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Praying for time..

Dec 22, 2010 - 9 comments
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Addiction

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Panic Disorder

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Agoraphobia

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dieing

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Cancer

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Anxiety



Oh my gosh does that song fit my life at this moment. I am sorry I have not been able to write each of you back and I have to be honest I do read what everyone writes but I am so tired and at the same time dealing with way too much. I did Kick both my Pill Popping Sisters out of the house..they both pop pills to get high and they take so much there eyes roll..
Those of you who know who I am know I kicked Methadone which I took for Pain and Never have I done something like them. And at this time Everyone in my home does not need to have Pill popping ******** at my house. My 14 year old Son does not need to see his Aunts deal with life that way. It hurts to kick them out, trust me..both my parents are gone, one sister has passed away. And the 2 I have left well, what Can I say they run from life and I have Ideas why they do but for real, Popping Pills and getting so Messed up you can't see ...you have no Idea what you are doing..Well I had to do what I did..

Life is F up write now..I get told I am stage 5 Cancer , You see I was at first told the plan of staying on Interferon for 5 years to keep me Cancer free for 5 years. Well My husband and I went to a few other doctors and because of how sick it made me we went with the risk of going off the Interferon and hopes that it would not come back so soon. So 8 months after I got off here I stand, I have it again. This time they can't take it out of my body, it is on my Main Artier (spelling) from my heart and you can't mess with that. So we will try another Chemo and try to buy some time for me. As I said my last Child at home is 14 almost 15 and I want to sick around for him. My 2 oldest Children will have nothing to do with me, it makes you think wow what did she do to those kids to make them be that way. That is how I would think..Well to be honest with you, I have no idea..I sure was not raised that way. And its hard to think they came from me. Oh and by the way this is my safe place to vent so Vent I will...

I have a Grand Baby I can't see, my daughter just gave Birth to on Dec. 7 and it kills me...oh I know there has been allot of people that say, they will come around...they are just scared and blah blah blah
Well I don't get them, Sorry that Blah Blah Blah does not get it with me.
Well I'm tired now..Been Crying all Morning and my eyes hurt so I'm going to go lay down. Watch something that is happy...
Thank You all for being there and comments back.
I swear Soon I will be able to write you all back...God Bless and thanks for writing me

xoxox ME, Rhea

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by jul04, Dec 22, 2010
Rhea,

I am so sorry to hear that you are sick again.  My brother was just diagnosed with stage 4 Lymphoma and we are struggling with that.  However we have noticed that since he has positive dr's his outlook has greatly improved.  I think if you surround yourself with positive people and things you will be given the time you are seeking.  I really believe that if you have a healthy way of thinking, great support and dr's you can overcome these horrible diseases.  So as hard as it is try and stay positive.

You did the right thing with your sisters.  Your son has to be your priority right now and you are right he doesn't need to see that.  Sometimes tough love is harder on the person that has to dish it out then it is on the people that are on the receiving end of it.

I am also sorry to hear about you being estranged from your older children and not seeing your grandchild.  I don't know the situation but I hope that it can be resolved.

I know I might not be much help but your post touched me and I wanted you to know that I am thinking of you.  Feel better soon...God Bless....Jul04

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by opus88, Dec 22, 2010
Oh dear girl your post sure touched me too....some are given so much more than others to carry. I am so sorry for your bad news and the estrangement from your 2 daughters who should be at your side right now helping you and their brother through all this...
Again I am so sorry I wish there was something clever I could say or something I could do to take some of your pain away.
I hope you will keep on with the journal, it is a good way to vent when we have no one else to listen.....God bless you dear and help you along the way..♥

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by specialmom, Dec 22, 2010
Ugh.  Well, I do think you absolutely did the right thing in asking your sisters to leave.  Here you are trying to fight for your life and they are wasting it.  Addiction is a hard thing to watch and I hope that they can find ways to overcome it and deal with their lives.  But you have a son at home and are dealing with a lot emotionally, so it was the right thing to do in asking them to leave.

