Apr 26, 2011
A quote from Meastro Lorenzo Sassoli - a physician to a patient in the year 1402:
"... let me speak to you regarding the things of which you must most be aware. To get angry and shout at times pleases me, for this will keep up your natural heat; but what displeases me is your being grieved and taking all matters to heart. For it is this, as the whole of physic teaches, which destroys our body more than any other cause."
One of the main 'toxic emotions' that are considered common in many cancer patients, is one of Despair. I find this interesting, as I am sure many of my days have been coloured with a shade, not the only the blue of depression, but of a more elusive hue, not quite so readily able to diagnose.
When one feels as if they "don't belong in this world", we are often told we are 'self loathing' or depressed or some such thing. I find that very misleading. Some people I have spoken with feel at odds with the world, or the society or even the species they are living within.. and yet really don't hate themselves, but are more saddened by the state of imbalance in the society, and the way the majority of humans treat each other, other creatures on this planet, and the planet herself. Is it not truly sane to be offended by cruelty, war, oppression, pollution, over consumption, greed, abuse of power - be that physical or political...? I feel to not be concerned or to despair this direction - to be utterly insane. In other words, society is insane, and those of us who feel on the fringe of it for some reason or another, should not feel that is a bad thing. We're in good company after all.
The parts of myself I love, just don't seem to belong in this world the way it is now. The archetypes that exist within - dancer, poet, romantic, witch, child, lover, daydreamer, beast, warrior... there are very few uncontrived places for these parts of ourselves to have a spontaneous voice, to embody their true nature, hence the feeling of being misfit to our society.
Sensitive creatures, getting called a Bleeding Heart in a dismissive tone does not help matters much either, making us feel even more outcast, and unable to 'fit' in to a society growing ever more away from living our 'humane' values, and veering recklessly toward more a materialistic and superficial state of existence. As if compassion were a weakness, as if empathy were a fault...
With modern technology, we are inundated ever more with information, at the same time that true communities are becoming extinct. This electronic outlet is more accessible, exposing injustices and tragedies all over the world, to which many of us feel helpless to counteract. Is is really so 'abnormal' to feel some despair, some grief, anger, sadness at some of these stories that flood in, regardless of how much we attempt to even avoid current events, mass media etc? And when we are overwhelmed, where do we turn? To a laptop .. or a warm shoulder of an elder, a sister, a friend or lover. (Hmmmm so many thoughts here.)
Perhaps some of our spirits just simply will not conform to an apathetic society. So are pharmaceutical drugs the answer? What is their real goal with the drug? What is our real goal by taking it? If we are numb, we will be more productive to society? - As what? A money making purchasing mechanism here to keep an economy moving? Are we not more than that? If we are not able to function in certain relationships, should that not simply mean we need to look closely at our hearts and either do some deep inner work on ourselves - that these relationships are opportunities to grow and gain knowledge and experiences? Sometimes, we have to simply move on, walk away and accept that some things in nature simply can not co-exist, like a fish in a desert, a lion in an ocean.
It simply wasn't meant to work... so we open ourselves to new experiences, each time growing ever more close to the place where we belong.. that space we can call Home... and I am not talking about houses here...
Perhaps some of our souls refuse to put on blinders and wear a thick skin to protect us from the harm we as a species are doing to the world we live in. The harm we inevitably do to ourselves as a species. It's almost as if those of us who are branded 'self destructive' are actually the ones witnessing the suicidal demise of our own species, which makes us despair, for we know the true potential we could actually embody as a spirit, having a human experience.
Real Humanity, not this divided Self many exist as, trying so hard to fill the space between the rift with material goods, job status or some other illusory or transient fix.
The separation of our true nature, our spirit from our bodies is actually the real Disease...
Must go. The thunder is rolling outside. I am going to go drink my tea on the stoop and watch nature do it's thing. Its beautiful raging in the sky, pouring out water over everyone below, from it's overfull clouds... drenching us, reminding us that change in moods are natural, healthy and necessary for a natural being. I hope there's lightening.