What's wrong with some women?

Well....I lay a lot of responsibility on the man.  

A married or involved family man should not get involved with another woman, no matter what she does, what she tries, what she's thinking, how she acts, or how she dresses.

I understand where you're going with this, really I do.  But I think a committed man would not be straying in the first place.  If he does, he and the relationship need help.

Oh absolutely.  They are definitely the responsible party.  I just wanted some insight on how women can do something like that.  I guess I was just raised to respect other women.  

I agree 100%, it's not the woman who owes anything to the woman, it's the man in the relationship.  If anyone is to be blamed it's him.  I just can't understand being with a man who has a family.  I guess it's just me.

Because the other woman wants the wife out of the picture.  She justifies what she's doing as some form of "it was meant to be".  She might be starry eyed and "in love", and believe that the ends justify the means.  Or if the man is wealthy, she might be cold and calculating enough to break up a marriage for financial gain--there are plenty of women who would do that.

But I think primarily "the other women" simply feel infatuated with the married man, and truly believe they belong together.  Any unpleasantness like the divorce or breakup of the primary relationship is seen as an unfortunate necessity.

And I think often the man feeds into it by telling "the other woman" how unhappy he is.  If he were happy...obviously, there would be no other woman.

Thanks for the insight peek.  I think you hit the nail right on the head.  If some married man came to me telling me his woes about his wife, I think I would look at him like what an a-hole.  Some women are so dumb to fall for that c-r-a-p.  You know the woman in my situation, I thought was young, given that the stupid stuff that came out of her mouth when I talked to her made her seem like she was in her early twenties.  Turns out she's around my age.  Maybe I'm naive, but I expect more from an older woman.  I would think life experience would have taught them something.  

I think in most cases the other woman actually thinks the man will leave his wife/family for her.  The man probably makes the other woman feel sorry for him because he says his wife is mean, uncaring, etc....So she justifies the relationship because he is mistreated by his wife.  Some women do not have a conscience or simply just don't care.   I also think that some women like to go after men that are unattainable. They like the thrill of the chase!  I am assuming the other woman does not have a man or family of her own??

Some women never outgrow their overwhelming need to have a "man" by their side.  And to have the approval, devotion, and adoration from a man.  Any man, married or otherwise.

I'm so sorry you are going through this.  You talked to her???

I doubt it.  Personally, I didn't care to ask about her life.  Her feelings didn't mean a damn thing to me so I didn't get into it.  I would never blame her and not him.  I just think that women need to step it up and be responsible for their actions as well.  

you know - i was listening to Z100 (radio station here) and they were talking about this exact same issue. some woman actually called up and said she dtaes nothing but married men simply for the fact that she doesn't want a serious relationship with anyone and won't ever have to worry about a married man taking it to the next level. she also feels she is doing the wives a 'service' for taking the men off their hands a night or two here and there and giving them what they are obviously lacking in their own marriage. now - needless to say - this woman got bombarded with nasty responses and i myself would have liked to find her and rip her hair out for wives everywhere, but it just goes to show how eventhough the men are 100% responsbile for deciding to stary, there are women out there with bad intentions and motives and who do not genuinely believe a married man will leave their spouse. they just prefer to be 'the other woman'.

Yeah, there's always that aspect.  

Oh yeah peek, I sure did.  It was like talking to a teenager.  But he tells me that she is in her 30's.  She really acted like she wasn't doing anything wrong.  I think she was shocked that I had caught them but she really didn't care.  She even asked me how he was doing.  WTF?!?  I ripped her an *** and a half on that one.  Like I owe her anything.  It just amazes me how she was speaking.  No remorse.  She even called him a couple of days later acting like the sh!t didn't just hit the fan.  He told her it was over and not to call him anymore.  She was actually surprised that he was ending it.  

I agree with what girliegrl said.   Some woman do like to only "date" married men because they never want a serious relationship. They are showered with gifts, attention and affection all the time because they jump from one "relationship" to another.

How do you ever regain your trust after something like that?  I don't think I'd ever be able to trust again.  Ever.  