I so feel for you.  This must be so frightening.  I will just hope that the chemo they give works very well and allows you the time you want.  I'm a mother too and the thought of leaving while I thought my kids still needed me makes me sick in my stomach.  

As to your daughter--------------  I don't know the specifics but maybe you could call her and tell her you are sick.  Ask to see her.  Lay it on the line.  You want your time left to be one family again.  We all want that deep down inside---------  she just may have it buried really deep.  But trying and asking is all you can do and I hope she does accept.  I also think writing kind letters at this time is a good idea.  You could write her a little packet of childhood memories from when SHE was a baby and in early childhood.  She'd probably really love that as she has now had her own baby.  

Anyway, rest hon.  And peace to you.

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by aheart, Dec 22, 2010
My prayers are with you Rhea, I'm very sorry to hear that rotten S.O.B. cancer is back. Maybe you can have more time than even the doctors know, they don't always know. Like the commerial says "there is no expiration date stamped on the bottom of your foot" LOL I pray the Lord keeps you strong enough to enjoy life for as long as he see fit. I pray you can laugh alot, laughter is very good, get some old "Lucy & Ethel" tapes or whatever makes you laugh. I pray you are able to get rest when you lay your head down. I pray your daughters wake up before they do something they will regret the rest of their lives. I pray you can be with all your loved ones again, this Christmas would be nice!

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by bluebird777, Dec 22, 2010
So sorry you are sick again Rhea.  I pray that you are able to surround yourself with positive energy and people who love you. Vent ALL you want...that is what this is there for you!  I pray you are given the strength to beat this once again. I also pray that your children find their way back to you.

Rest....treat yourself with tenderness today.

Love & Light,

Therese

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by laurel453, Dec 23, 2010
Rhea, i will pray for time for you, sure . LOH

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by ladyrhea4, Dec 24, 2010
Every Person that has wrote I wish I could write each of you back. Every word that was wrote to me was touching and gave me something to think on. I pray that I do get that time and I will fight hard to do this chemo. It maybe hard on my body and a few people from my Cancer groups on Facebook have been threw this treatment so they have given me a heads up what to look for. I also go meet the New Doctor that will take me threw it on Tues. I will keep writing and letting out steam and thank you - each of you for talking to me..

The girls think I am making crap up..and it has been such a Pain full time, my 2 sister keep text to tell me that this is the way they deal with it..that this is hard on them and they pop pills and that everyone deals different . I told them I love them and they can come over they just can't pop pills when they do and if they do pop pills then they are gone out of my house.


Again thank you so much for reading and writing to me..God Bless You all and Merry Christmas Eve..

Loves and Hugs Rhea

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by namnam46, Dec 24, 2010
Rhea,

I'm so VERY sorry that I JUST saw your Journal!!  My Dear, I can't begin to tell you how this news has SADDENED me!  You deserve so MUCH better than this TERRIBLE news.  You ONLY deserve GOOD NEWS about your terrible disease!!  I JUST know that this Chemo with your NEW Doctor WILL WORK.  I KNOW that you will get the time that you so DESPERATELY want AND deserve with your children and husband!!

As you go through this next round of Chemo, I KNOW in my HEART that your girls WILL come around and UNDERSTAND what their Sweet Mother is going through.  I just KNOW that God doesn't want you separated from your Girls and HE will bring you back together again!!

I ALSO wish for you the STRENGTH to make it through the Holiday the BEST that you can.  PLEASE try to have as MERRY a Christmas as you can and I JUST KNOW that THIS coming New Year WILL be MUCH happier and BRING you the NEWS that YOU WANT to hear!!!!

I PROMISE you that you will CONTINUE to be in my THOUGHTS and PRAYERS ALWAYS!!!!

I'm sending you Gentle {{{{HUGS}}}}............Sherry

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by sjf77, Jan 05, 2011
My dear friend...

I can't even put into words how sorry I am that you're having to go through this... It just breaks my heart.  I am praying for hope, for time, for miracles, for you.

Take good care.

Stacey



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