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Listing to Sad Songs and letting myself feel...

Jan 12, 2011 - 4 comments
Tags:

Addiction

,

Cancer

,

Melanoma

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dealing with anxiety

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Panic Disorder

,

Pain



Well lets start this off by telling You I am Listing to Annie Lennox and the Song is " Everybody Hurts " Well I have to tell you I started this Journal Many Days ago. So Up date would be that I am going on the Trial Study. We will have to pay part of this study because our insurance found a Loop Hole they could get out of paying for any of it. And I have found out that I have another Sport Of Cancer on my Lung. So that was from the last scan they have done. I don't think I have said over on this site that They have given me a Year to live if I choose to do Nothing. Take No Chemo or anything. They can help me try and get 2 to 4 years is what we hope for and with this trial study as part of something for me to try then if it does not work I have 3 other things I might be able to try to stop this Bullet in Mid Air..

Now I think I have told everyone here this is ware I come to be Just ME...to let my hair down to say what is on my mind and just talk...And Oh my gosh I can say to you I am scared to death...No pun intended...But Come on who would not be....I feel my insides saying Tic Toc Tic Toc and it drives you nuts...and each and every day is like a black X off in your mind..Yes I am scared...

Another Part of me is at a strange Peace..weird to say..But there is a part of me that is ready to live my life...to start doing what I had put off thinking I had 20 some plus years..
And please don't take me wrong any time I get is a blessing and I do look at the Glass Half Full but at times the Glass Spills and I talk about that also. I do think You can't be happy all the time. I hate to be rude but I find most of those types are not real..and don't have a real bone in there body. I also know that when I look at things in a Negative lite for too long then life becomes a big Downer..I also know I have to be honest to myself..And I have to be Truly Real..no time for being fake and you for real the things you put off in life well darn you never know you might find your self looking at only a couple of years..What do you have to do to be ready to have it all fixed to not leave it for other's to do for you..I want to Spend my time with the one's that love me the ones that want to be there with us threw thick and thin the ones that love us. What I call Real Friends..You know it is not the Blood that runs threw my veins that makes me A Sister to some of you or a daughter to some others. I tell you I don't want to Spend a bunch of time being Mad or not being Happy..
I have so much to be happy for and Blessed with the best of the best...God Bless each one of you...

XOOXOX

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by aheart, Jan 16, 2011
Hi Rhea, It's so good to hear from you. It's good to hear you being optimistic about the new study & other options they might have for you. I do so wish you would say what the name of that insurance co. is so that everyone can see how much they care about the people who pay into premiums for years only to be left abandoned just at the time you need them the most. They deserve a little time in the spotlight for being so obscene in caring for people!! Oh, their commercials are so pretty & comforting. It done so well we can actually believe they going to care about us when something awful happens and it's their turn to shine!! Show us that candy coated concern of their commercials. Oh Please let us know who they are Rhea, don't allow them to hide in the shadows like the vermin they really are! If you could warn other people maybe they wouldn't have to be left behind like that. Can you tell how much I am appauled at what they did to you? That's the most obscene thing I ever heard! That ranks right up there with molesting little kids behind bushes to me, or am I just naive or something? If you want to expose them I will help you to shout this from the roof-tops! That's CRAZY, and I am so sorry for you. They can't DO THIS TO PEOPLE!!  Those cold-hearted @#$%&*%$"s. Your story MUST be told to your local newspaper maybe, I want them to hurt alittle. I'm going to PM you for the rest of this. We are glad your here sweetheart!

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by opus88, Jan 16, 2011
oh my dear Rhea, you are facing something we all dread, some have been down this road and I hope they will be here to support you all the way....I am one of the fortunate to have not as of yet been touched by cancer.... although I did loose my mother to lung ca 13 yrs ago.
You are being very brave to go into a trial, do they give you any information as to what they are trialing?
I cannot imagine the deep fear you are facing in the days/months ahead. I hope you have alot of support at home. We all need to look at life in a more positive lite, we get down for far too many reasons that are far less than going through what you now facing. It takes alot of strength to forge ahead with positive thoughts, I wish you all the hugs and prayers I can gather my dear lady....bless you on your journey‚ô•

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by crackerjack4u2, Jan 16, 2011
Hello Rhea,
I read your journal, and my Prayers are with you and your family during this difficult time in your lives.  I'm glad you came to MH to let your hair down.  Feel free to say whatever is on your mind, vent, yell, scream, laugh, or cry, and please know we will be right there with you Hun.

You were absolutely correct when you said one does not have to have the same blood running through their veins to be considered a Sister, and I believe we are all Sisters and Brothers even though we've never met before today.  

I'm sure you are very scared by what you've been told, and as you said "Who wouldn't be" and if I could I would place my arms around you and give you a big hug to let you know we are all here to listen, talk, comfort, laugh and cry with you.   I have been fortunate enough to have beaten both Cervical and Skin Cancer, my Mother won her battle against colon cancer, and my Grandmother beat breast cancer.  So, it can be beat sometimes, and I Pray you are the next one to do it.

I really hated to hear what the insurance company is pulling on you during such an already difficult time, but am not shocked unfortunately.  Insurance companies are getting worse and worse everyday.  You pay your premiums, and then when you need them, they turn their backs on you.  They are about useless sometimes, and something needs to be done to stop the way they are getting away with treating ill or injured people.

I'm not trying to be nosey, but wanted to mention something that you may or may not be aware of.  Have you checked into Medicaid? With your current diagnoses, you very well may qualify for a permanent medical card?  Medicaid, will a lot of times, even if you don't qualify for it permanently will pay for necessary treatments etc  for you when your insurance won't, then they go back and demand payment from the Insurance Company, that's how my first 2 pain pump surgeries were paid for, my insurance refused to pay for them and the doctors said it was a necessary treatment so Medicaid paid all my (out of State bills twice-which really surprised me) and then they collected from my Insurance Company. That could be a possibility for you on your Trial Study, and other necessary things, the insurance company may not be willing to pay along the way. I'm also sure you will immediately qualify for Social Security because of your current diagnoses too, if you aren't already receiving it and may be interested in that too.    

I Pray your Trial Study goes well for you. Please keep us posted on how you are doing.   Good Luck (Little Sister) and God Bless You Brenda      

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by ladyrhea4, Jan 22, 2011
Well Hello Everyone,
Is it okay that I address Each Person down the line in this one box? So my Insurance Company is or goes like this it is a Union Insurance Company and so I am going to give you the way it come's to me. It is A & I Insurance and then it is Provenance but I don't go to Just Provenance doctors. So I don't know if that applys  to me and oh my gosh the other part of my insurance goes like this...A & I  Harrison Electric  is who it is under...that is not who my husband works for.
So it is not your On T.V. Company because it is Really Not Provenience . But I did Share with you all , All that I could on that.
As for SSI and Medicare I already get that so that is who is Paying 80% of the bill and that is gong to give us a 100 a Month to pay. We can swing that some how. I know it is so bad what they can do to you and in a time of Need and Your Mind stops working and the Insurance Company knows that.

I am Just know starting to get a bit of brain waves going on so watch out I might say something smart..lol
I need to post some New Painting I have done and I need to let everyone know that I am trying to live my life and do what I can daily and the computer comes in last and some days does not even make the day. I hope to get to ware I can get online again on and have my own time of dinking around, Which I do ...do but I do miss the time online..

Well Everyone I'm going to do a Up date and then I'm off to sort some Paint Brushes and do mediation and relax...

Big Hug all..Rhea

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