Mar 21, 2011
... and what a difference a year of intensive inner work can do. I can honestly say I don't suffer from depression much, but still feel a certain 'grieving' process for my 'lost childhood'.
NOTE: This is not a 'pity party' - "let's blame the parents" take on my life, but it's pretty counter productive to deny child abuse - that is what the parents themselves did while it was happening wasn't it? Did it ever get us anywhere, to be so tough and pretend it didn't break our bloody hearts? If one intends to actually rise above it's repercussions, one must acknowledging it happened, and then move through the real tragedy of it - with awareness and compassion.
It *****, really it does, but there comes a time when you have to accept that your childhood essentially was stolen from you, you're not going to get it back, and once you grieve this, the depression may cease... as I seriously feel recurring depression (the situational kind) is really your spirits way of saying "LOOK at me... LOOK at your past, sift through the ******** and SEE why you react to this trigger, or that situation with feelings of worthlessness. I need you to SEE that you ARE beautiful, you need to SEE you deserve peace, and you are indeed WORTHY of LIFE."
Anyway... I just need to share that is can happen. A shift is possible and it will take work, and it will take time, and there are moments you may be wondering "Why the Hell am I even trying, no one cares anyway." But many do care, and you care, and Life IS cool, it's interesting, it can be fulfilling, it can be full of inspiration and love and moments of beauty.. and that's worth sticking around for...
More later. Just keep your bloody chin up and dust yourself off each time you trip... It will get better.
Good to watch:
Alain de Bottan on TED Talk. He speaks of meritocracy. Very cool video. Google it. Quite a nice little blurb.... :)