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No terrible, not great

Dec 22, 2010 - 2 comments
Tags:

Suicidal

,

alcoholic

,

Hypnagogia

,

nausea

,

insecure



Havent dissociated much.

Remembered more about last night. Heres what i noted in my phone :

"past few days are a bit better but still with blemishes. Considered sleeping pills last night, but alas, somehow didn't take them this time. Definitely the absence of the stress factor. Some strange phenomena prior to lapsing into sleep, but most likely attributable to hypnagogia. Stuff like, deafening silence, imagining music, then cringeing because it was so loud, strange thoughts etc. I should talk to a psych about that."

Considered becoming an alcoholic today. What with hard liquor so cheap here, it would totally work to buy a couple bottles and have them by my bed for self medicating. But no, not yet.

Also was designing a guillotine in my head for suicide. That worries me.

I feel a fair bit nauseous right now. I also wonder why she didn't listen to my mixtape.

She also didnt call this morning as she was supposed to. Apparently her phone is wrecked but where there is a will there is a way. Maybe there isn't any will.

Its really really tough but i'm fighting, promise.

It would be so easy to end it.

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1540148_tn?1293081147
by olivecrayon, Dec 22, 2010
You never gave me your password!
Sorry :( Last night I got dragged out to family dinner for my grandmother's birthday, I got home at exactly your meds o'clock only to be shoved back out the door. I even mentioned it to mother when we got home. That being said, there was only a slim chance I would have gotten skype working on my computer long enough.
My phone is working again now <3

1540148_tn?1293081147
by olivecrayon, Dec 22, 2010
and you didn't call either.. no will?

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