My dad is dying.

My sister just called.  My father is dying.

He's battled Alzheimers for several years, and in the past month, has been pretty much gone, mentally.  This terrible disease has not taken him easily...he's been fully aware that he lost many of his abilities and memories.  He's been violent and very aggressive due to frustration and anger over his situation.  Only my dad could be kicked out of 4 consequtive nursing homes.

My mother died almost 2 years ago, after they were married 60 years.  She also had a painful and protracted death after being rescuscitated against her written wishes by the dialysis facility where she went 4 times a week for 5 years.  Her death was the beginning of the end for my dad.  Without my mother, he could no longer even pretend to function.

They think he's in some sort of heart failure, but my sister (in full agreement with me) is not allowing any tests or anything beyond comfort measures to be done.  At least this time, we know his and our wishes will be carried out.  We don't want the same agonies our mother went through, to be visited on our dear Dad.   He's truly suffered enough.

Why am I crying, then?

I'm still a little girl at 50 years old, and I miss my Daddy.  I said my goodbyes a long time ago...but I still miss my Dad.