Sep 29, 2010
I decided to keep a detailed journal of my first IVF experience. I know that when I started my journey through the land of infertility I was ravenous for information. I wanted to know EVERYTHING and I found some great resources- namely the posts on this site. I think it is really important to know that there are others out there going through this, and if you are just starting out it may be important for you to read this journal.
My DH and I met with a new RE last night becuase we did not want to continue with the IUIs that we were 'prescribed'- they weren't working and with about a 12% sucess rate we just felt we were wasting precious time and money. So, after a heart to heart with a great new RE we got the go ahead to start getting ready. There were insurance companies to call and some pre-IVF testing appointments to be scheduled, so for now we are just waiting for AF to come so we can get started.
Part of me is super excited and part of me is very scared. And I guess part of me is still a little shocked that I am here. I am 31 with no medical or fertility issues. My DH is fine as well. We are a case of unexplained infertility and it *****. We feel like outsiders. My two sisters-in-law got pregnant without even trying and we are the only couple in our circle of friends who can't conceive. I must admit I had a gut feeling before we started trying to conceive that it might be somewhat difficult, but I didn't think we would get to IVF. Sure, IVF was in the back of my mind like a beautiful 'saftey option' and now that we are here it is a strange reality. Are we cheating? Does God not want us to have kids? What the hell are we doing wrong? And of course the old standby, 'Why me'? Then I get hit with another round of questions, most of which are varitaions of, 'What do we do if this doesn't work'? How will we get through it? Will we get through it?
I resided to just stick with the process. I know that this is it for us and we should feel blessed for many reasons. So, I am going to put everything I have into this and see what happens. If we fail, we will try again. If we suceed, we will be eternally grateful. I hope that my journal will give a little something to all who read it, and of course I wish everyone all the luck in the world. Only those of us who are going through this have any idea what it is really like to have to struggle and fight for what comes so easily to others- many, who don't even find themselves truly in want of a child.
More to come soon...