been okay today. last night was terrible, with the dissociation and paranoia. woke up to nice thoughts fantasising about suicide, not good.
my day was generally fine, up until about 15 minutes ago, some suicidal thoughts again. going to do more research. i would not consider myself at risk though.
not looking forward to bed tonight. sure, ill be talking to my girl and i like that a lot bit, but last night the f*cked up **** permeated into normal waking consciousness and i was lapsing in and out of a nightmare, whilst on the phone. i hate that. i wonder if the sleeping pills are related? i wont take them tonight before we talk and see what happens.