I FEEL SO ALONE. Just want to grab the sks and blow threw a few clips. So frustrated!!! I'm happy yet sad, tired yet wired, calm yet shaky, I feel like I'm loosing it. HR goes from a steady lower 60's to 120 today just by sitting and thinking. My chest hurts so bad at times. Looking for answers. What's the deal? I don't even want to chart it anymore. I hurt so bad yet I feel just feel numb. So many things going on in my life I dare not list in fear of being just plainly ignored.
Is it depression or is it just stress with everything going on? Is it anxiety? I don't know. I just know whatever it is I DON'T LIKE IT. I'm the anchor of my family and MUST stand tall. I just don't know how to deal with it all.
It's getting harder and harder but I'm sure I'll figure out how to deal with it all because I have to. Sometimes I wonder though why there has to be so many bricks in this dang wall.
I miss all my friends, they're all dead and gone. I sometimes fear new ones in fear they die too. I'm trying so hard to help others out. No one should feel this down and out. I do understand love and pain and what it's about.
I wish I could better explain the blessing's above. I know there's a reason for heartache and love. I guess it's just all about timing that's not our's to say. Just blessing each day and everything else is just hind sight they say. So tomorrow I'll wake up with a smile and wonder if I'm hiding in total denial as I hum my morning song walking threw the garden alone while the dew is still on the roses. And therefor starts a new day with faith that all is for a reason.
If anyone read this don't worry I'm fine. Just trying to figure out my feelings inside.
Me967's Mood Tracker
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