Oct 18, 2010
Why cant people realize that methadone actaully helps people? Yes, some people abuse it, but we deal with people abusing situations everyday. There is always someone that ruins it for the rest of us. Methadone changed my life for the better. I do not plan on staying on it forever. I see it as a stepping stone. Some people stay on it forever and that is their choice and their choice alone. No one should critisize them or look down on them because they are on methadone because being on methadone is a hell of a lot better then what they were doing. So that might sound like methadone is the lesser of two evils, if thats the way you want to look at it and the way that most people look at it. But i am so over all the negativity that comes along with methadone.
It is helping me to get well. It is helping to get my life structured again. I used to think that I was a strong person, but not until I had to deal with my addiction to oxy. I thought oxy was the best thing ever! I loved to get high. I loved the high of oxy. I loved chopping it up and snorthing it. I loved the taste of the drip. I loved everything about oxy....It made me feel like I could do anything, it made me not shy, it gave me energy.....I felt like I was super mom when I was high on oxy. I was never hungry so I lost tons of weight. But, as you all know, it all came to an end. Being high started to not be as fun because it was taking more and more to get high and i couldnt get over how much money i just spend or that i didnt have anymore so while i was high i was worried about coming down and when i was going to get more. I began running out of money and running out things to sell and things to do to come up with money. I ended up racking up huge amounts of debit and ruined my credit. I stopped doing the things that I once loved, like photography. I even sold my camera to get high. I stole from friends and family so I could get high. I did things that are illegal that know ones knows about till this day. I have guilt and shame that i have to deal with every day now because of my oxy addiction. I started doing coke and mdma when i couldnt find oxy, til i ended up doing the one things i told myself i would never do. Meth.
That was when I got myself into the clinic. I cant tell you how much ive changed in 5mos of going to the clinic. I kno that is a short period of time but not living the life of a druggie can produce massive amounts of change. I gained weight and look healthy now, I bought a new camera and lens and i made my first payment to a debt consolidation agency, i have money left over after my bills are paid, i can buy my kids clothes instead of getting donations....i have a normal sleep schedule now, and i have started to enjoy my time with my kids again. i always wanted to get a sitter or go in my room and be high in peace and now i just want to make up for lost time. I love being with them and part of the shame and guilt i feel now is because of the lack of parenting i did while i was high.
ive been dealing with my addiction to pills for over 5yrs now....and i feel the most normal ive felt in a long time now. the only person in my life that can see that right now is my boyfriend. but he is the one that has seem me before and after my addiction. we have been together for 8yrs now...he's seen it all....he really didnt want me to go to the clinic to begin with but now he wants me to go every day because he is that happy with all my changes.....so i am proof that the clinic DOES work...it is not as bad as everyone thinks...if they could witness a change like my own then maybe they would think differently.
as far as the withdrawals being the worst, the only reason why people even think that is because they last longer but they are not stronger...just longer....so ya, 15dys of withdrawals ***** compared to 4-7 from, say, vicadon.....after 15 dys i can see why they would seem worse.....but they are the same strenght......and you dont withdrawal if you taper....doesnt anyone know what tapering is? why would you go cold turkey off methatdone anyways? that is stupid. you can taper of methadone comfortably and that is what i plan to do when i feel that i am strong enough to start tapering. when i feel like i can get off methadone and not use oxy again, then i will taper off in a way that i do not have to suffer. i think it is a stupid blanket statement to say that methadone is the hardest thing to withdrawal from. TAPER!
anyways....im just so over the negativitly that goes with methadone. it does amazing things. of course, you need to work the process....its not some magic pill...you need to go to councesling and groups, which i do....i do two groups a week and one counseling session a week plus ive added this site as a means of support......so im not just taking methadone and im not saying that im doing so good now just because of the methadone but if it werent for the methadone clinic, i would be getting the counceling or going to groups. the clinic offers that. they want us to get clean. they wany to help us so that we can stand our own two feet. they dont want us there forever like some like to think they do....the goal is to get take homes so that you do not have to come in everyday......you come in every day so that they can monitor you and make sure you are getting stonger and healthier.....and once you get take homes, that doesnt mean that you are going to stay on it forever either.....i just infuriates me how so many people are so judgmental yet they have no freaking clue as to what actaully goes on inside a methadone clinic...they just listen to what everyone else says and believe it....well, not everyone who is on methadone is abusing the system...not everyone on methadone thinks they need it forever.....i think it saved my life. i guess one other thing i need to work on is being happy because of me and who i am, not because of what other people think........