  Don't second guess yourself------------  you made a good choice.  I wouldn't continue to date someone that I knew was a lyer.  Some men turn out to lie about little things and you figure it out after you live with them/ marry them . . . then you deal with it but during dating--------------- NO WAY!!!  I'd have ended it over that no doubt about it.

Again, I've read your journals and posts and my guess is that you go from man to man and are not taking the time to find a really good fit.  Then it doesn't work out and you partly blame yourself.  Don't feel bad for deciding someone isn't right for you.  That IS what dating is for.  I think you need a  break from dating all together.  

I also think that you most likely are suffering from depression.  I recommend a therapist and an appointment with your doctor to discuss how to proceed to lift that.  Things will seem very difficult until you do if you are indeed suffering from a low level of depression.

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by teko, Sep 26, 2010
I have a friend that has been married four times. We joke about it alot but the bottom line is that this girl never met a man she didnt marry. I am not kidding. None of them, including the one she is with is the right person for her and she is still unhappy, jealous and pining for what others around her seem to have in their relationships that she doesnt. Specialmom hit on it perfectly I think. When you date someone, do not settle. If you are not wowed by them but like them but cannot see yourself living with them, move on. The more time you spend with the wrong fit, the more unlikely you will find the right one. When you do, you will know it. I think you dont want to be alone, but also dont want to just settle. Get out and about with female friends, meet people and just go about enjoying life. Learn to like your own company as well and before you know it and without looking for it, it will happen. You dont need a man to be happy and once you realize this and quit worrying about it, it just happens. If not, that is okay too, but fill your life with things you enjoy, do things you want to do and you will meet people that like all those things as well. Depression can get ya down, so if this is something you are having trouble with see a doc, otherwise force yourself to get out and enjoy.

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by Aconfused36singlewoman, Sep 30, 2010
Thank you both and I think you both are right in-fact I am certain of it. I can not go out and enjoy life cuz I dont have self-esteem, I dont like crowds cuz I dont like people looking at me.  I dont like being alone so I do things other people want to do just so Im not alone like going out to a bar to watch a band with my friend, I hate bands but she wont go to a club with country music cuz she doesnt like that kind of music. Im always the one bending for other people. I have to go to my friends house cuz they wont come to my house.  so yes I need to work on myself alot before I can do anything with other people.  Thanks for all your positive feedback and If you dont mind Id like to keep talking to you both you ladies seem intelligent, helpful, and wonderful people. thanks again

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