I don't think I would ever be able to trust again either.  

mami,

I know you are mad and you have every right to be.  My own father cheated on my mom for years, sometimes the affairs were serious, sometimes not, but it has definitely affected the way I view men.  It hurts everyone.  I agree with you that women that go with involved/married men are in a losing battle.  Even if they do "get" the guy, how could they ever trust him?  If he cheated on his wife, he will cheat on her.  That's a given.  My feelings about why women do this, go with married guys, is b/c they are emotionally vulnerable- they have little self-esteem, no strong value system, maybe their own "father" wasn't a good role model.  I don't think that they do it to hurt the family b/c they aren't really thinking of it that way.  Usually the guy is telling her that  everyone is unhappy so they can "rationalize" what they are doing.  

I've known a few women that cheat with married guys, and these women are truely "damaged" in my mind.  By damaged I mean they can't think about the situation clearly b/c they have so many issues themselves.  NO rational person would go with someone who is involved/married and think it's a good idea!  It's not a good idea and a sane person can see that.  

I also have to agree with peek on this one about the man being a little bit more responsible than the woman but only b/c he is the one that made the committment.  I'm not letting the "other woman" off the hook but she didn't make any committments to anyone.  There will always be women that will go with a married man.  It's a sad fact but true.  

My best to you and your family at this time.  
Andrea

I just wanted to add that even though I don't feel like I could trust again, I do understand why you would want to try and rebuild your relationship. You obviously love him and have a child together.

I know you are a smart woman and you will respect yourself with all of this. There are a few things going on that I can see. First, the blame should lie mostly on him, he is the one who strayed and betrayed you. That needs to be dealt with. Maybe he was feeling unfulfilled, but it is his duty to approach you and tell you how he's feeling. He has needs and if those needs aren't being met by the woman he loves and chose to marry and COMMIT to, then he needs to be a man and communicate that with you.

Second, as painful, hard and harsh as it may seem, you have to ask how you contributed. I'm not saying this in a bad way either...please don't take it that way. I'm trying to put myself in your shoes. Maybe you are so busy and consumed with caring for your child that you put the issues in your relationship on the back burner, maybe your views of yourself as a woman and your self esteem issues over your body image right now caused you to be more closed and less receptive to your husband's affection. Trust me, that is an easy one to do. I do it also. I have to force myself at times to reciprocate when he is reaching out to me. I have body image issues that I have to reach deep inside to overcome. It's not easy. I could be wrong. Maybe everything was going well and you did not see this coming.  

Then there is the other woman. Some women actually think they will win the man in the end because he is already troubled in his relationship and that the marriage is damaged and won't last anyhow. This may be her justification. Or, she may have no morals or values, no respect for marriage or the family union. She may like the chase of being the other woman, luring a married man away from his wife. She may feel secure and confident knowing that she doesn't have to worry about him committing fully to her. She likes the excitement and the unexpected encounters. She feels like a rebel.

It sounds like you are looking at this from all sides and really ready to deal with this. It seems you have taken it for what it is and are willing to move forward with what got all of you to this point. Counseling would be a start. Your husband betrayed you in the biggest way. I said this before, you are a better woman than I am. I would not be able to move past the betrayal. There are couples who can, and I commend them for their efforts and willingness to work things out. It's just that the trust component is such a fragile one. I hope the two of you can strengthen your bond and learn to communicate and trust each other again. I know you love your husband very much.

I hope my comments don't make anyone mad. I'm looking at it from all sides. I don't mean any harm or hurt. **hugs**

Thanks Mayflowers.  That was very true what you say.

peek - I don't trust anymore.  That's what makes it so hard.  That's why we are doing counseling.  But I'm a psycho now.  Questioning everything he does, checking his phone, asking a million questions.  He answers, shows me his phone, checks in a million times.  He's doing all this so that he can build back my trust.  It takes more then this though.  It's a long, rough, road that we may never be able to get through.  

