Sep 25, 2010
When Im with people I am happy but when I am alone I feel so depressed I want to crawl into a hole. I've noticed this feeling is getting worse. I broke up with my boyfriend because he lies and I they are not even bad lies I just realized that the way he lives his life I cant deal with. I dont say the real reason I use the lies as an excuse. It is his life and not for me to change. Besides this is a pattern for me. I date then I find a reason to break it off. I love him when Im not with him but when Im with him I cant wait to leave. Is it because when Im alone Im depressed or is it because I love him. I cant stand being around him though is it because I convinced myself that he is not right for me or am I so selfish that I use him to make myself feel better? When I think that I hate myself for being so selfish, using someones feelings for my one self worthiness. I dont want to be that person and it makes me depressed that I cant figure out why I cant keep a relationship and I feel maybe I use men to make myself feel better.