Feb 26, 2011
Well, 48 lbs came sailing back the moment I let my sugar dependency take center stage again. Some of the old familiar health problems are starting to creep back in, such as joint and muscle pain, fatigue, and so on.
Before I end up at absolute ground zero for a starting point, which is only 15 more pounds more, I'm going to have to face up to the fact that I'm going to keep getting what I'm getting as long as I keep doing what I'm doing, and that's it. It's a tired old song which I've sung since my first diet at 12 years old, but as my weight continues to climb to new heights with each letdown, I have to keep shoveling the walk even though it has never stopped snowing for me.
It's a battle that has to go on, and no amount of crying and complaining on my part is going to make that any less true. It's just my bad luck that I've become dependent on food to alter my state of mind and to keep me company just like any drug, but UNLIKE any drug, I can't stop eating altogether and expect to last very long. I feel a lot like an alcoholic who is told that they HAVE to drink every day, just in moderate amounts, all the while realizing that such advice is always doomed from the start. Oh well. Time for another round of depression, deprivation, and denial.