well my only thing is knowing or not knowing.. that "OTHER" woman god knows who she's sleeping around with.. then being stupid you have unprotected sex(men hate wearing condoms) and they come back home to you sleep with you and you end up with an STD..possibly not knowing it....i absolutely hate women like that and i've seen them often... during the time i was with my ex, i went to get him at work and this girl he works with...she has her boobs hanging out...she.s got her butt crack hanging out too..just looks like a complete hooker and here i am thinking that's lovely...my man's prolly checking her out...as well as other men...when i brought it up to him he was like noo never etc etc etc... she had everything he likes so why not...she is just sick.. she was flirting with him right in front of me and i just rolled my eyes at her and took my ex and said let's go...it's sad to say but i hate majority of women because i know what they are capable...some woman tried to break up my family...she kept hitting on my dad and my dad ended up telling my mom.. saying like i cant believe it..my dad was friends with her now ex husband...she slept with alot of his friends etc...a real sl*t...she would get her husband so drunk that he would pass out.. then when it came out he wanted to kick my dad;s A$$ because she told her husband my dad hit on her...my dad corrected him and told him the whole thing.. a few months later he finally saw it first hand and got a divorce... like my dad said to me.. as if i would leave my wife who ive been with for now 24 years for some ugly a$$ *****...it was funny...my dad even went on to say that yeah things aren't always painted in pink and sooo perfect but that he would never do that to my mom or me...

oh btw mami i dont want to add to your stress but i never trusted cell phones for checking.. no matter how much you check it he knows you will check and its easy to just delete everything before he gets to you...lovely how men can be huh???well anyone actually

Some women are just wh*res and just like f*cking any man she can get. Sometimes it is not about loving someone just about being a b*tch. Some women just want what they cant have so they try everything they can to make the man stray and most of the time it works. I believe that most men would cheat if they felt like they would never get caught, even the most "committed" man would probably cheat if he would not get caught. I have no faith in men, they are dogs. I would NEVER say my DH would not cheat, even though I know he loves me and our DD I believe any man can be "distracted". IF DH ever cheated I would divorce him so fast he would not know what hit him. I know that I could NEVER trust him and NEVER forgive him, it would just not work. I would tell him everyday how much I hate him and that he is a disgusting pig and I never want to have him touch me again because he was with some wh*re. But I do have issues:) My dad cheated on my mom and she stayed, so I know first hand what cheating can do to ones family and I would never want to raise my child in a home where her mom would hate her daddy. Anyway I will quit ranting, I really have a problem when it comes to men cheating and I do not believe they should get a second chance, especially when they have a great woman at home that is busting her a$$ to take care of the d*ck head and her beautiful children.

I would never mess with a married or committed man because I would not want to break anyone's home, and I would not want anyone to break up my home. I would have to kill the b*tch, especially if she knew I existed.

I also wanted to say how sorry I am that this happened to you. I dont know how it feels to be betrayed by my husband but I know that when I found out about my dad, my heart broke. It was like my dad was a stranger and I could not believe that he would risk his family on some skanky wh*re. I found out when I was 17 and even now at 26 I still have not forgiven my dad. I do love my dad but he is just not the same to me anymore. I feel for you and I hope everything works out ok for you.

Well then.  

*gets up to clear her head*

I personally think it is disgusting when a married man tries to talk to me.  I automatically think gross, and walk away.  The same goes for when I am out with my girlfriends, we are all married with rings and guys come up and hit on us!  It is like Hello I am married and I aint looking for a good time.  Although my last trip to Vegas with my girlfriends, one of my friends who is married with 2 kids, the youngest was 4 MONTHS...was all cuddling up with a guy.  We decided to leave the place and he was following us.  So we stopped, pulled the guy aside and said, "She is F-ing married with 2 kids....leave her alone"!  I then approached her and said, "what is the h ell are you thinking", all she said was "lets go"!  I still wonder if she would have done something if we didnt stop it.  She is the type that longs for that affection of someone.  SO maybe those are the types of women that cheat!  The ones who dont care as long as they get the guys for an hour...it is more of a challenge to (so they think)!
I guess the situation could go either way....was it the man (DH) pursuing the girl, or was it the girl pursing him!  If it was the man, then he may possibly do it again.  If it was the girl, then maybe he will think next time a girl approaches him and will know to stop it there before it goes further.

