Mar 12, 2011
Tramadol has ruined my life, as well as other things, but I've been able to quit the others. This drug is a monster and my closest friend at the same time. I am so lost in it. I feel so ashamed to even be on here writing this, but I have seen that it's not only me. This rollercoaster started over 5 years ago, I was using opioids to self treat my depression issues. I have battled depression all my life, nothing I've tried has ever helped very much.Pain pills helped, it got out of hand and I was not able to get them as needed, someone gave me tramadol and it was immediate love. I remember thinking "why is this miracle drug not used for treating depression?" At the time I had the career of my dreams. I had been a waitress for years, and at 37 decided to get my GED and go to nursing school. I graduated at 40 and got an incredible job. All through school I was using vicodin to help me "keep up with the young kids", Its not so easy to learn as when you were young. Not to mention three teenagers and a husband at home needing me. At 41 I finally had everything I ever wanted, a great income,no more worrying where the next meal was coming from, I bought a house, became a grandmother. But somehow inside none of it was enough,I still needed a pill to make me want to even be here. none of the pills were ever prescribed to me. my job performance began to quickly fall,I didn't care anymore. I had peoples lives in my hands, literally. and all I cared about were pills.after many mistakes my supervisor asked for my resignation, because she didn't want to fire me. No one ever knew I was on anything. The story is long, so I'll shorten it by saying, currently I have been taking 600 to 700 mgs. a day of tramadol,without it I am violently ill. I haven't been able to find any, so I am on day 4 of cold turkey. I have gone through so many cycles of this so many times. this is the longest I"ve gone. the withdrawals are so bad I don't know if I can make it. I found a few vicodin but its not the same. I am thinking if the worst is over, I'd better not take any more. I truly do want to be free, but underneath it all I still need a reason to be here.I am a hermit, the shades are always drawn, I never leave the house, I have alienated everyone in my life, even the dogs.for the last year I thought I was going through menopause, so we have blamed that, but after reading someones post on here, maybe the hot flashes and night sweats and lack of my period, are the tramadol too!!! I am at the bottom , and I am so lost,I truly don't know where to go from here.I don't know what I am looking for on this site, I guess I just needed to tell this to someone. No one knows any of this about me, I am well respected, everyone who knows me thinks I am a good person, some even think I am a christian lady.(I used to be). At this point in my life I don't think God can even look at me anymore. those who don't believe Tramadol is addictive, should come stay with me for a few days.