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Freaking Gonna Scream

Oct 15, 2010 - 3 comments
Tags:

Addiction

,

Panic Disorder

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Anxiety

,

hurt feelings

,

Parenting

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Agoraphobia

,

Pain



I am so sick of life and People in it, been working harder then all get out on be Positive but I am pretty Positive that I want to scream I am pretty Positive that I want to Yell at a few people in life and a Couple of those People are my Own Children. Oh My Gosh I am sick of being Walked on I am sick of not saying what I really want to say.. I mean Come on how Can You be on 100% Of the Time? Hmmm I can take Crap and turn it around and You know what some times Lifes *****...it does, Hell I can't take Pain medication because I don't want to have to live on the crap and so I get to live with Pain each day...I get to live with People's Judgment of that and So I kicked that habit and then to move on from that I have just a Load of Crap in my life and I'm so sick of it even getting down to my own kids and that turn around and  talk crap...and I'm tired of it all, is that wrong? I just don't think so , sad Yes it is sad and You know what hurts also, is that they are all into the Money of it all the what dad has, not so much what he gives but that helps but Dad Looks cool and has all that....

You can call me more Natural and Down to earth..was raised with Money and know the Family's in this town from when my parents were alive but you know I'm not that, that was my parents but my x husband has the BMW and the Life that Looks So good but he is so into what he has...and I guess it hurts me more to see the Boys whom I worked so hard with to show them there is more to live then Money and what you have in your house...I am also sick of being the person with No Back Bone...I can't tell you how sick I am of that...Done oh I'm so done...I have to get threw tomorrow's baby Shower I'm doing for my daughter. Sad to word it that way but its true, I'm praying it was her that said things to her dad about my house hold and Now my x husband is saying I'm Too Easy...I let my Son do what ever he wants..OH My gosh..I'm so sick of all the crap oh no worries I'm not going to hurt myself , How I dream of going some place that NO ONE KNOWS....Oh how I dream of that...Its crazy I do think to myself I would miss a few people but really not that many ...What I can't be honest for crying out loud so stuff just goes to hell and it seems that so many of the people I know have gotten so Judgmental and I"m not sure if its me that has changed or them or maybe we have all changed? Wow what would I feel like if my Antidepressant was not working? I think I would be just about freaking out...And I am sorry if I sound Like I'm totally freaking out but I'm just pissed and I'm like Done with not just saying it as it is...Man Done and over that crap...I think I am going to call it a Night............Well thanks for letting me blow off steam....xoxoxo rhea

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by 29sillygirl, Oct 19, 2010
Hey you,

You know what I think about all this stuff, so won't say ..ummm...ITYS!

Man, Rhea, I know it isn't easy with the stuff that swirls around you...family stuff...ex stuff...

Will say again...you do not have to do all the stuff you do.   Sooner or later you will stop or back off...if kids don't back off first...their reasons for doing what they do...saying what they do....they re going for whomever can give them what they want...it is all ok.

It is just important for you not to get sucked into the emotional crap.

You know it is you who are changing.  They will change naturally as they go thru' their lives.  We have been there done that.

As long as you are secure with yourself and reasonably happy with hubby....f*** the rest of it.  Disengage...disengage...disengage...

Running away is sooo tempting...how well I  know that.  Starting over...free..unfettered...alive...  Maybe it is within the realm of possibilities.  Being tied down in a difficult situation is sure to bring great unhappiness.  Have to weigh the advantages over the disadvantages.  I love ...living alone, deciding when and what I'll eat, when I'll sleep.  Getting in car for a midnight run to mini mart to chat up the clerk I know there.   But!  It took years for me to reach this point, and many people would be miserable living as I do.  All I know is at this stage of life, I do not want to live with other peoples ****!

Got plenty of my own.  Even casual relationships are bringing me anxiety- producing feelings.  Funny how it works!

Carry on.....SG

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by mikescar, Oct 19, 2010
believe me hon, I have an ex who thinks her **** doesn't stink, and I have been down that road and done that, I was awarded full custody of our 2 girls (4 and 6) from that marriage and have tried to instill good values and morals in them so that they could blossom and be able to cope with the things that life has to offer, her on the other hand turned them around, they think that I am the stingy one because I won't give them money everytime they turn around just to be blowing it, my ex never paid child support for our daughters who are now 22 and 24. Hopefully they will grow out of their mothers foot steps and learn what the value of money really is, My heart goes out to you sweety, you hang in there, I will be praying for you.

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by sjf77, Oct 24, 2010
Rhea, honey...

I know exactly what you feel.  You try to please everyone else and be "everything to everyone" but you have to take care of yourself, too.  I feel that way a lot, too... especially when it comes to my family.  Sometimes you just need to do whatever makes you happy, and to hell with them if it's not what they want.  I learned that the hard way this last week when I was on vacation.  I got too concerned about how my mother felt about my boyfriend, and as a result, I lost him.  (I'm trying to get him back, but it won't be easy.)  As my favorite quote says, "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."  Say whatever it is that you're feeling... to your husband, your kids, whoever it might be, and if they can't deal with it and love you anyway, then you don't need them. Period. Love you, girl... If you wanna talk, you know how to find me.

S

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