Aug 23, 2008 02:58AM
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This evening about 9:15 I got a call from the hospice house and the nurse said my Dad was breathing funny and wasn't responsive. She thought he might be nearing the end. I told her I'd call my Mom and we'd head over to her house since we have to pick her up anyway. Within minutes the phone rang again and the hospice nurse was in tears and was sorry to tell my my Dad had passed away. She was surprised. She said just an hour before he was alert, talking to her and took his medicine with no trouble. She checked on him an hour later and that's when she noticed he was breathing differently and called us. Within minutes he was gone.
We went over to pick up my Mom and I had to break the news to her. She was upset. All she could say was, "He wanted to die at home. I promised him." It is hard to think about that. Today we were all over there at the hospice house and were telling him how we were getting everything ready for him to come home tomorrow. He kept saying, "home, home." When we left he raised both hands like a child and waved bye-bye to us. Those are the things that stick with me now. I know he was happy with the idea of coming home and he had that to look forward to but his body just didn't hang on long enough.
Do I feel some guilt at sending him to the hospice house for those few days? Absolutely. But after my Mom's trip to the hospital that one night, he agreed that it might be a good idea because he knew we were getting tired and he kept apologizing. We wanted to care for him but were beginning to doubt our own ability to do it well. I know we tried our best but I wish we could have done more. His time was so short, just 3 weeks from the diagnosis from the oncologist.
So that is the news. Where we go from here, I don't know yet. I've never done this before and I have a lot to learn. Mostly, I miss my Dad.
Irene
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