Oct 05, 2010
So I have kicked oxy. Haven't used for 42 days. I am grateful to have lived through withdrawals and I never want to go back. I have craved it several times, today being one of the harder days. Part of the reason is I have tapered off of Cymbalta and am now on day 3 without it. I have to say the withdrawals have really caught me off guard. I have electricity shooting through my body but mostly through my head, dizziness, achiness, insomnia, runny nose, canker sores, upset stomach and stomach ache, tingly arms, touchy skin, headache, mood swings and irrational thoughts. I feel like I am going to cry then I feel manic, Generally just crazy. I am sure this isn't just the depression coming back because I was never this bad. All I want is to be drug free and I can't beleive I am going through ANOTHER freaking withdrawal. Am I pissed? Absolutely. I expected to go through this getting off oxy but not from getting off this. The dr never warned me I would have to go through another withdrawal. In a way I want to just start taking it again so I can feel normal but I am so mad and I have come this far that there is no way I am going to be a slave to these drugs anymore I don't care how bad I feel. My friend suggested today that I haven't had to process my emotions in a long time and she is absolutely right. It is much easier to take a pill than to feel pain...physical or emotional. In the past if I got upset I would take a pill or three, now I have to deal with it. I feel so f**ked up but I would rather feel my feelings and learn how to deal with them than continue down the drug road. So even though I was upset with my boyfriend and stressed because my dad went into surgery today and I really wanted to just check out I went for a run instead and a swim. It helped for sure but what I really want is to deal with all of these things without having to withdraw at the same time. I feel bad for everyone who is going through this...how were we to know getting away from a drug we didn't even use to get high could be so hard? Just like oxy withdrawal, I want it to be over....