Well I'm going to step right in it here and say that men are built to be polygamous.    Their brains are wired to have sex with as many women as they can.  I mean really.  Look at the animal world,  the animals that are monogamous ARE.  It isn't a daily struggle for them to stay faithful.  As a result of our social system (which I completely support) men who are to be respected are forced into monogamy against their very nature.  That's why there is so much pornography directed at men (and virtually none directed at women),  strip clubs,  many business catering to men's polygamous nature.

So yes,  I do believe that most men,  if asked would they cheat if there was NO chance of getting caught or getting a disease,  yes,  the answer would be yes.

You just have to rely on them being mature enough to understand what they are giving up if they do that,  and hope they're strong enough to resist the urges.  

I really think it takes a lot of strength for men to be faithful,  and a big round of applause and hug for those who keep their promises.

My husband had an affair whilst i was pregnant with our 3rd daughter, with a woman he brought into our family and i accepted as a friend.  I stuck it out for 2 years, this enabled me to have my baby, get a job and i divorced him when my baby was 1yrs, other children were 3 and 41/2.  She came onto the scene when our relationship was already a bit rocky, and of course found it easy to feed my hubby everything he wanted to hear.  I stayed home and raised the children alone, while he was out with her.

Anyway, relationships take work, from both sides.  the minute there is a weakness, someone will try and break that bond!  The best glue in a relationship is trust, honesty and communication.

But, i do tend to agree.  Once a man's "pride" has been stroked, he is putty in another women's hands.  And "those" women sure know how to sweet talk.  

It it's any consolation though, those women get bored once they get the man, cause the thrill of the chase is over, so they move on to someone else.  After my ex and I got divorced, they got together and it didn't last a year!  He wanted me back and I quite happily declined.

jen - funny you mentioned this.  We have talked very deeply about what was going on in his mind.  We will probably touch upon this more in therapy.  But I just wanted to know why he would do this to me....was it something that was wrong with what I was doing?  I know we are so quick to blame ourselves but sometimes, even though it isn't an excuse, we have to know some men do have feelings as well.  He said we were arguing so much that he thought that I was ready to end it.  She paid attention to him.  I asked if he felt as though I was ignoring him because I was taking care of the baby and he said yeah.  My mom said some men need their egos stroked.  I guess he felt neglected but so did I.  I didn't go out cheating.  I was yelling all the time at him because I was frustrated that I was doing everything and getting no help.  My body, ugh, yep, definitely more insecure and I feel less inhibited because of it.  He agrees that what he did was wrong and that there is no excuse but there were reasons behind it.  I guess more will come out in therapy.

I dont think that it takes a lot of strength for men to be faithful, when they walk down the isle or when they are in a committed relationship they KNOW they are saying that they will be faithful, no one FORCES a man to get married or commit to one person THEY make that decision. IF they did not want to be faithful then they should not MARRY!!

But this discussion is about why women want married or committed men. I believe because they are just STUPID.

becca,  whether men intend to be faithful when they choose to marry doesn't mean it isn't a struggle.  Men who are faithful resist temptation.  It isn't as if they're not tempted,  they choose to resist,  and it does take a lot of strength,  for men with normal libido.

Kudos to those who are faithful - but I think it's important to recognize them for being that way if you have a husband who remains true.   It's admirable.    For you to say it doesn't take strength,  I think you're missing out on what men go through in their lives - nearly all of them have some woman throw themselves at him.  The admirable guys manage to resist.

RockRose - why do you think women can resist but men can't?  It's not like I don't get attention myself, I just don't chose to cheat on my man or my family.  Why do you think it's so hard for men?

men are more perverted and would have sex and love being pleasured.. i guess it feels totally different from us...lol...if they can't do the job right it's not all that but yet we arent so attached to sex with pleasure all the time.. usually it's more an intimacy love sharing etc expression but they arent as emotional as we are...thats what i think....